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#1375 +(844)- [X]

[Fustard] I just walked out into the living room today
[Fustard] and my mom just randomly went
[Fustard] 'the dog has been masturbating too much, ive never seen it that big'

#1667 +(508)- [X]

(iSONEWS) [iSONEWS] Update in DivX: My Life *CLASSIC* released by MEDiAMANiACS (49 files, 08/12/2001) www.isonews.com/r/?155D256CD=
(`Thunder) whoa
(`Thunder) they released my life
(`Thunder) how did they tape all that?!
(madman`) no way!! stop lying! it's MY LIFE!!
(runner-) either way its gonna be boring

#2590 +(606)- [X]

<Legind> I cant remember my earliest memory

#4064 +(681)- [X]

<FreshBrew> i dont know why i floss before i go to the dentist
<FreshBrew> i never ever do it
<FreshBrew> its like going to the doctor and pretending not to be sick so he doesnt yell at you

#7587 +(46)- [X]

*** FAG has joined #us-opers
<FAG> I'm gay. How do I get my O:Line?

#7652 +(56)- [X]

* Clampy waits for the next line of home consoles which will vacuum, slice, dice, IRC, download porn, play games, play DVDs, play hopscotch, and play music CDs all in one package.
<{{[o|O]}}> That would be Microsoft Home.

#7670 +(40)- [X]

(SC__AT): 79. What's a disk of gas orbiting a star of black hole called?
(_uaioe): motardo's fart

#8273 +(206)- [X]

(caraKATT): great, i found ready whip in the fridge and I wanted to put it in my coffee, but I think my roomate huffed it, cause it won't foam

#11339 +(1220)- [X]

(NOTE: The URLs were coloured out with IRC colours, or something ^_^)

<@Saiko> Hello #sqrxz my name is Claudia, I have 36D tits and I am very horny. You can read more about me HERE ----> ( http://goatse.cx http://goatse.cx ) and i also have some nude pictures of me! I also talk about when I had oral sex with my roomate. I'm only 17 and I'm very lonely, pls cum and chat with me!
<@Zinco> Who would be retarded enough to click on a link they could not see?
<Loco-san> HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THAT!!!!!!

#14668 +(671)- [X]

toAzron1:Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"

#16364 +(-51)- [X]

<IGNORANT> why do allways the amarican punk rocker go out whit the bullshit new wave hokker girls i dont like it here in norway punkrocers go out whit punkrock girl ore tellephone hokkers ore les they go out whit them self and do homosexual aktivitis!!!!!!!!!!

#21851 +(100)- [X]

<JDonne> yeah... i remember when i was a teenager, .268193 years ago
<chikster> ur 18.268194 I assume

#22295 +(218)- [X]

<|Phreak|> Mind2: do you know of anything to benchmark/stresstest an ftpd?
<PsychoOne> phreak: make a post to slashdot telling them you have naked pictures of richard stallman
<Mind2> you don't want naked pics of stallman.
<Mind2> the nutbag of a nutbag is not recommended viewing.

#22605 +(192)- [X]

<mig|sluice> trillian, like a capitalist social-democracy, will suit me until I see something better to take its place.

#33119 +(177)- [X]

<Desus> I'll just stick with my orginal plan for Nelly in the left channel and lil romeo in the right channel, and my voice panning back and forth going "this is not hip-hop"

#33132 +(876)- [X]

<EvilJoven> PDF is suck
<EvilJoven> everyone should make their manuals using HTML
<hikari-chan> Why do people in insist on using verbs as adjectives?
<tack> because is fun
<ketsugi> cos that's so impress
<EvilJoven> because everythings been done before
<EvilJoven> our generation has nothing to conquer, everythings been explored, we're basically just sitting here now kinda hanging out until the generation above us dies and we can take over
<EvilJoven> so screw it, lets play nintendo and butcher the english language

#34603 +(8)- [X]

<miv> i'm gona take a nap
<miv> i'll dedicate this nap to all the hoes in japan
<miv> all the 10-14 yearolds

#34675 +(299)- [X]

<gh5046> Mokey: How big are your boobs?
<Mokey> 38 aa
<gh5046> yo baby, you're shaped like an overweight 13 year-old
<Mokey> yep
<Mokey> that's me.
<gh5046> that so made me seem like an asshole

#36676 +(328)- [X]

<atomicbanana> Realtor came today.
<martha> did you get any on you?
<atomicbanana> no. I had a cumbrella

#36731 +(163)- [X]

<C4ndl3s> I'm Back
<DirtyMexican> oh god no!
<DirtyMexican> bye
* Quits: DirtyMexican (DirtyMexic@CPE-144-132-225-105.nsw.bigpond.net.au) (Quit: )
<BenZor> rofl
<BenZor> i needed to talk to him too, thanks C4ndl3s

#37505 +(412)- [X]

<Ray[RDN]> My skin is all pale, im like superskinny, and I smell bad.
<Ray[RDN]> I think i'm dead

#37540 +(211)- [X]

<Rossell> saw this boy I knew today
<Rossell> and I had a startling realisation he was actually a she!
<Rossell> so for 2 years I was believeing that this girl was a boy.
<Rossell> so that answers my query about her putting perfume on

#40353 +(349)- [X]

*** Ashy_Boy has joined #rpgfan
<KeeperX> ashton: http://www.goatse.cx
<Ashy_Boy> ?
* KeeperX waits
<Ashy_Boy> (^#*&#(*^$*&^$#(*&^#(*&^$(*&^#(*&
<Ashy_Boy> FUCK YOU

#43000 +(372)- [X]

<Avalanche> !seen bud
[@bud] Avalanche, I'm right here. Quit wasting my time!
<Avalanche> !seen vagina
[Respecter] lol
[@bud] Avalanche, I don't remember seeing vagina.
<Avalanche> why does that not surprise me

#43213 +(375)- [X]

<Lyssa> 4 days and I'm 16!
<Lyssa> I am 15.987066 years old
<Spazz`> 4 days and we can have legal sex0r in colorado!  >:D
<Lyssa> ...
<Lyssa> 4 days and I'm 12**
<Spazz`> We can have legal sex0r in Kentucky!
<Spazz`> >:D
<Lyssa> hahahah
<Koloran> ur not related
<Spazz`> Oh shit.  :(

#43485 +(27)- [X]

<Cav> cant sleep, sodomising storm arse goblins are out to get me!
<Rudeboi> cav: apparently they read bash.org and smokeyou.org, and didn't want a 'used' arse
<Cav> hey, your just jealous cause im younger and have been laid more by the storm goblins :P

#46475 +(128)- [X]

<fahd> stop making fun of my religion.  islam isn't funyn, it's serious
<fahd> now shutup, i have to study for calculus
<Hat> Fahd, is Allah good at calculus?
<fahd> >:(
<Hat> Yeah, I guess not.  He's only good at bomb mak.... I mean chemistry.

#48866 +(124)- [X]

toman7465: ben doesn't like debbies cochie?
s o k k e rguy03: I like the soft hills of the desert, the thick moist foliage of the Jungle just doesn't suit me

#49010 +(462)- [X]

<Hat> What is seven Q plus three Q?
<Khryptonite> 10q
<Hat> You're welcome.
<Khryptonite> Huh?
<Hat> haha
<Khryptonite> WHAT!?!! stop laughing at me all the time
<Hat> 10Q, when spoken phoenetically, sounds like "thank you".
<Khryptonite> huh?
<Khryptonite> HAT, TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#49558 +(166)- [X]

<j4yj0hn> look at me! i watch mtv all day! I am brainwashed into thinking pop is an excellent style of music! Road Rules! Real World! Now to go buy my $100 dollar shirt from american eagle or abercrombie because i am a consumer whore!
<j4yj0hn> i hate television...

#54292 +(177)- [X]

<Weng> "6. You are rated higher than 55% of the men on this site"
<Weng> My girlfriend didn't even rate me a 10 :/
<J4k3> she's settling for a 5... inch
<Weng> She's settling for a lot less than 5 inches

#69685 +(453)- [X]

<+AnimeFreak> X-Bahamut, did i have a fag count of 31?
<+AnimeFreak> err
<+AnimeFreak> frag
<@Tenchi> I'm sure your fag count is much higher.

#79778 +(215)- [X]

<Sev> Come on.  You know that you want to die in a way that inspires people to invent new, flaming drinks.

#95680 +(-738)- [X]

[_Fidel_] your husband is that nigger that hugs u in "bigt.jpg"?
[rinat2137] dont use that word please.
[rinat2137] but yeah..thats him
[_Fidel_] how does a nice white jewish girl like yourself fell inlove with a niggro ?
[rinat2137] i said dont use that word..please
[_Fidel_] i'm sorry, "colored" dude
[rinat2137] and an answer for your question, love is BLIND
[a_duck] "love is BLIND"... i think you are the blind if you got married with a nigger

#99877 +(574)- [X]

<OutlawStarwind> Dude for this one question it asks "Do you ever second guess your answers?" I checked "No" then went back a second later and checked "yes" then checked "No" again... I think I have a problem.

#107329 +(206)- [X]

<Cyber_Akuma> They REALLY want to make dying in the game realistic
<Cyber_Akuma> The pc insantly locked up when i died

#108630 +(252)- [X]

Aegis> bah
<Aegis> I'm out of pop
<Aegis> and I don't have enough sugar to make koolaid
<Aegis> sec, I'm gonna go melt some freezies into a glass
<Mazrim> store run?
<ameh> lol
<Aegis> Maz: Not while male ingeunity can still prevail

#112686 +(188)- [X]

(oscarb) so uhm
(oscarb) a/s/l
(session_xo) 52/f/thailand
(oscarb) marry me
(session_xo) why?
(oscarb) because i like orange juice

#170272 +(185)- [X]

[runedude]: im getting akilled too :((
[runedude]: bye folks
[21:25:43] ::: Quit: (runedude) (autokilled: [speedis] Requested by user to stop ircaddiction.)

#214476 +(202)- [X]

<@ImmenseMalevolentCanisLupis> Linux is like a pair of boxers without the tag cut off. So free but so uncomfortable.

#371808 +(509)- [X]

<MoF0-> hmm
<MoF0-> why has nortons said all my keygen are " at risk files"
<Blaqeagle> because norton is like that schizophrenic kid at school who
            keeps on yelling out in class shit about flying cows or
            something when your trying to do your work
<Blaqeagle> occasionally he actually yells out something coherent, but
            you suspected it anyway

#412912 +(-134)- [X]

* ellisImbrius (~Imbrius@rrcs-24-105-184-134.nys.biz.rr.com) has joined #maddox
<ellisImbrius> ppl download remove tool for new worm 'i-worm.mymoon' you can download here , while im online...
* ellisImbrius (~Imbrius@rrcs-24-105-184-134.nys.biz.rr.com) Quit (Read error: EOF from client)

#469107 +(2406)- [X]

<RvLeshrac> <Terrorists> Shit, maybe we shouldn't take hostages from countries whose people are more insane than us.
<RvLeshrac> <China> You give back hostages, or we kill all muslim.
<NegaDuk> i think if they piss off china too much, they'll find that china, the US, and britain will turn the middle east into a big walmart parking lot
<RvLeshrac> <China> We use nuke. What we care you nuke us? We have billion more people.
<NegaDuk> <China> nuke beijing. we tried sars. it no work
<RvLeshrac> <China> We stop birth restriction, we make billion more. Three day.
<NegaDuk> i think china's just being antisocial so someone will thin their population
<RvLeshrac> Seriously.
<RvLeshrac> China's answer to anything should be "We stop birth restrictions"
<RvLeshrac> <US> Stop flooding our markets with cheap goods, or we stop selling you soybeans. <China> We stop birth restriction! <US> Fuck. OK, OK! You can have the damned soybeans!
<RvLeshrac> I bet that was the real reason Clinton gave them our satellite codes.
<RvLeshrac> <China> You give us code, or we flood world with chinese!
<RvLeshrac> <China> All your shirt shrink up like penis in arctic.
<NightStar> damn those bad chinese laundry places
<RvLeshrac> <China> You never get decent haircut. You explain to women why no manicure.
<RvLeshrac> <China> We own you like Hong Kong.

#510700 +(1472)- [X]

<Unspawny> The ultimate game would be a game sorta like The Sims.
<Unspawny> Except it would be called 'Angst'.
<Unspawny> And you would see how many angsty people you can befriend, screw over, and then befriend again.
<frog> you just described Livejournal: The Game

#592351 +(3325)- [X]

<Leitari> omg
<Leitari> king kong is long
<Leitari> ^^
<Leitari> my ass hurts
<Leitari> wait
<Leitari> that didnt sound right

#639762 +(821)- [X]

<su|school> Last period, we were talking about meth with some public speaker.
<su|school> ...
<su|school> And I corrected him.
<su|school> :<

#666045 +(604)- [X]

<Glock> So i attended this sudden death the other day, a guy hung himself
<Glock> The guys partner was there and said he'd been pretty depressed lately
<Glock> Then my stupid partner says 'Has he ever done anything like this before?'
<Glock> Should have seen the confused face of the poor girl
<Izzy> Maybe it was jesus....he'll come back

#748314 +(434)- [X]

<CimmAway> Spam subject of the day: "Proven Safe! Give Your Little Brother 3-Inches Longer With This High Demaning Herbal Pill tlet"
<CimmAway> Something just sounds wrong there...
<CimmAway> Giving 3 inches more to your brother...
<Reddman> he's getting better at taking it

#766026 +(968)- [X]

<Taris> also, this I must share.  It comes right out of my physics text book
* Ssithl prepares for brainmelt.
<Taris> A hockey puck, mass 0.115kg, moving at 35 m/s, strikes an octopus thrown onto the ice by a fan.  The octopus has a mass of 0.265 kg.  The puck and octopus slide off together.  Find the velocity.
<Taris> yeah, this is one that the authors put in for those students that stay up late trying to do these

#828460 +(2167)- [X]

<+DethFromAbove> rmuser she is not ugly
<+DethFromAbove> she is fat yeah
<+DethFromAbove> but I saw past that
<+DethFromAbove> I don't know what to call that
<+DethFromAbove> I'm not sure if it's love or what
<@rmuser> gravitational lensing

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