#85 +(69)- [X]
<matt> you could fit a carrot up that nose
#417 +(962)- [X]
<VicViper> heh darkaeon writes his IP address in bathroom stalls
<VicViper> for a good time - xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx
#751 +(1066)- [X]
[reidman ) why is there an ad for Windows Media Player on the Apple Quicktime site??
[|Dan| ) god only knows why
[|Dan| ) and he's laughing
#802 +(429)- [X]
<SuckIt699> ENGLISH people u r in america
#3316 +(309)- [X]
<blazemore> good thing i always turn vibration off ^_^
<mightyflo> smart money says the kid that got it got it from one of those 3rd party "RIP YOUR FUCKING ARM OFF XTREME SHOCK" controllers
<blazemore> "WARNING: DO NOT GET ALLOW YOUR CHARACTER TO GET HIT WHILE USING THIS CONTROLLER OR YOU COULD LOSE A LIMB."
#3858 +(786)- [X]
<TURBOMEAT> my car caught fire.
<TURBOMEAT> I tried to flick a cigarette out the window
<TURBOMEAT> and it was only like 1/4 down
<TURBOMEAT> so it bounced off the window and went under the seat
<TURBOMEAT> 2 streets later there was smoke billowing out from under me
<TURBOMEAT> it landed on some paper
<TURBOMEAT> then started to burn the material under the seat
<TURBOMEAT> I wish someone had TOLD me smoking could be hazardous
#5596 +(760)- [X]
<Fugazi> Like I said before, I never repeat myself!
#6891 +(227)- [X]
<RazorX> tired of hearing my 200 pound upstairs neighbor walk
<chemdog> hey, I'm 200 lbs!
<RazorX> so is she
<FS_Falcon_GA> Raxoz you haven't tried to hit it yet?
<RazorX> no ive heard it getting hit.... i think it hits back
<FS_Falcon_GA> Man we didn't get you drunk enough yet. I'll have to work on that
<RazorX> not enough beer in the world my man
#6996 +(240)- [X]
<Javi> a gijoe game would suck
<Javi> cause nobody ever dies
#7461 +(369)- [X]
<Poltergeist21>I want to fuck the olsen twins right in the ass!!
<Poltergeist21>Dude, my balls goin smack smack smack against their teen asses..yum yum!1
<Charlesowns>Dude, i said that ten years ago!
#8398 +(735)- [X]
<f48u10n7> this dude I know was sleeping with this girl, and she had really long hair. so he gets up in the middle of the night to take a crap, and he finishes his business, but when he stands up, he feels a tug--turns out his turd is attached to his rectum via a long hair. he had to hobble over to the sink to get scissors
<taylah> im confused
<nimh> f48u10n7: that's happened to me before
<f48u10n7> see, he must have swallowed some of her hair in the night
<nimh> i've pulled one of my ex's long hair outta my ass before
<taylah> haha oh
<f48u10n7> i'm glad I only sleep with bald chicks
<`Benny`> that's the most disgusting thing I've heard in a long time and I'm in here a fair amount of time
<PunkRawk> like outta yer asshole nimh?
<aem`key> f48u10n7 lol
<nimh> right out
<nimh> i felt it as i tugged it out
<nimh> i even called her over to take a look at it
<nimh> i was like, "cait, this is your fault."
<nimh> she was like, "what, EWWEWWEWE!"
<nimh> and ran away screaming
<f48u10n7> anyway, my point was, that's kinda like spidey shooting webs from his ass
#10946 +(285)- [X]
* wrostek [~wrostek@HSE-Toronto-ppp296735.sympatico.ca] has joined #root
<wrostek> can anyone tell me if its possible to get windows ME to boot to the command prompt and not load windows?
<Varak> ask in #windows
<wrostek> They dont know
<Varak> big suprise
<Varak> go ask in #cisco, they are really helpful with windows questions too
<wrostek> ok thanks
#14733 +(265)- [X]
<tortoise> this channel is only big enough for one slut.....and i aint' leaving
#15897 +(556)- [X]
Mortaneous> Lyme... idiots of that caliber still exist
Mortaneous> I thought Darwinian evolution woulda killed em off the first time they attacked the toaster with a knife for eating their bread
#15906 +(585)- [X]
<PoisonPen> Those of us who were on Usenet back when it was all computer geeks,
scientists, and university students remember when the tsunami of AOLusers came
in. We thought it was the Gotterdammerung... until WebTV came and revealed
the AOLusers as veritable towering geniuses compared to the slope-browed,
mouth-breathing idiocy they displayed. They made "ME TOOO!" sound like a work
#16378 +(610)- [X]
<kaleido> when i was at e*trade i went to a dept dinner thing and everyone was drinking 20 year old wines and shit, and i ordered a bud light
<kaleido> everyone looked at me like i called their mother a cunt
#17942 +(268)- [X]
<Jibble> I got a 3.5 this semester :D
<Jibble> I so thought I'd failed that history exam too
<MrEnthusiasm> its a computer error
<MrEnthusiasm> you should be getting a letter in the mail rather soon explaining why your financial aide has been revoked
<Jibble> I don't have any financial aid
<MrEnthusiasm> got the letter I see
#18317 +(888)- [X]
<nzc> i need to msg quat
<nzc> there we go
<nzc> i have to eat
<cj_> you have
<cj_> to take off
<cj_> your return key
<cj_> and only
<cj_> use it for
<cj_> special occasions
<cj_> when you finish
<cj_> a sentence
#22703 +(126)- [X]
* ILoveJackDaniels looks out of the window to laugh at the man wearing a mini-dress dancing in front of a car
<ILoveJackDaniels> Accelerate, damn you!
#30044 +(872)- [X]
<@pr3x3l> my sister goes to emory
<@Blaxthos> is she hot ?
<@pr3x3l> we think she's a lesbian dude
<@Blaxthos> what's her number ?
<@Blaxthos> i'll finalize the decision for her
#33606 +(863)- [X]
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Saber, just imagine yourself being gangbanged by moths. This is what will happen to you if you don't behave.
<Saber> I didn't do anything
<Saber> and I have a bat
<Saber> I'll fight them off
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> That's not going to help a lot.
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Can't you just feel their tiny cocks writhing against your skin, Saber?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Just straining to reach an orifice?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Do you like it?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Does it feel good?
<Saber> That's bizarre to the point that it doesn't affect me
#35382 +(-27)- [X]
<woz> wouldn't it be great if they renamed scotland - scatland
#42105 +(232)- [X]
<Orion> Among the impressive range of Durex products you'll find are three new exciting condoms - Sensation, Close Fit and Classic.
<Orion> oh goody, three NEW EXCITING condoms
<goldberg> put them all on at once
<goldberg> you get a classic close fit sensation
#48399 +(102)- [X]
<endura> dude "I just realized whats so kickass
<endura> my dads out of town the whole weekend
<endura> I can walk around naked for the next 48 hours!
#49952 +(-71)- [X]
<Le0pard> i heard a story, about a dude, he put his penis in a girl's ass, pulled it out and it had shit on it, so he puked on her back.... and she started rubbing it around cuz she thought he jizzed on her
#53873 +(274)- [X]
*** Idiot__ has joined #israel
<Baa0595> Wow. The first honest man on IRC.
#56229 +(512)- [X]
<Supachikn> redhat is the ms of linux distros
<Supachikn> make everything pretty, dont worry about functionality
<pont> my penis is the slackware of penis
<pont> Hard and stable
<Supachikn> and fits inside one cd?
#56712 +(268)- [X]
<Avie> the only effect that videogames have had on my morals is deciding what weapon I would kill someone with if I did
#60523 +(1144)- [X]
<fcastle> I HAD A NIGHTMARE
<fcastle> IT ALL STARTED NORMAL
<fcastle> THEN ALL OF A SUDAN
#75357 +(215)- [X]
Rock'et> Why there is random damage in Subspace?
Op>JEDI>Gau> because SS is kinda realistic...
Op>JEDI>Gau> In reality some bullets would hit in harmless places, not everything will be deadly.
Op>JEDI>Gau> meanwhile other shots will get through and break off heat tiles on your wing
Rock'et> what harm could that possibly do?
#84333 +(139)- [X]
* dbzfreak pokes javabie
* javabie fights back by talking javabieish
<@javabie> how r u
#105735 +(109)- [X]
<mironixima> any redhat 9 users in here?
<SKaReCRoW> let's hope not
#115646 +(385)- [X]
<pathogen> kirby dances
<pathogen> for money
#161877 +(320)- [X]
<FunnyPants> Do i look dumb or am i really dumb?
<FunnyPants> I dont get it?
#162899 +(1292)- [X]
<MikeTheLanceman> IT AIN'T ROCKET SURGERY PEOPLE.
#184664 +(1124)- [X]
[ Smitten ] My computer just asked me if i wanted to install 'Icons for blind users'....
[ Smitten ] HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK?!!?!?!?!
#197075 +(660)- [X]
<[On-Air]NiM> I watched that movie with my mom
<Bijiy> I did too
<[On-Air]NiM> I will never watch a movie with my mom again
<[On-Air]NiM> at the part in the stable she was like
<[On-Air]NiM> WOW LOOK AT HOW BIG THE HORSES C0CK IS
<[On-Air]NiM> and I was like, OMG PLEASE NO...
#221380 +(116)- [X]
<Wingzy> crud, you should come to windsor some day
<crudmonky> Wingzy: i would, but i have recurring nightmares that i might find myself stuck in canada
<crudmonky> and a sole frenchman armed with just a white flag would invade and win
#240765 +(681)- [X]
<cads> hey, do you guys know what kind adhesive electrtical tape uses; my borther put electrical tape on his monitor, and it left a residue when it came off
<cads> so I need to figure out a solven that will get rid of it
<cads> without destroying the screen finish of his (LCD) monitor
<comemirda> cads - what happened?
<cads> he was watching anime
<cads> and he didn't want to look at the subtitles
<cads> so the idjit put a strip of electrical tape on his monitor
#398734 +(663)- [X]
(Nick): Dude, It'll take me weeks to complete a movie.. I am a perfectionist.. But I like to take my sweet sweet time
(CEM): I'm a perfectionist too
(Deranged): mE 2
#452242 +(1830)- [X]
<Maggie> why are all men chauvinistic pigs?
<Rune> because we're better than you
#513887 +(628)- [X]
Ford_Prefect: I\'m at 2.0 MBPS!!
Navi00: What kinda connection?\\
JK-63: With your cantenna.
Ford_Prefect: no, I am using my standard antenna
Navi00: wtf is a cantenna?!
Ford_Prefect: because I need the connector for my cantenna
JK-63: It\'s a little antenna that can.
Ford_Prefect: works better
JK-63: You know the story, right?
JK-63: The little antenna that pushed the signal through the wall?
* Zortexia sits down for the story
Ford_Prefect: HE was having trouble carrying data fast enough
JK-63: And then, a strange packet came along.
JK-63: And encouraged him, because the packet was from A STRANGE ROUTER! *gasp*
* Zortexia gasps!
Ford_Prefect: I think I can
Ford_Prefect: I think I ca
Ford_Prefect: I think I can
JK-63: The cantenna pushed and pushed as hard as he could, and got a signal through to the strange router!
Zortexia: yay for cantenna!
Ford_Prefect: and downloaded an entire copy
Ford_Prefect: of microsoft XP
Ford_Prefect: in one hour
* Zortexia eyes get big
Navi00: That is the most adorable thing I\'ve ever heard
Ford_Prefect: *pirated I might add
Zortexia: then what happened
Ford_Prefect: he lived happily ever after leaching off of other people\'s wireless connectiong
Navi00: heh heh heh heh
JK-63: And the hacker driving the cantenna was very happy with his new copy of Windows XP.
Ford_Prefect: the end
#579685 +(2019)- [X]
Rude: holy shit people take everything the wrong way. I was having dinner, so when I get back to the comp my buddy asks what I was doing. so i told him, and he's like "oh yeah? that your code name for jacking off nowadays?"
Rude: then just now i was jacking off and someone asked what I was doing, so I told em i was jerking, and they're like "lmao, so what're you actually doing? making dinner or someshit?"
Rude: I'm just going to make shit up from now on :/
#628411 +(2964)- [X]
<b3nz0rz>: A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too".
#646042 +(1524)- [X]
<tyrius> i have no job, no car, no gf
<tyrius> its 4am, sitting in my parents basement
<tyrius> my fingers are now permanent orange from the cheetos, and so is my wang (dont ask)
<tyrius> and dont you hate it when you step in a puddle of cum, then step in leftover dry ramen on the floor
<tyrius> if you let this shit dry, its impossible to get off. like instant liquid cement
<ef_slinky> You make me feel so good about my life right now. Thank you.
#658792 +(1660)- [X]
<jettekuk> can anybody help me?
<ironi> jettekuk: i hope you realize your nick mean huge cock in swedish
(and maybe other languages as well)
<jettekuk> no i didnít know that
<jettekuk> my name is jettek and i live in the uk
#701336 +(649)- [X]
FLEAM0: I had to watch Memoirs of a Geisha with my friend's Japanese exchange student...I kept wondering what I would think if I went to Japan and they showed me a movie called Memories Of A Hooker
#870274 +(4177)- [X]
<ddubb> if there is no local area ID found, drop the load data.
<ddubb> or, in code form:
<ddubb> if (!getLAid()) dropLoad();
<ddubb> line 525 of software that ships tomorrow.
<ddubb> my work here is done.
#946745 +(1361)- [X]
<Vrooom> while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!"
#954147 +(537)- [X]
Fatthew Mupples: i imagine a large part of romanian and chinese cultures revolves around typing ssh email@example.com