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#526 +(907)- [X]

<matt`> <goh`> guilty you spelt speed wrong
<goh`> spelled*
<goh`> you're*
<goh`> you guys are assholes

#1116 +(902)- [X]

<var> hrmm
<var> how the fuck did a shortcut to e13ay end up on my desktop
<var> what kinda nefarious shit is windows update pulling
<Guilty> It's your computers way of saying it wants a new owner
<Guilty> Like a dog scratching on the door to get out

#1419 +(435)- [X]

<|Chris> you couldn't get a man if you opened your ass like the goatse.cx guy and walked around a prison yard

#1585 +(2683)- [X]

<vortex502> 3+5
<vortex502> oops
<vortex502> thought i had the calculator prog. open

#2831 +(372)- [X]

<snag> you know whats funny
<snag> im big
<snag> but im not that fat
<eldee> that's what all fat people say

#3040 +(250)- [X]

quits SuB-RiC (M@h24-66-38-29.wp.shawcable.net) (I am short" is Womanese for, "I am fat)

#5523 +(3333)- [X]

<Opcode> i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file

#8305 +(1388)- [X]

<Saber> just when I manage to convince myself I'm a superior being, I walk into a door

#8443 +(330)- [X]

<sisko> did you castrate jason for hiding the pron?
<Kaff> no. that would defeat the purpose.
<sisko> suppose so.
<Kaff> i just shook my fist a lot and said "grr"
<sisko> haha. and I suppose he was utterly intimidated
<Kaff> like a good husband, he's suitably scared of me.
<Kaff> he's seen me naked.

#10486 +(473)- [X]

<cj_> we lost 20,000 rows of customer data
<Twid> cj: eek!
<Twid> I hope the innocent were blamed.
<Kin-San> 20k? holy...
<cj_> we blamed the guy that didn't come in today.
<Kin-San> lol
<Twid> good.  as long as normal business procedures were followed

#10912 +(214)- [X]

<Random> Yes. Your testicles, if not stopped, will slaughter the hapless opposition.

#11261 +(898)- [X]

* Tomko slaps saber with Oprah's clitoris, which resembles some kind of gnarled and pulsating sweet potato
<ducks> WTF

#12303 +(521)- [X]

<baldurk> btw, happy independance day!!
<baldurk> although in england we call it thanksgiving day

#14526 +(1458)- [X]

<oneo|SUMMER> the US has some of the best schools in the nation

#17469 +(828)- [X]

HolyViper7: im confused as to how i'm still allowed to breathe the same oxygen as other human beings.  i just bought some tic tacs, and most of em are gone... and you know how some tic tacs get like, stuck?  well, see, i didnt wanna make too much noise so i put the tic tac container in my lap and i hit the container.  it was then i realized i had testicles.  it was quite painful

#18887 +(163)- [X]

<Chikster>Does anyone know if I can DL a complete version of photoshop on the net?
<Gary> They have photoshop on Pcs...
<Chikster> God why do newbies all try an help me..

#33315 +(232)- [X]

<jafo> one more drink and I'll be ready for gay sex

#36803 +(206)- [X]

<cwd> god damn i just farted HARD on my chair and it felt good
<HardCore> did it lift u off?
<cwd> yeah good thing i was wearing my seatbelt

#46315 +(35)- [X]

<@chucky> . <= a map of the world zoomed out alot
<@Diesi|> ha-ha

#46316 +(229)- [X]

<ryda> earlier, i was lookin up doom 3 stuff
<ryda> and i clicked on this doom 3 screenshot link
<ryda> and it redirected to a pornsite
<ryda> and then my mum comes up to me and offers me a pringle
<ryda> and im just like sheeet
<milenko> ahhahaha
<milenko what did she say?
<ryda> i couldnt get it off the screen
<ryda> she pretended not to noticed
<ryda> alt f4 wasnt workin lol
<ryda> thing is, it looked really really gross
<milenko> what was it, cumshot?
<ryda> im not sure
<ryda> but i think it could have been tranny
<milenko> dude, YOUR FUCKED

#47032 +(212)- [X]

*** julia_roberts was kicked by neotek (banned: spamming)
<@neotek> who would have thought that a successful actress like julia roberts would stoop to spamming her "phat pic site"

#48978 +(225)- [X]

<Coco13> Girls are a waste of polygons.

#52775 +(1012)- [X]

<Wealllike> what this "uber" you see so often?
<timmo> uber - german for over or above
<Wealllike> I know that
<Wealllike> I'm german
<Wealllike> but you write it ü
<Wealllike> über
<Inuki> how appropriate. a german being a spelling nazi :P

#56876 +(258)- [X]

<TittySmasher> Do you think if you were having sex with a chick, and had a condom on and lightning struck you, the condom would melt and the chick would shit/piss melted plastic?
<rTenshi> uhh, you'd die man.
<TittySmasher> ... oh

#58170 +(122)- [X]

<Presto> why do they even do that on websites.
<Presto> If the link above is flashing you win!
<Presto> but it seems that the link is always flashing...
<Presto> infact, I have never seen it not flash.
<Moeser> its more like "if you are a gullible user, YOURE A WINNER!"
<Presto> pisses me off
<jenara> ive clicked it before
<jenara> turns out, you don't win
<jenara> you sell your soul
<jenara> TO THE DEVIL
* Moeser rips off his mouse button
<Moeser> must.... not... click...

#82089 +(830)- [X]

* Alpaca is listening to : Celine Dion - Where Does My Heart Beat Now.mp3

#83882 +(1600)- [X]

* Professor sets mode: +m
<Professor> Listen up, people.
<Professor> 1.) Religion-chat is done, since we're degenerating into bickering.
<Professor> 2.) Goombas are traitorous members of the Mushroom Kingdom who joined Koopa for a share of the power. It says so in the SMB manual.

#107434 +(223)- [X]

procrastination is like masturbation, it feels real good while your doing it, but in the end you realize your just screwing yourself/

#122842 +(247)- [X]

<Brian_Davion> whats a good colour for a protocal droid?
<Brian_Davion> kaiser: I'm thinking a droid just like C3P0
<KaiserPanda> make it black with inlaid gold leaf designs, and a funny hat
<KaiserPanda> and a pink lawn flamingo
<Wolf> yes, and its opening line would be "I am cornholio, human-cornhole relations"

#138634 +(325)- [X]

<sean> And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
<sean> "Thou shalt cross the road."
<sean> And the chicken crossed the road
<krohnjw__> that chicken should have been like "back off god, im doing this my way"
<krohnjw__> then he would have gotten owned

#147245 +(196)- [X]

BuXtonZer0: i dunno why its such a good combo
BuXtonZer0: the goldfish are crunchy and cheesy, while the coke is cold, refreshing, sweet, and breaks down the goldfish
Benihana420: and your teeth
Benihana420: at the same time
BuXtonZer0: another plus

#162936 +(287)- [X]

Bebej210: I really miss you Tim.
Bebej210: Except for the whole sodomy thing.

#239578 +(284)- [X]

<Tigs> does anyone have a ruler i can borrow?

#241121 +(462)- [X]

Alex: I'm so goth even my chocobos are black.

#271263 +(406)- [X]

< gt3> a million people applied for the apprentice 2
< gt3> and you know damn well its just gonna get outsourced to india

#301909 +(711)- [X]

ShortyMcStupid: i was looking at pron on the internet
ShortyMcStupid: and the comp froze
ShortyMcStupid: so i just got up and left
Meneeococoa: hm
ShortyMcStupid: and came back and put my brother's watch on top of the monitor
Meneeococoa: hahaha
Meneeococoa: thats funny....
ShortyMcStupid: and my parents kicked him out

#364341 +(2348)- [X]

<@reflir> also, my harry potter sex bot arrived
<@reflir> err
<@reflir> I mean boxed set

#424364 +(1808)- [X]

* halocy goes for laundry like the good house-bitch she is
[a few mins later]
<halocy> my bf's socks are all kinda ... crunchy
<halocy> wtf?
<halocy> his feet must sweat a lot
<rvrsl> haha
<smashi> ew
<smashi> hehe
<smashi> are you sure it's
<smashi> SWEAT!
* smashi giggles
<halocy> what else would it be?

#454110 +(1256)- [X]

Awesomest771: god damn jeff's been at blockbuster for 2 hours, where the fuck is he
Einhander MKII: that was a pretty stupid question

#564748 +(778)- [X]

Gimpy: lifes a bitch and im her pimp
HjMC: Fuck life!
Gimpy: that'll be 50 dollars

#590259 +(3063)- [X]

<zien> ah i love water. it's like nature's fruit juice.
<cgom> ....FRUIT JUICE is nature's fruit juice. moron.

#599113 +(562)- [X]

<brukA> I'd hire a pornstar. Everytime I see one they're hard at work.

#639797 +(2038)- [X]

<[BAD]Beef> follow my reasoning
<[BAD]Beef> my comp has no floppy drive
<[BAD]Beef> so I go downstairs to make a boot floppy on another comp
<[BAD]Beef> I come back in my room with the floppy in my hand
<[BAD]Beef> and bang my head against the wall

#644937 +(560)- [X]

Cope: we have been so bored at work we made a sport
Cope: we call it condomball
Cope: theres a used condom thrown in the ally and if the ball touches it the game is over forever

#676032 +(1203)- [X]

<Epic> how are^things?
<Epic> I've been up 48 hours now ;_;
<Dr_Ian> is that why you typoed the space bar as shift and 6?

#697534 +(837)- [X]

<Kalthare> Dammit, I'm losing my stack pointer somewhere in fat_mount(). :(
<Quazgaa> Kalthare: sounds like a bad date

#710728 +(1465)- [X]

Wraith2041: Man, even soulless corporations are telling the RIAA to shut their goddamn mouths. I'm betting soon Satan himself will burst through the RIAA president's floor and say, "Cease, minion. My Avril Lavigne songs are not to be trifled with."

#745565 +(1604)- [X]

<zak> I once almost kissed a girl but then she woke up.. then i woke up

#764412 +(851)- [X]

<air>I think i'm addicted to DDR
<air>I need a twelve step program

#808898 +(604)- [X]

<danly> 'cause you know, behind every nympho-elf there's a 40 year old man living in his parent's basement just hoping you’ll make a pass at him so he can initiate cybersex.
<Xore> many 40 year old men are better at cybersex as nympho-elves than most nympho-elves
<danly> That's strangely insightful and revolting at the same time

0.0576 21096 quotes approved; 1722 quotes pending
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