#961801 +(8)- [X]
<retry> i miss bathing in hot springs
<retry> in japan that's something you can just do whenever you feel like it
<fuckyou> except they call it bukkake
#961783 +(8)- [X]
<Joe> my friend told me to google kurea hasumi
<Joe> and I did
<Joe> that was a mistake
<Denwa> Don't like jav's, Joe?
<Joe> no, by mistake I mean I have 27 active torrents running now
#961780 +(8)- [X]
<Haz> started my internship today
<Haz> they banged a gong no less than six times first thing in the morning after a meeting
<fwilson> yeah, that's part of agile
#961762 +(4)- [X]
<AAA> Singapore is believed to have the highest prevalence of myopia in the world; up to 80% of people there have myopia
<BBB> i bet they never seen it coming
#961741 +(6)- [X]
<jryan> Why is TheJazBand in the topic.
<TheJazBand> jryan: i had a seizure yesterday.
<jryan> How'd that go
#961720 +(8)- [X]
<t12> my dad wins at potrero hill community meeting aggroness
<t12> he went to one and stood up, interrupted
<t12> said heres the address of a crackhouse
<t12> if you guys dont raid it and shut it down
<t12> i'll go to it myself
<t12> they're like "those are armed dangerous people!"
<t12> he's like "i'm a combat vereran! I've killed thousands of people already"
<t12> "if you dont go clean it up you'll find youself in the weird position of protecting crackheads from me"
<t12> they did in fact shut the house down
#961718 +(7)- [X]
ivy: A man named William Reed's last living testament says that he is going to read his own will
ivy: Will Reed's will will read: "Will Reed will read Will Reed's will".
Elyse: it's his son will reed junior
Elyse: except will reed senior was so far gone with alzheimers that usually when someone's talking about will reed they're talking about his son, junior
Elyse: he isn't completely running the family business into the ground but he still longs for the times his father, the true biz-wiz, was running things better than ever
Elyse: but now those times are in the ground with his dad
Elyse: still can't believe he's gone
ivy: what the fuck elyse
#961714 +(4)- [X]
<mceel>What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout?
<Big G>Idk what?
<mceel>Boyscouts come back from camp.
<Big G>Thats a very touchy subject. My great grandpa died in a concentration camp.
<mceel>Oh I'm sorry
<Big G>He was shooting jews and fell of the guard tower.
#961713 +(7)- [X]
<+se5a> I know a pacifist who joined the army
<+se5a> so that he had a balanced world view
<+ekolis> True Neutral alignment FTW
#961662 +(15)- [X]
<W> Tatjun needs a date
<L> The dude couldn't get a date if he polled a time server.
#961655 +(14)- [X]
<matthiaskrgr> had to have my arm amputated
<matthiaskrgr> on the other hand, I am completely fine
#961650 +(5)- [X]
<DrSeuss> I am thinking about the sequel to the vat in the hat
<DrSeuss> It will have theoretical chemistry
<fourbitfox> Oh the Crystals You'll Grow?
<fourbitfox> Sounds more like the G rated version of Breaking Bad.
#961647 +(9)- [X]
<Shoe> Saw the back of a semi-cab today.
<Shoe> It had the text: Jesus Never Tapped Out
<The_Purple_Bunny> No but he did get pinned.
#961538 +(5)- [X]
<Lauren> Uncaught TypeError: Illegal invocation
<gasp> did you try running it during full moon ?
#961513 +(21)- [X]
<xxx> There's apparently some Mexican restaurant somewhere in Europe that has the slogan, "Mexican food so authentic Donald Trump built 4 walls around it."
#961330 +(41)- [X]
<sikory> hmmm, people found a severed head in amsterdam
<sikory> police thinks that it might be connected to the headless body they found yesterday
<Gamah> sikory: well obviously it's not connected...
#961293 +(8)- [X]
(@|HashBot|) Final and decisive action of the Napoleonic Wars, that effectively ended French domination of Europe?
#961257 +(28)- [X]
<photo> i poured my root beer into a square cup and now all i have is beer. please advise.
#961197 +(3)- [X]
<DrBadAss>Lessee... the Republican party is in disarray, divided by an offshoot reactionary group, spearheaded by men who pander to the least common denominator and say and do the most ridiculous things imaginable, directly flaunting the Constitution, and proving on a daily basis they're incapable of compromise, and that their only goal is to take down their opponent at the expense of the country's welfare and proper operation.
<DrBadAss> We Democrats have a CLEAR shot at this. It's going to be really interesting to see how we go about f#@%ing it up.
#961146 +(8)- [X]
<magicp2p> but the US people see an egg form as a ball, so don't say it is an egg, it is football
<icebox766> It's a more aerodynamic ball.
<Neobenedict> more aerodynamic, yet people run with it in their hands for half the game. what a waste
#954957 +(16)- [X]
<sevyn>: I was disappointed to find out that the twitter account @hosonwheels did not belong to a hooker delivery service
#954952 +(8)- [X]
< pooter> I just came up with an amazingly good simile for math
<+echobinary> does it add up?
< pooter> :|
#954091 +(6)- [X]
< hyntty> Erik: what is cat in dutch?
< PeriSoft_> fucking crazy language
< hyntty> kankerkat ;|7<
<+Erik> With the A pronounced as the A in 'what'.
< PeriSoft_> it's spelled 'kat', but it's probably pronounced 'voorslphtn'
#953447 +(8)- [X]
plas: Friendly cats will head-but or head rub and will extend this into a full body rub. Cats will also head-butt and body-rub their humans. The nose-bump is another friendly greeting.
lemonlimeskull: Even friendlier cats will offer a paw job.
#953421 +(26)- [X]
lemonlimeskull: I keep getting spam e-mail from a company trying to convince me I owe them for search engine listing services. They send an actual invoice for me to print and fax to them.
lemonlimeskull: It's their own fault, really, that I faxed them a photo-to-ASCII image of a hand giving the middle finger.
killjay: lol bet they were PISSED
lemonlimeskull: They will be if they lay out all 54 pages in the correct sequence.
#953228 +(8)- [X]
Felix the Cat: Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; that which cometh out of the mouth defileth a man. (Matthew 15:11)
Felix the Cat: huzzah i can continue to suck cocks
mr peabody: you read the bible a lot
mr peabody: for being a heathen who is going to hell
Felix the Cat: all i know is apparently the bible says swallow, don't spit
Felix the Cat: A+ advice imo
#953113 +(10)- [X]
<@Faer|afk> what is good dubstep
<Rashy> dialup modem
#951442 +(13)- [X]
<Goune> the other day i saw the headline : 'woman beats off rapist' and i thought.....
<Goune> that seems like a reasonable compromise
#929424 +(3)- [X]
<earth|drawing>: I've had sex on my period before xD
<earth|drawing>: that guy didn't mind tho.
<earth|drawing>: but he was a pig, so yeah.
<FW>: You had period sex with a WHAT?!
<earth|drawing>: okay, I'm NOT IMPLYING that I had sex with animals, RIGHT? D:
#929420 +(9)- [X]
< Utopiah> did a native English speaker recommended you this nickname?
< handjob> No. This is my mother's desktop. The nickname is taken from username.
#923968 +(4)- [X]
<thomas> you know why Santa's always jolly?
<thomas> He knows where all the bad girls live.
<lonewolf> do they empty his sack for him?
<lonewolf> I'd be grumpy if I only came once a year though
#923967 +(-13)- [X]
BLUMAN: how many stances are there for warrior??
sleepah903: battle, berserk, defense
MING FAN: 4 theres battle, defensive, berserker and jew stance
Sxechris: jew stance gets you cheaper reagents, repairs, and you can lower buyouts on auctions without the sellers consent
Sxechris: you take more fire damage though
#961099 +(327)- [X]
<Nichole> my sister is giving birth on thursday. Drug baby. Apparently CPS is going to contact me to take him.
<keith> what kind of drugs?
<keith> a baby full of drugs could be worth something
<Nichole> heroin, Oxy, meth
<Nichole> mostly heroin
<keith> expensive baby!
<blaxthos> so... your sister will be free this weekend?
<Nichole> yep have at it
<assfetish> i got this mental image of a baby shaped pinata full of drugs being broken at some wall street party
<Nichole> she's in prison
<Nichole> she makes me feel very normal
<latras> you are very normal ;)
<keith> shes still getting heroin, oxy and meth in prison?
<blaxthos> is she imprisoned because of baby ?
<keith> yeah id say your pretty normal
<Nichole> keith: she's on methadone now
<blaxthos> i think having babies should be a crime
<keith> procreating is definitely a crime
<Nichole> she's imprisoned because she broke parole, child endangerment (from first daughter), and drug related charges, and being on the run
<Azalea> That is a shitty situation
<assfetish> are you gonna take the baby?
<Nichole> i dont know
<keith> azalea needs another kid i hear
<assfetish> i have a friend who wants a kid real bad
<blaxthos> if you are on irc and you can't figure out how to unload a kid, you're doing it wrong
#954218 +(234)- [X]
<Koel> imagine a mother dick feeding a whole nest of chirping baby dicks
#954214 +(233)- [X]
<bitchcunt> for the love of god, kathleen, he doesn't care about your hair! and if he does, maybe he should be going out with your brother.
#954201 +(327)- [X]
<danh> interviewing a fat guy
<danh> do we hire him
<pbuckley> does he have a beard?
<pbuckley> then no
#954197 +(447)- [X]
<DJMonty> Just fell over holding my guitar, and accidentally played every song One Direction have ever written
#954195 +(172)- [X]
<LeelooMinai> Hmm, that Ian guy from Dangerous Prototypes is kind of weird...
<IanWizard-Cloud> LeelooMinai: hmm?
<LeelooMinai> E, right... well... my cat wrote that - nm:p
#954192 +(350)- [X]
<%rundata> man my wifes read that 50 shades of grey
<Karnaksbitch> Aw god ur al makin me cringe
<%rundata> she was like "have you heard of fisting?"
<%rundata> ive seen women shoulder deep in other women
#954191 +(228)- [X]
<aubnorch> how was I unaware of usb onaholes until now
<aubnorch> you plug them in to your computer and load up profiles of your favorite 2d waifus and they -change-
<flesy> are u trying to fuck a usb port
#954190 +(499)- [X]
<Prometheus> Are you made of Copper and Tellurium
<Prometheus> because youre CuTe
<Cruel> Are you made of holmium and molybdenum
#954186 +(619)- [X]
<@i_c-Y> i had a nightmare yesterday that i bought 3 licenses of norton antivirus
#954177 +(371)- [X]
ND: My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.
#954174 +(277)- [X]
<+Zuu> i think i want to stop doing college and become a mechanic
<@bazl> i forbid it
<@bazl> because every word in that sentence was spelled correctly
#954171 +(265)- [X]
<Cob|afk>: let's chill
<Cob|afk>: and be friends
<Cob|afk>: because i'll fucking stab you if you don't
#954159 +(221)- [X]
Blade: "it was extremely unusual and we really wanted to find out why this thing had - what we call - burst"
Blade: please explain this obscure phenomenon known as burst
Blade: to the laypeople like myself
Blade: i don't understand this parlance
Blade: technical jargon isn't my forte
Blade: scientific lingo baffles me
#954155 +(257)- [X]
<Ishimura> finger is apparently functional cross-platform
<SilentPenguin> yeah, users understand the finger irrespective of the operating system they are using
#954153 +(204)- [X]
<Silent> I see that many designers are using Macs to draw. I was wondering what's wring with Windows and Linux, and that's why I asked.
<G-Money> mac's are for creative people
<G-Money> if we use non-macs, we lose our creativity
<G-Money> its part of owning a mac
<Silent> In what sense?
<G-Money> are a you a man of god Silent?
<G-Money> in the biblical tale with samson and delilah
<G-Money> samson loses his power when delilah, who was a whore btw, cut his hair
<G-Money> its somewhat like a mac
#954118 +(173)- [X]
<Bushman> heh, those voice commands in mobile phones...
<Bushman> say "text *contact_name* message *message_text*"
<Bushman> or "email *contact_name* subject *message_subject* message *message_text*"
<Bushman> what if... just what if... the guy's name is Mr.Message or Mr.Subject?
#954111 +(154)- [X]
<@Steempy> Any lettuce that isn't iceberg needs to fuck off back to Russia
<@Steempy> Goddamn communist hipster lettuce