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#361 +(1798)- [X]

<Erik_N> Everyone has a dark secrets... some ppl are killers, some ppl are homo.. I use mac

#368 +(733)- [X]

<RevNeptho> gethostbyintuition() is still a dream of mine

#648 +(1239)- [X]

<snerfu> I would say the worst feeling is waking up after a night of drunken stupor and in the process of walking to your computer all you see is a pine session that says: your email "im drunk" has been sent.

#654 +(245)- [X]

<Freezed> Just wondering if its possible to download a windows 95/98 source code, or ..

#993 +(4017)- [X]

serluny: how long did it took u to learn c?
ReDPriest:4.5 minutes
serluny:how did u do that?
ReDPriest:i downloaded it into my brain..i got a program to do
serluny:what program
ReDPriest:download shit into your brain v3.1
serluny:how do i download it?
ReDPriest: go to www.downloadable-shit-for-your-brain.com
serluny:i cant download it something is wrong

#1324 +(94)- [X]

<[cut]> fuckin russians made my ftp server crash last night. somebody from -> ip-583.dialup.cl.spb.ru
<hypr> hahhahwhaw
<[cut]> what the fuck
<[cut]> somebody from romainia tried to steal my leapFTP bookmark file
<[cut]> (005570) 6/3/2001 12:04:28 AM - 56k ( > asked to change directory : 'C:ftpmp3 -> C:ftpmp3C:PROGRAM FILESLEAPFTP' --> Access denied (No Such Directory).
<[cut]> Resolved to mflorin.soft.forte.ro
<hypr> hahahahahaha
<SysError> cut the foreigners want war with you

#1745 +(426)- [X]

(nexxai) [poopfart]: can you fart and poo at the same time?
(poopfart) yes
(poopfart) i can
(poopfart) their called accidents

#3947 +(296)- [X]

<Digital-^> i love brits , every time i hear someone mention a fag break all i can think of is someone knocking on my door , picking me up , and smoking me

#4159 +(426)- [X]

<Teratogen> what is the difference between PMS and PWS?
<Rhelik> Teratogen: one is a curse on men sent by god, the other is a curse on men sent by microsoft

#4474 +(-175)- [X]

<resident> Africa is a mix of clit-choppin' negroes, godforsaken deserts, and maneating plants.

#7794 +(806)- [X]

<RighteousSuicide> I was running around today like a retard
<RighteousSuicide> and I hear a BANG
<RighteousSuicide> i couldn't figure out what it was
<RighteousSuicide> then I noticed I had run into a dumpster

#8919 +(356)- [X]

* zebra does the menstrual blood dance
<Slvrchair> zebra: your dances scare me.
<zebra> You should see them in person.
<zebra> It could be worse.
<zebra> I could give you the menstrual blood lapdance :P
<Slvrchair> ew, no :P

#11597 +(535)- [X]

<bLaKeiMuS_TiReD> i had a dream 2 nights ago that my penis was stuck in the hole of a TDK silver cd and i was really nervous
<jAyVeNoMx> damn dood if my dick fit in a CD hole I'd be nervous too

#15570 +(394)- [X]

<piglet3> [info] #gaysm      5       Don't f*&% with the topic PIG
<piglet3> They are into homosexual sadomasochism, but they can't bring themselves to spell out `fuck'.

#15906 +(572)- [X]

<PoisonPen> Those of us who were on Usenet back when it was all computer geeks,
scientists, and university students remember when the tsunami of AOLusers came
in.  We thought it was the Gotterdammerung... until WebTV came and revealed
the AOLusers as veritable towering geniuses compared to the slope-browed,
mouth-breathing idiocy they displayed.  They made "ME TOOO!" sound like a work
of Shakespeare.

#16977 +(742)- [X]

<Uzzie> i'm sueing herbal essences
<Uzzie> i didn't get orgasms

#24066 +(25)- [X]

<phat-ta-tat-tat> dis room is borin'
<phat-ta-tat-tat> get sum hoes in here
<hwKP> But i quit being a pimp
<phat-ta-tat-tat> fuk it get bak in da game
<phat-ta-tat-tat> da game needs u
<hwKP> but I threw out my platform shoes with the fish inside
<phat-ta-tat-tat> fuk it u betta go fishin den

#35602 +(153)- [X]

<timmo> as soon as i think people might not be retarded
<timmo> everyone goes and fucks up my faith in people

#44809 +(201)- [X]

<blender> mmm halloween candy
<BloodNose> kid
<blender> adult
<sevr> sounds like a match made in nambla to me
* BloodNose moves closer to blender
* blender runs in horror

#49513 +(473)- [X]

<blabur93> I swear it was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen
<Zoogle> like all male senior citizen bukkake nasty?
<blabur93> ........ no
<blabur93> but thanks, now i just imagined the most disgusting thing ever
<Zoogle> np, anytime

#53769 +(395)- [X]

[Glare]: Hey guess what i did last night?
[Tank]: Im assuming something revolving around....."My mother/Sister"???
[Glare]: damnit.
[Tank]: Owned.
[Glare]: Agreed.
Glare bows in acceptance of ownage.

#54253 +(469)- [X]

<MicrophoneJoe> Fuck me Bowmer is fat
<MicrophoneJoe> Are you talking about masturbation ZoK?
<ZoK> What else takes about 5 mins and involves lubrication?
<MicrophoneJoe> Bowmer putting on a T-Shirt

#57779 +(212)- [X]

<Lint> too bad the onion wont be allowed to print under martial law.
<Spam_Man> is that where ninjas patrol the streets?

#72076 +(375)- [X]

<Aiwa> I might be writing an editorial about the state of NASCAR and what led to Dale Earnhardt's death...
<Graphic_V> I'm guessing the wall.

#83734 +(333)- [X]

(ohwhatwhat) hi i was wondering why my cursors moves across the screen when i move my mouse?

#84702 +(201)- [X]

<@neko|stoned> when i first got into warez, i downloaded shindlers list
<@neko|stoned> i deleted it thinking it was a bad copy
<@neko|stoned> :/

#138450 +(113)- [X]

<[Hobbes]> -rw-------    1 hobbes  hobbes  7802880 Aug 20 07:03 metaballs.core
<[Hobbes]> wtf is THAT
<@dk> your metaballs dumped thier core? ;)
<[Hobbes]> heh I read it as meatballs the first time
<@ky_druid> damn Hobbes, do you have to use your metaballs so hard that they coredump? sheesh.

#144936 +(736)- [X]

<distopia> whats the word for that ringing in your ears?
<distopia> begins with T
<overh3at> The Wife

#183329 +(305)- [X]

<ACAB> 1st time i delt with a dead body i had to remove all personal belongings and put the lady in a body bag when i was an intern at the hospital ER... i put on all her jewlery and got in trouble :(
<baggle> That's some fucked up shit man
<ACAB> i put on her wedding ring and was like "Sorry ladies, im taken"

#256715 +(1280)- [X]

<MrBump> my irc logs kept me going throughout my 6 months offline
<Lord_Blix> you need to get out more often.
<MrBump> i did, i took printouts

#275311 +(786)- [X]

<xIHaveRicketsx> I almost got killed by some Asian woman today.
<xIHaveRicketsx> Asians should learn how to fucking drive.
<slamyouinthebutt> But...you're Asian...
<xIHaveRicketsx> I'm more like a banana: yellow on the outside, white on the inside.

#294724 +(377)- [X]

<Tigwa> how funny would it be if you got held-up by a tshirt ninja
<Tigwa> 'can you describe the man?' 'errr....well he looked like he had a ninja hood made from a tshirt, was very pale and thin, and kept yelling i will haxx0r j00'

#329373 +(1122)- [X]

<mixi_dk> Im such a perfectist
<mixi_dk> *pefettionist
<mixi_dk> *perfectonst
<mixi_dk> God dammit!
<mixi_dk> perfrecsist
<mixi_dk> OKAY! I give up!
<MikeClassic> Why? perfectionist is easy to spell..?
<mixi_dk> How did you do that?!

#331940 +(4859)- [X]

<Zenith> So I was at work today, signing for a package from UPS..
<Zenith> When the FedEx guy walks in with a package of his own.
<Zenith> And at that EXACT moment, a customer changes the channel to TBS and the Mortal Kombat movie is on, right when the fight theme music starts.
<Nigma> Did they break out into a delivery duel to the death?
<Zenith> I was prepared for parcel projectiles and fedex fatalities.
<Zenith> They eyed each other, and I knew something was about to happen...
<Zenith> But then the guy changed the channel to "Trading Spaces" and the fight was over.

#334911 +(2136)- [X]

ThAJuGgAlEtTe987: Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. There are at least 2 people in this worldthat youu would die for. You mean the world to someone. Someone that you dont even know exists loves you. When youuu make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look again. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget the rude remarks. So if you are a loving friend, send this to everyone on you list
ZooTYaDeaDHomiE: Go Fuck Yourself

#353546 +(824)- [X]

<@koenig> I just had a very fun time with a telemarketer who called my home.
<@koenig> She was telling me that I had "won in a drawing" and that I might have won a Hummer or a trip to Orlando and some other crap.
<@koenig> So I said, "Hey, them Hummers is sure nice."
<@koenig> "Oh yes," she replies.
<@koenig> "I bet they can haul a lot in them Hummers."
<@koenig> "Oh certainly."
<@koenig> "Do you think they could hold something that was like 6' long?"
<@koenig> "Most likely."
<@koenig> "And weighed like 150-200 lbs.?"
<@albus> oh dear.
<@koenig> "Possibly."
<@koenig> "Well, I'll cut right to hte chase.  Do you think they could carry a dead body?"
<@koenig> "Uhhhh."
* albus hears police sirens.
<@koenig> :)
<@albus> you should use her as a reference when you apply for a security clearance.
<@koenig> Well you realize I didn't actually claim to HAVE a dead body.   I was purely curious, in case I get into the funeral service business.
<@koenig> It's my new idea, "Die With Style, Inc." where instead of a hearse you drive out in a Hummer.
<@albus> ...

#357526 +(778)- [X]

<Nosnam> Who?
<mystie> this dude on jeopardy, he was on his 20th return today
<Nosnam> Woah
<mystie> I didn't happen to catch if he won again today
<NeoHentaiMaster> he is a robot sent from the future to win the prize money so others cant
<NeoHentaiMaster> he will slowly drain the world economy until all collapses into chaos
<Nosnam> George Bush is on jeopardy?

#403269 +(578)- [X]

<chiptuned> I just noticed that I have a worn out pattern in the shape of a boner on my underwear

#428468 +(1743)- [X]

<M[at]> know what I hate?
<M[at]> when you download shrek 2, and find its in german
<M[at]> then download it again and get it in french
<M[at]> then download it again and finding its a different film
<M[at]> then do you know whats worse?
<M[at]> when you download debbie does dallas
<M[at]> and get the english version of shrek 2 :(

#611017 +(3102)- [X]

<Everdarkgreen> WE DID THE MASH
<Everdarkgreen> we did the keyboard mash
<Everdarkgreen> THE KEYBOARD MASH
<Everdarkgreen> it was a lihosdptjhskrjngiso;kihy,aehtptuyjgio;t

#613464 +(285)- [X]

Brian Laptop: myspace is like the vegas of the internet.... a lot of people want to go but no one wants to admit what happens when they're there

#613541 +(1043)- [X]

USnip: today in english class
USnip: the teacher was discussing a thesis statement about close friends
USnip: and she was like
USnip: "well what do you want from a close friend?"
USnip: and one guy yelled out "well is it a male or a female"?
USnip: and she snapped back "I'm sure it doesn't matter to YOU"

#657925 +(-23)- [X]

<killsdow> do harddrives like...
<killsdow> lose speed if u rewrite on them too much?

#694931 +(346)- [X]

<Chr1stina> This girl I went to high school with is writing me emails through classmates.com
<Kancer> I reply to those people, "big whoop our parents just happen to bone at the same time and in the same location, it dosen't make you special"
<Alex> I'm pretty sure my high school class wasn't the result of one giant orgy in 1978.
<Kancer> Alex: are you sure? it was the 70s

#714577 +(1175)- [X]

JDR-TSS: I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of unrestricted internet access. You're afraid of not being fed content to you like AOL does. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show you customers what you don't want to see. I'm going to show you an intarwebs without holding your hand. An intarwebs without netnannies and content filters, without borders or boundaries. An intarwebs where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.
BBuie-TSS: you really dont have a life do you?
JDR-TSS: There is no life.

#759858 +(1331)- [X]

<KaiserPanda> spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can
<KaiserPanda> clings to walls, licks his balls
<KaiserPanda> but not at the same time or else he faaaaalls!

#774347 +(521)- [X]

<TxT> hahahhahahahahaha i read that bash quote where the guy renamed mirc.exe the .doc he needed to turn in
<TxT> so i did it with my paper, i get an email today from my teacher "Sorry, I opened your document and it seemed corrupted. Do you know what happened? If not, just resubmit your essay."
<TxT> and i sent him my now finished essay this morning and got a reply just now, "Thank you. This version seems to be working just fine."
<TxT> ty bash!
<+hydeph> hmm didnt you say a while ago that your teacher reads bash?
<TxT> ...
<TxT> dude thats not fucking cool
<+hydeph> its ok, tyler norris.
<TxT> ...
<TxT> shit.

#827518 +(3383)- [X]

<kinzey> i want to go out with a girl
<kinzey> and lay in the field
<kinzey> real romatic like
<kinzey> and just stare at the full moon
<kinzey> and she'll say something along the lines of "the moon's so beautiful tonight"
<kinzey> and i'll just be like
<kinzey> "that's no moon... THAT'S A BATTLESTATION!!!"
<kinzey> and then run to the car and leave her ass there
<Chris> wow

#906902 +(807)- [X]

Alex: A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."
Alex: The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

#945607 +(759)- [X]

<Tankero> Well, when the SWAT team comes through the window, I'm not going down without a fight. One of them is going to get a cat to the face.

0.0911 20983 quotes approved; 1191 quotes pending
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