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#129 +(3058)- [X]

<cndz> what would jesus do>
<Josh> probably get crucified and die

#762 +(196)- [X]

uuu join/#unix (Hes^GoT^LiNuX!root@vw-14185.kems.net)..
<Hes^GoT^LiNuX> I Have Linux Perl Can i Download Gnome???

#1366 +(225)- [X]

<MadHatter> kids are out of school for now...
<MadHatter> that means 2x the takeovers

#1837 +(239)- [X]

<barkode> you don't even want to be in the same area code as me after indian  food

#2172 +(1259)- [X]

<refugee> man
<refugee> you cant cancel an AOL subscription online
<dwai> try to do it over the phone
<refugee> and they want your screenname when you cancel
<refugee> so I gotta be like "yeah, my screenname is SIZZLINGCROTCH"

#6534 +(253)- [X]

<SD-Washu> ST. LOUIS - A former Southern Baptist Convention president stirred interfaith tumult when he described Muhammad, Islam's revered founder, as a "demon-possessed pedophile."

#6575 +(255)- [X]

<@_uaioe> BITE THE PILLOW, KID... ITS GOIN' IN DRY!

#7758 +(263)- [X]

<FifthColumn> best place to pick up chicks is at the orphanage.  those 18 year olds get sent out on their own with no place to go, usually
<mogismog> they're usually crazy, too, fifth
<mogismog> makes for a good time in bed

#7953 +(245)- [X]

<gkm> mmm, me.
<garandou> glen - when you say 'mmm me' i can't help but imagine you rubbing your nipples
<gkm> mmm, nipples.
<gkm> i'm as happy as a little girl.

#8371 +(230)- [X]

<Jin|ForSale> I HAVE NO USE FOR MONEY
<Jin|ForSale> (unless it is a lot)

#9131 +(108)- [X]

<FairLighT> we'd have to do something incredibly crazy to distract the wal-mart staff
<V3nOm> lol yeah go take a shit in the front garden

#9342 +(101)- [X]

<dream> five girls.
<dream> and he's fucking all of them behind all of their backs.
<@reflexive> that's a lot of poon.
<@plutonium> and herpes.

#11170 +(238)- [X]

<niles> i just baught this kick ass afgan rug downtown
<niles> it has landmines, pistols and attack helicopters

#16682 +(1680)- [X]

*** UndErX has joined #help
<UndErX> sup lamer newbies
<UndErX> answer this if u r not newbiez:
<FiEsTy-> well, ask
<UndErX> no newbie lamer
<UndErX> lamerz
<FiEsTy-> hey please dont type /quit fiesty- because it makes me quit IRC.. please
*** Quits: UndErX (Quit: fiesty-)

#17179 +(13)- [X]

<Zanshin> Ignitor: you have to be on malt liquor to fully appreciate it. To the average american negro, slightly buzzed on malt liquor and dazed by the media stimulus of sports and bigscreen TV.. The phone, and the ability to communicate, even in the typical monosyllables of the subculture, is a complete novelty. Thus, the "wazzup" commercial represents the wonder and happiness that a group of young negroes finds in using the technology

#20739 +(256)- [X]

** ragum sets mode: +b *!*@Baseball.conversation
<mrclean> guerrero is the best hitter in baseball
<ragum> excuse me
<ragum> didn't I just ban baseball talk?
<ragum> I could've sworn I did
*** HighChief sets mode: +b *!*@fat.ass.chicks
<HighChief> Didn't I just ban all american females?
<HighChief> I could have sworn i did
<Atlantic`> ROFL

#34526 +(301)- [X]

[+Mr_Day]: Santa Claus, now he's real. At least, that's what they call the pervert around here, who masturbates on rooftops. He comes down chimneys.

#36180 +(20)- [X]

(Mr_Moppy) I got me some great head last night
(Mr_Moppy) Tired the dog out though... she's not used to such vigorous work.

#40486 +(199)- [X]

<Soulfly-> come on simo we all know what u do on those long brisbane to sunshine coast train trips..
<Soulfly-> YOU THINK ABOUT SEX POSITIONS DONT U?
<simo> no
<simo> i wank
<Croew> oh god
* Croew has quit IRC

#45235 +(479)- [X]

<Rune> my car blew up when half a dozen of diaz's friggin cronies rammed their cars into mine
<+Shadow> lol
<+Shadow> heh I hate it when someone cuts you off in a motorcycle and bumps you into a cop
<+Shadow> and then you try to run away but you can't get on the bike with the cop near
<+Shadow> so you have to kill the cop
<+Shadow> then you have two stars for no real reason
<Rune> I hate it when taxis make sharp turns when you're going high speed on a motorcycle
<Jamie_M> for a second there
<Jamie_M> i thought "wait shadow owns a motorcycle"
<Jamie_M> but then i realized nobody in here EVER talks about real life.

#45521 +(-8)- [X]

<Christof-Dupri> This 13 year old girl on Dr Phil is rapeable

#46800 +(4)- [X]

<R-e-s-t> i know about 3 quarters of the whole html

#48208 +(408)- [X]

<v-ger> it's fun to hate people online - it's like a video game and sensitive people's feelings are like quad damage

#48695 +(-202)- [X]

<orion> goh, despite your new image of being an intelligent nigger
<goh`> yup
<orion> you are still
<orion> a nigger.

#49521 +(166)- [X]

<Nyphur> I want to grwo my hair long so that if I get a girlfriend, people will think we're lesbians.

#59666 +(482)- [X]

<Mario> were is evesyone?
<penfold> in graamer school
<penfold> grammar*
<penfold> damnit, it backfired :\

#61272 +(162)- [X]

<Yora> *dryly* you arent paying for it and the company doesnt make money off you playing, what would you call it?
<FireIsFun> Grand Theft Data

#74139 +(193)- [X]

<Du`ranain> I HAVE A DREAM
<Du`ranain> and no, it's not racial equality
<Du`ranain> thats fairly unanimous hopefully
<Kap`n_Kakakaway> one day...nation...etc
<Kap`n_Kakakaway> is your dream about carebears on motorcycles with chains and leather jackets like my friend ryan's dream?

#81785 +(379)- [X]

<dabblerblue> i wonder if anyone in iraq has tried rocket-jumping yet
<DJTodd> Rocket jumping?
<dabblerblue> nevermind

#88666 +(797)- [X]

<Draffa> it's sad.  When I was 14/15/16, the hottest women were 25.  Now that i'm 25, the hottest girls are 14/15/16 :(

#97987 +(17)- [X]

<rB> best part of waking up is vagina on your cock

#126807 +(734)- [X]

Mondo: bukkake is a Japanese dish
Mondo: and not that kind of dish
Mondo: A dish of Japanese food. A soupy broth of Udon noodles with some kind of broth (miso?)*, usually served in a bowl.
Mondo: wonder what'd happen.. if you ordered bukkake in a jap resturant..
Mondo: "Mmm.. I could really go for some bukkake"
Mondo: would they bring you a dish of food, or bring 20 guys out to jerk all over you
Kadmium: I tricked a friend into trying to order "neko don" (lit: cat with rice) at a Japanese restaurant
Kadmium: He got a *FILTHY* look
Mondo: LOL
Kadmium: You know, that "You build railroad!" sort of look
Mondo: roflmao

#195649 +(639)- [X]

#236412 +(309)- [X]

* MogKnight fires suicide bombers at acpo
<MogKnight> FOR ALLAH.
<Cassie> don't mock allah :(
<Cassie> he is my god
<rikku> SO YOUR ARBIAN!!!!
<Cassie> yes, i'm from Arbia

#238603 +(203)- [X]

<Azrael> notepad + random windows system files = fun for the bored

#246465 +(400)- [X]

<FeLisha`> Im not a barbie girl, and I dont listen to any of the music they do, but I still don't like being made fun of.
<FeLisha`> They always put me down, I have like a negative amount of self esteem right now.
<endoskelet0n> guess what
<FeLisha`> What
<endoskelet0n> fuck them.
<FeLisha`> You dont think ive tried
<endoskelet0n> lol
<FeLisha`> wait
<FeLisha`> ...that sounded bad

#248750 +(784)- [X]

vince: i just emailed the hotmail staff that i wasnt able to open and read any emails
vince: my email: i have a problem, i cant open or read any emails
vince: they answered: yes you can

#284969 +(768)- [X]

<Bludywar> can ne one get me a cdkey for counter strike
<Bludywar> a working one
<Rhyth> Go and buy a copy of hl?
<Bludywar> I got one
<Bludywar> my boy ate the fucking cd key
<Bludywar> he took the sticker part off and ate it
<Rhyth> :/
<Bludywar> can  you give me the cdkey?
<Bludywar> can ne one give me a cdkey tho
<Bludywar> for counter strike
<Rhyth> Your boy ate it?
<Bludywar> ya
<Rhyth> That's the most absurd excuse for not having a cdkey ever.

#307385 +(1796)- [X]

<passagero> i'm romanian man,i have 18yers old and try to found some one who want to have a relation sheep with me

#367871 +(600)- [X]

[LoTek] my girl bleeds a lot.
[LoTek] like, for 5 or 6 days
[LoTek] that cant be normal.
[Dissembler] wow, you should take her to the vet.

#367896 +(8867)- [X]

<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

#397658 +(919)- [X]

<avalon> can I touch you now?
<Nala> I still don't know you
-!- avalon is now known as dad
<dad> how about now?

#448646 +(751)- [X]

his_madjesty: hey, I wake up in the middle of the night for all sorts of reasons.
his_madjesty: mostly to get up off the computer chair and go to bed.

#549651 +(1094)- [X]

<Velk> I have my school pay phones on my cell contact list
<Velk> my friend and I plan to go to New York city and take down as many pay phone numbers as we can
<Velk> and single out a person, and every payphone he passes we'll call
<Velk> just to creep him out

#624688 +(1064)- [X]

(Cdian)If anyone wants to see it, I have the entire series of "goatse" pictures, not just the most famous one. You'd be horriffied to see exactly what that man can fit up his arse.
(em-p)Yeah cause when I saw goatse.cx my first thought was "where can I find MORE?" and then, when I found more? "I'm going to hold onto these!" I just don't KNOW you anymore dude.

#634091 +(2801)- [X]

Clainsynar: What if all numbers were multiples of pi and our integer system was wrong?
TokMor: stop having such irrational thoughts

#769133 +(716)- [X]

<FelixB> I will never forget seeing our neighbourhood kids jerk off a horse. :)
<FelixB> These two kids were just completely fascinated by this young stallion's erection.
<FelixB> So they started playing with it.
<FelixB> The horse was enjoying it and just stood there. :)
<FelixB> The inevitable happenned....all over one of the kids.

#814211 +(942)- [X]

<Zabbage> I used to do drugs in the 70's.
<Zabbage> Now I don't care what the temperature is

#827929 +(1743)- [X]

Seppukakke: You know, in the Old Testament, God was full of Wroth and Vengeance. You did bad stuff, he rained brimstone down on your ungrateful ass or harrassed your people with 7 plagues.
Seppukakke: In the New Testament, its like he has turned over a new leaf, you don't hear some much of the nasty things he did to his people (because if you believe in it, everyone on earth is his creation)
Seppukakke: You know what happened around the time between the New Testament and the Old Testament?
Seppukakke: He got laid.

#835783 +(-115)- [X]

<Mr. Fawf> I don't know anymore!
<Jake> bummer
<Sky> that's what happened to frosty
<Mr. Fawf> He died
<Mr. Fawf> and then Santa brought him back to life.
<Mr. Fawf> Just like our lord Jesus.
<Jake> ....
<Jake> are you saying jesus is santa?
<Sky> no no
<Sky> he's saying santa saved jesus
<Sky> and therefore.....
<Mr. Fawf> Santa is God!
<Jake> Oh, alrighty
<Jake> I can accept that

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