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#33 +(2326)- [X]

[17:05] *** D1 sets mode: +o C-Rock
<D1> oh wait, I was trying to kick you.

#647 +(402)- [X]

<Medieval> the chances of me spontaneously climaxing while thinking about that are increasing

#1408 +(222)- [X]

<mlkesl> Lets all be vermifuge robots.
* mlkesl goes into robot mode.
* mlkesl does nothing.
* mlkesl makes fun of people who do stuff.
* mlkesl does some more nothing.

#1968 +(286)- [X]

<MrSede> If it could balance a beer on its head without spilling I'd give it props, but any rodent can balance a pancake on its noggin

#4756 +(858)- [X]

<kyle> I'm trying to get this girl to go out with me but every pick up line i use sucks.
<kolby> next time you see her, ask her what the difference is between a pile of dead babies and a BMW
<kolby> then tell her that you don't have a BMW in your garage

#5314 +(176)- [X]

<McMoo> i think i dislocated my esophagus
<orion-> fix it with everclear

#5417 +(923)- [X]

<Yusaku> "God dammit mom, why the fuck did you buy me an xbox?" "What, how can you tell?" "Well, that present under the Christmas tree is either a coffee table, or an xbox...I'm hoping it's a coffee table."

#5667 +(57)- [X]

<Hendrix> Is it a bad thing when you wank so much cum nothing but air?

#5732 +(35)- [X]

<TDragon`> MachinShi: COMMUNIST!
<PitDroid> we take everything you have, divide it equally amongst ourselves, and then return to you a portion of what you originally had
<gIbBeR> lol
<geoffh> taxes?
<PitDroid> taxes are dumb

#6970 +(297)- [X]

<RunMe> I saw people fucking in the NRV parking lot once back in high school
<RunMe> it was pretty fucking disgusting
<glasnost> thats an appropriate type of disgusting.

#10110 +(2109)- [X]

<kinijima> why do they keep programming labs so fucking cold?
<aalti> so the computers don't get over heated?
<kinijima> so what the fuck did  the people do back when there was no air conditioning?
<aalti> you're a fucking idiot.

#10665 +(245)- [X]

HolyViper7: it could be worse :P
Ebyan: It could be better
HolyViper7: everything could be better
Ebyan: everything could be worse
HolyViper7: not oprah
HolyViper7: she cant get any worse.

#10984 +(600)- [X]

<Seros> Did you get my hat back?
<Spleen> what kinda question is that?
<Seros> An easy one?

#15792 +(100)- [X]

<Dante> Removing the HD isn't a good idea. No guarantee I can put it back in...And no she has no idea where my pr0n is (Stashed at my grandmother's next door)

#17058 +(1541)- [X]

<D|S-Alias> my balls are in such gay positions
<D|S-Alias> they are all on one side in a cluster
<D|S-random> i fuckin hate that
<D|S-random> when they stick to ur leg
<D|S-random> ER
<D|S-random> i just wanna rip them off
<D|S-Alias> im talking about pool yo

#20976 +(156)- [X]

<maalox> The period between clicking on a link to stileproject and waiting for the picture to load is probably the most intense feeling since when I first penetrated myself with a 2 liter

#22754 +(525)- [X]

<FiZi> HEY I FOUND A COOKIE CRUMB ON MY SHIRT
* FiZi eats it
<FiZi> Aw crap
<FiZi> It wasn't a cookie crumb

#31577 +(279)- [X]

<Godsey> there is a problem w/ our house :)
<Godsey> there is a small cosmetic call next to the toilet
<Godsey> and I'm afraid my fat ass won't fit :)
<Godsey> so I'm taking the wall out
<etrigan> with your ass?

#32137 +(577)- [X]

<magnafi> portuguese is very dificulty to speak
<magnafi> its like chinese or japanese..
<magnafi> very dificulty
<litigator> kind of like english
<magnafi> english is too much easy to speak

#32491 +(-353)- [X]

<Atrox> So there I was, hunched over Vorgen's dog. The car's grill kind of left this nice opening in it's abdomen, cause really, I wasn't about to fuck a dead dog in the ass, that's just wrong. Anyway, I was thrusting hard, and like hit something hard, I was all WTF, then realized I fucked through the dog and hit the cement. Was wierd.

#34168 +(250)- [X]

<Digby> what if the man empirically measure them ? ;)
<Digby> length, girth, tensile strength, and volume ;)
<_Matty> volume?? "hey, baby, i've got a loud cock" ??
<_Matty> wtf?
<Tig`One> "hey babe wanna hear my cock shout?"
<^Dozy^> that'd be an impressive chat up line
<Guede> Brings new meaning to pump up the volume.

#40187 +(446)- [X]

<Error_404> i swear to god... the next time my mom approaches me about my drinking, i'm gonna fucking come out of the closet...

#47430 +(133)- [X]

<Pigsbig78> my chat up line is "awk chmod grep"
<Darkroot> Pigsbig78: mine is 'omg, you whore, someone chmod a+x your-vagina'
<Darkroot> Pigsbig78: omg, you bitch! mv possessions outside; chown %n car; chmod 600 car; echo 'int main(void) { printf("x25sn", "haha, you bitch!!n"); }' > meep.c; gcc meep.c -o meep; ./meep

#51432 +(72)- [X]

Kaji: "i think willingly putting your child in a porno comes under the catergory of unfit parent"
Jallil d'lil 'anonen: depends on the kind of porno...if it were snuff yeah, but the real classy kind is okay
Kaji: ...mmk
Jallil d'lil 'anonen: pretend I didn't say that
Kaji, Maelthra D' Llaren: i will..

#54250 +(348)- [X]

<Keiichi> the BSOD doesn't mean you win anything
<PrettzL> It's not like triple sevens :P
<Keiichi> not even close
<Keiichi> it's more like the slot machine punches you in the face and laughs

#58148 +(1628)- [X]

<Lakitu7> "This pokemon wears the skull of its dead mother"
<Lakitu7> Cubone is really screwed up
<Lakitu7> Why the hell would they write that into the poke-universe? That's going to screw up some little kid
<Lakitu7> "We're sorry Johnny. Your mother didn't make it" "Can i have her skull for a helmet?" "what?"

#73148 +(1309)- [X]

<Jester|TV> im not much of a programming fan...but i guess my teacher was a dumb biatch which is why
<Jester|TV> well theres some programming in the telecomm as well
<Martel> I'd never done real programming until first year
<Martel> I like how the word programming lined up 3 times
<Martel> YES!
<Martel> 4

#74727 +(325)- [X]

<Autocracy> hehe.. mod_gzip works :)
<Rick_Hunter> Autocracy: Why wouldn't mod_gzip work?
<Autocracy> because it's me...
<Autocracy> that's usually the case...
<Autocracy> I swear the whole world's against me...
* Rick_Hunter makes a note to tell people, at the next meeting, to be less obvious.
<Autocracy> eh?
<Rick_Hunter> Nothing. ^_^
<Autocracy> heh
<Autocracy> haha
<Autocracy> lmao
* Rick_Hunter whistles and walks away.

#76504 +(260)- [X]

<goatTRICKS> i used to go to this daycare
<goatTRICKS> and there was a big black retarded guy and he had nicknames for everyone that didnt make any sense
<goatTRICKS> and mine was Jukebox Brian

#80921 +(1797)- [X]

TwilightKnight: all i do is wait for Desert crisis 1.5 and play counter-strike all day
Dr SpaZZo: Heh.
Dr SpaZZo: Which, by definition, means I have more of a life than you
Dr SpaZZo: Pity
TwilightKnight: well i was making out with a girl today
Dr SpaZZo: Liar
Dr SpaZZo: Theres no such thing as a "girl"
TwilightKnight: yes it is true!
TwilightKnight: they arent the tales and ledgends we thought them to be
TwilightKnight: they exist and live on the outside!
TwilightKnight: In the daylight!
Dr SpaZZo: Outside? Daylight? Now you're just making words up.

#82153 +(-18)- [X]

<soul|FL> i am gonna move to utah
<soul|FL> and bang that chic doggy
<soul|FL> shes 64

#107294 +(157)- [X]

<Calrathan> well, I'm screwed
<Calrathan> not gunna get this work done
<Fryth> irc to the rescue!
<Calrathan> yay
<Calrathan> it doesnt fix your problems...
<Calrathan> but it sure makes you forget em

#126720 +(358)- [X]

Alter Legiones: i need a job. don't supose you'd pay me to build you a computer? ^_^
Burning Broly: lol,if i can pay you with 11-14 year old prostitutes
Alter Legiones: hmm...
Alter Legiones: i think we can work something out

#139013 +(974)- [X]

<Subwoofer> My mom's dead :D
<Subwoofer> :(*

#139187 +(706)- [X]

<SpudMuffn> I jack off in the shower so much that I get a hard-on whenever it rains.

#165870 +(525)- [X]

<VolteFace> heh, an idiot in my art class today tried to stab someone with a pencil
<VolteFace> so he grabbed the guys arm
<VolteFace> and swings
<VolteFace> and PLUNGES THE PENCIL INTO HIS OWN FINGER

#169172 +(561)- [X]

#282745 +(748)- [X]

seph429: lol 3 weeks ago someone posted a post on this board "I'm looking for some cool things macosx can do" hes bumped it every day since, today he posts
seph429: "OKAY I GET IT, THE OS SUCKS AND UR ALL FUCKS I HOPE YOU DIE"

#284969 +(767)- [X]

<Bludywar> can ne one get me a cdkey for counter strike
<Bludywar> a working one
<Rhyth> Go and buy a copy of hl?
<Bludywar> I got one
<Bludywar> my boy ate the fucking cd key
<Bludywar> he took the sticker part off and ate it
<Rhyth> :/
<Bludywar> can  you give me the cdkey?
<Bludywar> can ne one give me a cdkey tho
<Bludywar> for counter strike
<Rhyth> Your boy ate it?
<Bludywar> ya
<Rhyth> That's the most absurd excuse for not having a cdkey ever.

#442022 +(62)- [X]

<CG> well paint me green and call me gumby

#466257 +(1157)- [X]

<vrit> oh god damn, that beer just suddenly snuck up on my bladder all special-ops style
<vrit> it was all metal beer solid

#541695 +(2452)- [X]

<keepingcharlie> i had lots of sex when i was under 18., man i miss those days. i wish i would have realized what i had, when i had it.
<rabbiwanna> You probably still have it.
<rabbiwanna> Get tested.

#613541 +(1038)- [X]

USnip: today in english class
USnip: the teacher was discussing a thesis statement about close friends
USnip: and she was like
USnip: "well what do you want from a close friend?"
USnip: and one guy yelled out "well is it a male or a female"?
USnip: and she snapped back "I'm sure it doesn't matter to YOU"

#643756 +(406)- [X]

<n00b> how do i make $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ fast!! plz plz plzzzz tell meeeeeee!!!!
<piezocake> Get Vi and type 22i$<esc>

#676384 +(1668)- [X]

<PhantomSkyfire> I was practicing with crutches and broke my leg.

#676812 +(583)- [X]

<mETRo> you shoulda taken it back to walmart lol
<mETRo> they take anything back
<zx2ms> dude serisouly I was read to just throw it away and buy a new one
<zx2ms> instead of go through the hassle
<mETRo> you could bring in a box of used rubbers there
<mETRo> and theyd be like "was there anything wrong with them?"
<[xENo]> just set the kid on the counter
<zx2ms> lol

#700847 +(2876)- [X]

andyg721: i think it was on CNN
andyg721: Condoleeza Rice went to Asia
andyg721: the headline was RICE IN ASIA

#724762 +(462)- [X]

#742089 +(245)- [X]

<HellDragon> why do i make the same face when i orgasm than when i go backward in my car

#786116 +(2260)- [X]

<Hara> The old USSR had one single time zone too. They had a hammer and sickle in the ground near the Kremlin and used it like a sundial.
<Hara> Arguments raged for years as to what to call the timezone
<Hara> Moscow Time?
<Hara> Comrade Time?
<Hara> In the end they all agreed.
<Hara> Hammer Time.

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