#2011 +(272)- [X]
<Speef> I have some killer gas
<matts> go to the terrorists... they'll need your help
#2171 +(780)- [X]
(Reverend_) i thought i had to shit really bad
(Reverend_) but then i just farted like 3 times, and now i'm all cool
(Reverend_) but my ass is kinda wet and sticky
(Reverend_) any hot chicks, msg me, and we'll talk about it
(Reverend_) share your feelings
#2211 +(632)- [X]
<CiXeL> apparently a customer got pissed at us this morning and sent our sales secretary goatse.cx as an attachment
#2570 +(719)- [X]
<D1> snow, our final is to write a "funny" linux story and put in linux concepts.
<Amanda`> "Little Kernel's First Upgrade"
#3751 +(500)- [X]
<djcrom> TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY
<djcrom> I ACCEPT VISA, MASTERCARD, AND WEED.
#7863 +(28)- [X]
<Goteku> i s'pose Sem is the kind to laugh at poor kids getting sodomized by 10-foot poles.. sideways -_-,
<Sem[class]> "Buah-hah-haaa! Sux0rz to be you!!!!"
#8112 +(255)- [X]
<Palindrome80> (oh. my. god. josh just showed me pornographic harry potter fan fiction.)
<thedreya> (I REFUSE to read the porno harry potter fanfic. I stick to gay A-team fanfic)
#8327 +(843)- [X]
knobsthebear: How the hell did Korea find time between StarCraft and Diablo II to make it this far into the World Cup?
#8560 +(260)- [X]
<@xpro> sweet, just found 13$ in some dirty pants
<@pimp> who was wearing them?
#9349 +(448)- [X]
<[DeViL]WaRzO> chufty decode this plz
<[DeViL]WaRzO> cerom: (11:22 PM) I know but talking with who speak's English as a motherlanguage.
<[DeViL]Chufty> it means "add me to your ignore list"
#10345 +(524)- [X]
<AceAway> well later bitches of to the hospital
<SForce> that sounds promising
<AceAway> not really spend half my life going to them all part of being stuck in this damn wheelchair
<SForce> makes me want to stand up
#11632 +(177)- [X]
<Pod-Matey> Dod is great
<Hydrac7> I've always disliked the hand models on DoD
<Pod-Matey> Hydrac, not everyone has soft and supple hands
<Hydrac7> Pod-Matey: I get it from frequent masturbation with hand lotion.
<Pod-Matey> Hydrac, I was going to mention something of the like, but I see you've already explained more than I ever could
#12112 +(889)- [X]
<zfact0r> I was playing Monopoly last night when I was drunk and I paid a chick 500 bucks in Monopoly Money for a blowjob.
#14490 +(12)- [X]
<TeamXtrem> i must suck
<Ly> TeamXtrem, you would know how it works :)
#16109 +(192)- [X]
<Heinz89> just got my butt wiped FINALLY
<Heinz89> that didn't come out right :P
#18406 +(403)- [X]
<metroid23> wtf... i heard this kind of "knock" on my front door, i go to check and theres a dead squirrel on my NEIGHBORS porch O_o
<ScumDog> does it look injured?
<metroid23> its fucking dead
<Gaffect> fell from a tree?
<metroid23> hahaha, right, on the nearest tree (50 feet away) and then being projected 45 feet horizontally and then falling thru two stories of concrete :)
<metroid23> poor guy
#22887 +(227)- [X]
<RageATM> been sitting here for so long when i walked into the other room i could still see my mirc screen
#26371 +(22)- [X]
<azrael69> i'm so ashamed of myself for liking Alanis Morissette
* azrael69 is away, looks like suicide again [log:OFF] [page:OFF]
#34203 +(48)- [X]
<Dalener> "Indentured Servant" is just a nice way of saying "Bitch ass slave"
<Porco-Russo> "Landscapers anyone?"
<Dalener> Did you know the Alabamaian with the most slaves was a black man who OWNED his mother?
#36700 +(105)- [X]
<Christy> People who talk in metaphors outta shampoo my crotch.
<FL3A|afk> people who shampoo crotches outta shave
#36780 +(193)- [X]
#37829 +(337)- [X]
<Ash> look: I like python pretty well, but the syntax is kind of annoying.
<AaronSw> this from a lisp programmer?!
<Ash> AaronSw: One type of brace is much simpler than a bazillion!
<AaronSw> to write perhaps, but not to rfead
<Ash> Lisp's syntax is simple and efficient.
<Ash> With a proper editor, lisp is incredibly easy to read.
<look> OK, let's pretend we got past the syntax argument
<look> It's now 45 minutes in the future
<look> and we've agreed to disagree
<AaronSw> I bet look's time machine is programmed in Python. <duck />
#38992 +(214)- [X]
<+Yamatto> im keeping my ass virginal,
<+Yamatto> coz like if i go to jail
<+Yamatto> i want to be like
<+Yamatto> a rare commodity
<+Yamatto> and be protected for my ass
#41855 +(316)- [X]
* +abinnie has an english essay to do before his teacher realises the floppy disc he gave her has holes punched in the media
<+abinnie> and is actually a dos boot disc
#45030 +(365)- [X]
* typobox43 looks for life
<Marie> try out of IRC :p
<typobox43> you mean there is such a place?
<Marie> you know, close the IRC screen and sign offline? :)
* typobox43 shudders at the though
<typobox43> my vocal organs are underdeveloped... i don't think i'd get very far
<typobox43> although i think i'd win a thumb war in a heartbeat
<Craig> join #reallife
<typobox43> --- Cannot join #reallife (Channel is invite only).
#46840 +(381)- [X]
<The-Fighter> i'm not a penis-driven tennager, unlike some people in this room
<BlazeHedgehog> MY PENIS DRIVES ME TO WORK EVERY DAY :D
#47326 +(204)- [X]
<Ranzer> Mish``: btw what kinda connection you on? i dont wanna be laggin you too much ;]
<Torka> Mish`` is Mish_@andover.net * Mish
<Ranzer> i dont even know what andover.net is
<paradon> Ranzer: andover.net is the "big evil corporate" that owns slashdot, sourceforge, newsforge, freshmeat, etc, iirc.
<Ranzer> paradon: ah, so it has more bandwidth than god?
<tristan_> pretty much :>
#50564 +(180)- [X]
duckstab: Oh and as if i'm the only guy that'd ask God for a handjob. He INVENTED the penis, guys.
#54426 +(718)- [X]
#76705 +(488)- [X]
<NeoMatriX> Two friends, /exit and /quit sitting in the garden, /exit goes away,who is still there??
#90239 +(930)- [X]
<Baa7121> She's not underage, she's just fun-sized
#101346 +(13)- [X]
<@BcK> mexicans steal cabbage patch doll
<@BcK> to get the birth certificate
#107294 +(155)- [X]
<Calrathan> well, I'm screwed
<Calrathan> not gunna get this work done
<Fryth> irc to the rescue!
<Calrathan> it doesnt fix your problems...
<Calrathan> but it sure makes you forget em
#136504 +(1010)- [X]
<a_passerby> fuck, well, i got an offer to be keyboardist/pianist for a band for "funk music"
<a_passerby> but i dont listen to funk music
<a_passerby> and the guy who asked me is a moron
<a_passerby> "yeah man, i dont use kazaa anymore. you know your computer broadcasts an ip address?"
<a_passerby> thats an EXACT QUOTE
<Everdraed-sleepytime> MY GOD AN IP ADDRESS
<Everdraed-sleepytime> MY HOUSE IS BROADCASTiNG A STREET ADDRESS
#153841 +(3162)- [X]
Girl: i like falling asleep with cold pillows by the way
SkibblesMcCheese: That's nice
SkibblesMcCheese: I like bunnies and marshmallows
Girl: well, i'm just lettin ya know so that you can have some cold ones ready for me after our extensive sex fest
Girl: i figured you'd be polite and do that for me
SkibblesMcCheese: What am I supposed to do, put them in the fridge?
Girl: no, i usually stick mine in the freezer right before i go to bed
Girl: for real
SkibblesMcCheese: That just bgave me a stiffie
SkibblesMcCheese: I don't know... just imaging you sticking a pillow in the freezer... it just kinda made me hard, that's all
Girl: bending over to stick it in the freezer?
SkibblesMcCheese: Uhhh... yeah! That was it
Girl: what would u do if you came upon a scene such as that?
SkibblesMcCheese: Do you have clothes on in this scene?
Girl: that's a good question
Girl: but... that's up to you
SkibblesMcCheese: So no
SkibblesMcCheese: In which case, I would build a campfire and roast some of those marshmallows
SkibblesMcCheese: It would get pretty chilly with that freezer open
Girl: i wanted u to like, come up behind me and grab my hips and just pull me back into u with ur dick hardening against me... but hell, if you wanna make fucking marshmallows... i suppose i can settle for that
SkibblesMcCheese: I really like marshmallows
#219548 +(1554)- [X]
<Snoody> Banky, are you still a virgin?
<Banky> Ask your mom.
<Snoody> She said yes.
#239735 +(559)- [X]
ericZir: what a retard
Shyne Po: Lol yeah
#246624 +(425)- [X]
#304925 +(270)- [X]
<OtherBill> omg. It's the meditation mantra of the internet generation.
#337079 +(1688)- [X]
<IAX> You can't spell manslaughter without laughter.
#593081 +(6610)- [X]
<Pax> I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.
#624182 +(1114)- [X]
<+PeterFA> I'm naked.
<+zinx> whoever invented text-only communication
#634201 +(1555)- [X]
Rabid Manyak: Oh man, my mid-term mark update is awesome
Rabid Manyak: computer science: 61% science: 74% math: 51% philosophy: 97%
Rabid Manyak: Thanks LSD!
#647923 +(441)- [X]
<TWK|Tharensk> im sure you could've googled it
<Fneb> nice to know people still haven't learnt to google :/
<Accipiter> Nice to know that some ppl still can throw arrogant comments on ppl who doesn't know the entire world encyclopedia :/
<skenk> yea because google is clearly in an obscure corner in britannica as far as public knowledge goes
#668269 +(1409)- [X]
<jab> I just installed some windows updates
<jab> and then Windows Update told me I had some security vulnerabilities in my windows software
<jab> I click OK and the list of vulnerabilities comes up and one of them says "Internet Explorer is not your default browser."
#684273 +(510)- [X]
<Oddness> Is it safe to put a 100W lightbulb in a 60W outlet?
<Atma-Mage> Do you enjoy having a face full of glassy shards of red-hot pain?
<Fire_i> Read: Yes, it is.
#695858 +(573)- [X]
<Roxus> what's the longest a USB cable can run ?
<zengolfer> Roxus: depends on how much it trains and conditions
#696866 +(-100)- [X]
<Mantits> You're going to end up paying for her extended family to live until they're 132
<Mantits> because japs NEVER DIE
<Mantits> except by suicide
#703614 +(-677)- [X]
<Zio> man, I keep expecting my room to fill up with jews
<Zio> it's an oven in here!
#820509 +(1390)- [X]
<+JimBastard> you wouldnt believe what just happened
<+JimBastard> i've been tracking my macbook all day on fedex, gets signed for by "One CHILETA" at 3pm...while im at work
<+JimBastard> turns it was misdelivered....TO THE MARCY PROJECTS IN BROOKLYN
<+JimBastard> A BRAND NEW LAPTOP
<+JimBastard> so what did jim bastard do?
<+JimBastard> I put on a button up shirt, black leather jacket, kakhis, and a dress shoes
<+JimBastard> went to the address
<+JimBastard> and pretended i was a detective
<+JimBastard> laptop is sitting on their desk
<+JimBastard> "Maam I'm here about a misdelievered package"
<+JimBastard> "We know its here"
<+JimBastard> "We just want it back, or else I'm going to have to come back with a warrant"
<+JimBastard> "and no one wants that"
<+JimBastard> never underestimate the power of a well dressed well spoken white man in the hood
<+JimBastard> the guy took one look at me as he was walking towards the door....turned around and came back with the package