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#55 +(3903)- [X]

<Sonique> you know you've just experienced an odd moment at 3:30am when you're completely naked making an away msg for aim and your dad (clothed only in breifs) strolls by, waves, and says, "i thought i smelled something. oh well, night!", and walks off

#98 +(7328)- [X]

<ikkenai> i don't have hard drives. i just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers

#1198 +(356)- [X]

<RonaldJ> dood
<RonaldJ> we should start a site
<RonaldJ> like Am I Hot
<RonaldJ> and
<RonaldJ> Like My Nude Pic?
<RonaldJ> but call it
<RonaldJ> How Do I Look In This Shirt?
<RonaldJ> .com

#2469 +(575)- [X]

<conceited> i cant sleep till i know im using up half of the neighborhood bandwidth

#4395 +(637)- [X]

<Predictable> "Peace, love, and Linux" makes me think of a guy with excessive facial hair in a tiedye t-shirt, shorts, and sandals saying "You can't use that distribution MAN" "You can't like, own an OS, MAN"

#5074 +(109)- [X]

<`rip> ryano is a dick sucker
<clay> yes
<clay> a social dicksucker
<clay> much like the social smoker
<clay> he puffs for his homies
<`rip> puffs on his homies

#7074 +(339)- [X]

<gegi> same reason people look down on you if you're into BDSM but prefer the man to be the dom
<Naivete> people look down on that?
<Naivete> why?
<Nicademus> cause the girl is tied to the floor duh
<Nicademus> kinda hard to look up at her

#8864 +(290)- [X]

<+Sonikku> 10 PRINT "_Bobbi_ is a PROGRAMER!"
<+Sonikku> 20 GOTO 10
<@dixon> Sonikku: what is that ? assembly ?

#10948 +(98)- [X]

<@Twitch`> i wish there was a special room in our building where guys could go and jerk off on their coffee breaks
<@Twitch`> that'd be a fuckin stress buster if there ever was one
<@Path> hahahah

#15782 +(156)- [X]

<Mew49> shutup broadband bastard
<joober> i dont have broad band
<joober> i have cable

#16692 +(188)- [X]

<JCDenton> i wasn't flooding............
<JCDenton> i was sharing

#17044 +(762)- [X]

<Laura_ken> ameeeerrrrr
<amer> why do people do that
<amer> why can't you do "amer: this is my question blah blah blah?"
<amer> why do you have to wait for a response
<Rhayde> lol
<amer> goddamit i'm here, ask your question
<amer> or say what you have to say
<amer> jesus
* amer throws up his hands and leaves the room
<amer> well?
*** Exekiel (ZelementZ@192.168.100.101) has joined #lineage
<Exekiel> AMER
<amer> lol

#18132 +(247)- [X]

[08:40] <GreenNight> voodoo mmm
[08:41] * GreenNight is going to invent a marriage simulator. It's a blowup doll that sits on the couch, takes your money, and slowly inflates larger and larger

#19196 +(582)- [X]

<punkassjy> i hate those goddamn jesus freaks with their wwjd.  i mean, wtf?
<yapper> you mean wtfwjd!  lol!
<punkassjy> rtfb!

#21140 +(-86)- [X]

<ChrisF-> how all my little niglets doing?
<ChrisF-> we celebrating black histry munf in dis mofo?

#22943 +(1521)- [X]

<NyseriA> Things I've learned about war from videogames: If you find yourself mortally wounded by an enemy sniper be sure to let him know that he is a faggot.

#23029 +(531)- [X]

<MAZgyrl> skootlez, take me off ur ignore list. i need 2 talk 2 u
<jared> that's not going to work MAZgyrl...
<jared> cause if you were on his ignore list he couldn't see you, you are stupid
<MAZgyrl> shut up
<jared> MAZgyrl: send me your pic, you sound easy

#24709 +(669)- [X]

<GameSlt> I just got back from new york/canada
<GinandPlatonic> rad, and how was new york/canada?
<GameSlt> it was ok...went river rafting which was cooler than one would think
<GameSlt> my mom fell out...was funny.
<GinandPlatonic> oh heh...this river rafting, does it have multiplayer support?
<GameSlt> up to 8 players I think
<GameSlt> and a great frame rate
<GinandPlatonic>: oh, hmm...
<GinandPlatonic>: What about "camping whores"?
<GameSlt>: they are called rocks...the bastards
<GameSlt>: I "ownz" them

#24973 +(133)- [X]

<RevengePimpy> man Steven Hawking is the shit
<HazE> lol
<RevengePimpy> He talks like a robot

#34278 +(144)- [X]

<@mr_zap> kinda like some toilet seat incident I know about
<@Glenn> hahaha
<@Glenn> i went to the loo at kents place
<@Glenn> forgot about the toilet seat
<@Glenn> and i was like
<@Glenn> fuck your toilets uncomfortable
<@Glenn> and hes like, well, u gotta put the seat down

#34535 +(645)- [X]

<Match> ic
<Kayin> dont say ic. its unbecoming
<Match> i know. sorry
<H4Z3> why is it unbecoming?
<Match> we just learned about this in english. if you say things like i see and yup, it makes you seem passive
<Kayin> as if you're uninterested in the conversation
<H4Z3> ic
<Match> jerk

#39280 +(233)- [X]

jenmigrant: I've figured it out.  There are two distinct species of male in the world:  All the men I want, and all the men I can have.

#43482 +(160)- [X]

<@david_bowie> `I just popped the biggest zit known to man
<@david_bowie> it splattered ALL over the mirror
<@david_bowie> this wasn't the normal whitehead popping either
<@david_bowie> it was like, a penis came out of my eyebrow and came all over the place

#45663 +(239)- [X]

* Fighter notes at his store Pepsi Blue is cheaper than water......

#51170 +(168)- [X]

<litigator> fucking a fat girl is like riding a scooter its fun til someone sees you

#54794 +(194)- [X]

<ChuckD> so i got a massive summer sausage today
<ChuckD> what happened
<ChuckD> is i was talking about summer sausage
<ChuckD> and my friend said "i can bring ya summer sausage! i have tons!"
<ChuckD> i thought he was joking
<ChuckD> sure enough, he shows up with a massive summer sausage
<ChuckD> people looked at me funny
<ChuckD> i was carrying around a summer sausage, after all
<Dancer_the_Reindeer> or were you just happy to see them?

#56118 +(398)- [X]

<Mystiq`> i wish you spoke better english
<[SePtOr]> i should not
<[SePtOr]> i dont have why... you understand what i wanna say... It even matter

#58800 +(172)- [X]

<Anon> holy crap, you know you've been on IRC too long when you see p133 and think 'plee'...

#59666 +(490)- [X]

<Mario> were is evesyone?
<penfold> in graamer school
<penfold> grammar*
<penfold> damnit, it backfired :\

#69724 +(95)- [X]

<crunchyfish> The space shuttle Columbia walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, why do you look so down?" The shuttle says, "Oh, I just broke up with my crew."

#75344 +(124)- [X]

froovgloobular: Haha, seven sexy co-workers sounds like something out of a story..
froovgloobular: Like 7 dwarves, or soemthinge.
sidacola: Oh. I thought you were going to say a porno story.

#80967 +(-157)- [X]

<apoc|21hours> <jas0n> man im a geek
<apoc|21hours> <jas0n> im trying to find the RGB value of my hair
<Ender> wtf
<Ender> *jas0n TRYING TO BE FUNNY BUT NOT RAEWLLY I BET I PUT MY OWN QUOTE ON BASH.ORG CAUSE ITD MAEK MY FAMOUS ASND I'LL TELL ME MOM AND ALL THE GIRLS'LL LOEV ME FOR THE FUNNY
<Ender> ... yaeh
<apoc|21hours> rofl
<Ender> (im gonna post that on bash.org so i can get the girls and jas0n's mom)

#83445 +(-139)- [X]

[03:25:01] <@holden> damnit i shit myself
[04:04:39] <@holden> god that took forever to clean up
[04:05:08] <@holden> seriously.. shitting yourself at 4 am is gay
[04:05:20] <@holden> i was sitting here minding my own business
[04:05:24] <@holden> and blam!
[04:05:28] <@holden> all this shit comes out..
[04:05:31] <@holden> i was like.. WTF
[04:05:49] <@holden> and its all liquidy and running around my junk
[04:06:01] <@holden> and i'm sitting here like.. well fuck
[04:06:34] <@holden> so i get up.. and its all running down my leg.. so i hobble off to the bathroom, so as not to disjar it anymore
[04:06:40] <@holden> jakdflakjsdf
[04:06:52] <@holden> i can only pray this doesnt happen to someone else
[04:07:54] <@holden> i think it was the pizza i ate last night D:

#83634 +(175)- [X]

<Duo> I'm moving to Mars
<Duo> Where the only ISP is Marz
<Flash|slp|possum> and Earthlink (XD)

#111427 +(592)- [X]

<meeps> i saved a girls life tonight
<DJ-Quack> well meeps?
<meeps> this terrorist came around the corner and tried to kill her so i shot his head off
<DJ-Quack> omfg meeps
<hpr> lol :P
<meeps> hahaha
<DJ-Quack> you asshole
<DJ-Quack> ;[
<LawnMM> did he respawn?
<meeps> Yeah, next round

#117711 +(775)- [X]

<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> im from uganda
<@cylyk> interesting
<@cylyk> i'm canadian!
<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> actually im not from uganda
<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> where is canada?
<@swolf> its an american expansion pack

#119918 +(179)- [X]

<Caspian777> Once I get my picture on the net, you'll see. :P
<Suvorov> ooh can i have your picture?
<Suvorov> no baby ones though - i can't masturbate to those

#198076 +(1059)- [X]

SomethingTrifty: I'm vegetarian for a different reason
SomethingTrifty: It's not because I like animals
SomethingTrifty: i just fucking hate plants

#222555 +(596)- [X]

<Blake`> Buffalo wants to draw in the film industry.
<Blake`> What the fuck are they gonna film there?
<`Edwin`> Fargo, part 2?
<Blake`> "The Adventures of Nanook the Eskimo"?
<`Edwin`> Call of the Wild?
<Blake`> "Dude, Where's My Economy?"

#386222 +(2326)- [X]

Trikkz R 4 Kidz: YO
Trikkz R 4 Kidz: WASSUP?
tetsu2051: presumably not your shift key

#445469 +(334)- [X]

NipokNek: I can tell it's christmas time cause my p2p programs are serving more xmas music and less porn. :D

#563614 +(953)- [X]

<Fenril> That reminds me, there's a deaf person in one of my classes, and she has a personal sign-language person.
<Fenril> And it's really freaking distracting.
<Satan> Now there's a job I wouldn't mind having.
<Cact> I don't have a beef with the deaf, it's just that they freak me out with their moans and grunts sometimes.
<Fenril> I don't either, but it's hard to learn with a person standing 3 feet from you and looking like she's having a sock-puppet fight with herself.

#638296 +(2699)- [X]

<kperpy> then i heard my mum at the door and naturally i panicked right, but luckily i alt+tab'd to porn and took off my pants before she saw that i was on the microsoft website

#669963 +(2515)- [X]

* | gets lazy
* | is now known as _

#685262 +(469)- [X]

<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> so i ditched her didnt answer her calls etc
<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> and she totally brushed me
<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> and hooked up with my mate
<joop`> so you fucked him to make her jealous?

#744290 +(1010)- [X]

<Hitman2005> I got a new Car stereo the other day, it comes equipped with'VOICE RECOGNITION!'.
<Hitman2005> So if i shout "Rock", it searches, and play rock music, If i shout 'SOUL' it searches for soul music, same with country music etc,etc.
<Hitman2005> Only problem is, i had some children run out in front of my car the other day,
<Hitman2005> I shouted "FUCKING KIDS", Then Michael Jacksons 'THRILLER' came on :S

#756762 +(2680)- [X]

The Fishchaser: we should tell the japaneese we found a planet full of giant tentacle monsters and their females are somehow little school girls
The Fishchaser: we'll be going faster than the speed of light in a week

#765266 +(1197)- [X]

<Scully> Yeah, so far for me "national guard" has meant taking hikes and standing around during demonstrations. 
<Scully> I'm not a rent-a-cop dammit
<nightwatch> yah, still better than being in iraq tho
<Scully> i know, my cousin got killed there 2 years ago :(
<jonm> howd that happen
<Scully> his humvee got hit by an RPG
<jonm> wat
<Scully> ?
<jonm> dude im bein serious
<Scully> what?
<jonm> how the fuck can a roleplaying game destroy a humvee

#768409 +(3685)- [X]

<Scotty> Oh my fucking God. I just spent the best 20 dollars of my life. On a bet, anyway.
<Scotty> After school, me and my friends went to the drug store.
<Scotty> And my friend brought a box of condoms to the counter.
<Scotty> And she scanned them.
<Scotty> And he acted like he didn't have enough money.
<Scotty> He was like, "Shit, I'll be right back."
<Scotty> So he puts the condoms back, and comes back with a bag of rubber bands in one hand and a box of plastic wrap in the other.
<Scotty> Oh my fucking God
<Scotty> Until the day I die
<Scotty> I will never forget that lady's face.
<DanT> haha
<Scotty> Best bet I've ever lost.

#925793 +(1753)- [X]

<Rei> who lived in a pineapple under the sea, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
<Rei> who died in an oil spill because of bp, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

0.0506 20983 quotes approved; 1806 quotes pending
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