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#106 +(247)- [X]

<Acero> dude we could get a ounce of chronic just for jerking off into a cup!

#2160 +(304)- [X]

<TheMyst> hey, anyone here use a radar detector?
<Customz> yes why myst?
<Customz> i only use it so i know when to stash the blunt
<Customz> fuck speeding

#4837 +(674)- [X]

<KeeperS> one of the questions on there is "HOW MANY SIDES DOES A TRIANGLE HAVE?"
<KeeperS> and it has a picture of a triangle
<KeeperS> and then 4 answer choices
<KeeperS> how do you get that wrong?

#7094 +(228)- [X]

<Kyle|> I AM THE MOST STRONGER PROGRAMMING MEN IN THE WORLD!!!!!

#7576 +(225)- [X]

<ricrob> my mom's got a nice ass man...my dad and me are butt men

#7947 +(517)- [X]

<fvdl> How can one fuck and wank and the same time?
<cjs> It's a secret the English have kept for centuries.
<mothra> tell fvdl: you're fucking her, but thinking of your hand.
<d@n> "oh, hand!  i mean cindy!"

#8606 +(120)- [X]

<Meridian`> Fancy is going to find me and rape my sister.
<Meridian`> And I will be like "be quiet, I'm playing tf."

#9218 +(196)- [X]

<FatherShark> Does anyone know how to make real Sangria?
<[empathy]> blood of retards
<FatherShark> okay, find me a vein empathy.

#16245 +(163)- [X]

<jasn> if i ever have a girlfriend that requests that we have a 'song'  together,  after i laugh
<jasn> i shall suggest master p - you can be my bitch

#16693 +(21)- [X]

beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: holy crap, my mom is online!!
citygirl30_56308: lmao
cherbare36: lol
beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: ok...she didnt say hi to me..
beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: poor mom, she gets so lost when you hand her a keyboard and a mouse
soooopafox: LoL my grammy is so adorable with the puter.
beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: now when you hand my mom a remote, a phone and a credit card, she goes to town...
soooopafox: LoL @ QVC

#16719 +(199)- [X]

<eugenics/#help> hi, i was going to search for how to cook an omlette online.. but i dont know how to spell it

#20027 +(40)- [X]

<Fryboy> khalek_: you can import schoolgirls?
<pr0nfiend> why not
<pr0nfiend> mmm
<pr0nfiend> japanese schoolgirls
<pr0nfiend> you could make me your chief distributor in NSW
<pr0nfiend> although im sure i'd get alot of complaints about "soiled" products

#29435 +(592)- [X]

<nastsm0m> jakob do me a favor?
<nastsm0m> never get married
<nastsm0m> never breed
<nastsm0m> in fact don't even date
<Greylark> don't ever leave your room
<nastsm0m> yeah that either
<jakob> you just described my life... :(

#33797 +(24)- [X]

<greenl1284> and they're made of fire so they are coool
<SicGtar> yea
<greenl1284> whooosh!
<greenl1284> arise hellfire
<greenl1284> and a fire wall will appear to protect your computer

#37035 +(123)- [X]

* stupidMM shoots Sio in the face
* Sio pulls out his awp - scopes twice - pulls the trigger and head shots stupidMM
<stupidMM> hrm. not bad with someone who just got shot in the face

#37838 +(46)- [X]

<WhatIWasGoing2SayHereDoesntFit> (maggots are technically still meat right?)

#39613 +(139)- [X]

<CrackPr0n-E> all of my g/f's(except one) were all legal
<CrackPr0n-E> so was everyone i've ever slept with
<CrackPr0n-E> you know what that means?
<wombat> Crack: you got your money's worth?

#40520 +(586)- [X]

<Nate> i have a big problem suddenly
<Nate> i just went to scratch myself
<Nate> had superglue on my hand and didn't realize it
<Nate> my left hand is now superglued somewhere very bad
<Weirdo_God_of_Insanity> Remember, twisting motions will overstress the glue, hopefully before it overstresses you.
Weirdo_God_of_Insanity is suddenly GLAD he cannot see Nate right now.
<Nate> .......
<Nate> oh god
<Nate> that hurt..
<Nate> cccc
<Nate> cccc
<Nate> dammit
<Nate> my fingers now glued to the c key
<Weirdo_God_of_Insanity> Well, that's gotta be an improvement, really.

#41552 +(112)- [X]

<[B-0]Jeff> too many ops, not enough of them are me.

#43823 +(225)- [X]

<griffin> would you tongue fuck pagans asshole for 27.4 million?
<jstepka-w> yup
<jstepka-w> i'd do a lot of shit for 27.4 million
<griffin> would you kill your mom?
<jstepka-w> would I get caught?
<griffin> no
<jstepka-w> yes

#53933 +(14)- [X]

#54240 +(284)- [X]

<Macabre> dammit, y'know what? tday I was waiting for a cab, and the chick next to me was like, hey cutie. And I wink, then she looks down at my crotch, smiles for abit, then smacks my face.
<Macabre> IN FROTN OF ALMSOT 500 FUKCING PEPLE!!
<Macabre> Y'know why?
<Macabre> BEcause I was holing my handphone in my right hand pocket, and it started vibrating because I got a call. I dunno about yous guys phones, but mine vibrates like a pussy vibrator, ie really pwoerfully
<Macabre> she must have thought I was wacking to her or something.. :(

#56725 +(345)- [X]

<Wegs> I can get my 2Kb/sec, so it must be working
<Gothmog> wow 2K a second!!!
<Gothmog> i got better than that on our old 33.6 :/
<Wegs> yeah...
<Wegs> I am connected at 26.4
<Wegs> so blow me
<Gothmog> lol
<Gothmog> at those speeds, i could start blowing you now and you wont feel it unil saturday :P

#58441 +(166)- [X]

<Jeph> Anyone have a dedicated server, my host is going out of business, and we were buds so I wasn't paying anything, and can't right now... heh?
<sbrain> maybe thats why they were going out of business

#61025 +(86)- [X]

I like 2eat tape: when i was in 4 th grade there was this awesome 5 grader matthew podawski, i rememeber, and he used to ride his bike to school and mis match socks and and i really wanted to be his friend but he was so weird and he thanked me for the offer but was like "one friend in the world is enough" he then transfered schools

#62874 +(585)- [X]

<Brandon17> I used to date a blind girl. Her name was ::... ..:.: .:::. .::.. ....: .:.::

#72995 +(107)- [X]

<MrMaddog> Hairy men and eggs does not a porn make :P
<Rucas> You've never been to Germany, have you?

#75636 +(-163)- [X]

<jjwalker> hhmmm, not breathing isnt good
<Mulvane> jjwalker:  it is for you
<Mulvane> Or least for us if you dont
<+seraph> jjwalker: that just earned you a spot on bash.org
<jjwalker> huh?
<jjwalker> I didn't say anyhting funny
<Mulvane> the ever faithful reply one can expect from jjwalker ..
<Mulvane> "huh?"

#76416 +(90)- [X]

[opti-alex] is there a tutorial somewhere that walks you through step by step on making a php site?!
[N{t}|slider] www.php.net
[opti-alex] i found nothing there

#87759 +(928)- [X]

<hawkman> my friend had a huge bloody nose in 11th grade, and he just shoved toilet paper up his nose until it stopped.  then my friend grabbed a coat hanger out of his car (i'm not really sure why he had one), then we went into the girls bathroom and spread blood _ALL_ over one of the stalls, left the coat hanger there, and put up a sign that said "please dont flush my baby"

#101988 +(348)- [X]

<Sage> but curiosity
<ChaosValentine> killed the cat
<Unicorn> technically the cat killed himself, curiosity just convinced it to
<gk> no way man
<gk> curiosity busted out a switch blade and slit that stupid pussy's throat

#106304 +(242)- [X]

<TriviaBot> WHAT IS HANSEN'S DISEASE MORE COMMONLY KNOWN AS ?
<TriviaBot> HINT : @@@@@@@
<moodlet> shitty taste in music

#121804 +(610)- [X]

<Link> I'm going to make a PC Case, with a built in fridge.
<Link> never will I be without a cold drink or snack again :D
<pookie> put an athlon in there too
<pookie> and you won't need a microwave either

#128511 +(219)- [X]

<Lethalmartini> i always worry im too pale but then i think of british people and i cheer up
<Pandilex> I don't understand the facination with lying under the sun burning yourself
<Lethalmartini> neither do i, but anything to increase the odds of having sex
<Pandilex> spray-on-tan
<Pandilex> failing that, money and power

#171031 +(1192)- [X]

<GoAt> "change your body shape overnight!"
<GoAt> these claims are getting worse every day
<peasant> i call dibs on triangle

#239710 +(495)- [X]

<+llamaInAbox> i have lint in my eye
<+llamaInAbox> this is not nice
<+ApEtc> Remove it
<+llamaInAbox> the eye?
<+ApEtc> Whichever stops your complaining

#241250 +(704)- [X]

<digitz> I really hate it when girls think it's sexy to stand up and pull there cunt flaps apart and make it look like they have the predator between there legs

#246241 +(260)- [X]

--> Kelle has joined #vendetta
<StarFreeze> What goes up must come down. You're gonna run out of Viagra soon enough.
<Kelle> I came in here at the WRONG time..

#255909 +(1010)- [X]

Lizerati: So, when it's dark and you're driving past a church, the "Worship 11am" sign looks like "Worship Ham"

#444533 +(870)- [X]

yancan c o o k: im sry man..
yancan c o o k: if u ever need someone
yancan c o o k: u know
yancan c o o k: a shoulder to cry on
yancan c o o k: or like
yancan c o o k: someone to talk to
yancan c o o k: then
yancan c o o k: go fuck urself
yancan c o o k: cuz thats not me

#454183 +(1439)- [X]

spoonsucker:  I ordered pizza today (not from Pizza Hut because they're not open for lunch on Mondays or something) but the delivery driver was a 45 year old Italian-looking lady with six times too much makeup on. My dad was home on his lunch break and saw her leaving. Then he came storming into my room demanding to know if I'd just had sex with a hooker =

#484016 +(201)- [X]

AgentScrewball: i know a guy who had a plastic tube implanted in one of his balls b/c of surgery. we called him mr. plesticle

#515865 +(-64)- [X]

<DarkNeo> Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
<LongWongSilver> no
<DarkNeo> He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steamroller.

#595758 +(1271)- [X]

(dez) I had to write an essay about handicapped parking spots
(dez) I chose to write about how fat people are not handicapped
(dez) And how they should get special parking spots at the end of the lot

#652626 +(399)- [X]

<-- djjkotze_home has quit (Quit: setlife -> work())
<lordvetinari> that's not only sad, but syntactically incorrect

#696359 +(957)- [X]

Maf54: You in your boxers, too?
Underage_page: Nope, just got home. I had a college interview that went late.
Maf54: Well, strip down and get relaxed.
Maf54: What ya wearing?
Underage_page: tshirt and shorts
Maf54: Love to slip them off of you.
Maf54: Do I make you a little horny?
Underage_page: A little.
Maf54: Cool.

#698311 +(6)- [X]

Tarrock: Did you guys hear what happened at the tickle me elmo factory?!
Julep Dee: Nope?
Trey Blacktail: blew up?
Trey Blacktail: *hopes*
Tarrock: Well.... the other day at the tickle me elmo factory a man went into the manager's office and complained about a woman outside. "She's holding up the line," he says. "I don't know what we're going to do. We'll never get this done. You have to do something!"
Tarrock: So the manager gets up and walks outside where he finds the woman with red cloth and a bag of marbles. She was wrapping the marbles in the cloth and then sewing them on the tickle me elmos. The manager burst out laughing
Tarrock: He says. "I'm sorry mam. I think you misunderstood my instructions... I told you to give them a couple of "test tickles"

#736694 +(1027)- [X]

<Naruto> It's always a haunted attic, isn't it?
<Naruto> It's never a haunted toliet that explodes with water at 3am.
<Naruto> That would be the shit.
<Naruto> literally. >)
<Naruto> If I were a ghost, that's the kind of random shit I'd do.
<Naruto> I'd open the fridge and take out all the mustard.
<Naruto> Then I'd hoard it and bring it back later and put it in the dishwasher.
<Naruto> and the people would open it up "WTF?! There's 39 jars of mustard in here!"
<Naruto> and lawn flamingos
<Naruto> I would hoard those like nobody's business.
<Naruto> I'd be a fun ghost.

#737918 +(389)- [X]

Steve: I wish the bash mods would hurry up and reject my quotes.

#855953 +(-64)- [X]

faux978: Awesome conversation
faux978: On the way to the bathroom, my sister spots me "NOOO I HAVE TO PEE"
faux978: "Well, I have to shit"
faux978: "I figured that's why you brought the laptop..."

0.0316 20982 quotes approved; 5247 quotes pending
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