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#962741 +(7)- [X]

<akrs> You know you have fallen far from the path of light when you have to read the git man pages for push
<buffalo> fallen from grace, akrs
<akrs> I'm gonna do a git push -f +[sha]:master
<buffalo> that's a dark arts spell, that is
<buffalo> such commands do not come out of love, compassion, and understanding
<buffalo> they come from malice
<buffalo> and the will to destroy
<buffalo> and chaos

#962726 +(10)- [X]

<@apexthief> Okay we have taco tuesday I need other food day of the week ideas
<@AltRhombu>taco wednesday
<@AltRhombu>taco thursday

#962717 +(9)- [X]

<Papa_Wa> Anyone else struggling to login?
<Udungoof> i'm struggling most of the time
<Udungoof> not necessarily with loginservers though
<Udongoof> life mostly

#962713 +(6)- [X]

<Mcme> Just got the last skiing of the season done
<Microshrimp> I am banned from skiing
<fear> Storytime?
<Mcme> How does one get banned from skiing?
<Microshrimp> after the last time I tried it.... couldn't figure out how to stop and I was headed toward about 10 people who were standing in a circle talking.  It was like human bowling.

#962689 +(8)- [X]

<Mosai> my habit of buying junk food significantly diminished when they took the self checkouts out of the nearby safeway
<Mosai> since i now have to look another human being in the face when i purchase stuff now

#962685 +(6)- [X]

<omglolbah> our official template database had a digital test logic page called "DIGITEST" (from the times when we used 8.3 filenames)
<omglolbah> so my coworker needed to create one for analog test logic <.<
<omglolbah> I got to write the docs for "Template: ANALTEST"

#962712 +(14)- [X]

< EvanStone> Have u guys seen that babe on the special Olympics commercial
< EvanStone> Hnnnnng
< fred> wtf
< fred> EvanStone has a disabled person fetish
< vitro> omg
< EvanStone> What
< vitro> i almost choked to death while reading that
< EvanStone> Only her brain is fucked
< vitro> EvanStone is fucked
< EvanStone> Not her face
< EvanStone> Yo vitro is mad judgemental
< EvanStone> Like a retard can't be sexy
< EvanStone> Plz stop discriminating

#962705 +(28)- [X]

*** Gad is now known as REGISTER.
*** REGISTER is now known as IDENTIFY.
*** IDENTIFY is now known as Gad.
<petn-randall> Gad: /msg nickserv help
<Dark-Jedi> Just wait, his nick will change to "HELP" any moment now.
*** Gad is now known as HELP.

#962704 +(10)- [X]

<@neonjesus> up your game, chatters. this is professional level chatting.
<@atomic> oh yeah
<@atomic> professional for sure
<@atomic> I'm being paid to chat right now
<@atomic> in fact, I probably get paid to chat more than I get paid to work
<@neonjesus> its why we all went into IT in the first place
<@neonjesus> we got on irc when we were children
<@neonjesus> and thought
<@neonjesus> hey
<@neonjesus> i would like to chat for a living. how do i get to do that?
<@atomic> lol
<@neonjesus> first, you have to look like you're busy in terminal
<@Jugernaut> hah
<@neonjesus> second, you have to be the unwatched watcher.
<@neonjesus> third, ???
<@neonjesus> profit.
<@neonjesus> so here we are.
<@neonjesus> a bunch of professional motherfuckin' chatters.

#962696 +(8)- [X]

<sophia_> wow look at this new type of cat named a toyger
<MaxInux> pretty cat
<MaxInux> looks like a bengal sorta
<sophia_> its totally different than a bengal apparently
<sophia_> custom bred
<MaxInux> neat still looks like a bengal :) just slightly more striped
<sophia_> ya its pretty
<jm> am I the only person who's appalled at humanity's efforts to selectively breed traits they find cute, funny, or otherwise desirable?
<blaxthos> jm:  do you date ugly girls ?
<sophia_> heh

#962656 +(80)- [X]

< Dustin> I was talking to a French friend earlier. He was annoyed that English didn't have a word for a specific kind of pride like French does. I pointed out that the French having more words for pride is like the Inuits having more words for snow.
< Dustin> He didn't laugh. =[

#962644 +(18)- [X]

<blaxthos> milo == ann coulter minus the penis

#962517 +(99)- [X]

<diegov[m]> What's the name of that js programming mmo?
<zer0def> uh, github?

#962365 +(86)- [X]

<+Skerper> I remember once in first year CS
<+Skerper> this guy asked me to tutor him
<+Skerper> was absolutely devastated that he'd gotten a 0 for his programming assignment
<+Skerper> so he shows it to me
<+Skerper> and he's literally written an essay on how to make the program
<nugyflex> what the fuck
<+Skerper> complete with stock images and references
<BlackMoon> hahah
<+Jattenalle> haha, aaw
<+Skerper> but no actual program
<nugyflex> ahahha
<+Jattenalle> poor innocent little child
<+Skerper> Never had such an "oh sweety" moment in my life
<nugyflex> how does that happen
<+Skerper> I have no fucking idea, it was the most awkward thing
<nugyflex> how can that possibly happen...
<+Skerper> I don't know how he got it into his head that that was the assignment
<+Skerper> considering it had to be handed up to an automarker
<+Skerper> that compiles it and tests output
<nugyflex> Oooo nooo
<nugyflex> tries to compile essay
<nugyflex> rip

#962292 +(114)- [X]

<cpb> wonder if there's a strip club that needs a linux admin...
<clockwork> i was about to balk at that but then i thought about it and realized strip clubs don't have windows

#962270 +(-13)- [X]

<@peted> i get distracted by that a lot
<@peted> sometimes, actually, a lot of the time, i just get distracted by my own thoughts
< brzt> I think thats call ADHD?
<@peted> do they?
< brzt> I just said I think they do...
<@peted> and i asked do they...
<@peted> this instant replay brought to you by pepsi cola
< brzt> See above.

#962213 +(128)- [X]

<Chaosbreaker> "Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
<Chaosbreaker> "Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I will tell you a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"
<Chaosbreaker> "Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, has 2 characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I am ready to get the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has 2 characters, does not have a setting, and ends with a punchline."
<Chaosbreaker> "I'm sorry, your connection has been timed out."
<Chaosbreaker> "Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"

#962153 +(41)- [X]

<Zygo> if you're not finding errors, you're not looking hard enough
<lazy_bum> Is this some kind of woman motto?

#962113 +(38)- [X]

<@realitygaps> english - the php of spoken languages

#962108 +(51)- [X]

<Humbedooh> Roses are red, leaves are green, but only Java has AbstractSingletonProxyFactoryBean

#961801 +(25)- [X]

<retry> i miss bathing in hot springs
<retry> in japan that's something you can just do whenever you feel like it
<fuckyou> except they call it bukkake

#961783 +(40)- [X]

<Joe> my friend told me to google kurea hasumi
<Joe> and I did
<Joe> that was a mistake
<Denwa> Don't like jav's, Joe?
<Joe> no, by mistake I mean I have 27 active torrents running now

#961780 +(38)- [X]

<Haz> started my internship today
<Haz> they banged a gong no less than six times first thing in the morning after a meeting
<fwilson> yeah, that's part of agile

#961762 +(29)- [X]

<AAA> Singapore is believed to have the highest prevalence of myopia in the world; up to 80% of people there have myopia
<AAA> yikes
<BBB> i bet they never seen it coming

#961741 +(20)- [X]

<jryan> Why is TheJazBand in the topic.
<TheJazBand> jryan: i had a seizure yesterday.
<jryan> Ohhh.
<jryan> How'd that go

#961720 +(47)- [X]

<t12> my dad wins at potrero hill community meeting aggroness
<t12> he went to one and stood up, interrupted
<t12> said heres the address of a crackhouse
<t12> if you guys dont raid it and shut it down
<t12> i'll go to it myself
<t12> they're like "those are armed dangerous people!"
<t12> he's like "i'm a combat vereran! I've killed thousands of people already"
<t12> "if you dont go clean it up you'll find youself in the weird position of protecting crackheads from me"
<t12> they did in fact shut the house down

#961718 +(46)- [X]

ivy: A man named William Reed's last living testament says that he is going to read his own will
ivy: Will Reed's will will read: "Will Reed will read Will Reed's will".
Elyse: no
Elyse: it's his son will reed junior
Elyse: except will reed senior was so far gone with alzheimers that usually when someone's talking about will reed they're talking about his son, junior
Elyse: he isn't completely running the family business into the ground but he still longs for the times his father, the true biz-wiz, was running things better than ever
Elyse: but now those times are in the ground with his dad
Elyse: still can't believe he's gone
ivy: what the fuck elyse

#961714 +(-10)- [X]

<mceel>What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout?
<Big G>Idk what?
<mceel>Boyscouts come back from camp.
<Big G>Thats a very touchy subject. My great grandpa died in a concentration camp.
<mceel>Oh I'm sorry
<Big G>He was shooting jews and fell of the guard tower.
<mceel>.-.

#961713 +(26)- [X]

<+se5a> I know a pacifist who joined the army
<+se5a> so that he had a balanced world view
<+ekolis> True Neutral alignment FTW

#961662 +(88)- [X]

<W> Tatjun needs a date
<L> The dude couldn't get a date if he polled a time server.

#961655 +(55)- [X]

<matthiaskrgr> had to have my arm amputated
<matthiaskrgr> on the other hand, I am completely fine

#961650 +(13)- [X]

<DrSeuss> I am thinking about the sequel to the vat in the hat
<DrSeuss> It will have theoretical chemistry
<fourbitfox> Oh the Crystals You'll Grow?
<DrSeuss> YES
<fourbitfox> Sounds more like the G rated version of Breaking Bad.

#961647 +(32)- [X]

<Shoe> Saw the back of a semi-cab today.
<Shoe> It had the text: Jesus Never Tapped Out
<The_Purple_Bunny> No but he did get pinned.

#961538 +(22)- [X]

<Lauren> I have this recurring javascript error
<Lauren> Uncaught TypeError: Illegal invocation
<gasp> did you try running it during full moon ?

#961513 +(53)- [X]

<xxx> There's apparently some Mexican restaurant somewhere in Europe that has the slogan, "Mexican food so authentic Donald Trump built 4 walls around it."

#961330 +(109)- [X]

<sikory> hmmm, people found a severed head in amsterdam
<sikory> police thinks that it might be connected to the headless body they found yesterday
<Gamah> sikory: well obviously it's not connected...

#961293 +(12)- [X]

(@|HashBot|) Final and decisive action of the Napoleonic Wars, that effectively ended French domination of Europe?
(SiCK) Surrender

#961257 +(88)- [X]

<photo> i poured my root beer into a square cup and now all i have is beer. please advise.

#961197 +(18)- [X]

<DrBadAss>Lessee... the Republican party is in disarray, divided by an offshoot reactionary group, spearheaded by men who pander to the least common denominator and say and do the most ridiculous things imaginable, directly flaunting the Constitution, and proving on a daily basis they're incapable of compromise, and that their only goal is to take down their opponent at the expense of the country's welfare and proper operation.
<DrBadAss>  We Democrats have a CLEAR shot at this.  It's going to be really interesting to see how we go about f#@%ing it up.

#961146 +(18)- [X]

<magicp2p> but the US people see an egg form as a ball, so don't say it is an egg, it is football
<icebox766> It's a more aerodynamic ball.
<Neobenedict> more aerodynamic, yet people run with it in their hands for half the game. what a waste

#954957 +(35)- [X]

<sevyn>: I was disappointed to find out that the twitter account @hosonwheels did not belong to a hooker delivery service

#954952 +(17)- [X]

< pooter> I just came up with an amazingly good simile for math
<+echobinary> does it add up?
< pooter> :|

#954091 +(16)- [X]

< hyntty> Erik: what is cat in dutch?
<+Erik> kat
< PeriSoft_> fucking crazy language
< hyntty> kankerkat ;|7<
<+Erik> With the A pronounced as the A in 'what'.
< PeriSoft_> it's spelled 'kat', but it's probably pronounced 'voorslphtn'

#953447 +(17)- [X]

plas: Friendly cats will head-but or head rub and will extend this into a full body rub. Cats will also head-butt and body-rub their humans. The nose-bump is another friendly greeting.
lemonlimeskull: Even friendlier cats will offer a paw job.

#953421 +(70)- [X]

lemonlimeskull: I keep getting spam e-mail from a company trying to convince me I owe them for search engine listing services. They send an actual invoice for me to print and fax to them.
lemonlimeskull: It's their own fault, really, that I faxed them a photo-to-ASCII image of a hand giving the middle finger.
killjay: lol bet they were PISSED
lemonlimeskull: They will be if they lay out all 54 pages in the correct sequence.

#953228 +(29)- [X]

Felix the Cat: Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; that which cometh out of the mouth defileth a man.  (Matthew 15:11)
Felix the Cat: huzzah i can continue to suck cocks
mr peabody: you read the bible a lot
mr peabody: for being a heathen who is going to hell
Felix the Cat: all i know is apparently the bible says swallow, don't spit
Felix the Cat: A+ advice imo

#953113 +(31)- [X]

<@Faer|afk> what is good dubstep
<Rashy> dialup modem

#951442 +(48)- [X]

<Goune> the other day i saw the headline : 'woman beats off rapist' and i thought.....
<Goune> that seems like a reasonable compromise

#929424 +(-8)- [X]

<earth|drawing>: I've had sex on my period before xD
<earth|drawing>: that guy didn't mind tho.
<earth|drawing>: but he was a pig, so yeah.
<FW>: You had period sex with a WHAT?!
<earth|drawing>: okay, I'm NOT IMPLYING that I had sex with animals, RIGHT? D:

#929420 +(24)- [X]

< Utopiah> did a native English speaker recommended you this nickname?
< handjob> No. This is my mother's desktop. The nickname is taken from username.

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