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#145 +(859)- [X]

<skunk> oooohhh i'll be out in a second dad 8=w=D 8w==D 8=w=D 8==wD ~ ~ ~ ahh

#339 +(689)- [X]

<locust> Hey phil how do I get rid of my ip number

#721 +(-2106)- [X]

<SWM> The real issue is which candidate will kill more niggers.
<SWM> Gore's idea of poisoned chicken wings is pretty good
<SWM> But I like Bush's idea of a giant oven disguised as a swap meet.
<SWM> Niggers love swap meets.

#837 +(58)- [X]

<blazemore> puking isn't nasty unless you've got your mouth against someone's vagina and fill them up with your regurgitated lunch
<blazemore> or in their ass and have them shit it back out into your mouth
<AlmtyBob> that's not gross
<AlmtyBob> okay the second one is
<AlmtyBob> that would be the coolest jap scat pr0n ever

#1770 +(375)- [X]

<whoreee> i just ordered the explosion self titled CD single?
<Weeve> what's it called?

#1772 +(176)- [X]

<blazemore> i like MSIE Champion Edition

#3000 +(150)- [X]

*** madwoota changes topic to 'Synoptica needs a dick slapped against his forehead.'
<incorrect> that an offer woota?

#4757 +(18)- [X]

<Guilty> Heavy petting zoo

#5927 +(1072)- [X]

<@wickedsun> I dont know the difference between games and reality anymore
<@wickedsun> I jsut used a shotgun on my mother and she's not respawning

#6088 +(202)- [X]

*** oghost kicked prym from #hack ( children must be at least this tall to ride #hack )

#8748 +(1177)- [X]

<Bayls> I'm downloading "two girls in the woods stop to kiss and piss.mpg".
<Bayls> And it turns out it's an mpg of two chicks in thw woods who stop to kiss, and then piss.
<Bayls> Dunno what I was expecting.

#9526 +(269)- [X]

<MadMax> press the Alt key.
<MadMax> Once.
<MadMax> press the left arrow key
<MadMax> Once
<MadMax> press the down arrow key
<MadMax> then you should get a list...
<MadMax> ?
<MadMax> that works for me at least..
<Altariel> that takes me into the tools menu
<MadMax> which left are you going 8p
<Altariel> oh fuck

#10141 +(40)- [X]

<Mr_CAD> let's try a different encoding..
<Mr_CAD> hehe ANSI
<Mr_CAD> !translate en_zh test
<CCU-Bot> TRANSLATING... ONE MOMENT, PLEASE
<CCU-Bot>  BABEL&nbsp;FISH&nbsp;&nbsp; The Web is full of suprises. Questions? Check out our FAQs.
<Mr_CAD> lol
<Mr_CAD> well, obviously it doesn't take ANSI :)

#15942 +(586)- [X]

<SamGod> I turn on the faucet to wash my hands, put my hands in the stream of water, and all of a sudden I stop and get TOTALLY grossed out and I'mlike "Oh GROSS, dammit!!" thinking I just got a ton of piss all over my hands.  Then I realize it's a freaking FAUCET and water comes out of it, not piss.  What the HELL was my brain thinking?

#16285 +(581)- [X]

* KnacK is busy studying for his urine test
* Fembot notes Knack failed his last test -- he kept peeking @ the guy beside him.

#17255 +(204)- [X]

<MatthewH12> i heard StrokIt lets u use mouse 'gestures' to tell your computer what to do
<isajeep> takes mouse inputs creates shortcuts
<NickBlasta> ok so if you move your mouse up and down really fast will it go to a porn site?
<isajeep> you can do that nick
<NickBlasta> sweet

#24351 +(151)- [X]

<fo0bar> it's sad how I can watch these simpsons dvds and pick out the scenes that were cut for syndication
<ogw> yeah...so how's the Android's Dungeon doing for ya?
<fo0bar> worst...  channel...  ever

#26307 +(438)- [X]

<Syntax_Crash> I just got a 40x burner to replace my old 8x
<Syntax_Crash> my piracy productivity just went up by 500%

#36543 +(339)- [X]

<Thermo-nC-> Why do newbies use X in thier names ?
<-=X=-> I'm nota n00b you fucking mofo fucker!
<Thermo-nC-> I rest my case ;E

#36628 +(13)- [X]

<[C-22]Octal> one word duck tape!
<[C-22]Octal> well 2

#37729 +(1034)- [X]

<@NeoPhoenixTE> I see mispelling and faggotry go hand in hnad
<@NeoPhoenixTE> er
<@NeoPhoenixTE> hand
<@NeoPhoenixTE> HAND
<@NeoPhoenixTE> .. fuck

#37757 +(417)- [X]

<McGod> and the lord said... let there be fries with that... and they tasted good

#39999 +(902)- [X]

< uidzero> This dewd wanted me to host his site for him one time. So I checked things out and "whois"ed his domain and etc. I wanted to make sure he was legit. So I called the number and he mom and answered. "Can I talk to so-and-so? She replied, "You sound to old to be calling my son.", "Well ma`am, your son wants me to host his site, so I was calling to make sure it was.." <pause> <pause> "hold on..." (In the back ground I heard her yelling at him for being on the computer after 8 and he started crying.) <click>.. Next day, I get /msg "Thanks a f**king lot, she took the computer and found              all of my videos, I'm grounded forever.... "Quits:".

#44940 +(30)- [X]

surfichris: hey, do u know c++
surfichris: or c
Kasper_2010: well, i can see, i dont know about the ++ bit

#46795 +(494)- [X]

<debutante> i use dragon naturally speaking
<debutante> I say enter and its done
<Rjx> I don't like those voice recognition programs
<Rjx> granted I haven't used one in about 3 years
<Rjx> but the last one I used I would speak a proper sentance
<debutante> well im lying anyway
<Rjx> and it'd come out with "alice alice alice melon grapefruit monkey"

#50296 +(-940)- [X]

<linux> "So... my girlfriend told me she thought i was a pedophile the other day."
<linux> "so i says to her, that's an awfully big word coming from a 12 year old."
<DGF> LOL

#72922 +(356)- [X]

<myne> has anyone else seen the mpeg of tubgirl?
<myne> It is the closest I have ever come to throwing up on a screen
<myne> it is sooo much wronger than the jpeg
<myne> it was in my sisters inbox of all places
<@toe2toe> a) you dont have a sister
<@toe2toe> b) you ARE a sister
<@toe2toe> c) i hate you
<myne> I'll opt for C as it is the most correct answer
<@toe2toe> they werent options

#81866 +(66)- [X]

<b1u3> know whatd rule
<b1u3> if somehow, we got bush and his two daughters and suddam and his two sons in a ring, with glass shard laced gloves, like in that movie kickboxxer
<b1u3> or give the bush daughters two beer bottles apiece and send them to melee the fuck out of the iraqui ground soldiers...a bush girl with a beer bottle against a skinny iraqui whos only there so his family doesnt get gassed is like bruce lee against david spade

#83318 +(132)- [X]

<Tagrineth> You shouldn't hit a girl ;P
<[justin]> i dont consider you a girl
<[justin]> i consider you one of the gays
<[justin]> er
<[justin]> i mean one of the guys

#93534 +(623)- [X]

<rockape> "i take my coffee black..... like my men"
<Khel> do you take your coffee in your ass too?

#98039 +(181)- [X]

<Tkil> chaos_ -- oh... and if you're a beginner... don't worry overmuch about efficiency.
<billn> if I wanted efficency, I'd put bigger tires on my truck, so I could get the whole cat in one pass.

#105245 +(395)- [X]

<Halibut> Oh dear
<Halibut> I just tried to swat a fly with my cursor

#111996 +(8)- [X]

<gothdaria> i'd suck on a dick longer if the guy didn't have hair

#147270 +(946)- [X]

<pronstar``afk> my kazaa preformed an illegal opperation
<cCCPehlet`> isn't that what kazaa is designed to do?

#167874 +(1062)- [X]

<ppolf>  I told my brother if you take the cotton wool bit out of a vics inhaler and rubbed it under your eyes, you see in black and white.
<ppolf> He kicked my fucking head in after bawling his eyes out for two hours.

#256059 +(411)- [X]

<lofty> hello anyone know how to kill 900gb bandwidth in 6 hours?
<Neodymium> Yes
<Neodymium> Give me a shell

#283491 +(9074)- [X]

<BronsonTheBeef> So we were supposed to have a guest speaker in one of my classes
<BronsonTheBeef> to talk about diversity and racism and shit today
<BronsonTheBeef> prof's never met him..
<BronsonTheBeef> in walks this super black gangsta ghetto dude
<BronsonTheBeef> he's got a 'pimp' chain around his neck, wearing FUBU everything
<BronsonTheBeef> has a gold watch and a ring on each finger, smells like pot and beer
<BronsonTheBeef> he even had a do-rag on and a cigarrette tucked behind his ear
<BronsonTheBeef> walks in in true rapper style flashing his crazy ghetto signs at us
<BronsonTheBeef> the prof's like...'are you... jeff?'
<BronsonTheBeef> he goes 'true dat, ho' and says 'you all my niggaz!' and he turns in a circle
<BronsonTheBeef> waving his arms in the air singing about 'niggaz in 'da house' or some shit
<BronsonTheBeef> so she tells him to give his speech on diversity and shit
<BronsonTheBeef> and he starts talkin about 'the man' and how 'white folk be dissin'
<BronsonTheBeef> then like a minute later this other black dude runs in dressed in a suit
<BronsonTheBeef> and says 'sorry I'm late'
<BronsonTheBeef> it turns out the first black dude was just baked. he doesn't even go to college
<BronsonTheBeef> he just wanted to buy weed in the dorms

#291399 +(748)- [X]

<Kaelic> I know the trick to talking to girls
<Twinge> Just run up to her and say "DIGGGGITTAALLLL PANNNNTTTSSSSS.... ACTIVATE!"
<Kaelic> Wtf?
<Kaelic> Might as well say "Go Go Gadget Penis!"

#307376 +(796)- [X]

<mehonae128> Was ist den der Fahrplan fur zwei?
<mehonae128> what is the time table for 4?
<mehonae128> 1,4,8,12,16,20
<mehonae128> or
<mehonae128> eins,vier,acht,zwolf,sechzehn,zwanzig
<Seppel> 1 is not on the time table for 4.
<mehonae128> 4 time 1 is 1
<Seppel> You're an idiot.
<mehonae128> anything times 1 oh wait

#351162 +(717)- [X]

<m0nk3h> *Italy has quit euro.2004.com (Read error: Connection reset by Scandinavia)*

#351428 +(219)- [X]

<hot^> Do to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

#358042 +(457)- [X]

<big_ernie> roses are red
<big_ernie> violets are blue
<big_ernie> my quote got rejected
<big_ernie> so i say "fuck you"

#374691 +(368)- [X]

<ashp> cogito ergo sum
<Phallus> libido ergo sum
<Phallus> i'm horny therefore i am

#485105 +(760)- [X]

Wolfe177: Me: "so when are we going to use this stuff in real life", math teacher: "when u become a math teacher"

#537564 +(1444)- [X]

<mrWoot> :(
Melindhra turns the frown upside down
<mrWoot> ):

#638182 +(1502)- [X]

<Aunt_Kwan> If you
<Aunt_Kwan> press enter
<Aunt_Kwan> before done with a sentance
<Aunt_Kwan> it makes you 
<Aunt_Kwan> look like you
<Aunt_Kwan> have asthma.

#716573 +(365)- [X]

< ice> mirc is like homosexuality. I respect it, but it's for others =]

#766749 +(1393)- [X]

<James> i didn't know this sort of thing really happened, but the other day i came home from school early and walked in on my mom having sex with a ups guy.
<morningbell>What did you do?
<James> i hate my dad so i ordered a bunch of shit from the internet that will be delivered by ups. :)

#789230 +(1416)- [X]

<Tal> Psh
<Tal> Our chem teacher said it didn't really matter how we titled the graphs and tables in our semester prac
<Tal> but i still lost marks for having a Table of +2 Undead Slaying and Graph of Destiny :(

#943758 +(764)- [X]

<xtal> I am a trekker. I am a devout fan, but not enough to spend all my waking hours sewing costumes, assembling prop replicas, going to conventions, learning klingon, quibbling over the finer points of canon, and not having sex.
<xtal> which is to say
<xtal> while i'm not having sex anyway
<xtal> it's not star trek's fault.

0.0335 20983 quotes approved; 400 quotes pending
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