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#49 +(2117)- [X]

<TheFlux> give me a chick with lips the size of that guy from aerosmith or something
<scarf> why dont you just get the guy from aerosmith

#446 +(346)- [X]

<SYch0> my mom got rearended

#688 +(419)- [X]

<watashi^_> There are 177wks 3days 3mins 44secs until Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson are legal! I can't wait! d:D->=<

#1116 +(894)- [X]

<var> hrmm
<var> how the fuck did a shortcut to e13ay end up on my desktop
<var> what kinda nefarious shit is windows update pulling
<Guilty> It's your computers way of saying it wants a new owner
<Guilty> Like a dog scratching on the door to get out

#1151 +(704)- [X]

<Synthrev> Ramen...coke is for pussies
<th0m> no, that's *cock*

#2897 +(-30)- [X]

<Pyre> Gumby's mom is hot

#3199 +(281)- [X]

<atomic__> i wish i had a .no hostname so i could act stupid and no one would ever question why i acted the way i did

#4021 +(793)- [X]

<Dark_un> man this shit is fucked
<Synoptica> whats that?
* Dark_un produces a piece of shit with a particularly suspicious looking hole

#5595 +(216)- [X]

<@goose> does any one know a way of checking if some one is online without using msn or any over chat software
<@goose> ?
<+KawaiiUsagi> not unless you know their assigned ip addy
<@goose> nope
<@goose> BT change it every time you log on
<@goose> can you ping the phone number ?

#5691 +(560)- [X]

<Daidoji> speaking of old nes games, I recall carrying out clandestine operations in terms of game rentals
<Daidoji> for example, renting a copy of dragon warrior 4, and swapping the chip with urban champion.
<Daidoji> I bet there are 5 or 6 kids who think dragon warrior 4 is the worst vs fighting game ever made

#7526 +(265)- [X]

<Cerebus> when i go on a rampage killing all women on the planet, i'll spare you
<yunicus> yer a dear heart
<yunicus> really
<yunicus> please leave me with a bunch of stinky men

#7781 +(408)- [X]

<n2d2> i didnt put bon jovi in the playlist
<n2d2> oh my god
<chaobacca> 11:36:54
<chaobacca> Bon Jovi - Bad Medicine
<n2d2> my bon jovi mp3s have become self-aware

#7809 +(340)- [X]

*** ChanServ sets mode: +nto ChanServ
<surfnazi> /msg chanserv addop #channel adminpass nick (or hostmask)
<]MC[-Penumbriate> thanks for setting it up
<surfnazi> np
*** surfnazi has left #clanmc
<]MC[-Penumbriate> ok whats adminpass?
<]MC[-Impletudable> whats the password?
<]MC[-Valipulent> what's the pass

#9085 +(144)- [X]

<pure_sin> oi!
<pure_sin> i nearly had a heart attack this morning:/
<pure_sin> i thought my computer died on me:~(
<st0w> wow... I'd hate to see what happens when your vibrator batteries die

#13524 +(2426)- [X]

<TunnelArmr> Cool! I finally found the Womrs 2 demo
<TunnelArmr> I mean Womrs 2
<TunnelArmr> I mean Wrms 2
<TunnelArmr> Worm 2 even
<TunnelArmr> GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!
<ThePython> having trouble saying wrmos Tunnel?
<ThePython> i mean wmros
<ThePython> i mean mrwos
<ThePython> GOD DAMNIT!

#14925 +(604)- [X]

<SS|Away|Dreaming|> RUSSIAN ROULETTE - Take your chances.  2:1 odds. Type @pull to see if you win or lose - If you loose you get kicked.
<SPiN|> @pull
<Hsu> @pull
<Deverz> @pull
<Deverz> @pull
<Hsu> @pull
<SPiN|> @pull
<Hsu> @pull
<Deverz> @pull
<Hsu> @pull
Quits: SS|Away|Dreaming| (SierraSoni@AC829966.ipt.aol.com) (Excess Flood)

#16086 +(576)- [X]

<MepitansTAD> this kid we call Crosswalk Kramer tried to kill himself by walking into traffic
<MepitansTAD> but he walked in front of a truck going 15 mph and he was in a crosswalk
<MepitansTAD> the truck just stopped and asked him to move

#17925 +(655)- [X]

<waramp> so I was fucking this guy in the ass right? and he turns around and kisses me!
<waramp> what a fag!

#23181 +(274)- [X]

<Yoshi> I watch way too much leave it to beaver.
<Yoshi> I'm just going to stop resisting and start calling my dad pops and saying gee wizz alot.
<hampsterdance> g wizz alot?
<hampsterdance> isn't that a rapper?

#24780 +(431)- [X]

<Richie> What fanbois don't realise is that when they speak japanese they sound like the 12 year old girl they learnt it from

#36361 +(255)- [X]

<Sulayman> That was pretty slick of you, trapping Kaete, EQ, and Fry into making idiots of themselves.
<Arazan> yeah they think there so smart but smart peoples always falls for traps because they think there smarter
<Sulayman> Guess you're pretty trap-safe then, huh?
<Arazan> what?
<Arazan> fuck u
*** Quits: Arazan (No route to host)

#36517 +(330)- [X]

<road_over> some one is hacking me
<road_over> help
<@InvadeR> hacking you how..
<road_over> the lights on my modem are always flashing
<road_over> is this normal?

#37476 +(208)- [X]

<GKirk> MCO = Orlando
<Celestar> MCO == Orlando
* Celestar notices that he is a C programmer and GKirk is not
* GKirk slaps Celestar around a bit with a printf and scanf statement
* GKirk compiles Celestar

#47941 +(585)- [X]

<pagan> have you ever sneezed while taking a shit?
<pagan> explosive reaction, to say the least
<goatgirl> you even been inside a woman when she sneezes?
<goatgirl> major vagina clench
<Juxta> yay for vagina clentch
<goatgirl> i usually sneeze 5 times in a row
<goatgirl> just think, 5 vaginal clenches is quick succession
<pagan> im gonna throw ground peper in my wifes face tonight when im fucking her :D
<goatgirl> hahahah

#49191 +(432)- [X]

<mikebwork> but, lets say she asked me.. "do you ever have fantasies about
            girls that are petit"
<mikebwork> id' have to answer..
<mikebwork> "on occasion, yes. but not because they are petit."
<sh-> i'd say something like "yes, but occasionally i fantasize about having
      sex with a horse, while a young mexican boy takes pictures, so it's
      nothing you have to be insecure about"
<sh-> but not everyone is as suave as me

#56545 +(450)- [X]

<krg> stupid fucking church people took all of our parking spaces
<Tragic> your parkinglot isn't private for employees and customers?
<krg> it is
<krg> they ignore the signs
<Tragic> "but this is a house of god!"  "yeah well this is the parking lot of an evil IT company. fuck off."
<Tragic> "our dark lord detests the presence of your honda civic, you must be punished!"

#58222 +(456)- [X]

<brainbox> Xuberant, please, check your keyboard for stuck keys
<brainbox> you've clipped Retard-Lock or something

#71086 +(-13)- [X]

<WhatUSee> does anybody know a decent format utility other than the windows default?

#74543 +(86)- [X]

< AxisV> thinking of a shuttle motherboard too is shuttle any good
< Lion-O> AxisV: and what exactly does this got to do with Linux ?
<@Shadur> No, shuttles explode.

#76352 +(22)- [X]

<merci`> trance would sound ok intermixed with some metal

#80527 +(203)- [X]

<@thunderbear> I think if Bush really wanted Hussein out of the picture, he should send his daughters over there first.
<@thunderbear> With luck, Hussein would die of three different venereal diseases at once.

#82062 +(127)- [X]

<RSquared> You know, now that I think of it, God did directly influence my desire to draw...I used to doodle on the handouts for church all the time...

#99746 +(78)- [X]

<end|Anthroborg> those are the risks people take to enjoy quality porn
<Saevus> neg, quality porn sites dont do that
<Saevus> if you pay
<end|Anthroborg> pay
<end|Anthroborg> rofl
<Saevus> exactly
<end|Anthroborg> it only takes the main page to get off on
<Saevus> lol

#100077 +(164)- [X]

<invitado> i want to know if there is some "encarta" on linux
<Nermal> man ?

#101268 +(704)- [X]

<Abstruse> I personally like graveyard shifts better...I'm a night owl by nature...
<Abstruse> Besides, the morning shift there is 6 AM to 2 PM...those are the hours I'm usually sleeping.
<phoxleep> 6 AM
<phoxleep> wtf is 6 AM
* phoxleep has never seen 6 AM
<Abstruse> phox: 6 AM = bedtime.  You know, when that big lamp outside the window starts to turn on?  You DO know about the Big Room outside the house, right?
<Abstruse> phox: You know, the Big Room you go to when you have to go buy more food and stuff?
<phoxleep> the big room is sorta cool
<phoxleep> but doom 3 has better shaders damnit
<Abstruse> I hate the big room when the lamp's on...
<jastity> Abstruse: I have my groceries delivered to my Big Room, I order them online.
<Abstruse> They need to fix the air conditioner out there.
<Abstruse> jastity: I meant McDonalds.
<Abstruse> Or Taco Bell or Jack in the Box or whatever.
<phoxleep> Abstruse: why hasn't greenpeace given them shit about leaving it on?
<phoxleep> it's a waste of power damnit
<Abstruse> phox: Something about it using solar energy I think.

#105886 +(791)- [X]

Cat1013: So, my boss is blabbing on about "how to improve your productivity and be a mental asset to the company"
Cat1013: And all I can think of is how the letters in "mental asset" can be rearranged to spell "metal ass net"
Cat1013: I think I need therapy

#137295 +(188)- [X]

<@dura> I want a game that will actually scare me.
<@Billy-Away> resident evil
<@Billy-Away> is ok scary
<Lil_Dude> the first resident evil when i was like 5
<@dura> like a mexican farm simulator, that would scare me.

#137853 +(602)- [X]

<Kai> I like big xc,jhagjhrrss and I cannot lie.
<Ben-San> You other brothers can't deny when a fhgargh walks in with an itty bitty SLAJCHSAFGBG and a big typo in your face.. :P
<Kai> You get gfdhgfj and you wanna pull up gfyifu because you notice that xc,jhagjhrrss was djhfdjhf.
<Ben-San> This leads to the eternal question: what rhymes with djhfdjhf?
<H_Cuz> gjhfdjhf.
<Kai> bjhfbjhf?

#139483 +(313)- [X]

<BLIZZ> the Xbox 2 will include high-end gaming hardware, a mini-fridge capable of holding an entire case of soda or beer, an air-conditioning unit, a four slice toaster, a TIVO unit, cup holders, a diaper changing table, a trash can, and a refillable toothpaste reservoir. Even the new extra large controllers - designed specifically for use by basketball players - will incorporate heated buttons and miniature LCD screens so you don't miss out on any of the action
<BLIZZ> but thats just my prediction.......
<around-Bellerophon> no way...not gonna happen....they'd never pull off the refillable toothpaste reservoir

#163084 +(583)- [X]

<Moe_Rahn> Hey, I actually got mail at 1:40!
<Moe_Rahn> Spam mail, but still.
<MagFire> i didn't even get that
<Moe_Rahn> Haha.
<Moe_Rahn> I'm more specialer.
<Moe_Rahn> All the recently legal 18-year-olds are after my wang, apparently.
<Moe_Rahn> If this many teens were after me in high school, I'd still be there.
<MagFire> I'm still pretty excited about the potential for getting a larger fckstck and bigger boobs
<MagFire>:D
<Moe_Rahn> If everyone responded to those ads, we'd all be walking about with 8-mile-long cocks and like size 88ZZZ breasts.
<Moe_Rahn> Those inches would add up...
<Moe_Rahn> Three inches here, five there, and all of a sudden, WHAM! Mr. Happy's a frickin' behemoth!
<MagFire> I don't think I would want like a 14 inch cock, personally.
<Moe_Rahn> It's odd, though... you always get mail about increasing penis length, but never penis girth.
<Moe_Rahn> What good is 14 inches or 3 feet or whatever if it's got no girth to back it up...?
<MagFire> what good is 14 inches or 3 feet if you don't have a warm place to put it?
<MagFire> =)
<Moe_Rahn> Point made.
<Moe_Rahn> You could like put it through a person.
<Moe_Rahn> Or you could be a dancer, I guess.
<Moe_Rahn> Some people might pay money to see a 3 foot cock.
<MagFire> You'd probably be pretty popular in porn
<MagFire> but seriously...how would you even WALK with a 3 foot penis?
<Moe_Rahn> Yeah.
<Moe_Rahn> You'd have to get like a sheath for it.
<MagFire> rofl
<Moe_Rahn> But, would it be 3 feet up or down?
<Moe_Rahn> That could make a difference.
<MagFire> Okay, this conversation is finished.
<Moe_Rahn> Okay... boy, the shit you think of at 2 AM.
<Moe_Rahn> So... um...
<Moe_Rahn> How 'bout them Rams?
<MagFire> I dunno. How 'bout them?
<Moe_Rahn> I dunno either... I was trying to make non-penis-related conversation.

#239710 +(510)- [X]

<+llamaInAbox> i have lint in my eye
<+llamaInAbox> this is not nice
<+ApEtc> Remove it
<+llamaInAbox> the eye?
<+ApEtc> Whichever stops your complaining

#284202 +(6555)- [X]

<broox> so my speakers haven't beeen working for a while
<broox> they were plugged into the mic port
<npl> umm, i think they are color-coded
<broox> haha, i know
<broox> i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is
* npl has set the topic on channel #cell6 to <broox> i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is

#328886 +(1349)- [X]

fuj1m0t0x: i fractured my wrist
Firehawk18: what you do?
fuj1m0t0x: playin bball
fuj1m0t0x: fell from the rim
fuj1m0t0x: my boner was 3 inches in the air
fuj1m0t0x: boner*
fuj1m0t0x: wtf

#376673 +(1190)- [X]

<FLoYD>  CHILD: Dad, where did I come from?
<FLoYD>  DAD: Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!.. Listen........
<FLoYD>  Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up a meeting with
<FLoYD>  your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Cafi. Then,
<FLoYD>  mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad
<FLoYD>  was ready to upload, we discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing
<FLoYD>  that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload.
<FLoYD>  Nine months later, the virus appeared!.
<FLoYD>  CHILD: Huh?

#393554 +(1766)- [X]

<watashi-wa>necrophilia is dead boring
<chersucks> wtf?!?
<watashi-wa>try incest instead
<watashi-wa>it's only relatively boring :p

#398708 +(263)- [X]

You6Know: oh my gah .. everytime i pee in the pool tho im scared it turns purple like that episode of Pete & Pete

#572824 +(672)- [X]

<Rhodz> So anyway, if I get that threesome with my girl and one of her hot friends, I'll be a happy man
<Psy> Well of course you'd have to tape it
<Rhodz> I won't be taping it. What I want to do is get a director in to tape it. 3 cameras, lighting, the works.
<Psy> Awesome. I did photography last year, I could totally do that
<Rhodz> Er...do you really want to see my wang?
<Psy> Well, we could just blur it out...
<Rhodz> Sweet! Then it'll be just like Japanese porn!
<Rhodz> ...
<Rhodz> Except I won't be shitting on her.

#707742 +(1713)- [X]

<nerd> my wife installed IE7
<nerd> because she felt like it
<ct> where did you bury the body?

#831311 +(874)- [X]

<Ace073> wtf
<Ace073> i was just watching australia idol and they called it 'straya nidol'
<Ace073> wtf!!
<Ace073> why perpetuate the idea that we're hillbillies?
<Ace073> freakin south africa doesnt come on tv and say 'BLACK PEEPLE GTFO'
<Montana> Dude, thats so gay.
<Ace073> i know.. why dont we just rename the stupid continent Straya >_<
<Montana> No
<Montana> I mean
<Montana> You watch Australia Idol

#929420 +(36)- [X]

< Utopiah> did a native English speaker recommended you this nickname?
< handjob> No. This is my mother's desktop. The nickname is taken from username.

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