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#40 +(-33)- [X]

<WiLD_> my lele is at attention

#1026 +(511)- [X]

(TheGamer) people are so broke here [THE UNITED KINGDOM] - because many brits are unskilled, as you can leave school with a standing at 16. Many people live in housing equivalent to Manitoba Housing (gov't assisted housing)
(TheGamer) however.. you as a Canadian would not be entitled to any benefits.. except free birth control pills
(tiko) I'd get free birth control pills?!?!
(tiko) DAMMIT!
(tiko) SOLD!

#1195 +(443)- [X]

<Guilty> My friends cousin's mom told her kids that if you cursed online the police came to arrest you
<Guilty> So they would type like "Go to h!ll!"

#1594 +(273)- [X]

<Prae> im here to packet and chew gum
<Prae> and im all outta gum

#1909 +(1100)- [X]

<tralamat> microsoft donates 5 million dollars worth of software to the rescue effort in new york
<devilish1> 5 mil of software
<tralamat> shit i see cops diggin rubble with an outlook cd

#3102 +(459)- [X]

<duk0r> Vegetable oil is made out of vegetables. Olive oil is made out of olives. So what the fuck is baby oil made out of?

#3673 +(452)- [X]

<dregan> Shush, or I'll stab you in the groin.
<MightyQuinn> no you won't.
<MightyQuinn> MY PENIS IS FAR TOO MIGHTY TO BE STABBED!
<dregan> Would you like to test that?
<MightyQuinn> no.
<dregan> I accept it may be hard to hit first time, but I'm willing to give it a go.

#4111 +(56)- [X]

<JackTaiwn> damn u english speakers >_<

#5648 +(386)- [X]

<@Plaid> this song is much better with long hair

#5967 +(664)- [X]

<ToiletDuk> you're an idiot
<Lucent-H> you have a job!
<Lucent-H> okay, now you tell another lie

#6527 +(154)- [X]

<CitizenC> The "P" in "#P-Raves" stands for "get the fuck out of our channel, bitch!"

#6872 +(352)- [X]

*** ChanServ sets mode: +o Nova_Zion
*** ChanServ sets mode: +o Nova_Zion
TwistedSlinky: See.  Channy *really* likes you.  But watch out.  Now that's he's opped you twice, he's gonna expect you to put out.

#18271 +(367)- [X]

<Shrapnull> It's not how the boat floats, or the size of the mast, but the motion of the ocean
<Aduro> lol
<Tiffy> haha
<cryptonix> just hope your seamen don't have scurvey :D

#20286 +(173)- [X]

jenziie: i have no comment.. my mom is italian my stepdad is indonesian, so its like epcot center at their house

#23126 +(12)- [X]

<[zc]Kinslayer> yo, this customer is a fucking redneck
<[zc]Kinslayer> I'm going to bomb Jackson, Mississippi
<[zc]Kinslayer> and i dont care if I spelled the state name right or not, no one will care when I wipe it off the planet
<[zc]Kinslayer> thereby removing the shallowest gene pool in the universe

#24059 +(301)- [X]

<phoenix`> Painting your hand yellow does not mean you have an asian girlfriend.....

#35948 +(176)- [X]

<CUI> On other hand, I figure that this will be a night to remember
<Psy_Duck> Hand is all you need
<Psy_Duck> :)))
<CUI> Hand is all I got =/

#37093 +(216)- [X]

<Hellfire_> There's been a dramatic upswing in tards misnaming stuff lately on p2p nets. It could just be WinMX though...
<Cornjob7> I tryed downloading Blade II and got Orange County.
<Cornjob7> The irony is that Orange county was better.

#38872 +(268)- [X]

* Andrew has quit IRC (Quit: In the year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields at Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen. And won their freedom.)
<Mank> Andrew's quit makes me want to duct tape him to a tree and rip his eyes out.
<Coco13> But then he wouldn't have his FREEDOM

#40509 +(362)- [X]

<Mosswing> anyone here got berserk series ?Ņ
<Mosswing> in DivX format
<^cell^> i got a boner
<^cell^> does that count?
<Mosswing> what is boner ?Ņ
<Mosswing> is it good?
<^cell^> yeah man
<^cell^> everyone has a boner
<^cell^> why dont you?
<Mosswing> how many episodes?
<Mosswing> i would like it too if it is great :)

#44003 +(291)- [X]

<Sigma> being Rod Stewart would be awesome
<Sigma> he gets all these hot chicks
<Sigma> the only bad thing would be that you would be Rod Stewart

#44594 +(377)- [X]

dragon9995: oh man
dragon9995: you know last night when I told you that I was going to rape your mom or something like that?  apparently I left it on the screen and my mom saw it and didn't think it was a joke
dragon9995: she just came in here and freaked out out at me
dragon9995: holy shit
dragon9995: she like started crying and she thinks I'm a rapist

#44923 +(246)- [X]

<sm4k> i wish you could record dreams
<sm4k> i'd have the best porn

#48025 +(195)- [X]

<Rainwulf> 89 percent of statistics are made up
<GoofyShiVr> Rainwulf: the other 21% cant count

#48856 +(776)- [X]

fallouswk > bwahahahaha.  coworker comes in with a problem, gets halfway into the explanation and then pauses and says "umm, it smells like you've been farting in here"  "yes, I have"  "I'm going to leave now"  "I think that would be best"

#50094 +(20)- [X]

<datacide> there's no to old, just too dry, and no too young, just too tight

#50120 +(22)- [X]

( shamoun )  lol, please don't root me
( shamoun )  hey, i have a question
( shamoun )  if im logged into root, is there some way i can do something like su to login to another user and then launch xchat
( shamoun )  i don't want to have to leave xfce
( shamoun )  well, now you all know im logged in as root. goodbye

#52642 +(270)- [X]

(Smidge|Proggin) Someone's been usin' my computer...
(Smidge|Proggin) They tainted it by visiting aol.com
(Smidge|Proggin) I feel violated

#54531 +(521)- [X]

<HistoryHm> well, i could never date her 
<HistoryHm> three strikes rule 
<HistoryHm> republican 
<HistoryHm> christian 
<unga-work> conscious

#58129 +(243)- [X]

* Schroe enjoys the benifits of dial-up
<ZRaven> benifits?
<Schroe> In between page loads, I have time to clean various parts of this eternally dirty house.

#72922 +(355)- [X]

<myne> has anyone else seen the mpeg of tubgirl?
<myne> It is the closest I have ever come to throwing up on a screen
<myne> it is sooo much wronger than the jpeg
<myne> it was in my sisters inbox of all places
<@toe2toe> a) you dont have a sister
<@toe2toe> b) you ARE a sister
<@toe2toe> c) i hate you
<myne> I'll opt for C as it is the most correct answer
<@toe2toe> they werent options

#74208 +(156)- [X]

<jGoo> i wish when you guessed a channels key it didnt say (need correct key), i recon it should say things like (warmer) (WARMER) (HOT!!)
<jGoo> .....?
<jGoo> does this nick make me look fat?

#81840 +(241)- [X]

[Unforgiven] you needed help to share a printer, and you administer a unix box?
[doot]  windows is tough

#81852 +(1579)- [X]

<StuckMojo>    o     \o    \o/   \o    o    <o     <o>    o>    o
<StuckMojo>   .|.     |.    |     /    X     \      |    <|    <|>
<StuckMojo>   / \     >\   /<     >\  /<     >\    /<     >\   /<

#98050 +(314)- [X]

<MEGA-Shrike> lat you off my xmas card list
<MEGA-Shrike> you now on another list
<LatinoReheat> list of "Who to make love to before im 30"?
<MEGA-Shrike> THE LIST OF ALMIGHTY PUNISHMENT, PAIN, DEATH AND GENERAL NASTINESS
<LatinoReheat> so shrike, the "Who to make love to before im 30"? then

#120398 +(791)- [X]

<seg> I just spent 10 minutes checking my keyboard connections only to find that i had been typing my root password in an irc channel instead of the ssh window.

#121101 +(260)- [X]

<Saty> man
<Saty> active directory is to system resources
<Saty> what joseph stalin was to human rights

#137222 +(593)- [X]

< krept_> tomorrow is going to be cool
< krept_> i'm going to have real friends
< krept_> SCREW THIS INTERNET BULLSHIT
<@meth> going to get a few new action figures?
< krept_> nah, just unpacking them finally

#169866 +(860)- [X]

ashp: OMG MATT I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MATRIX
ashp: AFTER THE BIG SHOWDOWN WITH SMITH
ashp: RUFUS DROPS OUTTA THE SKY AND SAYS "MOST EXCELLENT DUDE"
ashp: and it was all just an excellent adventure

#196793 +(461)- [X]

<ElderGodSmack> The quickest way to a woman's heart is with a knife.

#216626 +(708)- [X]

* Charles wakes up. Dammit, I can't even get laid in my own dreams. ;_;
<Charles> My dream was just about meeting some girl who was willing to sex me up, and then two weeks worth of meeting up in various places to do so and getting interrupted and sidetracked for various reasons.
<Mads> Oooh, oooh, go on, do go on!
<Charles> Sex at my house? Parents come home. Sex at the mall bathroom? Security guard breaks it up. Sex in the woods? Attacked by wolves. Sex in a cottege in the woods? A witch lives there.
<Mads> ...
<Mads> That's the weirdest fucking datesim ever, mate.

#342779 +(979)- [X]

NbVb16Mb009: i know have you ever had the weed that smells like christmas trees
NbVb16Mb009: it is some good shit
Me: hahahahhahah, you got dicked over. somebody sold you some pine tree branches and told you it was weed
Me: do you smoke?
NbVb16Mb009: no dude im a dealer shit it was weed and yea i smoke all the time
NbVb16Mb009: have you ever made a beer bong
Me: bull shit, you aren't a dealer
Me: hahahahah, are you retarded?
NbVb16Mb009: ok but if you ever want some just talk to me about it
Me: just so you know, i don't believe you. what kind of weed do you sell?
NbVb16Mb009: shrooms

#373400 +(55)- [X]

<Androo>haha I got honked at by hot chicks today
<Priest>that was my grandmother and her friends.

#398672 +(870)- [X]

sonotayuppy: hey now, Iíve gotten my ass mugged at gunpoint before
hoggman: watergun point
sonotayuppy: no
sonotayuppy: thirty eight point
sonotayuppy: the "poor manís machete"
hoggman: you shoulda kung foo'd his ass
sonotayuppy: I wish I knew kung fu
sonotayuppy: do you know kung fu?
hoggman: Iím a 7th degree black belt
sonotayuppy: seventh degree? That sounds rather made up
hoggman: you dare question master thomas???
sonotayuppy: yes, I do dare question master thomas
sonotayuppy: as he sounds made up as well
hoggman: OHHHH
sonotayuppy: since when are you a master?
hoggman: SHINTO HIRUKEN MASTER PINTO THORAX KICK
sonotayuppy: what in the name of jebus was that?
hoggman: you are paralized from the eyebrows down
sonotayuppy: well Iíll be damned, youíre right
hoggman: here eat this sausage

#408913 +(1739)- [X]

(ComradOtter) "A train station is where a train stops. A bus station is where a bus stops. On my desk I have a workstation..."

#721016 +(512)- [X]

<Mewrr> reminds me back when I was writing reviews of soccer matches on the web
<Mewrr> and going through access logs, I saw that some reviews were orders of magnitude more popular
<Mewrr> eventually it occurred to me that Switzerland has a Pro Soccer team named "Young Boys"
<Mewrr> turns out they have many followers worldwide
<dmacks> I bet
<Mewrr> to make things even funnier, the Young Boys play in a stadium called "Wankdorf"

#731734 +(3273)- [X]

<NaStyChoC> hey babe asl?
<sweetangelic> hi, 14/f/aus ^^
<NaStyChoC> ive a real big cock..
<sweetangelic> o how big??
<NaStyChoC> 9in
<sweetangelic> dats prty big, mines only 8
<NaStyChoC> ok
<NaStyChoC> wait wtf

#772437 +(3717)- [X]

GuyGuy: I am so fucking dead, dude.
Bilbo22: What's up?
GuyGuy: Ok, this is gonna take some explanation.
Bilbo22: Go for it.
GuyGuy: Alright. My wife goes crazy when I cum in her. She really likes the feeling of liquid shooting into her or something, cause she's absolutely nuts about it. It's like a fucking fetish.
GuyGuy: Anyway, Last week she went totally overboard with this. We were having sex, and everything was going great, but when I said I was about to cum she grabbed me by the shaft, forcefully yanked me out of her, got this fucking jar from the drawer in the nightstand, and collected my fucking semen in it.
Bilbo22: What the fuck?
GuyGuy: Yeah. Weird ass shit.
Bilbo22: No, I mean the fact you're telling me this shit. I don't want to hear this.
GuyGuy: It's important dude, hear me out.
Bilbo22: Fine, Fine.
GuyGuy: Anyway, I was asking what the fuck she was up to and she tells me she wants to save up my jism so she can take it all at once. So she sticks the jar in the fridge and tells me we can't have any more sex until I fill the thing entirely.
GuyGuy: And long story short, I just don't got that much juice in me, so after a week of trying to jack it until I could fill it, my penis felt like it was gonna burst. So I decided to cheat, and topped it off with some of this dove soap she has, cause it looks a lot like semen.
Bilbo22: Oh dear god, I know where this is going.
GuyGuy: So I give her the filled jar all indignant like cause she made me do this, and she promised me lots of kinky sex for it.
GuyGuy: Then she pulls a fucking turkey baster out of her dresser, sucks up the contents of the jar, sticks the baster in her pussy, and lets it rip.
GuyGuy: As it turns out, Soap apparently burns like a motherfucker when you put it in a woman's pussy.
Bilbo22: Oh shit man. When the fuck was this?
GuyGuy: Like, ten minutes ago.
Bilbo22: Then what the fuck are you doing on AIM!?
GuyGuy: Are you kidding? She's been in the bathroom for the past ten minutes screaming like a fucking banshee.
GuyGuy: I needed leverage. If she murders me now, I've got a witness who can testify against her.
GuyGuy: Oh shit, she's coming out now. If you don't hear from me in a few days, call the cops!
Bilbo22: I'll be sure to check under the porch for your body.

#781115 +(514)- [X]

Ang3lClds82776: no, seriously, what is the difference btwn a graphics processor and a graphics accelerator??
Philmj88: Well, to give you an idea....a graphics processor is like an artist....
Philmj88: a graphics accelerator is like an autistic kid with a paintbrush...

#818440 +(2000)- [X]

<Runter> If I ever become ruler of the world
<Runter> I'm going to hold huge "Where's Waldo" contests
<Runter> Dress one guy up as waldo and put him in a crowd of like 1000 people
<Runter> and get people from helicopters to try to find him
<Runter> to win they have to shoot him
<Jay> Why would you have to shoot him?
<Runter> Because I've always wanted to fucking kill waldo. I mean seriously who doesn't fucking hate him?
<Jay> I don't
<Runter> Well then, do you like dress-up?

0.0527 21061 quotes approved; 287 quotes pending
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