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#1017 +(352)- [X]

(s|urpee) Ashley was like "Derek gimme a ride to work"
(s|urpee) and Derek responded "What do I get out of this?"
(s|urpee) and ashley said "If you give me a ride to work, I'll give you Guin"
(s|urpee) and I was like "What the fuck kinda reward is that, that's like saying "If you loan me $10, I'll give you herpes""

#1337 +(927)- [X]

<Sharkey> Bah. Searching for 'harlequin hentai' on google turns up my own page at the top of the list.
<Sharkey> This is happening me increasingly often when I go looking for stuff.

#3078 +(724)- [X]

*** Now talking in #catholic
<shervin> where can I download "Catholic School Girls Gone Wild VII" and "Guide to Successfully Raping Nun's 2002 Edition"?

#4054 +(299)- [X]

<conio> 99% of all americans SUCK
<poon> conio: i guess that leaves Monica Lewinsky in the remaining 1% that blows?

#5625 +(306)- [X]

<Veen> if someone said they were 50% gay, would that probably insinuate that they are bi?
<quatoria> It would insinuate they want you to blow them.

#6006 +(406)- [X]

<Kaje> my friend at camp brought his psx and gathered us all into his room to watch him beat it

#8665 +(295)- [X]

<iggypop> if i dont get on tomorrow, i'm probably burnt up
<iggypop> i took the battery out of my smoke alarm for my digicam

#9241 +(441)- [X]

<@SwiftEdge> when i get my new comp I can play network games
<@SwiftEdge> but seeing as i have no friends i will have to run fast back and forth between the two

#10350 +(1133)- [X]

<ignatz> You are carrying one half-empty Anchor Steam beer, a GameBoy, and an angst-filled heart.  You are in a clearing in the woods near a technology company.
<zebulon_y> w
<ignatz> You fall into the Pacific Ocean.
<zebulon_y> e
<ignatz> You are in a clearing in the woods near a technology company. There is a dwarf here with a hat that says "QA" on it.
<zebulon_y> drink beer
<ignatz> glug.
<zebulon_y> say hello to dwarf
<ignatz> FUCK YOU, THAT'S MARKETING'S JOB says the dwarf. He hits you with a memo and you die.

#14618 +(283)- [X]

<SpeedSk8X> 21 is too fucking old :( :( :(
<type[s]> bah
<type[s]> i'm 22
<type[s]> i think
<type[s]> yeah, 22

#15753 +(309)- [X]

<Xney> how goes the job search?
<Stemish> xeeneee....it'll go, once i start it :)
<Xney> oh you haven't started?
<Stemish> not seriously, i'm not hurting yet
<Xney> brian: You should start way early.. it's quite ugly :)
<fouts> no shit. one company i applied to went out of business between posting
  the ad and my email to them

#17469 +(817)- [X]

HolyViper7: im confused as to how i'm still allowed to breathe the same oxygen as other human beings.  i just bought some tic tacs, and most of em are gone... and you know how some tic tacs get like, stuck?  well, see, i didnt wanna make too much noise so i put the tic tac container in my lap and i hit the container.  it was then i realized i had testicles.  it was quite painful

#22754 +(536)- [X]

* FiZi eats it
<FiZi> Aw crap
<FiZi> It wasn't a cookie crumb

#22994 +(667)- [X]

<Keoni> Thank you for using Wordzone's Express Translation service. The text you have just submitted can be translated for the following price. Accepting this price by clicking on the "ORDER" button will allow us to begin translating your document immediately.
<Keoni> Translation Price: $ 10.00
<Ragnarok> someone who really needs the word
<Keoni> what word is that?
<Ragnarok> hmm
<Ragnarok> well
<Ragnarok> i was on the phone with the database tech support a couple days ago
<Ragnarok> well
<Ragnarok> nights actually
<Ragnarok> and since it was the middle of the night
<Ragnarok> we get some guy in france
<Ragnarok> and his english was incredibly shitty
<Ragnarok> i'da paid $10 to know how to say assmarauder in french

#23239 +(253)- [X]

<kinzillah> for the first month after I started using irc heavy I would say "me needs to go to the bathroom" ... etc...
<Straylight> kin: yep, ive done that
<Straylight> i actually said "slash-me will bee-are-bee" once
<Straylight> i took a couple days off after that

#24663 +(682)- [X]

<DAL9000> man real life sucks
<Spec-Chum> sure does
<DAL9000> excellent graphics, no gameplay.
<Spec-Chum> like most games :p
<mcarp> my score is low

#36344 +(428)- [X]

<jamesf> go to work, put your jacket over your chair and a cup of coffee next to your keyboard, then go home
<jamesf> everyone will think you're in a meeting
<jamesf> turn up again at 4, do an hour's work and then go home again
<jamesf> no-one will be any the wiser

#39448 +(228)- [X]

<Measure> hey cao how can I win back raltash's love?
<Measure> I think I pissed her off
<Caoilin> uhm
<Caoilin> stop saying she has a huge hairy clit for one
<Measure> yeah...
<Measure> good idea

#39572 +(394)- [X]

<detro> i dont remember my heart stopping though
<detro> and i dont remember the paddles shocking me
<revc> that's because you were dead
<detro> yea
<detro> i guess
<detro> next time i die i wanna be sober

#39997 +(671)- [X]

<scabb> Yeah, you still have to wear condoms when you're having sex with a dead person, otherwise she might give birth to ZOMBIES, who will CONQUER THE WORLD. And that's never a good thing. That's why necrophilia is outlawed.

#47118 +(364)- [X]

* |taint| brushes qcommand hair back, traces lips gently with finger, staring into eyes...and then a kiss.
<|taint|> omfg wrong one!
<|taint|> =(((((
<qcommand> OMG
<Garak> LOL!!!
<|taint|> !!!!!
<Garak> ROFL!!
<|taint|> gah
<|taint|> rofl stfu =(
<qcommand> i feel strange
<Deena> eeewwwwww.......
<|taint|> rofl
<Deena> grossss.....
<|taint|> i hit the wrong one damnit!
<SCORPION> Q has been tainted

#47271 +(145)- [X]

<debutante> thanks orion you fucking piece of cow shit
<orion> oo cow shit
<orion> ouchers
<orion> i used to step in cow patties as a child
<orion> bare foot
<orion> and let the shit ooze between my toes
<orion> it felt wild
<orion> my dad taught me that.

#49259 +(36)- [X]

<MindGamez> omg that commercial would have been so funny if the little girl had asked santa for a 7 and a quarter inch penis instead of a stereo system or whatever

#52775 +(1009)- [X]

<Wealllike> what this "uber" you see so often?
<timmo> uber - german for over or above
<Wealllike> I know that
<Wealllike> I'm german
<Wealllike> but you write it ü
<Wealllike> über
<Inuki> how appropriate. a german being a spelling nazi :P

#72317 +(84)- [X]

<xenophile> ugh plane has a flat fire, we're going to be very very late
<@jwz> make sure they check the heat tiles too

#73148 +(1314)- [X]

<Jester|TV> im not much of a programming fan...but i guess my teacher was a dumb biatch which is why
<Jester|TV> well theres some programming in the telecomm as well
<Martel> I'd never done real programming until first year
<Martel> I like how the word programming lined up 3 times
<Martel> YES!
<Martel> 4

#74201 +(664)- [X]


#80870 +(288)- [X]

<Dragon> argh, is there anything in life but school? Oh sure! There's the complaning about school, the brief periods of unconciousness at night, and sweet sweet death..

#81439 +(207)- [X]

<DooD> All of the Kmart's in iraq will be closed, and reopen as Targets in the next two weeks...

#94101 +(328)- [X]

<DrBoris> oh well, when I get rich and famous, I will promote games that hold the ideals of creativity and gameplay over mindless violence
<Yutz> And go bankrupt.

#106513 +(198)- [X]

<CactusJac> Mike Sweetser walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of tequila. The bartender asks, "Why so many buddy?" Sweetser replies, "I'm celebrating my first blow job". The bartender says, "Well hell, congratulations, I will give you one on the house for free." Sweetser says, "No thank you, if the first 6 shots don't get the taste out of my mouth one more won't make a difference."

#112326 +(78)- [X]

<@Lathiat> mmm http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,6714208%255E15306,00.html
<evilgoat> who cares?
<evilgoat> http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,6710527%255E1702,00.html
<evilgoat> now thats news
<BenZor> rofl, this in an IT/ISP Geek channel
<BenZor> ipV6 vs Monkeys go on rampage.... and monkeys win.
<evilgoat> hell yeah

#151210 +(810)- [X]

<Mohjo> your puny sacks cannot hold me
<Mohjo> ... that made me sound like an overly large testicle

#157124 +(1332)- [X]

<Merlin> according to Time-Warner, if you channel surf or mute commercial breaks you are a thief
<Merlin> so lemme see, if I download MP3s the RIAA hates me, if I dub a movie off HBO the MPAA hates me, if I skip commercials the TV execs hate me...
<Merlin> am I allowed to store leftover pizza in the fridge and eat it the next day, or will Pizza Hut sue me?

#165669 +(250)- [X]

mr_eh: what looks better on a degree
mr_eh: Pasquale Mosso
mr_eh: Pasquale J Mosso
mr_eh: Pasquale Joseph Mosso
mr_eh: i think just the J
acquacow: thats your name?
acquacow: no wonder people hate you
mr_eh: =(

#184296 +(225)- [X]

<xCytheriAx> imagine losing your entire arm from a shark attack.. eek, that poor girl
<BluECliQ> thats a shame..
<xCytheriAx> she said how she believes God has a plan for her and doesn't think it's for her to get bitten by a shark twice
<BluECliQ> she might not get bit twice but if she falls off the board i cant imagine her swiming to shore with only one arm

#213926 +(469)- [X]

<IceToad> anyone listen to the state of the union?
<IceToad> some of his statements confused me
<Syntacs> IceToad: Don't worry, he felt the same way.

#228076 +(406)- [X]

<GiLtY2> oh god, this program is killing me
* crumpiano fights off program
* GiLtY2 has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<crumpiano> i guess the program got him

#238023 +(215)- [X]

* Arathia serepticously kicks Aytin in the shin
<Arathia> (horribly mispelled)
<Aytin> no, shin is right

#374858 +(171)- [X]

<Irish_GothDragon> he just figured out spiders have no genitalia
<Aryn> yes they do
<Irish_GothDragon> no they dont
<Aryn> yes they do
<Irish_GothDragon> they have orafices for fluid transfer
<Aryn> err, good to know
<Irish_GothDragon> the female rubs her tail sac over the orafice to get the sperm.. no real sex occurs
<GlassRain> wtf
* GlassRain exits
* Quits: GlassRain
<Aryn> it sounds very dirty, that's how I know it's real sex
<Irish_GothDragon> hey.. I'm a biology major
<[PR]Swift|ZzZzZ> that mean your getting turned on?

#398712 +(260)- [X]

<Xal> how come people from foreign countries find it apt to use every single fucking smiley on msn?
<Puck> XD
<Puck> Because, Xaleth
<Puck> They find it so amusing :O
<Xal> "My father just beat me with a stick (h):D
<Puck> o_o
<Xal> Today, I got a hysterectimony. 8D :> :|
<Selene> XD XD
<Covered> xD

#444349 +(490)- [X]

<FriedGold> Gentlemen... welcome to recursion club.  The first rule is: you do not talk about recursion club.  The next rule is: see first rule.

#515059 +(281)- [X]

<tsunami> my mind is racing, just remember my old flatmate and the dreaded salad
<tsunami> i was like: 'this salad you made tastes funny...' found out she used the cucumber the night before, washed it and placed it back in the crisper... i banned her from ever making food again
<Sephiroth> hmmm...that's mildly erotic
<Sephiroth> in a lo-cal sort of way

#544452 +(109)- [X]


#573404 +(500)- [X]

<Chrisco> stifffyyy where have you been?
<Stifler> i said the meanest thing to my girlfriend last night >=-)
<Stifler> you know.. cause i've been spending soo much time with her, neglectin the gaming and all..
<Stifler> well i said "you know i spend soo much time with you, i wish you were deaf, so i could get like community service for hanging out with you, i'd have a bajillion hours!"
<Chrisco> oh.. no wonder your back online again.

#609178 +(1286)- [X]

Chodeskius: hey whats a good name for my kitten
Shniznite: Qwerty
Chodeskius: that sounds so familiar
Chodeskius: where did u get qwerty.. oh.

#635032 +(1946)- [X]

ZA|Drinking|: I remember in high school, during somebody made an off hand remark about wondering why they sacrificed virgins
ZA|Drinking|: And I was all like, they sure as hell ain't going to give up the ones that put out
ZA|Drinking|: And then I got detention

#745228 +(1292)- [X]

<Foamy> im a little teapot
<Foamy> short and stout
<Foamy> here is my handle
* Trueborn has kicked Foamy from #totse (get the fuck out)

#915822 +(576)- [X]

<derp>I'm pretty sure bash moderators just ctrl-f every quote for "penis, sex, masturbate, bash, nigger," and anything that doesn't generate a hit is rejected. They probably have an automated script, in fact.

#921792 +(1434)- [X]

<Thomas> if women think they arent meant to cook
<Thomas> why do they have milk and eggs inside them?

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