#14355 +(384)- [X]

<Shelstra> :((
<Shelstra> my poor fishie
<|KazzA|> :o what happened
<Shelstra> nothing but...
<Shelstra> one of his eyes is black
<Shelstra> i think he might be blind :(
<|KazzA|> aww
<Shelstra> we only just noticed it
<Mousey> like it cares anyway
<Mousey> theres not much to see
<staticx> every three seconds it will say 'holyfuck, i can only see out of one eye...'

#14357 +(156)- [X]

<Farnarcle> why are you helping her to knock you?
<GruMM[GruMM[Away[GruMM]]]> coz if it is going to be done, it should be done right'

#14359 +(193)- [X]

<^_-> DICK SMELLS LIKE PICKLES.
<^_-> PARTIALLY BECAUSE OF THE DRIED SEMEN.
<Funk> My dried semen doesn't smell like pickles
<Funk> :/
<Funk> It smells like bleach
<^_-> THAT'S WHAT MINE SMELLS LIKE WHEN IT'S WET
<^_-> IT'S LIKE BLEACHY-CHLORINE
<Funk> That was my excuse for jacking off in the swimming pool
<Funk> "But I thought it would make the pool cleaner :( :( :("
<wildkarrdex> THAT WAS YOUR COURT DEFENCE?
<wildkarrdex> YOU COULD HAVE CLAIMED IT WAS AN INVOLUNTARY SPASM
<Funk> An involuntary spasm that made me hold a 6 year old underneath me for the duration?

#14361 +(93)- [X]

(@Xit) a mad script would be: "you have been caught mastubating 6 times today by your webcam, this makes an average of 3 times per day."

#14366 +(480)- [X]

<^_-> oftentimes i'll be looking at porn and feel the urge for movies
<^_-> so i'll go on random filesharing programs and start downloading some
<^_-> but by the time i orgasm the movies still aren't done
<^_-> and i delete all of the movies.
<Funk> That happens to me too
<Funk> You want to know what's worse?
<Funk> I have a 2Meg/sec LAN connection.

#14367 +(152)- [X]

<Krogzar> !8ball may i kick you?
<SDs8ball> Krogzar : YES IN DUE TIME
*** SDs8ball was kicked by P ((Krogzar) ta time is due)

#14369 +(599)- [X]

<_aa_> ebay just bought paypal
<tezzO> they did?!
<tardmac> what was their winning bid?

#14373 +(300)- [X]

<Despot> I just had a dream about cheese and eating it
<Despot> the cheese had eyes and kept looking at me
<Despot> thats all go back to work

#14374 +(279)- [X]

<@jaffy> how the fuck does my moniter get so dirty, its like some cunt eats his meals off it while im asleep

#14375 +(11)- [X]

Che`work has joined #sh
<Che`work> who's alive?
<lord_kro> about 12 million towelheads in the pakistan india area...but for how long WHO CAN SAY

#14382 +(367)- [X]

<Kharn> D'ya think colouring my eye ball with a permanent marker will hurt?

#14388 +(17)- [X]

<Shyster> pikachan, hentai scared me =(
<@PikaChan> well uhh
<@PikaChan> what am i supposed to do about that? :/
<@PikaChan> oh btw shy remind me to kill you later
<Shyster> k
<@PikaChan> thanks

#14389 +(207)- [X]

<PrincessLeia2> caffine is much less deadly tho'
<MykBev> not if you smoke it!

#14399 +(224)- [X]

<radii> i'm unRARing, listening to an MP3, AOLing, useing FlashFXP, Serv-U, AIM, mIRC and going to that wepage
<baloo_> aoling = molesting 13 year-old girls online?
<pagan> baloo: no it means your messaging them to come over and get molested
<radii> yeah, duh!

#14402 +(-6)- [X]

* Tsukiyo buys a cake for TC but instead of some woman popping out...some old man does

#14403 +(334)- [X]

<PrincessLeia2> i woke up this morning all dressed, and in bed with my keyboard

#14404 +(178)- [X]

<Rubicant> one day Im going to have a real woman over

#14405 +(431)- [X]

<Thrawn> i want to die and go to a place where i can screw tons of chicks.
<Thrawn> actually
<Thrawn> fuck dying
<Thrawn> i just wan tto go to a place where i can screw tons of chicks.

#14407 +(38)- [X]

<Syntopicon> see, thats Ash's problem
<Syntopicon> she was trying to swallow the snortable
<Syntopicon> prolly snorts the swallowable

#14408 +(356)- [X]

<brak> hey bro, heard you were...cooking
<Time> fire engines gave it away?

#14409 +(464)- [X]

* Mephisto is impressed of PrincessLeia2's knowledge of the Faustian religion
<PrincessLeia2> actually.... I just play Diablo 2

#14411 +(138)- [X]

<PrincessLeia2> crow, i think you would be a happier person if you had a fireplace... i feel so much better after we burn junkmail
<Titu§ Crow> i would much rather burn junkppl

#14414 +(24)- [X]

<[s-fury]> windows .net is the plot to take over the world.
<KittyBoy> the computer world?
<[s-fury]> no, the WORLD!

#14417 +(270)- [X]

<Titu§ Crow> does that upset you tsukiyo?
<Titu§ Crow> §)
<Tsukiyo> no
<Tsukiyo> do whatever floats your boat
<Tsukiyo> unless it has to do with me
<Titu§ Crow> I don't have a boat.
<Tsukiyo> swim then
<Titu§ Crow> What the hell are you talking about?

#14418 +(28)- [X]

<ZoNeSeeK> *twists arms around, crouches on knees* GUESS WHAT ?!?
<ZoNeSeeK> aha ! ive morphed into crouching-person from standing-person

#14425 +(151)- [X]

(united_as_one): what would happen if i installed linux on windows

#14426 +(586)- [X]

<PrincessLeia2> yeah we wrote linux install directions for Unreal Tournament, and I made the cuteyist UT Tux image for it on my webpage!
<PrincessLeia2> ...
<PrincessLeia2> wow, i just managed to be totally geeky and very girly in the same sentance O_O

#14429 +(184)- [X]

<DownstairsVex> we need mirc for unix
<PrincessLeia2> i think mirc for unix would be a sin %)
<DownstairsVex> but i'd rather laugh with the sinners then cry wit the saints

#14431 +(243)- [X]

<antix> im bored
<antix> i think i might go mod my toilet
<Shady> what are you going to do? :S
<antix> i think i might add some little flashin lights so i can read the paper in the dark...

#14439 +(16)- [X]

<AmaroK> LoL, this quote thing is probly the best bed time reading matterial since the bible
<AmaroK> Infact, im some satisfied i might even have a ciggarette now

#14441 +(157)- [X]

*** Meeko has joined #Animorphs
<Meeko> ennnik!
<Meeko> I've been pantsed while commando!
<Meeko> "What an interesting turn of events."  "THEY'RE FLESH COLORED UNDERWEAR."  "God, I wish."
<Meeko> So now I'm holed up inside for the rest of today, nurturing my wounded pride.

#14443 +(313)- [X]

<Ria> Type in the search word,
<Ria> apply pressure to button,
<Ria> then read the results.
<Ria> it's a haiku!

#14444 +(215)- [X]

<tokage> im a pathetic fanboy when it comes to king
<tokage> I'd read tampon labels if someone told me he wrote them

#14448 +(338)- [X]

<@harb> Andy: 01:16 < Danelope> http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=30319
<@kitten> JESUS FUCK
<@kitten> THERE ARE NOW SEVEN FUCKING POPUP WINDOWS
<@harb> Oh yeah.
<@harb> Andy uses IE.
<@harb> Sorry about that.
< Danelope> Hahaha.
< Danelope> IE is for cocksksksk.
<@harb> <cypher> I don't even see the popups anymore.
<@harb> <cypher> Just blonde. Brunette. Redhead.
< Danelope> <cypher> Just viagra, penis enlargement, 581% more cum.

#14449 +(1190)- [X]

<@harb> Sith are like the script kiddies of Force users.
<@harb> They all have silly handles.
<@harb> "Darth Maul", "Darth Sidious", "Darth Tyranous".
<@harb> "d00d ur most l33t l3tz g0 own sum j3di lol"
< mdxi> <ObiWan> Do not turn ot the Dark Side, Anakin
< mdxi> <an4k1n> STFU F4G
<@harb> <tyr4nous> d00d j0in m3 w3 c4n pwn 2gether!!
<@harb> <ObiWan> I'll never join you, Dooku.
<@harb> <tyr4nous> suk

#14453 +(416)- [X]

<griffin> im disappointed in my mom
<pagan> me too
<pagan> she did a bad job

#14454 +(294)- [X]

<gweeds> wow
<gweeds> i am now completely out of credit card debt
<gweeds> time to dive back in

#14456 +(556)- [X]

<cix> they're outside aren't they?
<s> what is "outside"?
<cix> it's that place they show on "Discover"
<cix> I think it's near Montana.

#14460 +(211)- [X]

<[oQp]> anyone ever used Delta Airlines here?
<alec_eso> i have
<[oQp]> how is it?
<carlsb3rg> They always come down

#14462 +(216)- [X]

<@Breathe> I hurt my back last week, and it is still hurting. >:(
<SirPrux> Maybe you sprained a muscle
<SirPrux> I sprained a cucumber once
<@Breathe> ...
<SirPrux> man did it hurt
<@Breathe> you sprained a cucumber?
<huzyrdadi> I think he means he sprained his asshole /using/ a cucumber

#14466 +(326)- [X]

<Amante> Do you guys know how many 24hr porno shops they have going down 75?
<@Breathe> 138.
<@Breathe> And you don't want to know how I know that.
<Amante> I thought I recognized your picture :)

#14471 +(326)- [X]

<marlais> for i am no longer a stranger in the ways of the woman :P
<SoulSteal> marlais:  you finally killed one, eh?

#14475 +(168)- [X]

[Nothingface] fuck, I can't type
[@PMV] its easy
[@PMV] step 1: bang head on keyboard
[@PMV] step 2: repeat

#14482 +(204)- [X]

<clay> i heard joey submitted the first rfc for irc
<clay> something along the lines of D00D WE NEED WAREZ TRADING 2 ORGANIZE N SHIT

#14485 +(347)- [X]

<jodaro> hmm, my mom just invited me over for dinner
<jodaro> mm, free food
<stu> you mean your mum doesn't charge for dinner?
<jodaro> no
<stu> damn

#14486 +(52)- [X]

<infra> yeah I got it now, thanks.
<EarthWork> infra: Don't thank us. Thank lil' baby Jesus.
<FilthyM> I keep baby Jesus in my shoe.
ominous watches a lightning bolt energize above infra's house....

#14490 +(21)- [X]

<TeamXtrem> i must suck
<Ly> TeamXtrem, you would know how it works :)

#14492 +(1654)- [X]

<PinkShirt> jt has a handicapped plate, because his penis is so small.
<PinkShirt> it's classed as a "sever disability"
<jtstocker> ha ya
<jtstocker> HEY! i dont have a fucking car
<jtstocker> asshole

#14500 +(390)- [X]

@(F|uid) candlelight dinners suck
@(F|uid) i cant see my food

#14502 +(129)- [X]

<Asaki|MotS> You are not logged in or you do not have permission to access this page, perhaps because you do not have a registered Something Awful Forums account. Here are the instructions detailing how to get your own SA Forums account:
<Friction> Asaki|MotS: you aren't missing much though. just some sexually explict drawings and a rotaing anus with blinking text.