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#409 +(9955)- [X]

<DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4

#1134 +(582)- [X]

<timmo> remember how i told you guys about that chick
<timmo> i was talking to in the record store
<McMoo> the imaginary one?

#1275 +(514)- [X]

<iis> exploit me

#1392 +(186)- [X]

[maff] hyper is the little snack cake that could

#1569 +(1156)- [X]

<defproc> i made a program that crashed once. i put it in my resumé and sent it to microsoft.

#1592 +(201)- [X]

<parag0n> LOL I JUST HACKED MY SCHOOL
<trigg`> what exploit?
<parag0n> I USED ROOTKIT
<trigg`> um ok but what exploit?? and what OS do they run?
<parag0n> I TOLD U ROOTKIT, AND THATS THE FUNNY PART THEIR SO LAME, THEY RUN WINDOWS98!! LOL!!!
<trigg`> uh ok

#1787 +(276)- [X]

<kisama> only amanda would place her faith in something written in object pascal.

#1869 +(356)- [X]

<DTOX> I'm 16% bodyfat
<DTOX> I have a one pack
<jube_> a keg?

#2629 +(439)- [X]

<spazzer> ahh fuck
<spazzer> i did it again
<spazzer> spilled tap ramen juice in my lap twice
<Cured> see and I thought you were just singing along to Britney Spears

#5784 +(219)- [X]

<onTheReal> evb = fagget?
<evb> onthereal: No, I'm just fabulous.

#7072 +(474)- [X]

<Staberinde> What I'm wondering is why the ACLU isn't bringing lawsuits against these schools that suspend kids for drawings or writings. I mean if that's not depriving someone of their freedom of speech I don't know what is.
<Joe_> Because the Supreme Court ruled that the constitution doesn't extend to schools.
<Staberinde> That means my old high school can secede from the union then, right?
<Joe_> It could work..

#7540 +(260)- [X]

< Kayne > man, i should take this vibrating monkey out of my ass... it's starting to affect my typing

#10949 +(246)- [X]

<@Twitch`> i should get "caution: filling is hot" tatooed on my ass
<@Twitch`> i'd be just like a mcdonalds pie

#13495 +(123)- [X]

<Skyphox> ahhh shoot, my spelling script has disapeared again

#14308 +(213)- [X]

* EndersShadow remembers erector sets, you had to buy several before you had enough parts to have a big erection

#14533 +(385)- [X]

<Vedic> Boiling cheese = DON'T EAT

#16527 +(1057)- [X]

<CraNKGod> YOU KNOW WHAT'LL BE NEAT ABOUT LIVING ON MY OWN
<Funk> Being able to run up and down the hallway naked but for a sock on your erect penis?
<CraNKGod> BEING ABLE TO DRINK STRAIGHT OUT OF THE MILK JUG
<Funk> Oh.
<Funk> Man, you need a better imagination.

#16988 +(137)- [X]

<Justice-P-> africa totally ruins that picture; the stripes make it stand out too much
<Icehawk|work> j: that's south america and north america
<Justice-P-> whatever

#22768 +(54)- [X]

<KKR[b0r3d]> i once had a wet dream and was glued to my bed the following day

#28379 +(172)- [X]

<Tr1driph0n> shouldn't the past tense of shit be shot?
<Tr1driph0n> like, you know, 'i shot my pants'?

#36747 +(933)- [X]

<stupidMM> heh i admitted that freely at the pub once
<stupidMM> this chick came up to me and was like
<stupidMM> "so what do you do for fun?"
<stupidMM> and i was like
<stupidMM> "sit in a dark room and chat on irc at 3 in the morning"
<stupidMM> she turned around and walked off
<stupidMM> and i was like . heh man i'm leet

#43216 +(471)- [X]

<Blorb> AH JESUS FUCK WHAT KIND OF PERSON LABELS A BACKSTREET BOYS SONG AS A TOOL SONG???

#43376 +(230)- [X]

<Nate> NathanG - just a tip - on that factory8.com page, you spelled "their" worng.
<cyn> Nate: just a tip - on that last line, you spelled "wrong" wrong

#46646 +(143)- [X]

<Kobe> http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/ :: for all ur sex0ring n33ds
<TMBomber> ow wheres the search by crime? u don't even get to know what they are in for :P

#47856 +(210)- [X]

<Prophecy> didnt know i was offering u a job
<Buchwald> can you?  please?  mine sucks.
<Prophecy> u can clean my toilets if u want
<Prophecy> or polish my shoes
<Prophecy> do u know how to spit shine
<Prophecy> ?
<Buchwald> spit shine?  well when i was younger, i made some movies that i'm not proud of...
<Buchwald> oh.. wait... you meant shoes

#50906 +(36)- [X]

<Coult> im 65 years old
<Coult> and I still get more pussy than you
<Daishi> 11 y/o girls who you tricked with candy dont count
<Aamperix> I know.
<Aamperix> I feel bad for you.
<Aamperix> Hey little girl, want a Butterfinger? I have a nice Bitesize butterfinger...want one?

#51106 +(861)- [X]

<+||smallville||> im from philippines
<+||smallville||> nice 2 meet u
<+[El_Diablo]> fuckin israel
<+||smallville||> huh?
<+||smallville||> israel?
<+[El_Diablo]> ye
<+kiwiman> That's Palestine, not the Philippines, dumbfuck.

#73184 +(685)- [X]

<B-Love>:  Where the fuck did all the forks go?
<Fect>:  I ate them.
<B-Love>:  Why the fuck did you eat a fork?
<Fect>: What, you've never had the urge to eat plastic-ware?
<B-Love>:  YES, BUT I DON'T EAT THE LAST ONE!

#81331 +(261)- [X]

<PGM> i thought they where all lame
<Nastard> and since you are the barometer of lame by which we all calibrate our instruments, you would know

#81759 +(172)- [X]

-usagi- attacking asians doesn't bother me tubby
-Seethroc- Calling me tubby doesn't bother me either, Mr. Drives-girls-to-being-dykes.
-usagi- At least I can get girls in my area code
-Seethroc- Yeah, at least you have that. Cling to it like a motherfucker.
-usagi- Oh, I will.

#83602 +(1433)- [X]

(@Wheelman56) 37.  What does the average person do approximately 15 times a day?
(@Wheelman56) Answer: _____
(@]D2D[Scratch) masturbate
(+ep`andro`shower) masturbate
(+TD|Canuckistan) masturbate

#89403 +(1038)- [X]

<Merlin> Good news, in case you were worried that Rodney King was done entertaining us, he got drunk and plowed his SUV into a house at 100 mph
<sComps> christ.. dead?
<Merlin> yes, Christ is dead, but thats 2,000 year old news.  King just has a broken pelvis

#105459 +(373)- [X]

<pleb> MY OTHER COMPUTER IS YOUR IIS SERVER

#106851 +(629)- [X]

* Yugi_moto take out his card deck
  <DoesNotExist> Yu-Gi-Oh is fricking hilarious.
  <DoesNotExist> the hero's all like "I play my Blue Eyes White Dragon in defense position and attack!" and they all act like it was a stunning strategical move.
  <DoesNotExist> it's an overly dramatic version of a magic the gathering tournament, which makes it so hilarious.
  <Yugi_moto> I play black skull DRAGON IN ATACK MODE NOW BLACK SKULL Dragon ATTACK BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON
  <Yugi_moto> ablterrate
  <DoesNotExist> and they EXPLAIN THE RULES BEHIND EVERY SINGLE MOVE.
  <DoesNotExist> "My blue eyes white dragon attacks... THE MOON!"
  <Yugi_moto> black skull dragon  has  3200 atack points blue Eyes white dragon has 3000 atack points i have the stronger monster by atack points that means you lose 200 life points
  <DoesNotExist> no, i play Mystical Swirling Hat Shield to counter that, which increases the Blue Eyes White Dragon's attack by 53...
  <Yugi_moto> I play pendulam machine
  <Yugi_moto> no
  <Yugi_moto> Mysticazl Elf does that
  <Yugi_moto> Mystical Elf
  <DoesNotExist> i play Flaming Sword of Cheesy Goodness on Blue Eyes White Dragon as my last move, increasing my BEWD's attack by a triumphant 3333 due to my cheescake i'm eating.
  <Yugi_moto> I sumon exiodea
  <Yugi_moto> autometic win
  <DoesNotExist> i play counterspell, discarding it.
  <Yugi_moto> yuoo cant
  <DoesNotExist> Yes i can. o_O
  * DoesNotExist holds up his counterspell.
  * DoesNotExist taps two islands...
  * DoesNotExist plays counterspell on exiodea...
  * DoesNotExist discards exiodea.,
  <DoesNotExist> Now then, i play...
  * DoesNotExist summons Sephiroth!
  <DoesNotExist> I summon Sephiroth in the Lance Bass position, which causes your black skull dragon to commit suicide from the terrible n*sync music.

#138583 +(211)- [X]

<@phessler> expecting people to be competent went out of style when the dot-com boom hit

#199293 +(486)- [X]

<davidr> w00t! I installed a camera and a monitor ... the cam points at my door so I don't have to turn my head to see if somebody opens the door
<iku> ;D
<davidr> and now I'll start recording everything so I don't even have to listen to my family, I'll just watch it when I have time

#236401 +(498)- [X]

<the_stick> I finally managed to get rid of Linux
<the_stick> Unfortunately I got rid of windows and all my data in the process
<the_stick> guess it didnt want to go down without a fight

#258383 +(964)- [X]

<kwigibo> Guns are for people who can't humiliate criminals with elaborate swinging paint-can contraptions

#268981 +(2345)- [X]

<neo_alex> my maths teacher who looks like gandalf set us a fucking hard half yearly exam
<neo_alex> i was just expecting him to go "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

#395661 +(292)- [X]

<Sheena> me = ho
<Sheena> t
<Sheena> OMg...worse typo ever

#426274 +(3288)- [X]

<Rachel> 15. Mycophobia is the fear of?
<Vaen> MY COCK
<Skylar> small things
<Vaen> fuck you

#486091 +(1362)- [X]

<finch|a> pie; if you sued for getting a tattoo, you're a fucking idiot. about as stupid as sueing someone for an accident
<Zachery> finch, never been to the states?
<finch|a> no

#703545 +(1000)- [X]

<tom93> you know you watch too much porn when you start to recognise the MALE pornstars.

#737263 +(1080)- [X]

<Zenji> My brother who hasnt talked to my Dad in like a year or so got a chick pregnant.
<Zenji> He notified my Dad by sending him a "Worlds Number 1 Grandfather" card.

#760182 +(146)- [X]

<+walken> Vlad, if you were a piece of software
<+walken> which one would you be?
<+shiwan> walken: Hmm. ICBM control software, so that I could blow millions of men at once?

#760666 +(515)- [X]

SouLTaKeR2023: wanna hear something funny/entertaining?
MacaroniFeets: always
SouLTaKeR2023: ok well I was watching this excellent flick
SouLTaKeR2023: entitled "A girl takes two loads in the mouth, then swollows it"
SouLTaKeR2023: anyways
SouLTaKeR2023: here is why I love porn bloopers
SouLTaKeR2023: two guys
SouLTaKeR2023: done fucking this redhead
SouLTaKeR2023: they stand on either side of her
SouLTaKeR2023: ready to do whats mentioned in the title
SouLTaKeR2023: the guy does his thing and puts his cock on the side of her mouth, aiming at the opposite cheek
MacaroniFeets: oh god
SouLTaKeR2023: but when he fires....he hits the other guys cock
MacaroniFeets: OH SICK
SouLTaKeR2023: and there is this
SouLTaKeR2023: long silence
SouLTaKeR2023: and this is the entertaining part
SouLTaKeR2023: you hear the other guy mumble "goddamn, not again"
SouLTaKeR2023: take 3 anyone?
MacaroniFeets: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
MacaroniFeets: dude
MacaroniFeets: send me that video

#764292 +(1398)- [X]

Magna Carta: Being in Alexa's top 1000 says a lot for any site...
Motley: Related: In walmart today, it was pretty packed
Motley: and my nephew (11) is going to get some icees, he gets ready to turn left out of electronics
Motley: and he goes 'dude, what flavor?'
Motley: I shouted 'MOAR MUDKIPS' (aka blue)
Motley: Then this is what I hear..
Motley: Far left: 'KILL IT WITH FIRE!'
Motley: Far right: 'NO U'
Motley: Behind: 'DO NOT WANT'
Motley: and then god bless 'em, the guy standing *right* next to me goes 'shut the fuck up btards!"
Magna Carta: ...
Magna Carta: You live in EKY?
Motley: ...yeah
Magna Carta: OSHIT

#839563 +(1200)- [X]

[Bwafflz] <Veritas|jackals> if u know how to get ur dick out of a beer bottle (dont ask) PM ME plZ immeditately!!!!

#870063 +(9879)- [X]

<djahandarie> we ain't here to do e-c-e
<djahandarie> we're here to do c-s-e on the w-e-b
<djahandarie> listen to me spit these rhymes
<djahandarie> while i program lines
<djahandarie> and commit web accessibility crimes
<djahandarie> word, son
<http402> You talk like your big on these I-Net kicks,
<http402> But your shit flows slower than a two-eighty-six.
<http402> I'm tracking down hosts and nmap scans,
<http402> While Code Igniter's got you wringing your hands.
<http402> Cut the crap rap,
<http402> Or I'll run ettercap,
<http402> Grab your AIM chat,
<http402> N' send a PC bitch-slap!
<http402> peace
<djahandarie> you're talkin bout down hosts and nmap scans
<djahandarie> while i got other plans
<djahandarie> you're at your new job, but you can't even do it right
<djahandarie> you just create a plight with your http rewrites
<djahandarie> i've been on the web since the age of three
<djahandarie> you just got on directly off the bus from mississippi
<djahandarie> respect yo' elders, bitch
<http402> You've been webbin' since three, but still ain't grown up,
<http402> Gotta update your config and send the brain a SIGHUP.
<http402> You say you're that old? No wonder you're slow!
<http402> You're knocking at the door while I run this show!
<http402> Elders my ass, you're shit's still in school,
<http402> Hunt and pecking at the keyboard like a spaghetti-damned fool,
<http402> Rim-riffing your hard drive like a tool,
<http402> Face it. I rule.
<djahandarie> i erase my harddrives with magnets (bitch)
<djahandarie> all you can do is troll on the fagnets
<djahandarie> and son, my brain's wrapped in a nohup
<djahandarie> it wont be hurt by the words you throwup
<djahandarie> dont mind me while i emerge my ownage
<djahandarie> while you're still over there apt-getting your porridge
<djahandarie> you say i'm still in school
<djahandarie> but the fact is that i know the rule
<djahandarie> cuz you need to go back to grade three
<djahandarie> and you better plea, that they take sucky graduates from c-s-e
<http402> Time to bend over and apply a patch,
<http402> Your brain's throwing static like a CD with a scratch.
<http402> Your connection got nuked and you've met your match.
<http402> You run a single process like a VAX with a batch.
<http402> I'd pass the torch to a real winner
<http402> But it'd just scorch a while-loop spinner
<http402> Caught in a loop that you cant escape,
<http402> I run clock cycles around your words and flows,
<http402> Cuz your rhyme is like a PS fan: it' blows,
<http402> Your water-cooled lyrics leak and it shows,
<http402> Take your ass back to alt.paid.for.windows.
<djahandarie> Good god, I can't even respond to that. :P
<djahandarie> You win haha
* http402 takes a bow

#921445 +(46)- [X]

<+DarthWario> I do believe I am fully justified when I say fuck my dad.
<+DarthWario> He made me uninstall xchat. So it's back to mibbit.
<+DarthWario> He installed iTunes on my laptop so my mum could register her iPhone (as my proper computers iTunes is fucked. By his own hand, no less.) and he saw the xchat and mIRC icons on my screen. He called them 'dirty' and made me uninstall them.
<&Azathoth> he called them..dirty?
<+TomBrend_> IRC is a dirty dirty place...wretched hive of scum and villany if I've ever seen one.

0.0787 21090 quotes approved; 968 quotes pending
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