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#1332 +(420)- [X]

<D1> today, I started the supermodel diet.
<maff> that must be a step up from the all sperm diet you were on

#1377 +(412)- [X]

<TheFlux2k> i just teleport everywhere
<TheFlux2k> walking is for faggots

#1577 +(273)- [X]

<ccowboy> @chanserv took over my chat-room!

#2049 +(730)- [X]

<Ferney> I think the clog is bonged
<Ferney> LOL
<Ferney> whoa...I think the BONG is CLOGGED

#2636 +(103)- [X]

<shervin> i have installed a Semen Control and Flood Restictor Waste System (SCFRWS) to control my ejaculations which land on the keyboard.. and drain it to the local public swimming pool

#3407 +(1810)- [X]

<timmo> and it involves a girl named bertha
<timmo> 'this is my daughter bertha, she eats villages'

#4847 +(317)- [X]

<Gersh> wow
<Gersh> I rule
<Gersh> I made one of my ex's cry over aim
<Gersh> dammit I wish she had a webcam

#6480 +(1178)- [X]

<axel026> i need help please
<^cell^> do you have an appointment?
<axel026> im french
<^cell^> i see... thats a terrible disorder

#7962 +(171)- [X]

<ICIST> I get that warm and fuzzy feeling
<@Deth> like when you pee your pants?
<ICIST> kinda
<ICIST> more like when i shit myself

#8004 +(6)- [X]

<Linguica> I was on the phone
<Linguica> with a girl who i am pretty sure likes me
<Linguica> and i saw this
<mewse_> heh
<Linguica> and i was like "i have to go now"
<mewse_> haha
<mewse_> batman dons his cowl

#8361 +(13)- [X]

Quits: The_Rinoa (Local kill by Wilko (one big fat chanwhore sitting on #ffonline, one big fat chanwhore sitting on #ffonline, and if the big fat chanwhore, was accidentally anally brutalised by a /kill, there'd be 0 fat chanwhores sitting on #ffonline. BOOYA!))

#8470 +(317)- [X]

<PsykoFaerie> everyone got into discussions about how i must have an eating disorder. :|
<monk[e]> psyko, if you throw up right after eathing... intentionaly... you have an eating disorder
<Aelhaeran> Pysko: and if your prone to sharp, stabbing pains in your eye after a meal, chances are you have a fork lodged in it.

#9670 +(661)- [X]

<[ryan]> nah when i first saw porn of any kind i was like "man, that must get boring after a while"
<[ryan]> then i went back to programming heh
<shea_> when i first saw programming
<shea_> i was like
<shea_> "man, that must get boring after a while"\
<shea_> then i went back to porn

#10284 +(1151)- [X]

<AnalInvasion> my dick is so big it has feet
<NinjaInThePants> my dick is so big popcorn now comes in small, medium, large, and my dick.

#10828 +(222)- [X]

<MeTh|pizzza> ack! i think some1 is tryin 2 break into my house! i just saw a kladder go by the window...
<ddrfreak> really?
<MeTh|pizzza> in other chan...
<ddrfreak> somoene is trying to break into your house in the other channel?

#10882 +(169)- [X]

<jorm> i want to get laid. look out, world.

#16086 +(567)- [X]

<MepitansTAD> this kid we call Crosswalk Kramer tried to kill himself by walking into traffic
<MepitansTAD> but he walked in front of a truck going 15 mph and he was in a crosswalk
<MepitansTAD> the truck just stopped and asked him to move

#17941 +(210)- [X]

<GameFang11> He says, and he pulls out sword from the wall
<GameFang11> he loses 3 HP
<GameFang11> The Thief attacks Christ
<Chris-Hotwire-Ashtear> hehehe
<GameFang11> DAMN! *Chris
<Drakkor> man
<Drakkor> you are going to hell

#22985 +(132)- [X]

<saunafrend> damn it, walmart doesnt advertise their shotguns on their website.

#23056 +(187)- [X]

<Cricket> talk about bush then.
<Cricket> the kind you eat, not the kind you vote for.
<pesti> ew, no
<pesti> no political,stuff,
<dUb> lol
<pesti> like, mowing the lawn?
<dUb> I like the george michael clip
<dUb> hihi
<Cricket> yeah, like mowing the lawn.
<pesti> trimming the hedge
<dUb> chocking the snake
<dUb> ...
<pesti> pounding the beaver
<dUb> spanking the monkey
<pesti> dub, you still have a lot to learn if you think that is having sex with a girl

#25483 +(528)- [X]

<BLaG> i wanna sleep naked
<BLaG> but i'm afraid my parents will come in and take pictures of me and make a kiddy porn site on the internet

#26673 +(-22)- [X]

<[m1]> imagine filling a realdoll with ketchup and dropping it from the top of a building
<[m1]> and your friend is bellow, and you seti tup so he's standing there when the realdoll lands
<[m1]> and he start jerking off
<[m1]> and quoting Macbeth
<friar> imagine filling a realdoll full of mayonaise and leaving it in a carpark while it all oozes out
<friar> imagine putting your cock inside teddy ruxpin so you see the tip everytime he opens his mouth

#27823 +(562)- [X]

* m4z3` kicks dalnet
* Quits: m4z3` (maze@ (Killed (zone.hub.us.dal.net ()))
<Jagfire> And DALnet kicks back

#35339 +(268)- [X]

<kuruption> this guys gave me a shell on his box
<kuruption> and vi is symlinked to pico!

#36528 +(190)- [X]

<Karyon> [12:10] * Quits: RainyDay (Will you remember my ass or my brain? :))

#38961 +(136)- [X]

* ZondrZout has entered
<Arathorn> hello
<ZondrZout> Well, how typical...
<ZondrZout> Only the bot greets me
<Karyon> lol

#39979 +(239)- [X]

<@sh3p> Download
<@sh3p> Welcome to File Cauldron!
<@sh3p> You are downloader number 1,101,922 of 1,104,254 waiting in line.
<@sh3p> Your download will begin somewhere around June 19 in the year 2044 .

#41779 +(14)- [X]

<[mN]Cracker> cept my smelly grandparents are in the kitchen
<[mN]Cracker> gawd

#50209 +(160)- [X]

* FerdKat carries Limey to bed
<LimeyKat> night!
<FerdKat> night all
* LimeyKat has left #FPFC_Chat
* FerdKat has left #fpfc_chat
* `Glenn gets the idea there is a chatroom called "#bed" with 2 OPs in it right now ^^;

#51783 +(149)- [X]

<@Daybreaker> bah
<@Daybreaker> i got sick oF that bin laden game the first time i played it
<@Daybreaker> like a year ago
<@Daybreaker> fuck flash games
<@Blur> hentai?
<@Daybreaker> shush
<@Daybreaker> i caN't stand a game where the difficulty levels are "poorly made" "badly made" and "free 15 day macromedia preview"
<@Blur> lol
<@Daybreaker> fuck all that

#58739 +(133)- [X]

<ally> i wonder what postage of a live animal would be to washington >.>
<rcg> illegal?

#72995 +(107)- [X]

<MrMaddog> Hairy men and eggs does not a porn make :P
<Rucas> You've never been to Germany, have you?

#82097 +(174)- [X]

<Grimp> haha
<Grimp> I evolved into a monkey

#86421 +(196)- [X]

<CodeMason> I never sleep.
<CodeMason> I just lapse into alcohol-induced catatonia on a regular basis.

#93196 +(737)- [X]

<Q> i need a remote control, and when you press a button on it, it makes your female friends stop being weird
<Lestat> I have one of those.
<Lestat> It's called a gun.

#99030 +(805)- [X]

<@DataTek> hah
<@DataTek> antibiotics are the king
<@DataTek> u drink two beers and you're so drunk u almost pass out
<@DataTek> its like a Quad-damage powerup

#102160 +(300)- [X]

< Hippo> i'd be the worst jesus ever, i'd be constantly drunk if i could turn water into wine

#106876 +(701)- [X]

<Kobe_Tai> guy comes in complaining of abdominal/rectal pain
<Kobe_Tai> all of his vitals look okay
<Kobe_Tai> no abdominal distension
<Kobe_Tai> no nauseau/vomiting
<Kobe_Tai> we go ahead and admit him
<Kobe_Tai> and during his initial body audit
<Kobe_Tai> I see scratches and tearing all around his anus
<Kobe_Tai> so I'm like "have you been raped? or eaten anything unusual?"
<Kobe_Tai> and hes like "no"
<Kobe_Tai> so I make him an appointment with radiology
<Kobe_Tai> and send him down for an Abdominal Ultrasound
<Kobe_Tai> about 45 minutes later, they're calling me
<Kobe_Tai> and they're like "OMFG COME DOWN HERE"
<Kobe_Tai> so I go down
<Kobe_Tai> and theyre all like white as ghosts
<Kobe_Tai> I put the film up on the slidr
<Kobe_Tai> *slider
<Kobe_Tai> the guy failed to mention that he had ?AN ENTIRE VLASIC PICLE JAR RAMMED UP HIS ASS
<Kobe_Tai> pickle
<Kobe_Tai> so, we sent him to surgery
<Kobe_Tai> and because the lid was off
<Kobe_Tai> it formed a vacuum
<Kobe_Tai> and they had a real hard time removing it
<Kobe_Tai> no, they drilled a hole in it to release the vacuum
<Kobe_Tai> when they did he hemorrhafed
<Kobe_Tai> *hemorhagged
<alex> all he wanted was to have a good time :(
<alex> first of all if i wanted to have anal sex with a jar i would find one of those plastic ones

#122454 +(461)- [X]

<GooRooPR> I've got cats, they like to puke (always on the fucking carpet, no matter what). While this bothers me, it at one time was tolerable when one kitty would puke the other would run in and eat it. I liked that system, I'd cheer them on, let them know that they where good kitties, pet them while they ate each others puke, and what not. I even had it down to a perfect science where I'd reduce catfood to insure total puke clean
<GooRooPR> WTF? Do they expect me to eat it? Cause I'm not some bottomless pit, they puke a lot and I doubt I could keep up with that.
<GooRooPR> sorry for the flood :)
<revolver> heh
<DirtyPunk> You can tell someone needs to get out of the house and interact with humans when...
<revolver> ...they're cheering for puke eating kittens?

#229321 +(909)- [X]

<@amoeba> hey, what's the keyboard shortcut to discard the current buffer in emacs?
<@thatguy> do you have 12 fingers

#246488 +(895)- [X]

<homenerd> How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
<homenerd> Fish

#398164 +(367)- [X]

<RMerlin> Best one was that night a regular woman on the channel joined it, and asked us if someone could finger her.
<RMerlin> Then she realised what she had just said

#424642 +(1319)- [X]

<Dogan> Just try and imagine michael jackson as a football player
<Samurai> ....
<Samurai> All that i'm going to say to that is:
<Samurai> the touchdown dances would be insane

#499346 +(663)- [X]

<Erin> No manners these days ...
<Mitch> yeah
<Erin> like, this policeman last nite
<Erin> there was a breathaliser thing, so we had to stop, n this policeman came up to my mum's window and shone this light right in her eyes
<Erin> and was like "can u see this lite"
<Erin> she like ... "yes sir your shining it in my face"
<Erin> so he goes, "thats what your lights are doing to us, turn them down madam"
<Erin> "its an offence"
<Erin> and didn't even breathalise her.

#529651 +(999)- [X]

benjiwenji07: this one time i saw a 40 foot tall wrench
benjiwenji07: and that was the biggest tool id ever seen until i met john genz
blahdy78: thats weird because this one time i saw this 40 foot tall wench
blahdy78: and that was the biggest whore i ever saw till i met your mom

#608693 +(1178)- [X]

<ensis> Well folks, I'm off to the farm
<ensis> I can actually say that too, how funny
<Bomp> They're lying
<Bomp> You're going to be put down

#722053 +(672)- [X]

< Vice> if paris hilton came and wanted sex.. i think i just might have
        to concede..
< Vice> cos you never know
< Vice> she might have one of those "the millionth customer gets a special prize" campaigne going on..

#726333 +(808)- [X]

MasterH: They should make the entire world follow the same timezone. They could have like orbital mirrors which reflect the sun to every corner of the earth.,
MasterH: And have night at the same time.
Faethyr: And nightime would happen How?
MasterH: Turn off the mirorrs

#743459 +(1890)- [X]

<Mellis> hmm?
<Mellis> congratulations you're a level 2 Ikeamancer

#916932 +(3530)- [X]

<ChaosTeacup> playing fucking?
<ChaosTeacup> fucking isnt a game, its a very very serious sport
<Chiri> it can be quite competitive
<ChaosTeacup> although its best if you end in a draw
<Chiri> but the professional leagues aren't very respected as a career path
<ChaosTeacup> its best to play in the minors
<ChaosTeacup> wait
<ChaosTeacup> no

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