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#910226 +(551)- [X]

<HNS> Sometimes I wish my mind wasn't so quick to racist thoughts. I saw a group of about 7 black people at Taco Bell and my first thought was "KFC is that way."

#911227 +(975)- [X]

<Computer> this weekend i learned that one of my had-been best friends has become clinically insane
<Computer> talking to her was one of the more disturbing experiences i have had in a long time
<Computer> i went home that night and was too depressed to come outside again
<Mousey> is she single?

#911246 +(2059)- [X]

<cirrhosis> jesus fucking christ
<dolph72> ?
<cirrhosis> wife just told me she's prego
<dolph72> Dont shoot yourself
<dolph72> Shoot the asshole that did it

#912051 +(844)- [X]

Jorja: i once saw a building with the '404' number and it was shut down
Jorja: i laughed

#912101 +(3299)- [X]

x-c0n: Dude I was so drunk last night.. apparently this girl said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered, "Simba".

#912262 +(1013)- [X]

Chris: well, I only watched Twilight once, so it doesn't really count.
Mr. Mann: Oh?
Chris: 1st time doesn't count, 2nd means you're curious, 3rd time and after means you're a faggot.
Chris: my uncle said that
Chris: but I think he was talking about buttsex
Mr. Mann: So basically the same thing ;)

#913014 +(992)- [X]

<blaxthos> this just in
<blaxthos> waiting on long sql queries < *
<beakman> write better queries.
<beakman> :D
<loon> OH SNAP
<loon> point - beakman
<blaxthos> deleting 17million rows takes a long time no matter how you slice it
<loon> finally removing all the racist quotes on bash.org?

#913498 +(2205)- [X]

<Fattie> I'm fuckin hungry gonna go make some food
<Fattie> if I DC call 911, I probably burned down the kitchen
<[FKU]Greycloak> "Hello? 911? I'd like to report a fire at"

#913674 +(1905)- [X]

<@loans> what client are you using
<sessilenomad> IRC...
<@loans> that's not a client
<sessilenomad> idk what client im using then
<@loans> that's like me asking 'what ISP are you using' and you saying 'internet explorer'
<sessilenomad> ooooh
<sessilenomad> firefox

#913842 +(-573)- [X]

T: that Haitian earthquake is a bad one
T: even the Presidential Palace was destroyed
c: Yeah, nothing was left but two wheels and an axle

#914142 +(219)- [X]

*** pipes changed the topic of kiwicon to: - Kiwicon marketing
        department back in action!
< rauc> good topic
< pipes> many people in here will know what that means ;)
< rauc> ok...I do not really know what it means, but I am glad to see
        Kiwicon run again. Let me know if I can help
< pipes> rauc: first time we did kiwicon
< pipes> no one wrote any stories
< pipes> so we wrote our own
< pipes> and kind of xss'd em into major news sites

#914350 +(1796)- [X]

<Travis> Why don't you just keep your hair brown?
<Alex> It's not brown
<Alex> It's auburn
<Travis> What the fuck is Auburn?
<Alex> ...
<Rex> He's a guy, he only sees like 10 colours or something, don't do this to him.

#914496 +(641)- [X]

<addendum> !down KorMc
<spodbeet> KorMc (X.X.X.X) Dling "TL.iso" 4GB out of 7Gb at 10 Mbps
<addendum> DAYNG
* gnork orgasms
<gorb> holy shit man, how do you get that?
<gorb> i thought you live in the countryside
<KorMc> i do
<addendum> what the HELL man?
<KorMc> you know the dude who opened the diner next to me?
<bangalore> Peter somethingsome?
<KorMc> yeah him
<KorMc> he got cable for some god-forsaken reason
<KorMc> so i's stealin' from him
<gnork> how the hell did he not catch you yet
<KorMc> the guy knows nothing about computors
<KorMc> So he hired me to "calculate the injectors and administrate the whatevers"

#914636 +(1216)- [X]

<Roderick> the book I am reading, You Shall Know Our Velocity!, is one of those books you can't rush
<ninda42> is the subtitle for that book But you Shall never know our Position! ?

#914637 +(-477)- [X]

WS-R| SmileyFaceOfAwesome: pro tip don't use photoshop when you could get the same effect in pain
WS-R| SmileyFaceOfAwesome: t
Bobv2: How do you draw while in pain?
WS-R| SmileyFaceOfAwesome: MS PAINT
Bobv2: ...
Bobv2: words cannot describe the win

#914686 +(273)- [X]


#915082 +(3509)- [X]

<t0mato> anyone here knows how fast will my computer run after a registry cleaning?
<x5ga> We have a formula to calculate the percentage of speed gained
<x5ga> (E*c/100)*a
<x5ga> E is the number of errors cleaned
<x5ga> c is the number of cores your CPU has
<x5ga> a is 0

#915530 +(918)- [X]

<Asday>  Hey, the amount of bash quotes has gone down...
<iddo>  ?
<Asday>  Was 20720.  Now it's 20718.
<iddo>  could you have less of a life?
<Asday>  I try.

#915703 +(2165)- [X]

<Dakara> what's the name of that disease when you can't stop masturbating?
<amaury> the Y chromosome

#915759 +(-325)- [X]

<Alex> I come in from a night out, pissed. And suddenly I turn into Gordon Ramsay

#915822 +(596)- [X]

<derp>I'm pretty sure bash moderators just ctrl-f every quote for "penis, sex, masturbate, bash, nigger," and anything that doesn't generate a hit is rejected. They probably have an automated script, in fact.

#916079 +(1051)- [X]

Takargi: Perfect weekend for me. Liverpool beat the Bitters with 10 men, England win at Rugby and Freddie's first words are Daddie ;)
Takargi: Freddie was looking at the milkman at the time though which is worrying...

#916080 +(1117)- [X]

<SaxxonPike> Had some crazy kid running around flailing his arms around come up to me and shout "GUESS WHAT! I'M ONE IN A MILLION!"
<SaxxonPike> One million is a small portion of the world population. So I shouted back "THAT MEANS THERE'S ABOUT 7,000 MORE OF YOU HYPER FUCKS RUNNING AROUND"

#916238 +(666)- [X]

<Papabear> "keep out, i'm naked" is a bad thing to hear when you knock at your 12 year old sisters room, trying to get your notebook back
<Papabear> worse is if the answer is the same 20 min after
<Old> Worst is if ya find an entry for stickam in ya history afterwards

#916256 +(-156)- [X]

<Orang> Dude, this is weird, I just put an apple next to my Mac and it made a weird noise without me touching anything.
<Joshtrap> My PC does the same thing when I take a shit by it.

#916519 +(2855)- [X]

<Velkyr> Why is it when your wife or girlfriend gets pregnant, all her friends rub her belly and say "congratulations!"
<Velkyr> But nobody rubs your dick and says "Good Job"?

#916582 +(2181)- [X]

(omfg): whats the most sensitive part of a persons body when they are masturbating ?
(TypoKing): idk
(omfg): their ears
(omfg): listening for ppl coming home

#916740 +(3033)- [X]

<prote> apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

#916932 +(3604)- [X]

<ChaosTeacup> playing fucking?
<ChaosTeacup> fucking isnt a game, its a very very serious sport
<Chiri> it can be quite competitive
<ChaosTeacup> although its best if you end in a draw
<Chiri> but the professional leagues aren't very respected as a career path
<ChaosTeacup> its best to play in the minors
<ChaosTeacup> wait
<ChaosTeacup> no

#917215 +(1348)- [X]

AxelDesade: Good god, I need a life.
Colty: Why's that?
AxelDesade: I was entertained for over an hour today by refreshing a captcha until it said something funny or made a cool band name.

#917561 +(1773)- [X]

<Rei> What's Microsoft Works?
<K> An oxymoron.

#917649 +(170)- [X]

<blaxthos> sarah palin has issued a statement of condolence regarding the recent earthquake in chili, and stated her concern for potential price-gouging of baby back ribs

#917681 +(757)- [X]

<incluye> OH! Shit it's your birthday, isn't it.
<thom> Yeh
<incluye> I have something for you.
<thom> Really?!
<incluye> Yeah.
<incluye> localhostr.com/files/a19ydd/q.gif
<thom> WTF
<thom> It's just an animation of some dude getting a rag tied around his face
<incluye> I know.
<incluye> It's a gag gif.
* You have been kicked from the channel by thom (never speak to me again)

#918246 +(-131)- [X]

<~Danke> trolling or not you can't expect me to link me to furry porn and say "oh VoiDeD, that's good that you've found something you're interested in"

#918303 +(1206)- [X]

<L-dawg> lol, I was 10 years old and figured out how sex works from the electronic coupling naming convention
<L-dawg> damn electrical engineers

#918366 +(1674)- [X]

<sje46> I avoid sex the same way I avoid bullets
<sje46> I haven't had the chance to

#918414 +(2123)- [X]

digicow: I'm gonna train my children to say sudo instead of please

#918433 +(783)- [X]

JxJ: im sleepy and I need something to pick me up, what should I drink?
GCa: Well, a  can of coke has about 45 mg of caffeine. A shot, about 90. 8oz drip coffee 180-220. Ice coffee ~250+.
GCa: These are estimates, btw
GCa: My ultimate pick-me-up drink was an iced venti coffee with no ice, add two-three shots, a couple pumps of syrup and top it with cream
GCa: Then I would slam it... INSANE amounts of caffeine
GCa: Approx 16oz (you can get 32oz now) of iced coffee (500mg)+3 shots (270mg)= 770 mg of caffeine, or the equivalent of 17 cans of coke at once
GCa: I used to pull up allnighters on that stuff just to ace finals. never failed anything.
Dorne: shit, at that point caffeine is basically coke
GCa: Don't try to drive while on that.
JxJ: what the hell was your major?
GCa: english

#918504 +(334)- [X]

Eli:  Today this black kid who acts pretty white was trying to convince me that hes asian cus hes a ninja
Eli: I said
Eli: "ninja please"
Eli: It was awesome.

#918519 +(1946)- [X]

<Loonacy> Apple dumped the geek/hobbyist market to go after the highly profitable moron/trendy market.

#919561 +(3506)- [X]

A: > Try playing Quake 4 on an Intel Video card. Let us know how you get on.
B: > It looks as good as on an ATI/Nvidia card so far...
B: > Hang on.. frame 2 is coming up.. yup still looks good.

#919563 +(775)- [X]

<sean> sec
<sean> SSHing to laptop beacuse I can't be bothered to lift it onto table

#919845 +(2982)- [X]

<@Ricky> According to BBC News, the father of the Nigerian who attempted to blow up the Delta airliner whilst approaching Detroit had emailed US authorities to warn them about his son's extreme anti American views. This man happened to be a very wealthy banker.
<@Ricky> You can imagine the email arriving at the US Government's offices:
<@Ricky> Good afternoon, I am a wealthy Nigerian banker....

#920036 +(1427)- [X]

<Flimsy> lert's join the BNP
<Obliriovrons> BMP
<Flimsy> if image formats were political parties, which one would you vote for
<Obliriovrons> Listen, starting a conversation like this is just going to lead to an argument
<Obliriovrons> And I'd hate to get in a tiff over image formats

#920061 +(737)- [X]

<ryanm> I have cheesecake, how the fuck could I be miserable?!

#920182 +(1325)- [X]

<commerceheights> wow, I managed to get a syntax error on line 23 of a twenty-line file

#920453 +(2451)- [X]

<&||bass> GODDAMNIT
<&||bass> i'm searching for how to do something in java
<&||bass> i just checked in google
<&||bass> you know what the results are?
<&||bass> me posting in various forms asking how to fucking do it

#920468 +(-64)- [X]

<IDTL> but dude there were babessss
<genida> IDTL, that's very often a warning sign.
<genida> "Girls will be there." = "Girls will be laughing in your face..."
<Malikat> when girls laugh
<Malikat> their breasts jiggle.
<Malikat> everyone wins.
<IDTL> oh man I never thought of that
<IDTL> What if they are flatchested?
<Malikat> then they shouldn't be happy
<Malikat> they probably won't be happy
<Malikat> in fact, flat chested women never laugh at a party
<Malikat> because they know no man will ever love them.

#920473 +(3650)- [X]

lemonlimeskull: One guy keeps following me from chat room to chat room begging to blow me because he found out I live about a half hour away.
lemonlimeskull: Other guy wants to fight me IRL because I posted on a forum that his local band sucks ass.
lemonlimeskull: I'm going to agree to meet the two of them - same location at the same time.
lemonlimeskull: I won't show up, of course - tomorrow one guy will be in the hospital or the other one will be a lot more mellow.
lemonlimeskull: Will keep you posted.

#920525 +(1587)- [X]

<jaffa> think of the children!
<bobf> oh gimme a break, I've spent *hours* today thinking of the children, my wrist is too sore to do it any longer

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