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#809241 +(697)- [X]

<Clyve> God... I swear this is the only place on the net with any intelligence whatsoever.
<That_RPG_Guy> It is silly for a woman to go to a male gynecologist. It is like going to an auto mechanic who has never even owned his own car.
<Clyve> Well, if I didn't just put my foot in my mouth.

#809246 +(1267)- [X]

calentay: you guys know where i can find a singleplayer mmorpg?

#809257 +(385)- [X]

Alex: I need to take a poo
Dad: Don't take a poo, leave a poo
Alex: Well, if I don't take it, do I not flush it?
Dad: Well what are you going to do with it?
Jenn: I can't believe you're having this conversation

#809260 +(734)- [X]

<+SnoFox> DON'T TURN EMO. This message brought to you by the blood society of America. There's better things to do with veins. DONATE BLOOD.
* SnoFox was kicked by Booter (Banned)

#809280 +(2049)- [X]

Casey: Yeah, writing paper.
Josh: want to be distracted?
Josh: want to play a game?
Casey: Dude...the paper...
Josh: *scizzors beats paper *
Josh: yes I know I misspelled it
Josh: and that
Casey: *pulls out rock*
Josh: nothing beats volcano
Josh: MAGIC!!!
Josh: not white house you phail
Casey: No, no, no. *Nothing* beats the Patriot Act, although I'm sure the ACLU is working very hard on it.
Josh: fine
Casey: BOMBS

#809282 +(164)- [X]

alienmonkeycult: cause i have the morals of a preteen angsty hitler
aMiLLioNpEopLe: no, not ok
aMiLLioNpEopLe: see
aMiLLioNpEopLe: Hitler banged his niece
alienmonkeycult: was his niece hot?
aMiLLioNpEopLe: NO
aMiLLioNpEopLe: that is what makes it so bad

#809286 +(811)- [X]

<maba>: i just had the WORST geek moment of my life, im actually ashamed of myself
<maba>: i was reading a book cause im bored of WoW and i went to set it down to go make some supper
<maba>: i looked at the page number and memorized it (unconsciously) and went and made food
<maba>: took me like like 35 mins to cook and eat right?
<maba>: i came back in my room and the book was closed, i picked it up and though "what was my page number again?"
<maba>: then i go "ah yeah it was the first 3 prime numbers".
<mrbips>:you...that...jesus christ, i cant think of anything to add to that to make it sound worse!

#809302 +(3079)- [X]

<Zyrjello> E-mail from my comp sci professor:
<Zyrjello> I want to be clear on this point, because several
<Zyrjello> people have asked me.
<Zyrjello> The release of HALO3, tonight, does NOT qualify
<Zyrjello> as a religious holiday.

#809347 +(2216)- [X]

<Poyzin> So, something amusing happened to me.
<Kilts> ?
<Poyzin> I clocked out of work today, and the ticket tells me I've worked 13 hours and 37 minutes.
<Poyzin> Of course, presented as 13.37.
<Poyzin> Know what that makes me? :D
<Kilts> lol really leet?
<Poyzin> ...
<Poyzin> I worked 13 and a half fucking hours, and TIRED isn't your first guess? God dammit.

#809452 +(2506)- [X]

<@Yenkaz> "You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons."
<@Yenkaz> i mean.. wtf
<@Yenkaz> I'd admire anyone capable of using itunes to produce any weapon of mass destruction

#810048 +(3213)- [X]

wtf9589: should i get the poster with 1 really hot girl or 5 pretty hot girls?
kickassmofo1111: duh get the one with five girls
kickassmofo1111: five tits are better than one

#810226 +(1098)- [X]

<xxx> I think I'm having some problems with my sexlife...
<phunqe> oh? :/
<xxx> Yeah, yesterday my girlfriend and I wanted to have sex, but I had a... hmm.. well you know.. problem..
<phunqe> Ah, no ping reply?

#810448 +(1071)- [X]

Lurker: i just watched some ad on the apple website
Lurker: that was poking fun at how pcs get syntax errors and fatal errors
Lurker: and then i click the next movie and it goes
Lurker: 'Quicktime performed an illegal operation, it is highly recommended that you restart firefox'

#810497 +(470)- [X]

<JKoss> My jokes are like Cheetos:
<JKoss> "Dangerously Cheesy!"

#810977 +(642)- [X]

shim: I once snagged a fella who had the scariest opening line ever
shim: "come on baby, lemme throw my hotdog down your hallway"
shim: I went afk for 10 mins because I was laughing so hard I couldn't move
shim: what do you say to that?
shim: I thought for a while
shim: and eventually typed "any mustard?" and he left :(

#811062 +(1269)- [X]

<MrAnthrope> Uhg. My graphics card keeps crashing.
<knoeki> you obviously have a drunk driver ;)

#811184 +(1407)- [X]

<IZZY4EL> Whats gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?
<IZZY4EL> a seat-belt

#811215 +(674)- [X]

<@Tyr> OMG
<@Tyr> Christopher Walken reading "The Raven"
< Trekkie> if there were an audiobook of Christopher Walken reading the Bible it would probably be #1 on iTunes
<@Tyr> if christopher walken read the bible
<@Tyr> i'd be a believer

#811225 +(1077)- [X]

(polvott:#freebsd) this channel is not for mentally challenged 14 year olds like you
(@blaxthos:#freebsd) it's for socially challenged 40 year olds like polvott

#811243 +(3358)- [X]

<Richad34> Oy I had a bad night
<Richad34> I couldn't sleep, and had no idea what to do. My parents are still awake, it was midnight, and I was bored.
<Richad34> So then I remembered that I had a drama presentation the next class and I played a rich guy so I needed a suit.
<Richad34> I take out my suit, and get dressed. You know, the works. I even took out my top hat and my cane.
<Richad34> Now it gets a little weird. I had to go downstairs in order to see how I looked as it's the only place with a full body mirror. My parents sleep on the same floor as me so I didn't want to wake them up.
<Richad34> So I got this idea. I decided to turn on my TV so that my parents thought people were talking outside, and my footsteps would be noises they were making. I thought it would work, I was tired.
<Richad34> I ran downstairs, checked myself out. I looked fine, so I went back into my room
<Richad34> Now by then the running in a suit had made me kind of itchy (down south), so I quickly undo my pants and release what was stuck and to relieve my itch with my hand.
<Richad34> And my mom opens the door to the room and all I do is freeze in surprise
<Richad34> I don't know what she was thinking, but I can tell you the following
<Richad34> It was midnight, I was in a suit and top hat, and I appeared to be jacking off to George from Seinfeld.
<Richad34> And my mom just stood there in disbelief
<Richad34> I can't tell you what ensued, but it involved attempted exorcism and lots of crying
<Richad34> Best night ever

#811374 +(942)- [X]

strummer126: Fucking asshole said this was going to be a video of an elephant sticking it's trunk up a rhino's asshole. Fucking Rickrolled again today. fuck this shit.

#812304 +(2603)- [X]

<royan> Soemone bluetooth'd me a picture titles Jesus.jpg the other day. When I tried to exit the message reader, it said: Jesus not saved. Save now?
<royan> I have God's cellphone.

#812350 +(979)- [X]

Johnny: I just donated 2 pints of red cells. They let you do that much now because they can compensate for the loss of fluid with a combination of saline and by replacing the plasma that was removed.
Pablo: Talk about being a quart low.
Johnny: No, two pints.
Pablo: Either they took more than that and you've suffered brain damage or you were an idiot to begin with.
Johnny: What?
Pablo: Exactly.

#813190 +(1697)- [X]

<g1powermac> unbelievable
<g1powermac> we caught someone dumping trash in our dumpster
<g1powermac> wouldn't be a problem if trash pickup was free
<g1powermac> we couldn't stop the person in time, so we took the trash out, went through it, found an address in the mail in it, and dumped the trash back at their house

#813219 +(354)- [X]

<ttos> microsoft has this automatic phishing filter built into internet explorer 7. i think they should expand on this idea and have a rick roll detector

#813269 +(1308)- [X]

<lordpie> Life sucks so much right now. It seems I'm spending all of it doing math.
<Rosti_LFC> You are "Math Boy"
<Rosti_LFC> Doer of math
<Rosti_LFC> Unable to integrate with society. Only with functions of x

#813270 +(1141)- [X]

<Sheppard`> Anyone know a good socks wrapper class?
<capisce> shoes

#813756 +(382)- [X]

<M1k3> hey, the girlscouts would need some parent to look after them, are you in?
<Bo13> wait 1 quick question, does this increase my chanses to get laid??
<M1k3> but they are like 12 years old!!!
<Bo13> so that's yes?

#813967 +(3777)- [X]

<pH7> So during the biggest test of the term I look down and realise my fucking penis not working! I MEAN IT'S COMPLETELY DEAD!
<pH7> *pen is omfg
<Harreh> haha rofl
<pH7> Excuse me while I rip out my space bar for failing me like that :(

#813975 +(1588)- [X]

<Snakeman^Engineer> Do I sense some hatred towards Windows Vista originating from your direction?
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Oh no, not at all
* Chrysalid^Revenge stands up in a medieval recitation pose
<Chrysalid^Revenge> "OS X for the Mac users, pretentious in their coffeeshops
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Gentoo for the nerd-lords in their mother's basement
<Chrysalid^Revenge> XP for the everyday user, bound to muck around with bloody settings and registry values they should damn well leave alone
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Then Vista from the Dark Lord behind his desk
<Chrysalid^Revenge> In the Microsoft office, where crappy programming is performed
<Chrysalid^Revenge> One OS to eat your RAM, One OS to spy on your digital media
<Chrysalid^Revenge> One OS to screw them all, and in frustration bind them
<Chrysalid^Revenge> In the Microsoft office, where crappy programming is performed"
<Sectoid^Authopsy> Whoa!

#814211 +(975)- [X]

<Zabbage> I used to do drugs in the 70's.
<Zabbage> Now I don't care what the temperature is

#814243 +(5361)- [X]

<+HoCkster> I got an official warning from my bank
<+HoCkster> I usually pay my rent as "Columbian Drug Money", they never objected
<+HoCkster> but then I forgot my mates cell phone number,
<+HoCkster> we were both doing internet banking at the same time right
<@Lilzvixen> welcome to my room
<+HoCkster> so I give him a 1 cent payment going "What's your number"
<+HoCkster> and we start having this whole conversation
<+HoCkster> it was like webchat
<+HoCkster> so like 87 payments later, the bank rings me up and were like
<+HoCkster> "have you thought of getting MSN?"

#814551 +(2308)- [X]


#814572 +(1102)- [X]

<Trinexx> So, we were all sitting around, trying to decide who would cook tonight.
<Trinexx> Someone got the wonderful idea of making ME cook, despite the fact that I once caught ramen noodles on fire. I, of course, told them it was a bad idea. They didn't believe me. Gave me a recipe and very precise directions. I finally agreed to do it, but only if they understood that they eat at their own risk.
<Trinexx> So yeah, we've all got food poisoning now.

#814698 +(2107)- [X]

<JayNiN> So yeah, guys, my dad and I had a big arguement last night...It's actually pretty fucking awkward.
<SimCard> Yeah? Tell us about.
<JayNiN> Heh, you guys aren't going to believe this...but anyways.
<JayNiN> So last night, my sister was trying to get her AOL connection shut off (yes, I know...who the fuck still uses AOL?)
<JayNiN> and I decide to go to the regional chatrooms
<JayNiN> 10 minutes in the chatroom, some random guy IMs me and is like "ASL"
<JayNiN> so I fuck around with the guy saying "19/F/WY"
<JayNiN> The guy starts tripping out and is like "omg, I'm from Wyoming!"
<JayNiN> and so I'm like "Oh, really? What part?"
<JayNiN> the guy goes "Cheyenne"...I shit myself. I'm from Cheyenne!
<JayNiN> Out of nowhere, the guy asks for my phone number...so I was feeling a bit mischievious and I wanted to have my sister talk to him and then we would just prank the guy.
<JayNiN> Well, I give the guy my number and out of nowhere he goes..."JAKE!? What the fuck!?"
<JayNiN> I trip out and I'm like "Who the hell are you? And how do you know my name/number!?"
<JayNiN> and he goes "GET THE FUCK HOME RIGHT NOW!"
<JayNiN> It was my dad...

#814739 +(2291)- [X]

<spinks> I'm pretty sure dad is reconsidering sending me to drama classes
<maguiness> ?
<maguiness> explain
<spinks> well tonight i was home alone for most of the night. Mum was with my little brothers in singleton, out to dinner for my uncle's birthday
<spinks> my older brother is in gloucester for the next few days
<spinks> and dad was at karate till about 8 and thus i had to cook tea
<spinks> of course i get a brilliant theatrical idea in my head just to make things a little awkward when dad comes home
<spinks> i cook some pretty basic fuckign stuff, 2 pies and some 2 minute noodles
<spinks> but i garnish the fuck out of them with salads and shit, and put them on the good china, got the good cutlery out, wine glasses filled with red wine, the dinenr candles, the nice place mats, all of it
<spinks> a nice romantic dinner
<spinks> dad got home and i lit the candles, got dressed in my suit and tie, nice saphire-blue micro-fibre shirt, placed the plates opposite one another and turned all the lights off
<spinks> I sat there waiting, folded my hands nicely and dad walked through the door, blinked coz of the low light and just stared at me
<spinks> then he just slowly walked to his room, where i'd laid a trail of fake rose petals down the hallway to his room
<spinks> GOD i will never forget the look on his face

#814751 +(660)- [X]

<negev> Have a good time on Friday?
<Sefrian> got proper fucked up
<Sefrian> started seeing binary on the fuckin walls
<negev> lawl
<Sefrian> you know you're a geek when you hallucinate binary

#814888 +(2842)- [X]

<vee> I went to buy the 7th harry potter at midnight
<vee> I was the first in line
<vee> the first thing I did when I got it was i opened it to the last page
<vee> Then I screamed out SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!
<vee> Everyone freaked out
<eric> That's mean!
<vee> It took them a few minutes to figure out I said the ending of the 6th book

#815015 +(473)- [X]

<CapnDan> Oh god DAMN it.  I listed twenty cardboard boxes on freecycle on Saturday morning. 15 minutes later a guy had come to get them. Two minutes after that I posted that they were gone.
<CapnDan> I've gotten THREE DOZEN requests -- a dozen of them so far this morning -- for the god damned boxes.
<CapnDan> I felt sorry for the guy - he needed the cardboard boxes to move his wife out.
<ooPo> put her on freecycle

#815677 +(1675)- [X]

<GLE> Gah. I'm so bad at ring theory, and I have a midterm in it Friday.
<GLE> It makes me want to fight people.
<yakusoku> Does Field theory make you want to grow corn?

#816484 +(917)- [X]

<Rachessa> By viewing porn, you're giving pages hits which lets them pay the models a little more.   Those girls might not have much and you're helping them support themselves when they might not have anyone to turn to, allowing them to get by.
<Rachessa> In a sense, every time you whack off, you're actually saving lives.

#816652 +(2670)- [X]

<-Roach-> Ah you see I wouldn't always trust Wikipedia as it is edited by people.
<Bewildebeast> I hear Brittanica is edited by manatees.

#816907 +(920)- [X]

<steeg> "when there is grass on the field, play ball" my coach used to say
<steeg> he is in jail now, guess what for :)

#816911 +(1191)- [X]

Travis: you know i'm part native american right?
Scott: which part?
Travis: small part
Scott: your penis is native american?

#817477 +(2295)- [X]

<MarkGobbin> ok think of some answerable but subjective question
<Sergio> why?
<MarkGobbin> wow... i'm erecting a statue in your honour for that

#817843 +(1720)- [X]

<phil> ok ok ops quiz
<phil> what's the command to leave an irc channel?
* Garron has quit IRC (Quit: )

#818068 +(711)- [X]

<Flaim> ok, why the fuck is the disk in a VIRTUAL MACHINE not spinning up?

#818078 +(1137)- [X]

<matt> Can anyone help me solve a two body problem?
<dsk> Id sink them in the ocean or feed them to pigs
<dsk> but if you do the pigs make sure to remove hair and teeth first
<matt> Umm i meant in physics...

#818300 +(586)- [X]

Garby: I just have to find a crafty way to avoid them on Monday.
Pollerskates: Wear a Madeleine McCann Halloween costume.
Pollerskates: They'll never be able to find you.

#818305 +(1467)- [X]

<XaSer> what's the word for NOT independent? unindependent?
<travly> yeah
<XaSer> thanks!
<travly> no problem, really =)

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