#936 +(184)- [X]
(Guilty) I like my women the way I like my tomatos, big round buldging and red
#1016 +(410)- [X]
~ _raven is Away. [Reason: out. like a boner in sweat pants.]
#2095 +(889)- [X]
<JDigital> We need our own Dance 4.14 bot.
<MrSede> A dance bot..?
<MrSede> Do a random Kirby dance every few minutes?
<MrSede> ..while telling the weather
<Brentai> <(^_^<) (>^_^)> It's fucking hot!
<MrSede> Forecast for today will be cloudy [*bust a move*] with a slight chance of [*booty shakin*] rain
<MrSede> If the weatherman were more like that I'd watch the News more often
#2132 +(1191)- [X]
<DigiGnome> doesn't play properly. The White Stripes one.
<Thom> Ach. Dang.
<DigiGnome> Unless it's MEANT to sound like a cat trying to shit wasps through a sewn up asshole.
<puchiko> It is.
<DigiGnome> Ah. A Slipknot cover, then.
#2330 +(274)- [X]
[13:18] *** BombScare (BombScare@XDDD.10x.bro) has joined #phear
[13:18] <BombScare> woo...lets see how long my cable lasts today
[13:22] *** BombScare (BombScare@XDDD.10x.bro) Quit (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
[13:23] *** BombScare (BombScare@XDDD.10x.bro) has joined #phear
[13:23] <LPC> new record
[13:23] <LPC> 4 minutes
#3728 +(252)- [X]
<Slant> I lost $50 to sexual laws in Washington.
<Corranfox> if I have to pay $50 to fuck my girlfriend so be it
#4449 +(234)- [X]
<the_hydra> I got a hemorroid once and used Preparation H's little "anal applicator" and didn't think it was really worth it. I think they just included that as a joke.
#4623 +(339)- [X]
<lunargirl> Without Uncle Freddy we have to rely on our dildo supply.
<lunargirl> Which dwindles everyday.
<lunargirl> But it's ok, we have a special robot made for us.
<lunargirl> Out of dildos.
<lunargirl> THE PERPETUAL DILDO MACHINE.
#5614 +(385)- [X]
<quatoria> you shat on your daughter? disgusting pervert.
<Plaid> No, you freak. I puked on her.
#6605 +(133)- [X]
<Lewda> no oral pleasure for JOO
<RB> I do not understand
<Philgone> oh dear
* Philgone motions leeda to the private window
#6629 +(30)- [X]
<markd2> kompressor is not dancing
<evand> kompressor does not funk
<markd2> kompressor needs therapy
#6742 +(276)- [X]
<ProFessional_Widow> i have back stage asses
#6959 +(222)- [X]
<greg> I like bush, but i dont like Busch or Bush.
#7795 +(-23)- [X]
<Xiph3r> LIKE HOW CAN YOU TYPE FAG NUGGET CLIT-SAQ WARRIORS OF DOOM-FAGS WITHOUGH LAUGHING YOUR CLIT-SAQ OFF
#9246 +(27)- [X]
<BiG_GuY> did u know mother fucker what im gonna to do
*** BiG_GuY Quit (Quit: Leaving)
#11688 +(465)- [X]
<Hydrac7> nothing better than seeing the reaction on fellow classmates faces after explaining bukkake for them
<Alice`> Nothing better than seeing the reaction on fellow classmates faces' after demonstrating bukkake to them
<Aboshi> Alice: The reaction all over their faces.
#13211 +(397)- [X]
<PJ> let me get this straight...
<PJ> Your pregnant wife shoved speed down your throat during sex?
<Covert22-UNS> Yup pretty much
#13821 +(422)- [X]
<Jonathan> Hey you know what's hard? Trying to move your toes individually!
<Jonathan> I've been practicing though. My left foot's toes are almost completely independent.
<Sumez> gee, Jon, what awaste of time
<Sumez> At least spend your time pulling your penis so it gets longer or something else that's useful
<Jonathan> I have people who do that for me.
#14776 +(1049)- [X]
<Psinic> windows 98 is like that drunk uncle that thinks he knows everything and always tries to convince you he was a CIA operative, and when you argue, he gets violent and then passes out.
#15688 +(192)- [X]
< aurikan> they never actually get together you realize
< aurikan> after link saves zelda she becomes an uberbitch and they part ways, zelda fooling around with pages, link frequenting the local brothel
#17967 +(179)- [X]
<LlamaKing> i spell disc with a C when referring to cd's, and with a k then referring to floppies :o
<Ace0522> sometimes i'll lable a vcd disc1 and disk2
<Ace0522> it's just random with me
<Ace0522> sometimes i accidently write dick b/c im thinking of both...and the "S" just gets dropped out
<Ace0522> then i scratch it out best i can and re-write it
<LlamaKing> dick1 and dick2
#20073 +(445)- [X]
<Calculus> Ah...a dark room, approximately 25 computers, Debian ISOs for six platforms, and two hundred and four CD-Rs. It's going to be a wiiiild night.
<DamienRoc> Only you would consider that a wild night, Calc.
<Mechalink> Not only Calc.
<Calculus> DR: You'd be *amazed* at what happens if you grind up TDK CD-Rs and sniff them.
<DamienRoc> You get fiberglass in your lungs and lose 10 years to your life?
<Calculus> Well, that too...
#33570 +(340)- [X]
* Nalixor gives candle the bird.
<candle> a parrot?
* Nalixor gestures rudely at candle.
#44638 +(303)- [X]
cranky> I upgraded to the internet 8.0 as soon as AOL released it
#58067 +(150)- [X]
<ace> type //run c:\con\con
*** voonilla (email@example.com) Quit (Read error to voonilla: Connection reset by peer)
*** voonilla (firstname.lastname@example.org) has joined #3GIMPS
<voonilla> fark yew
<voonilla> i had to like pull my computer out of the wall
<voonilla> coz this fatal action thing wouldnt go away
<voonilla> and my computer wont turn off if u push the button
<voonilla> coz if u shut it down it turns off by itself and shit
<voonilla> and so I HAD TO PULL IT OUT OF THE FUCKING WALL
<voonilla> AND ITS ALL UR FUCKING FAULT
#58447 +(84)- [X]
<threeve> woohoo moms password is still same as last month
#60633 +(449)- [X]
<perlplexer> perldoc .eh
<perldoc> .eh is western sahara
<perlplexer> hmm, i was expecting Canada
<deus> unfortunately no registrar exists for .eh
<deus> or i would get aboot.eh
<deus> and start irc'ing in #ontario and #vancouver from what.is.this.all.aboot.eh
#60985 +(159)- [X]
<ex0> i think i'm crazy
<ex0> i talk to myself in real life
<ex0> ... i'm like a real life gollum
<ex0> minus the fugly
<ex0> plus 7 inches
#73165 +(79)- [X]
<TealShark> Valentine's Day used to rock: Going around all the desks at elementary school, getting and receiving Valentine's Day cards from students, young love blossoming at every turn. Yes, 2002 was a very good year for me. :)
#81867 +(585)- [X]
<Japhro> two lovers, making sweet love. sure one may be a tentacle monsterm and the other is a screaming, bleeding, 14 year old girl. but love prevails and finds a way.
#81901 +(148)- [X]
<Thor> ive got me a giant fat cat
<Wookie> got her pregnant again Thor?
<Thor> and two others
#82099 +(668)- [X]
<d_e> MarcusYu: why are you learning Japanese?
<MarcusYu> Seriously, to watch anime and play video games
<d_e> I bet it's a retarded reason, like for RPGs and anime
<d_e> oh my god
<d_e> are you serious?
#83833 +(160)- [X]
<Al> because let's face it, my dick is demonstrably real and also far better than any concept of "god" thus far put forward
<LambChowder> but does your dick encourage love and peace throughout the world
#105257 +(33)- [X]
<Nanobot> My school has a zero-tolerence policy for racism
<Nanobot> No niggers allowed
#106876 +(709)- [X]
<Kobe_Tai> guy comes in complaining of abdominal/rectal pain
<Kobe_Tai> all of his vitals look okay
<Kobe_Tai> no abdominal distension
<Kobe_Tai> no nauseau/vomiting
<Kobe_Tai> we go ahead and admit him
<Kobe_Tai> and during his initial body audit
<Kobe_Tai> I see scratches and tearing all around his anus
<Kobe_Tai> so I'm like "have you been raped? or eaten anything unusual?"
<Kobe_Tai> and hes like "no"
<Kobe_Tai> so I make him an appointment with radiology
<Kobe_Tai> and send him down for an Abdominal Ultrasound
<Kobe_Tai> about 45 minutes later, they're calling me
<Kobe_Tai> and they're like "OMFG COME DOWN HERE"
<Kobe_Tai> so I go down
<Kobe_Tai> and theyre all like white as ghosts
<Kobe_Tai> I put the film up on the slidr
<Kobe_Tai> the guy failed to mention that he had ?AN ENTIRE VLASIC PICLE JAR RAMMED UP HIS ASS
<Kobe_Tai> so, we sent him to surgery
<Kobe_Tai> and because the lid was off
<Kobe_Tai> it formed a vacuum
<Kobe_Tai> and they had a real hard time removing it
<Kobe_Tai> no, they drilled a hole in it to release the vacuum
<Kobe_Tai> when they did he hemorrhafed
<alex> all he wanted was to have a good time :(
<alex> first of all if i wanted to have anal sex with a jar i would find one of those plastic ones
#115765 +(613)- [X]
<spungles> hot chick in the park
<moleman> give us a URL first!
<xanex> I think he means IRL
#174725 +(214)- [X]
<MST3Claye> there's a site out there that shows people beating super monkey ball levels really really fast.
<Merlin> I plan on setting a new world speed record for Monopoly one of these days...
<Merlin> It's called we sit down, setup the game, I pull a gun and go "look bitches, give me all your money and nobody gets hurt!"
<Merlin> then I take the thimble hostage at the Water Works and force everyone to surrender to me, then I win the game.
<Merlin> I figure my friends suck so much, I could win it in about 30 seconds with that strategy.
#177171 +(-32)- [X]
<uber> chill out aj
<AJ2> uber: eat shit
<AJ2> wait, you're asian...you might make a movie out of it :
#178791 +(-175)- [X]
<+kyo> meixcans are quiet fancy in tehir names, are teh not?
<@Squirrel> their names make less sense than anyone else's
<@Squirrel> it's like
<@Squirrel> MIGUEL OF THE CROSS
<+rutabaga> its compensation for their non fancyness in baithing
<+rutabaga> and general hygine
#222325 +(1069)- [X]
<+KrazyKid> is there anything more American than a McDonalds IN a Wal-Mart?
<+JitSpout> little cesars in a kmart
< Overand> KrazyKid: how about someone stealing from the cash register in the mcdonalds in the wal-mark
< Overand> how about snorting coke in the bathroom of the mcdonalds in the walmart
< pvah731> hahah
<+KrazyKid> Overand: hmmm.
<+JitSpout> how about snorting coke off a hookers ass in the bathroom of the mcdonalds in the walmart?
< Overand> heh
<+JitSpout> a DEAD hookers ass
<+awed> dead from snorting too much coke off the last hooker's ass
<+JitSpout> with her head in the toilet, getting swirlied
<+awed> CHOCOLATE swirlied
<+JitSpout> ohh baby
< pvah731> how about someone on welfare with 3 kids that wieghs 300 pounds and is wearing a nascar shirt in mcdonalds in a walmart saying "fuck them sand niggers"
#252491 +(65)- [X]
<Gadfly> Did you see The Passion of the Christ yet? I hear Salman Rushdie's writing the novelization.
#351223 +(219)- [X]
<Guruchild> i think that babies should be abortable up until 2 years.
<Red_Dog> 2 years? I say 18.
#449314 +(1382)- [X]
<knobboy> I hate physics
<knobboy> Having to learn all this crap about wave and frequency is killing me
<knobboy> Some might even say it Mhz
#464561 +(2163)- [X]
<xp99> We all know that it is a sin for an Islamic male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does.
<xp99> So next Sunday at 4:00 PM Eastern time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
<xp99> Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this antiterrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not terrorists, and to demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women.
<xp99> And since the Koran also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your antiterrorist sentiment.
<xp99> The American Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti terrorist activity.
<xp99> God bless America and GOD BLESS AMERICAN WOMEN! IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON
#465695 +(2382)- [X]
DominationForce: I'm sitting on a greyhound bus today on my way back to college
DominationForce: and this girl spends 2 fucking hours on her cellphone whining to her boyfriend that her cellphone bill is huge
DominationForce: and then she calls her mom and whines some more
#492262 +(1938)- [X]
<sword> i have the perfect girlfriend
<jon334> girlfriends are never perfect, m8
<sword> well last night while she was giving me a back massage she asked me whether i wanted anything to eat or a blowjob or both. i said that im a bit tired so she got me a beer from the fridge and said that i should make myself comfortable
<sword> cause she still hadnt finished my home assignment for the PHP class and she wanted to check /. too
<jon334> she good looking?
<sword> id say so, yea
<jon334> MARRY HER! NOW
#574649 +(1579)- [X]
<Dogan> man, my english class this year is so sweet
<Dogan> there was this quick write on the civil rights movement yesterday
<Dogan> couldn't think of anything else, so i just ended with "In conclusion, all your base are belong to us."
<Dogan> she just wrote "Rephrase?", and gave me 30/30
#696989 +(302)- [X]
<actaviosan> i got ddosed today
<actaviosan> didnt last very long
<actaviosan> thought my first time would be better
#713155 +(400)- [X]
<MightyOne> How do you circumsize a whale?
<ChubbyFrog02> Very carefully?
<MightyOne> Four skin divers.
#778457 +(1897)- [X]
<Firas> g[b]: before that punchline we need the setup, e.g. "what do you call a cow with an oedipus complex", etc.