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#713 +(288)- [X]

<Lowridah> I don't like getting  8===========D dcc'd to me

#2596 +(368)- [X]

<jstepka> there is nothing about you a complete personality change couldn’t fix.

#4032 +(360)- [X]

<blazemore> one of my friends that i haven't talked to in forever said "Hey what's up" through icq last night
<blazemore> i didn't say anything though cause last time she said whats up she just needed a cd burned :|
<mightyflo> cdrs before hos

#4470 +(49)- [X]

<[Prae|Code]> As it stands, AvDom is a levelless, XPless, HPless, MPless, Classless game system
<[Prae|Code]> and it is only that way because it was designed that way ^_^ <the_Speed_Bump> Sounds intricate.

#5274 +(440)- [X]

<Gnuspice> shit, you know you've been doing too much SQL when you're at a prompt and do SELECT * FROM /bin;

#5337 +(412)- [X]

<Zeddicus> i like Dungeon Seige, but its not something that hooks me like a good FPS does, or a good RTS
<agentM> i like dating games
<Zeddicus> i dont
<Zeddicus> i always lose

#5729 +(1133)- [X]

<Lord-Data> god damn faggot game
<Lord-Data> why the fuck would i wanna pick up a corpse when im on 10% health, theres a minigun in front of me and im under fire
<Lord-Data> when i push use i wanna use the god damn gun, not fuck the damn corpse

#10021 +(318)- [X]

<matts> I was on vacation and I saw this casino advertisement  on the highway: "LOOSEST $1 SLOTS" and they had a picture of a woman on it and then I realized that this casino ad could be taken the wrong way :P

#10034 +(320)- [X]

<duckman> do you say gash?
<A|exander> not in polite company
<IonSurge> haha
<IonSurge> who here is polite company?
<A|exander> oops typo
<A|exander> meant police custody

#12851 +(199)- [X]

<Jallak> Now, see, what you've done is just given me this mental image of this prepubescent girl dressed as a boy on stage, addressing the audience and telling them "Tinkerbell thinks she might become well again if little children believed  in sex"

#13946 +(250)- [X]

<URinsane> i'll restart after i sync my palm
<element> oh fancy pants with a palm
<element> do you keep your bitchs digits on there
<URinsane> hell yea
<element> do you stylus them in at bars
<URinsane> i whip that shit out
<element> DONT LEAVE
<URinsane> pfft plz when u have as sexy of a pda as me you dont need to buy them drinks
<element> yeah thats just wasted money for them to find out you are a nerd and not sleep with you anyway
<element> now you have a warning device

#20459 +(178)- [X]

<weed> the wife goes "Why don't you marry your computer geek friends this saturday instead of me!"

#20924 +(310)- [X]

<Chebarak> dude where you live?
<Ildefonse> i live in the netherlands
<Chebarak> right
<Chebarak> so where you live ?

#24933 +(252)- [X]

<irq> what acronym is posv?
> Pirates of Silicon Valley.
<irq> ah yes
> And it sucks, because I actually had a decent tape.
> Then I loaned it to a co-worker, whose wife interpreted "silicon" as "silicone," got the wrong idea, and threw it out.

#30838 +(259)- [X]

<KingEdgar0> Woke up 30 minutes later with my left hand on my dick and my right hand on the mouse

#34252 +(543)- [X]

<NinjaDebugger> Too... many... fetch... quests!
* Zrith parsed that as "fetish."
<Mandoric> "My black leather panties fell down the well! I'll give you the Dildo of Erdrick if you retrieve them!"

#34363 +(116)- [X]

<Magus> # robots.txt for http://www.riaa.com/
<Magus> # questions contact blong@riaa.com
<Magus> User-agent: *
<Magus> Disallow: /temp/
<Magus> Disallow: /admin/
* Magus cracks up

#37152 +(425)- [X]

<LordArgent> I see an iMac and I want it painted black, no colors anymore I want them to turn black.
<LordArgent> It's not a real computer, you have to face the facts. When you're on a Macintosh, your soul has turned to black.

#38432 +(75)- [X]

<blinden|midnightcleaning> I'm going to bakcup my mp3 collection....
<blinden|midnightcleaning> on floppies

#40228 +(583)- [X]

<JiggyNiggy> soul u ever been caught wanking behind the shed?
<Soulfly-> no
<JiggyNiggy> Good Spot isnt it :D

#42714 +(421)- [X]

<conform> i'll quit masturbating when you pry my cold dead hands from my cold dead cock.

#44545 +(539)- [X]

<BobTheGoat> Sorry I can't talk cause I gotta be up by $rand(5-8):00 tomorrow
<BobTheGoat> damn

#44788 +(105)- [X]

(RattX) my mate got slapped by a fat chick today
(RattX) she came up to us and asked him how fat people have sex and if they have to pull the flab up
(RattX) he turned around and said :"you should know u fat bitch"

#47060 +(432)- [X]

<@PhatBob> try smoking bud with pubic hairs in it, now that shit fucks you up
<@neotek> if you're smoking your pubic hairs, i'm PRETTY SURE you're already fucked up.

#50269 +(256)- [X]

<taglin>   ok, so te pretty menu came up and is asking you to add drives?
<suds>   yeh
<suds>   done that
<taglin>   k... whats next?
<suds>   weee
<suds>   hang on a sec...
<suds>   need more rum+coke+spritz of lime
<suds>   :)
<taglin>   heh
<taglin>   i think some of the problems with this crazy install could be alcohol related

#55231 +(377)- [X]

<SO|Razor> treize do you believe in other intelligent life?
<SO|Treize> in the universe?
<SO|Treize> or on forums?
<SO|Razor> .............

#67454 +(586)- [X]

<amiel> i got a new reality show
<amiel> a chick has unprotected sex with 10 or so guys while she's ovulating, 9 months later a camera crew goes and ruins each guys life
<amiel> we could call it remember me, or sexual roulette
<amiel> or find a bunch of people who are related and don't know it, hook them up, and expose their incest

#72241 +(20)- [X]

<_DeViL_kDs> me need help, how do me use flash????
<_DeViL_kDs> i have macromedia flash but cant find where to put the ftp details into it

#76548 +(1144)- [X]

<Abstruse> Bush: Iraq, you'd better get rid of your nuclear weapons or we'll bomb you!  Iraq: We don't have any nuclear weapons.  N Korea: We do.  Bush: Well then get rid of your chemical weapons!  Iraq: We don't have those either!  N Korea: Ummm...we have nukes now.  Bush: We KNOW you've got chemical and nuclear weapons!  Get rid of them!  Iraq: Even if we did, which we don't, we can't even hit the USA!  N Korea: We can nuke California all we want.
<Abstruse> Bush: Shuddup North Korea, no one cares!  Iraq, you'd BETTER disarm!  Iraq: But we don't HAVE anything!  N Korea: Oh fuck it, blow up Los Angelas...  Bush: Iraq, I'm warning you...  *BOOM*
<doppelganger> bush: "we are sick and tired of your missiles hitting us, iraq...but we cant understand why they are flying in from the pacific ocean!"  north korea: "he CAN'T be that stupid."  saddam: apparently he is.  i myself havent even made any missile that goes beyond walking distance."

#78507 +(159)- [X]

<@Stakker> argh. our CTO just came from Game Designers Convention in the US. our games are too complicated for americans. they're asking for one-button conversions :-D

#83276 +(185)- [X]

<Slinky3> i made bricks today!
<Slinky3> with my own home-ground flour!
<Apollo> I made some too, but I flushed them when I was finished

#84661 +(276)- [X]

<CryptoKnight> i was at my girlfriend's house yesterday
<CryptoKnight> and we are having sex
<Hektik_Sniper> ...
<Hektik_Sniper> TMI
<CryptoKnight> and then we hear her mom and her mom's boyfriend in the next room getting started
<Hektik_Sniper> ...
<CryptoKnight> and then they finish
<CryptoKnight> and then i'm still going
<CryptoKnight> and this morning that fuck calls me a "minute man "
<Hektik_Sniper> ...
<CryptoKnight> heh

#84700 +(848)- [X]

<Iconoplast> why do people insist in distributing things in real audio format?
<cowofdoom> because they love Hitler.
<Iconoplast> that's what i was thinking.

#88364 +(116)- [X]

<Azmodan> this is so useless
<Azmodan> 1 ping, 10 fps

#108527 +(413)- [X]

<Sargasm> It must be a bitch to write your name in the snow in Arabic

#108617 +(243)- [X]

<ChopLogik> Girls are like voltron, the more you stick together, the better it gets.

#136351 +(46)- [X]

<S1> i'm royally pissed off
<S1> i was giving my grandmother a ride into town so she could pick up her car
<S1> as i went through an intersection
<S1> a car making a right turn decided she diddn't want to go into the right lane wich was clear
<S1> nooooooooo she had to jump RIGHT in front of me
<S1> I had my 70 year old grand mother in the car
<S1> i almost rear ended the fuck out of an SUV
<S1> it could have easily put my grandmother in the hospital
<S1> bitch is lucky didn't rip her lungs out through her ass
<A1> you were going to rip your grandmothers lungs out through her ass?

#138441 +(51)- [X]

<{SCF}|l||l||ll|> I AM SCF BARCODE

#138636 +(63)- [X]

if you get turned down for a job, its just like getting turned down for a date, only girls dont often give you the courtesy of "Thanks for applying, we will keep your resume on file.  have a nice day!"

#141357 +(1370)- [X]

<malkygoat> i've donated 1000hours of CPU time to SETI
<ozzmosis> malkygoat: you know in about 20 years time the alien ships will land here on Earth and demand to know why we've been DOSing their alien network 20 light years away with random packets

#143858 +(755)- [X]

<ShadowRage> if this net needs anything it's more linux
<jimmiejaz> fuck no.
<ShadowRage> if ths net needs anything it's more women*
<ShadowRage> god dammit
<ShadowRage> You know you've become a nerd when the word linux automatically replaces "women" in your mind.

#167698 +(2006)- [X]

<ancho> do girls like it if you stick your hand up there ass??
<ancho> hurry plz.. im in the middle of something

#220983 +(1114)- [X]

<Joe> so if somebody said "I did your momma" what would you say?
<Eric> Daddy?
<Joe> okay, you got me there, that was a good one

#229070 +(6860)- [X]

<pihlopase> Jesus Saves
<jbroome> pases to moses, SCOOOOORE

#283329 +(110)- [X]

MUTANT1042: Man, fuck porn spam!
AvariceManifesto: That's the general idea.

#299382 +(883)- [X]

milkmanjb2000: We're talking in biology about dominant and recessive genes in reproduction
milkmanjb2000: and I said "I'm white because I have all dominant genes"
milkmanjb2000: and Matt said, "um, actually, black people have all dominant genes"
milkmanjb2000: looks like someone's genes haven't read world history

#417139 +(1433)- [X]

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<snoldak> im so lonely

#607500 +(670)- [X]

Faustmaster300: OK, my sis asked how to spell danke, which is german for thx, so i tell her, iamaretard. she types it in and sends it to her friend. didnt even realize. i will never let her live it down.

#715510 +(-867)- [X]

<Dr.Foongoggles> Ya see, the PS3 is hung like a horse.
<Dr.Z> And the 360?
<Dr.Foongoggles> The 360 is the guy who gives you that weird STD called "overheating".
<TheShuffler> so what does that make the wii?
<Dr.Z> You didn't notice?
<Dr.Foongoggles> Well it is rather feminine.
<TheShuffler> How so?
<Dr.Z> ....
<Dr.Foongoggles>.....Your Wii looks like a vagina, Dylan.

#946154 +(90)- [X]

<SpaceCadet> BREATHE
<SpaceCadet> in through your nose, slowly exhale through your mouth
<SpaceCadet> BREATHE
<SpaceCadet> BREATHE

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