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#89 +(912)- [X]

<tmhaidnk> whoa i can submit my prayers via html based forms !

#3523 +(357)- [X]

<JFalcon> sex is too much work... and the customers always complain.

#4203 +(162)- [X]

<zeron> :))))))))))
<ckx> that looks like icewizard smiling
<ckx> all 50 chins

#4376 +(753)- [X]

<Petr> I was at work and I drove by a group of Amish people in an electric cart full of computer equipment. I've never been given such an evil eye by so many people at once before.

#6055 +(553)- [X]

<Guyver3> you know what the best part of being me is?
<Guyver3> being me
* Guyver3 gleams with an unholy glow
<kingmob> now, see, that's the kind of attitude i like to hear
<kingmob> the world needs more arrogant bastards
<kingmob> i get lonely

#6136 +(394)- [X]

<ambrness> DEVICE=eth0
<ambrness> BOOTPROTO=static
<ambrness> BOARDCAST=
<ambrness> HAHAH... no wonder it had probs
<ambrness> curse having an admin who speaks english as a second language

#6400 +(230)- [X]

<cygnus> speech recognition is only for people who don't jerk off enough to build up wrist strength and then get fucked up from using their keyboards

#7175 +(239)- [X]

<Punk-In-Drublic> ill look at my penis... and laugh... or will i cry??
<Mousey> it deoends if you drew a happy face or a sad face on it ross

#8124 +(375)- [X]

<korben> i have a very rich and satisfying sex/personal life!
<Iceman> self satisifying? :P
<korben> hell no
<korben> its a very varied sex life
<korben> sometimes i swap hands

#8210 +(502)- [X]

<vino> when we first got our chickens
<vino> we got all these differant ones
<vino> and some of them fighted
<vino> and no jokes
<vino> one of them
<vino> bashed the fuck out of another one
<vino> and did a victory dance
<nim-zero> serious man
<nim-zero> go to narcotics anonymous

#20027 +(61)- [X]

<Fryboy> khalek_: you can import schoolgirls?
<pr0nfiend> why not
<pr0nfiend> mmm
<pr0nfiend> japanese schoolgirls
<pr0nfiend> you could make me your chief distributor in NSW
<pr0nfiend> although im sure i'd get alot of complaints about "soiled" products

#21069 +(640)- [X]

Joins: StubbornBitch (~bocazas@3eb8f587.20db5883.ss.shawcable.net)
<Analu> Dude! Every woman I've ever known just entered the chat

#22199 +(32)- [X]

<poaw> Man, I remember seeing them live in concert, and they were wearing these really short shorts.....
<poaw> ...and some of Lance's ball sweat landed on my tongue. That was the defining moment in my life.

#34139 +(434)- [X]

<Tarrant> the condom pack says
<Tarrant> "Don't return used condoms to the distributor through the mail."

#34440 +(635)- [X]

‹doc-› H/P/V/A/C . 34o megs . FiDo
‹vect0r› I MUST GET!
‹vect0r› does it suck as much as their computers do?
<vect0r› because that would be a kick ass vacuum

#37952 +(251)- [X]

* @Jaykul[GonCrazy] is jamming along to Winamp not started

#38699 +(887)- [X]

<Jikg> Might anyone have a CD burner that could answer a few quick questions?
<SinclairC> my CD burner doesn't talk to strangers
<SinclairC> >:(

#42247 +(434)- [X]

* ArSa is not a scsi expert :\
* slurpee was a scsi expert until they came out with 134533109 flavors of it

#52340 +(460)- [X]

<TurboYoda> what is bash.org?
<TurboYoda> Is it suitable for Me?
<fezm0nkey> Its a gay sex site.
<fezm0nkey> Hardcore anal fun.
<TurboYoda> I'll visit it when nobody's home

#55721 +(31)- [X]

<Anthony> identical twins?
<sHyGuY> tis true.
<Kagome> we're faternal
<Kagome> thank GOD
<Anthony> FATernal?

#60660 +(2199)- [X]

<Mank> Happy New Year.
<Mank> 666 + 1337 = 2003
<Anders> So the Antichrist is to arrive this year in the form of a preteen hacker?
<Chris_A> It's the Ap0cA1yp53!!!!111
<Mank> a11 uR j3suz r b3lonG 2 US!!!!!!

#76371 +(126)- [X]

<timmo> shes jealous i get more cock then she does

#83538 +(161)- [X]

<Oli> i havent got my email yet.
<Rossell> Oli: That the police found your gay card?
<Reid> You need a CARD now?
<Reid> Where do I, umm, obtain one?
<Rossell> Parliament

#87725 +(644)- [X]

<burn_prom_girl> our frigde is outside because we got our kitchen tiled
<burn_prom_girl> and its in a puddle of water
<burn_prom_girl> thats bad right ?
<burn_prom_girl> and i shouldnt step in the water around the frigde ?
<burn_prom_girl> its plugged in
<ikari> water doesnt conduct electricity
<ikari> it's an urban myth
<ikari> go dance in the puddle

#89814 +(1163)- [X]

<SomeRandom> It looks like operation Iraqi Freedom is almost over.
<Diablo1399> Bah! "Iraqi Freedom" is a shit name.
<SomeRandom> Well what would you have called it then?
<Diablo1399> Easy: Operation Who's Your Baghdaddy.

#100487 +(249)- [X]

<Lyndrek> I don't like Pulp Fiction
<Nalani> Why would you dislike Pulp?
<DarkLich> Maybe it confused him.
<DarkLich> Maybe he was like, "What?! John Travolta died two scenes ago!"

#106603 +(281)- [X]

<GPF> A fart is just a turd honking for right-of-way.

#161881 +(474)- [X]

<-- aroariaN has quit (Quit: Connection Reset by Mexicans with wirecutters)

#165927 +(465)- [X]

<Calisa> Remember when you'd go to those big wooden playgrounds, where everything is connected? They had those platforms that shook.
<Calisa> You tried to stay the hell on while your dad shook it violently.
<aeonite> That's not a playground toy. that's child abuse.

#190336 +(581)- [X]

[@KiD_Zer0] i have to write about an incident in my life I can describe as a natural disaster
[Sub-Zer0] your birth

#193399 +(271)- [X]

<SumGeye> I met God once.
<Bern> Ok...
<SumGeye> Yeah. He was on the same bus as me. He smelt like whiskey.

#213192 +(880)- [X]

<Yonjuuni> Goddamn charity telemarketers.
<Yonjuuni> Bad enough that they're telemarketing in the first place, but when they have the nerve to try to fucking lay a guilt trip on you...
<Gally> what was it for?
<Yonjuuni> Sponsoring poor kids to go to a hockey game.
<Gally> i'd rather give poor kids food.
<BrianS> I'd rather turn poor kids into food.
<Gally> A modest proposal.

#233610 +(1307)- [X]

<kjones> last night i had sex with a model.
<simtaxijunki> O.o
<kjones> but then the glue melted
<kjones> and one of the wings fell off.
<kjones> go figure.

#238603 +(221)- [X]

<Azrael> notepad + random windows system files = fun for the bored

#267723 +(1507)- [X]

<Trivbot> 18.  A baby doctor is a _________.?
<Smitty> o.0
<Rhodz> fucking fast learner

#337295 +(2346)- [X]

<[UA]lavalamp> I was playing chutes and ladders with my 4-year-old son...when he won, he jumped up, pointed at me, and shouted "pwned!"

#395195 +(803)- [X]

<_dk-> I just grabbed a couple pretzels and sat down at the computer... I bit in to one and realized that not only was it stale, but I wasn't really all that hungry to begin with. But I was too lazy to get up and toss them in the trash, so I ate them anyway... I wonder just how many of the Seven Deadly Sins that qualifies me for...

#420275 +(1953)- [X]

<ColdRage687> do you like psychiatry
<Avs4Cup2K3> my mom's a psychiatrist
<ColdRage687> i dont
<ColdRage687> i used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body
<ColdRage687> but then i realized
<ColdRage687> pssssh
<ColdRage687> look whats telling me that

#641942 +(3248)- [X]

<Onyxus>: Have you ever been pwned by a 4 year old?  I have, and so has my son.
<Onyxus>: 1.) I was riding in the car with my family and my daughter (as I have taught her) randomly said "I pwned a noob!" Being a proud father I reached back and said "Gimme five" to which she promptly responded "No you're the noob!"
<Onyxus>: 2.) Just today me and the missus were sitting in the living room watching TV while the kids were on the porch playing in their tiny little swimming pool. My son ran up to the back door and was yelling something unintelligible at it, when my daughter ran up behind him and dumped a cup full of water over his head...multiple times. He ran off, most likely to cry in a corner somewhere, and she looked at me through the door and yelled "I pwned a noob Daddy!"
<Onyxus>: Words can not describe the pride I feel in how I've brought up my daughter...

#664482 +(571)- [X]

<@Witchlord> omg
<@Witchlord> I just thought of a website that I had to go to
<@Witchlord> and then for some reason went to hotmail instead, when I havent needed to go to hotmail in over 5 years
<@Witchlord> and my first thought was "holy shit, i drove home this drunk"

#680946 +(541)- [X]

SignorMartinelli: how is the weather?
vacapalida: Dunno. I'm in a room with no windows.
vacapalida: My widget says it's 84 and sunny.
vacapalida: ...trust the widget...

#696055 +(660)- [X]

<billy_s> chinese cant be THAT hard to learn, only one characeter to learn - '?'

#727158 +(1079)- [X]

(+GamerTony) is it bad when you and your fiancee start eating the same things?
(@arfer) if it's pussy, yes

#769220 +(1331)- [X]

<Nukleon> the greek "hell" was cold
<Nukleon> like the norse
<@amz> the christian hell is also pretty cold, compared to its heaven
<Nukleon> uh
<Nukleon> wut?
<Nukleon> heaven is bliss
<@amz> it has liquid sulfur in it, so it can't be over 400 celsius... on the other hand, the bible describes the sun in heaven shining like 7 suns, each 7 times as bright
<@amz> which gives an estimate of 2000-3000 celsius

#835080 +(2247)- [X]

<us98> hi
<us98> I've windows 98 installed on my computer
<Sygrke> ok
<us98> now i have a problem
<Sygrke> you repeat yourself dude

#868657 +(1997)- [X]

<Megistos> I once gave someone what amounted to a virus over IRC
<Megistos> it was a mIRC script that allowed us to remotely execute mIRC commands
<Megistos> what a fool
<Megistos> At first we just made him say stuff in channels
<Megistos> then we realised mIRC could talk to the whole system with /run
<Megistos> hence this immortal line
<Shiyiya> Heh
<Megistos> <lbal> wtf, i come back from css to find 63 calculators open
<Shiyiya> lmao

#921792 +(1454)- [X]

<Thomas> if women think they arent meant to cook
<Thomas> why do they have milk and eggs inside them?

#948253 +(205)- [X]

<+GeoFrey> CINCINNATI - A court official in the U.S. says a 13-year-old boy charged with raping a 5-year-old girl at a McDonald's play area is denying the accusation.
<+GeoFrey> lol wtf?
<+farted> I'm lovin' it

#949802 +(378)- [X]

<hq1> i promised myself not to touch java EVER in my life again, i'd rather drive a taxi

#954232 +(809)- [X]

<saylan> I just set up port forwards to defense.gov
<saylan> anyone scanning me now will be scanning/attacking the DoD :D
<renderbod> O.o
<bolt> that's... not exactly how port forwarding works
<saylan> ?

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