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#755 +(2211)- [X]

<saboteur> sometimes i wish i didtn have a penis
<saboteur> like when i get a wood standing up
<Damien> lol sab
<saboteur> and its hard to hide
<phase5> same
<phase5> or like, when your walking down the street
<phase5> and it hangs out the bottom of your pants
<phase5> and drags on the ground
<saboteur> haha
<saboteur> yeah exactly
<k> or when you lie down and planes crash into it

#1524 +(304)- [X]

(lo^fi) ok who thinks the "burning schoolhouse" that comes in boxes of fireworks sux ass
(tiko) bill: I do
(dawly) me too :)
(superdave) bill you just have to soak it with gas first

#1565 +(707)- [X]

<metroid23> i ask for whole milk and people look at me like i wanna suck it right off the cow or something

#1660 +(7892)- [X]

<DigiGnome> Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
<DigiGnome> I need my socks.

#2831 +(364)- [X]

<snag> you know whats funny
<snag> im big
<snag> but im not that fat
<eldee> that's what all fat people say

#3651 +(89)- [X]

[illz] i could maybe play it off him like 'im just taking my autistic friend out he's never had a drink before'

#3848 +(196)- [X]

<zedebsky> Coughing sucks, but does get you higher :)
<tonic4> zedebsky, coughing opens up parts of your lungs that usually don't get in air, in the case of smoking, smoke, so thats how it gets you higher
<latez> lol
<latez> we've got a medic

#4108 +(277)- [X]

<reaper> I'm not racist I have colour TV :/

#5353 +(487)- [X]

<AlmtyBob> k funny story tiem
<AlmtyBob> there's this guy at work
<AlmtyBob> and back in the days
<AlmtyBob> I would tell people to ask him how fast his dad can run
<AlmtyBob> and they would
<AlmtyBob> and he'd say, 'dude that's kinda fucked up, my dad lost his legs in a construction accident'
<AlmtyBob> and he's a total straight-faced mf, so it got the best reactions from people
<AlmtyBob> (it was a joke, his dad was fine)
<AlmtyBob> I got this new dealer to do it to him today, he's a supervisor
<AlmtyBob> I was talking to my friend later and I told him to go up to this chick and ask the same thing
<AlmtyBob> little did he know, her father was murdered a few years back
<AlmtyBob> joke's on him!
<AlmtyBob> well, you had to be there

#5665 +(363)- [X]

<Spooky> CUNT 
<Spooky> Variation on the game fuck (qv), where you have to say "cunt" and get louder and louder.
<Spooky> Use "fatty" near to fat people for a softer version
<Spooky> as it's not really offensive except to the fat person, and fat people can't really punch you because their fingers are like cushions.

#6804 +(124)- [X]

<justin> i had a guy claim sending ctcp fuckyou's was a DOS attack and try to get my account deleted
<justin> 'cain' on efnet.. fuckwit
<cafuego> '*!*@*' on efnet.. fuckwit

#6967 +(903)- [X]

<kate> you MALE.  always wanting to talk about football instead of my menstrual cycle.

#8586 +(357)- [X]

<rg> my f key got fucked once
<rg> i tried to tell people to use the shift key and all hell broke loose

#9545 +(451)- [X]

<InSaNe-CON> how do u put irc always on top ?
<@arc|hw> ctrl alt del twice
*** InSaNe-CON (diamond81_@vdsl-130-13-138-107.phnx.uswest.net) Quit (Ping timeout )
*** InSaNe-CON (diamond81_@vdsl-130-13-138-107.phnx.uswest.net) has joined #r
<InSaNe-CON> umm alt cntrl delete restarted my computer
<@arc|hw> you must have pressed something wrong

#14257 +(735)- [X]

<@ScuzleBut> I was an athiest until I realized I was God.

#14482 +(198)- [X]

<clay> i heard joey submitted the first rfc for irc
<clay> something along the lines of D00D WE NEED WAREZ TRADING 2 ORGANIZE N SHIT

#15624 +(333)- [X]

<rtwh0> why are you upset?
<sugadon> who the hell says i was god damn upset? huh?
<rtwh0> umm never mind
<sugadon> i hate people who spread god damn rumors, muther fucker , god damn

#16814 +(38)- [X]

<Freakazoid> its like putting hotdog skins over dog turds

#17863 +(416)- [X]

<WntBgAsLg> RU people here every night?
<mthw> no sorry this is a 1 time thing
<mthw> channel breaks up by tomorrow
<mthw> we tour irc, go chan to chan

#22183 +(665)- [X]

<RedXIII> anal with jennifer lopez would be like basketball with michael jordan... or bible study with jesus

#24393 +(236)- [X]

<pdd> we like hydraulics because
<pdd> we like to pretend we're matadors riding a rampaging bull
<pdd> even though matadors don't ride bulls
<pdd> i had to relate it somehow
<pdd> you understand
<pdd> SILENCIO

#24760 +(107)- [X]

<shantanu> I cannot log to my remote machine as root using telnet
<shantanu> how do I disable that?

#34086 +(247)- [X]

<mikezilla> say that again threeboy
<mikezilla> i'll do better
<mikezilla> i promise
<Threeboy> say what?
<mikezilla> that thing about having power
<mikezilla> i will comeback this time
<Threeboy> naw.
<mikezilla> and you'll be rubbing your butt
<mikezilla> from the pain
<Threeboy> last time i checked, we were on IRC.
<Threeboy> and i dont have my force feedback pants on today

#34181 +(521)- [X]

<NeonMorning> I'm scared I'm going to say something random and sound really stupid.
<Urban_Hermit> be like me - always say something stupid and it never appears random

#34707 +(1234)- [X]

<morah> I MADE A VOODOO DOLL
* morah stabs Vireo in the eye
...
* Vireo (sverreba@so817.hig.no) Quit (Dead socket)

#39340 +(279)- [X]

(laguna`) i wank to her occasionally
(Jyrka) for how long have u been doing this?
(laguna`) a month
(Jyrka) what did u used to do before?
(laguna`) go to school

#40582 +(7)- [X]

<Isengard> the www is BOOOOOORING!
<Isengard> ah.. no.... there's life in the old dog yet!

#40902 +(272)- [X]

<surfer> anyone here
<surfer> how do i set up an irc script : S
<surfer> whats the command
<seven> surfer : there's a limit of 3 stupid questions within the first hour of joining, you've only got 1 left.

#42402 +(299)- [X]

<Enderski> redheads are nuts
<Badtz> I like my girls nuts

#46258 +(233)- [X]

«Kenty» I got a chick customer's number today. :) I'm so proud of myself!
«fiend`» Saying "Ma'am, I need your home telephone number for acount verification." is not something to be proud of

#50772 +(330)- [X]

<Coolman_mike> brb, my keyboard isnt working

#56037 +(272)- [X]

<Murr> I received a fascinating insight into govt operations today
<drm> hows that?
<Murr> ordered some maps from the california geological survey 2 weeks ago
<Murr> received them 1 week ago
<Murr> and got a call today from a lady who had problems reading my CC#

#58620 +(962)- [X]

<Arcturus|BuF> The Sims is the only game where you can kill someone by trapping them between strategically placed toilets

#63755 +(29)- [X]

Dr SpaZZo: LOLOOLL in the locker room at school
Dr SpaZZo: Theres this fat, mentally retarded kid who always asks us for pennies
Dr SpaZZo: and someone today gave him a quarter
Dr SpaZZo: so he started asking for quarters
Dr SpaZZo: On Monday someone's going to bring in a 500 dollar monopoly bill, and maybe some houses

#75832 +(1078)- [X]

<+nexx> im thinking of quitting university to spend my life reading every quote on bash.org, quote this on bash so when im 30 ill read this and remember where my life went wrong.

#83130 +(274)- [X]

<Wraith> What IP addressing scheme should we use for the new lab?
<Rance> 10.10.220 plus the number...

#89853 +(618)- [X]

<Callick> You know..
<Callick> You tend to realize the kind of sad existence you live in when you wake up Friday morning in a sweat stained Namco t-shirt and a pair of yellow old navy swimtrunks.. with last night's pizza grease still on your face and a glass of rotten milk next to you.. and the first thing on your mind is, "Man, I'm gonna have some fun playing my cleric in Dungeons and Dragons today!"

#104452 +(100)- [X]

<Silmor> Hello Kitty is so tainted... imagine someone giving your six year old daughter a hello kitty purse and you lashing out at them "For fucks sake man, she's only 6!!"

#137411 +(322)- [X]

<flint`> well
<flint`> this wc3 channel has taught me one thing about korea
<flint`> they have completely abolished sexism
<flint`> and now they all just act like girls

#137545 +(176)- [X]

<tosh> i need wax
<tosh> my hair doesn't stay up out of joy

#192888 +(1445)- [X]

<Jim_McNeat> Is there like a way to put a compiler in "Just trust me on that one" mode?

#259256 +(2350)- [X]

<+shiachan> i am having the worse day for the past 3 years
<+shiachan> someone console me :/
* Edible hits shiachan with a gamecube.

#356805 +(2559)- [X]

<v_9> All those who believe in Telekenesis raise my hand.

#520042 +(989)- [X]

<stargazr> yeah, the only reason i have a tv is cause i won it in a book reading contest

#577535 +(688)- [X]

<eXeLoR> My gf was all like, "you havn't made eye contact once this evening", she was hell pissed
<sILLA> You should have told her that breasts don't have eyes

#626676 +(1626)- [X]

ShamanMumboJumbo: Dude, I hate AIM Triton but I had to get it because all my friends have it and I can't share files otherwise
ViewtifulDom: Peer2Peer Pressure?

#694073 +(621)- [X]

<gwizz> so i broke our microwave today
<gwizz> luckily best buy still sold the same model
<gwizz> so i go get it, bring it home, set it up, and hide the box in my car
<gwizz> my parents get back and my mom goes 'did you clean the microwave?'

#736762 +(59)- [X]

<[M]Kimahri[DotB]> can someone tell me a good program to burn a dvd? my wmp won't find my burner, realplayer won't open the file, my dvdburning program can't do it either
<samcobra> try a lighter

#914142 +(196)- [X]

*** pipes changed the topic of kiwicon to: - Kiwicon marketing
        department back in action!
< rauc> good topic
< pipes> many people in here will know what that means ;)
< rauc> ok...I do not really know what it means, but I am glad to see
        Kiwicon run again. Let me know if I can help
< pipes> rauc: first time we did kiwicon
< pipes> no one wrote any stories
< pipes> so we wrote our own
< pipes> and kind of xss'd em into major news sites

#954192 +(372)- [X]

<%rundata> man my wifes read that 50 shades of grey
<Karnaksbitch> Aw god ur al makin me cringe
<%rundata> she was like "have you heard of fisting?"
<%rundata> ive seen women shoulder deep in other women

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