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#526 +(841)- [X]

<matt`> <goh`> guilty you spelt speed wrong
<goh`> spelled*
<McMoo> <goh`> YOUR USUALLY SO CAREFUL
<goh`> you're*
<goh`> you guys are assholes

#1967 +(544)- [X]

<JDigital> It's official: Nostradamus was a stoner.
<JDigital> His name wasn't even Nostradamus. It was Michel du Nostredame
<JDigital> Nostradamus was just his IRC nick

#2556 +(409)- [X]

<spyd3rman> what about battlenet?
<spyd3rman> are they still using the cd key
<CoMBo> no battlenet checks to see if you have zits and glasses, then it lets u on

#2563 +(848)- [X]

<DAL9000> if you ever feel dumb
<DAL9000> look at tasmboy
<DAL9000> and you'll feel better.
* logosmani looks
<Rud0lf> heh
<TasmBoy> its not working
<DAL9000> because you're you.
<DAL9000> looking at yourself would throw you into a recursive loop of stupidity.

#2742 +(379)- [X]

<hobbes`> I cracked the shits at ppl knocking on my door last night and answered it naked - teach them to ever ask me for money again stupd door spammers

#5406 +(1141)- [X]

*** Swish changes topic to '"I never pirated it....it was donated.  by the file fairy.  I put a blank CD under my pillow..."'

#6951 +(192)- [X]

<glasnost> i didn't have a life.
<glasnost> i had a BBS.

#7300 +(264)- [X]

<bytraper> well.. you know what they say
<bytraper> if you drink and drive your a bloody idiot, if you make it home, your a fuckin legend

#7670 +(33)- [X]

(SC__AT): 79. What's a disk of gas orbiting a star of black hole called?
(_uaioe): motardo's fart

#10735 +(231)- [X]

<@j0no> tigerbot_hesh: These are not the brains you are looking for. Move along.
<tigerbot_hesh> shouldnt that be droids?
<@j0no> You don't really need droids, do you?

#11978 +(853)- [X]

<mertine> at least he didn't get KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL for STABBING A TEACHER WITH A POCKETKNIFE BOOZ
<melvin> booz stabbed a teacher???
<Gabooz> HE STARTED IT

#12306 +(523)- [X]

<AGaeris> With her gone, now Breathe is the only girl-type left for me to talk to in here.
<@Breathe> Who said you could talk to me?

#14015 +(513)- [X]

<TimMm> (_/)
<TimMm> (='.')
<TimMm> (")-(")
<rhythm> shoot it
<rhythm> shoot it now

#15312 +(938)- [X]

#15735 +(154)- [X]

<lammah> getting your own AS:  $250  setting up your own network:  $100k
  having your upstream forward your stupid request to NANOG: priceless
<lammah> Dear Peers/Colleagues,
<lammah> We will start to announce a new prefix:
<lammah> AS13197 192.168.0.0/16
<lammah> Please update your filters.
<lammah> Thanks,
<lammah> Reinder van Amerongen,
<lammah> Junior. System/Network Adminstrator and Senior Cabling consultant.

#17373 +(321)- [X]

<LoRdZephyR> i cant swim
<roboman20> i thought only people with down syndrome couldnt swim
<LoRdZephyR> WELL YOUR WRONG WHORE
* roboman20 hands zeph a chromosome

#22806 +(87)- [X]

<Scofco> being a global operator is annoying, you see everyone that comes and goes from the server
<phaded> the things some people complain about...

#24764 +(270)- [X]

<phx> crap
* phx just upgraded winrar
<phx> rather, i upgraded to a russian version of winrar
* phx does not speak russian

#26804 +(22)- [X]

<SupaSupa> I got an Eclipse and it is missing the 3 bottom gears, wtf is wrong with it
<Monte`SS`> bahahahahaha
<Monte`SS`> "missing"
<Monte`SS`> whered they go?
<SupaSupa> They are hiding

#29083 +(906)- [X]

#29657 +(684)- [X]

<Azrel> that was a pain in the ass
<AnalBoy24m> I know the feeling.

#34488 +(87)- [X]

* phantasie Back! i'm hot, wet and naked!
phantasie- it's SO funny in lesbian rooms

#35939 +(118)- [X]

<Bubbs-> arg, too... much, garlic bread... breast, stinks
<Bubbs-> er...breath

#38645 +(199)- [X]

<KamiNoBaka> like a version, wooo, ctcp'd for the very first time

#41520 +(186)- [X]

< DGonzo> hmm
< DGonzo> my gf left her shampoo and shit here
< DGonzo> next thing you know she's gonna want to plug into my hub
<@[Hobbes]> DGonzo: ... For christ's sake just change your name to DWhipped
<@golem> tell her she can plug into your hub if you can plug into hers anytime you like

#44536 +(301)- [X]

<Daishi> ...
<Daishi> there should really be a "-" like there is a "+" on irc
<Daishi> too let people know they suck

#48717 +(635)- [X]

<sacarna> okay. so i was in whitcoulls and i walked out and smacked into this guy and i was all ready to go grr and looked up and it was the guy i have the biggest crush on ever
<sacarna> and my face went white
<sacarna> and then i kinda managed to muster up a hey
<sacarna> and then scuttled away
<sacarna> hopefully he will think its all very cute and fuck my brains out.
<autistk> it's hard to fuck people when they're running away
<autistk> and you tend to go to jail for it

#51094 +(99)- [X]

<Kae> dangit, I'm missing two bytes
<Epesh> Kae: make them up!
* l_oke hands kae a unicode character
<Epesh> there's only 65000 combinations
* Kae pads with 0's

#53020 +(112)- [X]

<Hot_Guy> Fentom: you're a girl?
<Fentom> -{Hot_Guy}- depends how desperate you are and how much money you will pay for me to come down there

#56809 +(213)- [X]

<Steempy> Merc: Got any amusing tales of retail stupidity?
<Mercster> hmmm.......this isn't a good email address:
<Mercster> "Lubeking@aol.com"
<Steempy> Could be a Korean guy called Lu Bek Ing

#59718 +(297)- [X]

<Dead_Ice> dial up CS is good
<Dead_Ice> cos ya lag that much you can dodge the bullets matrix style

#66715 +(434)- [X]

<roboman20> +_&----~~=
<@MansoN> &----~~ looks like a handicap dude flying backwards while jizzing lol

#71139 +(530)- [X]

<edeity> DDoS attack on a nightclub bar, get all your friends to keep asking for water.

#73102 +(136)- [X]

<Mitsune_Konno> Yeah, except starbucks sucks
<Mitsune_Konno> for some reason you can getevery color of coffee except black

#80793 +(961)- [X]

<pulse__> HAHA!!
<pulse__> HAHA!!
<pulse__> HAHA!!
<pulse__> HAHA!!
<pulse__> I JUST GOT A PAYRISE!!!
<pulse__> HAHAHAHAHAHA
<pulse__> could this company be any more stupid?
<pulse__> I DON'T DO ANYTHING!

#102351 +(1016)- [X]

<Gnell|CHAMPION> OMG A DONKEY JUST WENT BY OUTSIDE MY HOUSE
<Gnell|CHAMPION> i wanna ride it
* Gnell|CHAMPION is away

#105318 +(709)- [X]

<dj`rayray[eN]> If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner

#107421 +(236)- [X]

<melx0rz> we just polled some guy .. out of the following he is a) child molester b) FILTHY LIAR
<melx0rz> i didn't answer
<melx0rz> er.. HE
<melx0rz> He didn't answer

#107517 +(-7)- [X]

<WeZ> goodie 1 more hour then home time for me
<WeZ> hehe
<WeZ> not coming back this afternoon
<Guyt_X> lucky
<Guyt_X> why
<Guyt_X> do u need to eat ?
* Guyt_X runs
<WeZ> going to the doctor to have a mole removed
<Guyt_X> why dont u just wash
<Guyt_X> sorry im nasty
<Guyt_X> that was un called for
<WeZ> sies
* Guyt_X goes to wash his mouth out with soap
* Guyt_X hands WeZ the soap
<Guyt_X> u might need this

#114413 +(384)- [X]

<NekoLocke|Runescape> What the hell? some girl offered me cybersex on Runescape in exchange for all the gold ore I had in my inventory. @_@
<Danny> now you do it be a man whore :P
<Eden99> LOL XD;
<Noval> Wow, a game with real hookers. That's inpressive.

#125928 +(1725)- [X]

<m[e]ntor> Does anyone know where I can buy 100 m of wireless lan cable?
<insight> Well, you could try NASA's "things not yet and never will be invented"-department or something.

#181913 +(98)- [X]

<Milo> the karma chameleon is gonna come by one day, give you a fatal illness, and then piss in your mouth

#189167 +(247)- [X]

<slayer4si> hey does anyone have a good version of Hackers?
<slayer4si> or can get one?
<zMonk> no, but I could mail a pointy stick you could use to poke one of your eyes out, if that helps

#189491 +(974)- [X]

<Da5id> bwahahahahahaha!
<Da5id> k
<Da5id> check this stuff out
<Da5id> the sign at the student eating facility that i work at says "babcock frozen yogurt"
<Da5id> but 'babcock' is on one line, and 'frozen yogurt' is on the other
<Da5id> and there's two switches for the sign
<Da5id> now, one would THINK that one switch would be for "babcock" and the other for "frozen yogurt"
<Da5id> but no
<Da5id> one switch is for "bab/frozen"
<Da5id> and the other is for "cock/yogurt"
<%Freakazoid> lol
<Da5id> we just closed, like, an hour ago
<Da5id> guess what the sign was left saying?
<Da5id> O:)

#202880 +(650)- [X]

#202901 +(782)- [X]

EternityAndAHalf: OMG
EternityAndAHalf: MY BROTHER IS PRACTICING HIS HORN
EternityAndAHalf: AT 2 A.M.
EternityAndAHalf: BRB, MY CAT IS GOING TO HAVE A BRAND NEW USE
HotDamn14S: lmfao

#448314 +(2215)- [X]

* badlands dials phone-a-hooker
<WhitAdept> phone brb

#605501 +(4264)- [X]

<k2xl> in 1998, i made a C++ program to calculate pi to a billion digits.
<k2xl> i coded it on my laptop (pentium 2 i think) and then ran the program.
<k2xl> the next day i got a new laptop but decided to keep the program running.
<k2xl> it's been over seven years now since i ran it. and this morning it finished calculating.
<k2xl> the output:
<k2xl>      "THE VALUE OF PI TO THE BILLIONTH DIGIT IS = "
<k2xl> mindblowing eh?
<k2xl> i looked in the code of my program, and i found out that i forgot to output the value :(.

#669898 +(1461)- [X]

whatshisname: Why does the media insist on calling intelligent design an 'alternative' to the theory of evolution?
That's like saying pancakes are a good alternative to an internal combustion engine.
What units do you use for measuring Godliness?
mediaho: Cleanliness?
whatshisname: I was thinking more along the lines of Jehovahwatts: "It took 47.3 Jehovahwatts to turn that water into wine"
MrNeutron: "Wha. . . what the hell is a Jehovahwatt"
Smallberries: About 103 Jews.
pwhp_67: Are Jehovawatts metric?
jimmyhaha: Commie.

#742547 +(1191)- [X]

<caddis> the hardest thing about buying a macbook is telling your parents you are gay

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