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#768470 +(771)- [X]

<sartan> I have removed the air cover on the cisco 6513 chassis.  the rush of hot air tingles against my naked transistors.  I slowly slide my upgrade card into the open slot, gasping as I feel the flow of air sharply cut off, jolting as the spark of electricity initiates the rom cycle....

#768708 +(900)- [X]

Lbreevesii: You know you are a geek when you're surfing porn and start noticing things like the thermaltake pc case, custom speakers, and external hard drive on the desk behind the action.

#768866 +(-172)- [X]

(Psycho`) im a farmer ;D
(Psycho`) i built a heatsink farm
(Gorre) ...
(Psycho`) dont glare at me 
(Psycho`) they're free range heatsinks
(Gorre) XD

#769132 +(249)- [X]

<grifferz> haha that reminds me
<grifferz> I had a dream last night
<grifferz> I was fighting an evil irc villain and found that he was vulnerable to ctrl-g
<grifferz> I killed him by pasting a whole screen of beep

#769133 +(742)- [X]

<FelixB> I will never forget seeing our neighbourhood kids jerk off a horse. :)
<FelixB> These two kids were just completely fascinated by this young stallion's erection.
<FelixB> So they started playing with it.
<FelixB> The horse was enjoying it and just stood there. :)
<FelixB> The inevitable happenned....all over one of the kids.

#769220 +(1310)- [X]

<Nukleon> the greek "hell" was cold
<Nukleon> like the norse
<@amz> the christian hell is also pretty cold, compared to its heaven
<Nukleon> uh
<Nukleon> wut?
<Nukleon> heaven is bliss
<@amz> it has liquid sulfur in it, so it can't be over 400 celsius... on the other hand, the bible describes the sun in heaven shining like 7 suns, each 7 times as bright
<@amz> which gives an estimate of 2000-3000 celsius

#769678 +(177)- [X]

<+Torne> slackware isn't a desktop, it's just a fairytale for naughty children
<+Torne> disable unneeded services in inetd.conf or slackware will get you

#769729 +(646)- [X]

<~Flash> how does one explain the difference between celeron and non celeron to a non tech ??
<+bomarrow1> one is for toasting bread
<+bomarrow1> the other is for processing instructions

#769773 +(31)- [X]

Renleve: Pimpegration!
Renleve: Maria whores herself out at $20 a go under her pimp's auspices to 3^x - x^3 + 7x + 12 guys every day, compounding hourly, where the Wednesday lunch hour, starting at noon, is the zero mark. What economic model should Johnny employ to maximize personal revenue through the following Monday (by which time Maria will surely have died of a heroin overdose or at the hands of an overly enthusiastic customer)?
Renleve: The correct answer was "smack dat bitch up and take all of her Jacksons, fo'real". We would also have accepted "voodoo economics". Thanks for playing, Maria, you dumb slut!

#769818 +(553)- [X]

<zachinglis> How do I recompile PHP?
<Vek> have you prepared the appropriate sacrifices?

#770001 +(304)- [X]

YukiNagato: As much as I do tend to play games that are generally enjoyed by virginal fat dudes, I wouldn't touch WoW with a ten foot pole.
YukiNagato: It's just that the whole "KILL MONSTERS LEVEL UP. RINSE. REPEAT" thing is kinda old.
Semantic: That's not entirely true. It turns out that many WoW players forget the rinse part.

#770286 +(288)- [X]

<reek> stupid spam
<Phaet> dude, I haven't received spam for months!
<reek> lucky you :P
<Phaet> just reply to it like I did
<Phaet> I got this "Enlarge your penis today" spam so I replied "No, thank you. I already use Windows Vista"
<Phaet> The next day I read on yahoo news that one of the greatest spammers hanged himself

#770318 +(130)- [X]

<Deadeye> i take thee.. <name> in packet loss and no packet loss, to ACK and to SYN, till TTL=0
<Deadeye> i take this acl.. and place it on you LeftHand1/0/4

#770381 +(448)- [X]

ejc> I should go back to using windows, at least there when something doesn't work, I don't have the illusion that I can fix it

#770519 +(505)- [X]

Allan: incidentally, my house is Zombie resistant.
Crysm: how so?
Allan: I wonder why that is
Allan: elevated first floor, strong steel doors.
Allan: the windows are out of reach, basically.
Crysm: it's next to a graveyard, man
Crysm: the planners had to think ahead
Allan: good point
Allan: ...dear god, I gave my house a zombie proofing assessment.
Allan: That's... a whole new level of something.

#770545 +(645)- [X]

«%Kashkin» "Existence is boolean."
«%Kashkin» Discuss:
«@blue_tetris» You either exist XOR you don't.

#770639 +(910)- [X]

<Goof> Did you know that helicopters are souls of fallen tanks?

#770867 +(1307)- [X]

<MVC|Programming> You know how the US is fighting a War on Terror and when it's over there'll be no more terror?
<&Darkagentx> alledgedly, yes
<&Darkagentx> :P
<MVC|Programming> And how we fought the War on Drugs, and now there are no more drugs?
<&Darkagentx> oh right, of course
<MVC|Programming> And how we had a War on Poverty and no one's poor anymore?
<&Darkagentx> Naturally
<MVC|Programming> We should totally have a War on War, then there'd be no more war.
<&Darkagentx> ...genius!

#770965 +(1095)- [X]

<@G3_> Half of all adults in the United States say they have registered as an organ donor, although only some have purchased a motorcycle to show that they're really serious about it.

#770991 +(705)- [X]

<Valheita> "I want to ravage you like Germany ravaged Poland in WWII"
<Valheita> O_O
<^QuickSilver> Well at least they'll pull out.

#771130 +(534)- [X]

<H> Women are like fish in the sea, man.
<Krim> Tasty when cooked?
<Krim> Best with a hook in the mouth?
<H> ...

#771141 +(938)- [X]

< lithium> btw, i'm selling a CD-RW drive if anyone's looking for one
< atlas> Damn. It's a pity you didn't ask me in 1997, I'd have been interested.

#771212 +(1359)- [X]

(lawl_) i like my women how i like my wine, 5 years old
(DevilsX) I like women the way I like my filesystem
(DevilsX) FAT and 16

#771394 +(243)- [X]

snachodog: should i be able to see that I timed out?
jestuh: yeah normally you do
jestuh: efnet tries to hold on to you baby
jestuh: keep you warm
jestuh: comfort you
jestuh: hoping you won't leave it's grasp
jestuh: ever.
snachodog: damn clingy girlfriends
snachodog: er
snachodog: servers

#771460 +(3130)- [X]

FireSlash: Fastest apartment tour EVER.
FireSlash: I'm checking out this rather nicely priced place. Manager (or one of his lackys, not shure) walk me into the apartment
FireSlash: First thing he "points out" is how quiet the rooms are, because of the thick walls
FireSlash: So I shout "CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!"
FireSlash: I got one "Yeah!" and one "SHUT THE HELL UP I'M WATCHIN' JUDGE JUDY"

#771628 +(2406)- [X]

<Greek69> lol grow up asshole
<TwoPairSux> You have "69" at the end of your name and you're talking to me about maturity?
<Greek69> Do you even know what 69 means you fag?
<TwoPairSux> You have "Greek" in your name and you're calling me a fag?

#771846 +(216)- [X]

* pwnguin begins to think that gentoo politics rivals 18th century italy for complexity

#771852 +(736)- [X]

<coquelicot> after talking to this girl for a while
<coquelicot> i've come to the conclusion that she's into me
<theworstisover> a blind/deaf/retarded person could have told you that
<coquelicot> well they should, because i think that would be very comical to hear and watch

#771925 +(1695)- [X]

<COMRED> A trichinosis larva and a botfly maggot walk into a bar. The botfly maggot turns to the trichinosis larva and says "hey buddy, I heard you like pork." The trichonosis larva looks the the botfly maggot right in the spiracles and says "indeed, I encyst upon it."
<COMRED> Hahah. You get it? It's a homonymn.
<COMRED> fuck you all.

#772119 +(346)- [X]

<d-snp> Warning, premature end of input, use <Shift> + <Enter> to avoid this message.
<d-snp> Maple tells me the same thing all the girls do :(

#772122 +(774)- [X]

<Black_Dog> "^\\([^ ()]+\\)\\(([0-9]+\\),\\([0-9]+\\))"
<Black_Dog> Gotta love regexps
<Bl1tz|work> it looks like some elaborate Japanese smiley
<Bl1tz|work> like "your parents just found out you've been slacking in class and you also have the flu"

#772147 +(1701)- [X]

Yakuza: We get telemarketers all the time calling my house
Yakuza: So one night me and my friends got together and waited for one to call
Yakuza: When one did, I picked it up and was like talking to the guy, giving him that false hope
Yakuza: Then I had my friends ring the doorbell, and I was like oh hold on
Yakuza: I went to the door and had my friends like shout shit like "There he is! Get him!"
Yakuza: And we started popping balloons and had a movie on full blast in the background
Yakuza: And then I let out this gut wrenching scream
Yakuza: I let the line go silent, and the guy on the other end was like "uhh... sir?"
Yakuza: Then my friend ran over and picked up the phone and was like "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS!?"
Yakuza: I guess he hung up like instantly :D

#772166 +(2250)- [X]

<Spast> I'm going to be the next Hitler
<Spast> I'm going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<AssA> good, i hate clowns.
<Spast> ...
<Spast> goddamnit

#772189 +(356)- [X]

< Dtu3ZOhtln> i wonder if assembly programmers felt the same way about c programmers as c programmers feel about python programmers?
< eml> Jealousy?
< astronouth7303> eml++
< jsoftw> then theres the perl programmers who dont even feel

#772283 +(616)- [X]

<InsaneJuggalo> females here are like viruses on linux
<InsaneJuggalo> theres only like.... 3?

#772337 +(671)- [X]

<|if3|355> I GOT OWNED
<|if3|355> by partition magic 8; and a perfectly timed power surge.

#772437 +(3720)- [X]

GuyGuy: I am so fucking dead, dude.
Bilbo22: What's up?
GuyGuy: Ok, this is gonna take some explanation.
Bilbo22: Go for it.
GuyGuy: Alright. My wife goes crazy when I cum in her. She really likes the feeling of liquid shooting into her or something, cause she's absolutely nuts about it. It's like a fucking fetish.
GuyGuy: Anyway, Last week she went totally overboard with this. We were having sex, and everything was going great, but when I said I was about to cum she grabbed me by the shaft, forcefully yanked me out of her, got this fucking jar from the drawer in the nightstand, and collected my fucking semen in it.
Bilbo22: What the fuck?
GuyGuy: Yeah. Weird ass shit.
Bilbo22: No, I mean the fact you're telling me this shit. I don't want to hear this.
GuyGuy: It's important dude, hear me out.
Bilbo22: Fine, Fine.
GuyGuy: Anyway, I was asking what the fuck she was up to and she tells me she wants to save up my jism so she can take it all at once. So she sticks the jar in the fridge and tells me we can't have any more sex until I fill the thing entirely.
GuyGuy: And long story short, I just don't got that much juice in me, so after a week of trying to jack it until I could fill it, my penis felt like it was gonna burst. So I decided to cheat, and topped it off with some of this dove soap she has, cause it looks a lot like semen.
Bilbo22: Oh dear god, I know where this is going.
GuyGuy: So I give her the filled jar all indignant like cause she made me do this, and she promised me lots of kinky sex for it.
GuyGuy: Then she pulls a fucking turkey baster out of her dresser, sucks up the contents of the jar, sticks the baster in her pussy, and lets it rip.
GuyGuy: As it turns out, Soap apparently burns like a motherfucker when you put it in a woman's pussy.
Bilbo22: Oh shit man. When the fuck was this?
GuyGuy: Like, ten minutes ago.
Bilbo22: Then what the fuck are you doing on AIM!?
GuyGuy: Are you kidding? She's been in the bathroom for the past ten minutes screaming like a fucking banshee.
GuyGuy: I needed leverage. If she murders me now, I've got a witness who can testify against her.
GuyGuy: Oh shit, she's coming out now. If you don't hear from me in a few days, call the cops!
Bilbo22: I'll be sure to check under the porch for your body.

#772439 +(1426)- [X]

<heffalump75> so i was doing my food and tech exam, right..
<heffalump75> and for some reason they asked me to explain three different methods of cooking potatoes.
<heffalump75> I'd just recently watched LOTR as well.
<mmmBoris> Uh oh i can see where this is going
<heffalump75> In the first box i put "boil em," the second i put "mash em" and the third i put "stick em in a stew."
<heffalump75> And then on the side I drew a picture of Samwise Gamgee as best i could.
<heffalump75> I got a massive tick and full marks for that question.

#772528 +(840)- [X]

<mash> these fuckin contractors
<chad> again, I know you are trying to be politically correct, but just call them hookers

#772559 +(400)- [X]

<maddops770> KDE or GNOME, it's like deciding which fat girl you want to date.

#772595 +(3396)- [X]

<philcostin> a bad workman blames his fools
<philcostin> *tools
<philcostin> damn keyboard

#772615 +(169)- [X]

<sollen> binary sex: I'll put my 1 in your 0, left-shift untill I overflow and your be left just saying ooooooooooooooo!

#772634 +(1694)- [X]

<Sollen> so were walking back to the lab I’m distracted and paying attention that were coming up to the street and I go to put my foot down and the curb isn't there any more.
<Sollen> and I actually realize I'm starting to fall, and I could of tried to stumble and keep walking; except I have my laptop in my bookbag and after the trouble I had I'm not about to risk banging it around.  So my geek impulses say "save the computer; sacrifice your body"
<Sollen> I guess all the martial arts helps because I managed to do this nice slow controlled fall to the ground, at the last minute I let go of my soda to throw my hand to the ground and somehow the soda  manages to fall  so it's standing face up without spilling a drop.
<Sollen> so there I am lying in the middle of this road in center of campus with everyone staring at me after I just did this perfect drop from standing position to lying position completely uninjured without spilling a drop
<Sollen> so I decide to play it cool, I just lie there like "yeah I meant to do that, I was just getting tired so I thought I would take a nap right here"

#772785 +(367)- [X]

<Nautilus> God I hate little brothers
<Nautilus> 11:59 P.M. on april fools, he sets off a bash script that logs into my company's server, uses ipfw to block out _all_ ssh connections, and changes the site to display goatse.
<OneMan> haha that's a good get-back
<OneMan> did you change it back?
<Nautilus> <Nautilus> uses ipfw to block out _all_ ssh connections
<OneMan> 1 Dr. Jack Kevorkian cure-all, comin' right up!

#772864 +(1594)- [X]

<osaka> You know.
<osaka> I don't get why so many vegans have some kind of a beef with me.
<osaka> Just because I bring home the bacon, doesn't mean I'm egging them on.
<osaka> It's so cheesy for them to milk political correctness.
<osaka> The stakes are high on this one, but they're too chicken to meet any resistance.

#772997 +(38)- [X]

SuperBob476: im already a college student... i caught myself measuring my pay in fifths, then handles

#773023 +(1020)- [X]

<fr_gment> Bad grammar makes me [sic].

#773150 +(466)- [X]

<RunningRed> Actually, I'd love a tattoo over my belly and groin that looks like Uncle Sam from the Army's old "We want you" campaign, with my dick replacing his index finger
<RunningRed> Sort of a 3-D version

#773152 +(972)- [X]

<MoNKeYSpanKeR> i'm going to have the most advanced home security system ever
<MoNKeYSpanKeR> every night before i go to bed i am going to put 30 rakes on the floor

#773201 +(269)- [X]

<Ezandora> from an infrastructure perspective, accurate and complete transmission of all data is paramount when creating a reliable system
<MorningStar> okay, seriously
<MorningStar> what time is it where you are ez?
<Ezandora> er, 5:44, why?
<MorningStar> am?
<Ezandora> ya
<MorningStar> I have decided that you are not allowed to use words with more than two syllables between the hours of 3 and 8 am


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