#222068 +(744)- [X]

<ilifin> Crazy idea.
<ilifin> Keanu Reeves as Sauron
<ilifin> Hugo Weaving as Isildur
<ilifin> Keanu: How about I give you the finger.. and you give me back my ring.

#222278 +(624)- [X]

<Biitchboy> even tho i really like the title of my book
<kibet> which is?
<Donald> "This Book Is Hollow And Contains A Bottle Of Gin"

#222281 +(353)- [X]

<nyar> ok time to go to work
<simpleton> work?
<simpleton> oh shit
* simpleton &

#222290 +(174)- [X]

<oz> i wonder if i can get a gentoo as a pet
<oz> they are so cute
<ph1zzle> man, that is cute
<ph1zzle> I wonder what they taste like

#222295 +(333)- [X]

<Budgie> Opencanvas is a free-for-30-days-and-then-it-breaks program for windows.
<Budgie> unless you pay :(
<RabbitGod> well I think I'll stick to my photoshop 7 with the kazza lite discount

#222311 +(282)- [X]

<visi-work> what's the hairy stuff in the cat5 cable for?
<BrassMonk> insulation?
<rm> its fur.

#222325 +(1130)- [X]

<+KrazyKid> is there anything more American than a McDonalds IN a Wal-Mart?
<+JitSpout> little cesars in a kmart
< Overand> KrazyKid: how about someone stealing from the cash register in the mcdonalds in the wal-mark
< Overand> how about snorting coke in the bathroom of the mcdonalds in the walmart
<+awed> haha
< pvah731> hahah
<+KrazyKid> Overand: hmmm.
<+JitSpout> how about snorting coke off a hookers ass in the bathroom of the mcdonalds in the walmart?
< Overand> heh
<+JitSpout> a DEAD hookers ass
<+awed> dead from snorting too much coke off the last hooker's ass
<+JitSpout> with her head in the toilet, getting swirlied
<+awed> CHOCOLATE swirlied
<+JitSpout> ohh baby
< pvah731> how about someone on welfare with 3 kids that wieghs 300 pounds and is wearing a nascar shirt in mcdonalds in a walmart saying "fuck them sand niggers"

#222389 +(1615)- [X]

<AcidGame> Shit!
<legozrule> What?
<AcidGame> I downloaded an xbox emulator, and when I tried playing a game, it locked up, so I decided to end it.
<legozrule> Then what?
<AcidGame> I accidently clicked 'send error report to microsoft' >_<

#222409 +(172)- [X]

<VTSquire> stileproject has fucked up my sex life
<ashp> VTSquire can't get hard without pissing in his girlfriends face :(

#222411 +(571)- [X]

<WilBeDed> Anyone Alive?
<WooShell> no. i am sorry. everyone's dead at the moment. please leave a requiem after the tone.

#222456 +(480)- [X]

<ClownyMo> Where do you send Jewish kids with ADD?
<Gino> I don't even wanna know this one....
<ClownyMo> Concentration camps!!!
<Gino> Oh how rite i was

#222461 +(551)- [X]

<PaNTs0r> people who cut themselves
<PaNTs0r> honest to god
<PaNTs0r> what is the point
<PaNTs0r> "oh god i'm so depressed *cut* OOWWWWWW!!!! NOW I'M DEPRESSED AND IN PAIN!!!!!"

#222502 +(448)- [X]

<BlaZe--> hwo do i produce logs?
<+zrv3tt3|> go to the bathroom

#222549 +(1082)- [X]

<+commodore_dude> anyone wanna make me a magic 8-ball in java?
<+x24> ask again later

#222555 +(606)- [X]

<Blake`> Buffalo wants to draw in the film industry.
<Blake`> What the fuck are they gonna film there?
<`Edwin`> Fargo, part 2?
<Blake`> "The Adventures of Nanook the Eskimo"?
<`Edwin`> Call of the Wild?
<Blake`> "Dude, Where's My Economy?"

#222596 +(801)- [X]

<Keitaro> I think I know where Michael Jackson got the idea to hang his kid over the balcony.
<Keitaro> Lion King.

#222662 +(452)- [X]

<RLTim> Procrastination is like masturbation; you're only fucking yourself
<Cheshire> Yeah but if procrastination and masturbation were paying jobs, IRC would be full of fucking millionaires.

#222680 +(2353)- [X]

<Cheshire> I can't afford those plastic things to cover the electric sockets so I just draw bunny faces on the electric outlets to scare the kids away from them...
<RLtim> Newsflash! Kids aren't afraid of bunnies.
<Cheshire> Oh they will be...

#222744 +(350)- [X]

<kats`awake> sometimes when i masturbate i look up at my hand and say gg

#222940 +(893)- [X]

<+Ralan> atkins works not because its a good diet, because people who are on it burn so much energy because they can't shut the fuck up about being on atkins

#222987 +(993)- [X]

<Jadd-Away> MONROE - An employee at the Wal-Mart store off North Telegraph Road died in Mercy Memorial Hospital here yesterday after he was found lying on the store’s floor with head trauma, Monroe County sheriff’s deputies said.
<Jadd-Away> victim of falling prices?

#223120 +(814)- [X]

BornDead: my dick says straight but it doesnt mean i love the pussy!
BornDead: wait..
BornDead: no
BornDead: other way around
BornDead: OTHER WAY
G13LinK: . . .
G13LinK: I wish there were some tool to measure the amount of respect I lose in you every time you say something...

#223408 +(560)- [X]

(@WrmSlayer] wow
(@WrmSlayer] american scientists are spending millions of dollars learning to grow monkey sperm inside mice...
(+smilertoo] have they said WHY?
(@WrmSlayer] new product line for mcdonalds

#223524 +(1236)- [X]

<supremo>hey, i heard somewhere that the size of the cock a woman enjoys is related to the type of sex she likes most
<supremo>chicks who dig giving oral like big cocks, chicks who like regular sex like medium cocks, and chicks who like anal prefer small cocks
<tupperware>so your girlfriend must be into nasal, huh supremo
<supremo>shut up dipshit

#223887 +(1378)- [X]

<+t4D> man. i think its time to bring the coffee maker into the bedroom
<+ScratXP> You may be moving too  fast
<+ScratXP> take it to a movie first

#223959 +(373)- [X]

* Aryeh`AFK has quit IRC (Quit: [16:12] * ObnoxiousFrog reminds Aryeh that a girl on a gaming clan IRC chan is about as common as a unicorn that pisses gold and farts dreams)

#224038 +(370)- [X]

<gofer-chan> What's the difference between Bill Gate's wife and a computer?
<gofer-chan> A computer doesn't mind taking a 3 1/2 floppy.

#224449 +(511)- [X]

finacosa: yous gots to be KIDDIN yo
finacosa: you best be steppin yall dont want nunna this shit
Nerosan2k: shut you mizzle my fizzle
finacosa: awww now it's on
Nerosan2k: my footizzle will stomp all ova' yo' shizzle, bitchizzle
finacosa: im abouts to blockizzle yo ass
Nerosan2k: i will sizzle yo' shizzile at the big hizzle next monizzile
finacosa: ?
Nerosan2k: the big hizzle, you know, school-izzle
finacosa: hahaizzle
Nerosan2k: lolizzle
finacosa: its like pig latin for dumb people

#224607 +(854)- [X]

<smadge1> Guinness World Records was one site that did consider exactly what they were hosting on the web, and made necessary changes. The record for "Most Individuals Killed In A Terrorist Attack" is 2823 people accord to one page on Guinness' site. Guinness has a feature were you can apply to "Break this record", and this option was placed on every page that contained a record.

#224911 +(708)- [X]

<spyforthemoon> It's a bad sign when you walk into a room with a high school senior girl talking about 'prom' and think "what's she doing with Programable Read Only Memory?"

#225093 +(141)- [X]

<stout> I think smokers invented lighters because smoking makes a person ugly, and they were tired of hearing the same joke all the time:  smoker - "Hey, got a match?"  non-smoker - "Yeah, your face and my butt."

#225808 +(232)- [X]

<stony> i'm sort of distracted at the moment]
<Skip>  getting laid?
<stony> lol no
<Skip>  then you have no excuse

#225811 +(1027)- [X]

* ViVa changes topic to 'SELECT boobs FROM under_the_shirt WHERE gender = 'female' AND size > 'enough' AND leftsize = rightsize LIMIT 2;'

#225813 +(327)- [X]

< mf> LeeCHeSSS, i said it before and i'll say it again
< mf> you're too damn serious for the internet
< mf> go read bash.org or something
< mf> ;D
< floris> haha
<+LeeCHeSSS> I seriously dislike bash.org
<+LeeCHeSSS> And why you think I am too serious for the internet is beyond me.
< mf> LeeCHeSSS: you just answered your own question

#225829 +(257)- [X]

<The Monkey>: But my ex girlfriend's dad had one redeeming feature, his wallet
<The Monkey>: More capacious than an elephant's scrotum but just as difficult to get your hands on

#225840 +(622)- [X]

(SuperMarine): i swear to go
(SuperMarine): d
(SuperMarine): if that dog next door dosnt shut up
(SuperMarine): im going to do something bad
(AfroTrance): like complain over irc

#225866 +(245)- [X]

* ian wonders who was responsible for the "stuff that matters" part of the /. slogan ......
<l_oke> ian: I know one thing
<l_oke> ian: he's a pathological liar

#226350 +(1116)- [X]

<Cas> I used to enjoy going into Best Buy back in 95, do a search on them for *.exe, *.bat, *.com it always came up with a few thousand
<Cas> drag all of them to the startup folder
<StarManta> ROFL
<Cas> walk away and watch :)
<mystic_1> rofl
<Cas> act innocent
<Cas> always worked for me, they never suspected a girl would do that :)

#226373 +(218)- [X]

<Fawn> OMG
<Fawn> I just found out that my little brother has the hots for the same actress I have the hots for
<AccordionGuy> ACTRESS SANDWICH

#226426 +(327)- [X]

<Cthulhu> What the fuck is up with all the "roses are red" quotes on bash.org?
<Matt> They're cool, that's what...
<Cthulhu> Roses are red, violets are blue, SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING JEW

#226476 +(246)- [X]

<gikmo> ill sell you my sister for a sausage roll and a beer...
<gikmo> would be more, but she's used.

#226563 +(1661)- [X]

< kate> wat r u doin ryt now
< Patrick`> Trying not to hunt you down and beat you into a pulp with a dictionary.

#226722 +(873)- [X]

seamus: Monday is President's Day.
seamus: What are YOU going to get YOUR president?
seamus: I'm going to get mine a dictionary and a Clifford the Big Red Dog book.

#226987 +(255)- [X]

<Jackryan2000guy> You know you've played too much soul caliber when you get the sudden urge in the middle of a calculus test to stand up, wave your fist and yell, "Souls! Come to me!"

#227205 +(481)- [X]

<JediDrunkenLlama> YES!
<JediDrunkenLlama> YES YES YES!
<JediDrunkenLlama> score one for the JDL.
<JediDrunkenLlama> I just convinced a telemarketer that I'm female.

#227455 +(1442)- [X]

<cheapo> haha, this screen appeared on my windows that said "time before shutdown: 60 seconds"
<cheapo> so i turned the windows clock 2 years backwards and now it says "time before shutdown: 729 days" :D:D
<cheapo> i just love windows :D

#227562 +(265)- [X]

< madsen> Lol, just found this in the /.-comments to the win2k source leak. "Real men don't do backups, they just pack their files into windows_2000_source_code.zip and post them to their website.... with torrent links..."

#227780 +(342)- [X]

<Saltank> I swear, John Kerry looks just like a 70 year old Max Payne.

#227855 +(795)- [X]

* MaianAlien goes to reformat other PC.
<Jerec> It's as if a million files suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.

#228076 +(417)- [X]

<GiLtY2> oh god, this program is killing me
* crumpiano fights off program
* GiLtY2 has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<crumpiano> i guess the program got him