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#193 +(165)- [X]

<screechon> call him up
<screechon> and tell him calmly to give you your money
<screechon> and if not
<screechon> take it to judge judy

#717 +(60)- [X]

<Acero> dude wild are you some kind of flagrant gay

#2517 +(295)- [X]

<hye> sex caffeine and computing power
<tia> hehe
<hye> the trinity

#3621 +(281)- [X]

<djcrom> its so hard to create a build in an electro song without any percussion
<noj> no it isn't
<noj> you puss
<djcrom> ok let me rephrase
<djcrom> its so hard to create a build in an electro song without any percussion and make it not sound gay

#4932 +(40)- [X]

<jesus-> jesus saves, but good thing im jesus- , cause i cant do shit

#5378 +(43)- [X]

<offwYtE> noWay man, tha tis a wikked statement
<offwYtE> well i thought it was
<offwYtE> maybe not sure what it means now

#5421 +(264)- [X]

* Lots42 has just finished perusing Ladyj.net and is now very frightened
<LJ-atwork> Lots: frightened?
<Lots42> LJ yes. Since you have the eyes and nose of my ex-girlfriend.
<LJ-atwork> in a jar

#7524 +(325)- [X]

<yunicus> sometimes i can't deal with you people in text format

#7892 +(54)- [X]

#7967 +(34)- [X]

(CitizenC): Hey, here's a question for ya.. what if Jesus was gay?
(CitizenC): You know what? I bet he was.
(CitizenC): Walking around in that desert with his apostles forever?
(CitizenC): They didn't have porn back then, which left only two options:
(CitizenC): * Beat off behind a mountain somewhere to memories of Mary, or
(CitizenC): * Say "Yo!  Deciples!  Suck my cock!  I'm the son of God!"
(CitizenC): Personally, I think that second one is much more likely.

#8443 +(310)- [X]

<sisko> did you castrate jason for hiding the pron?
<Kaff> no. that would defeat the purpose.
<sisko> suppose so.
<Kaff> i just shook my fist a lot and said "grr"
<sisko> haha. and I suppose he was utterly intimidated
<Kaff> like a good husband, he's suitably scared of me.
<Kaff> he's seen me naked.

#8650 +(34)- [X]

<gallagher> why the fuck do my fingers smell like something i have never smelled before
<gallagher> and it smells horrible

#11532 +(619)- [X]

<jre> God is a racist.  Look in the old testament and you'll find nothing but nationalistic hatred of others.
<JesusGurl> God is not a racist. what racist would have Jews as His chosen people?

#11882 +(212)- [X]

<mage> it will be nice to be back in america
<sparks> I feel the same way
<sparks> having come from alabama

#12123 +(403)- [X]

<Farnarcle> you use mIRC?
<EvilElmo`> whats mIRC?
<Farnarcle> ok dont worry diff IRC proggy
<EvilElmo`> whats IRC?

#17837 +(-33)- [X]

<Pete^> I
<Pete^> accidently
<Pete^> :)
<Pete^> married
<Pete^> a guy
<Pete^> ;p

#17881 +(482)- [X]

<Heinz89> seen alric
<Plaidhawk> alric!irc@smilex.ormoru.net was last seen by me in #stars! 11m 22s ago saying: !seen heinz89

#17893 +(18)- [X]

<barbye> wtf is this
<barbye> teh purpose
<barbye> WHAT IS THE PURPOSE
<barbye> IN LIFE
<bass_freak> There is no purpose in life... =(
<barbye> i know SO WHAT R WE DOING
<barbye> LETS ALL KILL OURSELVES
<johnny69> mhmm.. ok
<bass_freak> good idea!
* barbye bbl, [SUICIDE]
* johnny69 bbl, [SUICIDE]
* bass_freak bbl, [SUICIDE]

#22900 +(298)- [X]

* ILoveJackDaniels is gonna set up a "Ken's Typos" quote site
<kensplace>  msssake me anon but ken still
<ILoveJackDaniels> Ken: Lay off the crack. Seriously ;)
<kensplace>  lol
* kensplace promises not to slay antyother word

#23260 +(159)- [X]

<waffle> just forward all the mail locally
<Docter> can I echo mage > /home/kyle/.forward
<waffle> Kyle: i think
<waffle> then just finger kyle and see if it stuck
<Kevyn> Heh.

#33746 +(14)- [X]

<@trejkaz> if exists c:\porn then alert("YOU HAVE PORNO!")

#34025 +(290)- [X]

<rizen> accept cock
<rizen> er
<rizen> accept, cock

#34161 +(397)- [X]

<Nyphur>Dude, my wee sister has TITS!
<CWGerard>...
<CWGerard>...
<Nyphur>Fuck, did I just think that, or did I type it?

#40309 +(174)- [X]

<@LordZERO> I used to think a girls butt was forbidden. I was so young, and naive...

#40577 +(80)- [X]

<Suparmono> its a dilemma, i dont ask girls out. No, there is only one way to go about this
<tynka> oerr.. and what's that?
<Suparmono> NONCONCENTUAL INTERCOURSE
<Suparmono> except spell consent with an S

#43406 +(273)- [X]

ComTraXG3: i dont usually shave... but i got a haircut a couple of weeks ago, which was the first haircut ive had in almost a year. Now i have short hair and my beard looked dumb, so I shaved it off.
ocaJ+: Did you also get a new set of dice for D&D?

#52956 +(240)- [X]

<Ddamn> watching someone get banned is like watching a retard throw eggs at an old lady

#58443 +(403)- [X]

* SilverH|Work is now known as SilverHorse
<SilverHorse> OMFG
<SilverHorse> I HELD MY DAMN DIAHREA ALL DAMN DAY
<SilverHorse> THEN I JUST GOT HOME
<SilverHorse> IT WAS LIKE FUCKING HIROSHIMA
<SilverHorse> I mean jesus
<SilverHorse> you could hear the splash across the house
<SilverHorse> it literally covered the entire surface area of my ass
<SilverHorse> japanese people died when I let it go

#59062 +(1328)- [X]

<X5> do what horny college idiot men do every night, hump park benches!
<smackfoo> last time i humped a park bench i was late into my teens
<smackfoo> it was a quiet, peaceful night in hyde park
<smackfoo> the bums had all been incinerated in an unfortunate event with the department of water and power
<smackfoo> i stepped up to a cute little wood number, couldn't have been older than 17
<smackfoo> i rubbed her thighs...er...handles, and she cooed in the moonlight
<smackfoo> fearing splinters, i gently waxed her humps, making sure to remove any hint of sharpness
<smackfoo> slowly, gently, i removed my pants...
<smackfoo> um
<smackfoo> you guys know the rest
<Cithorn> Keep going
<Cithorn> I'm not done yet

#59641 +(331)- [X]

<Fat-Burrick> What i want to know is why gandalf didnt rescue merry and pippin from the ents
<Tumbleweed> would you?
<Fat-Burrick> good point

#63148 +(1802)- [X]

[@|Asriel] I just got a crazy telemarket call
[@|Asriel] an autoglass repair shop, asking if we had any damaged auto glass we'd like a free quote on
[@|Asriel] I wondered if that was a variant on "is your refrigerator running"
[@|Asriel] if I had broken glass, I'd do something about it
[@Mono] lol
[@|Asriel] not sit around hoping someone will call me up
[@|Asriel] 911 doesnt call you up randomly "We were wondering if anybody happens to be dying, traped, giving birth, or breaking into your home at the moment"
[@|Asriel] "I'm so glad you called, there's a guy holding a gun to my face"
[@Mono] rofl

#75173 +(450)- [X]

*** Parts: Moses

#75545 +(27)- [X]

<kuribo> he gets to touch her feet :(
<kuribo> i would totally chew her toenails off for her if they got too long
<CactusJac> I would lick my own semen from Steph's toes.
<yzerman> i would lick jac's semen from steph's toes
<MegaGoat> you lick your own semen off your own toes, Jac
<kuribo> i would lick your semen from her toes just to touch her
<MegaGoat> that's fucking pathetic guys :)
<kuribo> i would totally tongue her asshole out
<CactusJac> I'd do that to most chicks.

#81929 +(457)- [X]

<U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love meh gf
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love saying that i have a gf
<ViPeR`> i have a gf too :D
<ViPeR`> i love her too :)
<[AoS]Albatros> YEAH I HAVE A GEFORCE TOO AND I LOVE THAT GRAPHICS CARD gawddamnit
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> my gf is a real person alba, not some piece of hardware thats shocks the shit out of your dick when it gives you head
<[AoS]Albatros> Nice idea
<[AoS]Albatros> brb

#84061 +(95)- [X]

(doggie^): www.audioscrobbler.com
(doggie^): i think im addicted :|
(DaMuppet): wtf is that?
(doggie^): plugin for winamp
(doggie^): recommends music to you
(`dM`): nice
(DaMuppet): "u like jpop, the pedo police department will be knocking on your door soon, don;t bother getting more music"

#96243 +(321)- [X]

<X> we women have this secret society
<X> if we say not to have sex with a guy
<X> then no one has sex with that guy
<X> u just got urself black-listed
<X> heheheh
<Dan> heh
<Dan> i think ive been blacklisted for a while

#147236 +(221)- [X]

<-yptosis> Hey, I took a picture of my wang like df did. Let me upload it.
<-yptosis> It'll take a bit, it is a 9 meg file.

#211966 +(463)- [X]

<Rosss> I watched a crazy japanese gangster movie today
<Rosss> A yakuza boss drowns a hooker hopped up on heroin in a kiddie pool full of her own feces
<Lev> Was it a comedy?
<Rosss> uh no
<Lev> Oh

#212483 +(244)- [X]

<gelfwag> So, I'm in the administration room now. What do I do to really fuck them up bad?
<@mooie> how did you get on the computer in there?
<+greg> give the computer a good shock to fuck up the hard drive or just knock it over
<+greg> and burn the windows/office/etc CDs
<gelfwag> haha! this is awesome the CD cases are melting.
<gelfwag> the mouse is melting it's so awesome
<gelfwag> oh shit the mousepad caught fire
<+greg> dump it somewhere
<gelfwag> fuck the room's getting filled with smoke what the hell do I do now?!
<+greg> let it start burning then get away and pull a fire alarm somewhere in the halls
<gelfwag> hahaha
<gelfwag> oh shit the library bitch is coming wtf do I do now?!?!?!!
<+greg> Beat the shit out of her and run.. or if she saw your face, kill the ho and move to mexico
* Quits: gelfwag (Connection reset by peer)

#215069 +(256)- [X]

<JtotheB> it's a fact that you have to deal with sooner or later
<JtotheB> the latent homosexuality involved with masturbating

#261275 +(164)- [X]

<Daxim> also, bersirc is broken
<Daxim> it must not add the angles to the link
<Daxim> I'll file a bug
<paranoid> I want to file a bug report to your fucking parents

#281421 +(5092)- [X]

mdiym42: note to self
mdiym42: make sure your cat is not sleeping in the bass drum before you start playing them

#370251 +(341)- [X]

<Ashen> NP: [bangles - eternal flame.mp3]
<Ashen> k, i feel really gay right now
<Ashen> NP: [Lords Of Acid - Show Me Your Pussy.mp3]
<Ashen> there we go

#514827 +(3034)- [X]

<Azemilcar> What do you Brits say when you stereotype American speech?
<Starblaydia> anything lacking irony or sarcasm usually qualifies, Azemilcar
<Gala|drunk> *nod*
<Yamatto> or we just hoot like gibbons and invade sandy countries.

#598272 +(514)- [X]

<Snow> So my 100% chance of snow has resulted in precisely 0 snow and the prediction has deteriorated to a 40% chance of snow.
<deimos> welcome to modern meteorology
<deimos> where all those fancy computers are to hide the dartboard

#624194 +(571)- [X]

<pixadel> Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like. But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN'T be like.

#729963 +(563)- [X]

<Kirkburn> Shouldn't RCs be called Gamma?
<Maldivia> in Microsoft's case: RC = Alpha, Release = Beta, Service Pack 1 = RC, Service Pack 2 = Release

#870274 +(4152)- [X]

<ddubb> if there is no local area ID found, drop the load data.
<ddubb> or, in code form:
<ddubb> if (!getLAid()) dropLoad();
<ddubb> line 525 of software that ships tomorrow.
<ddubb> my work here is done.

#910098 +(723)- [X]

<Pahricida> and I never want to get rickrolled again by my alarm clock
<Linds-inClass> ROFL
<Linds-inClass> radio clock?
<Pahricida> yeah
<Linds-inClass> hahaha
<Pahricida> it woke me up with a rickroll
<Linds-inClass> that is pure awesome
<Linds-inClass> XD
<Pahricida> :S
<Pahricida> not if it happens to you
<Pahricida> you're like
<Pahricida> ztZZzzZzz
<Pahricida> "NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOOOOOOOOOWN!"
<Pahricida> "AH SHUT THE FUCK UP"

#946520 +(456)- [X]

Matt: I AM QUERY OPTIMIZATION GUY
Matt: AND THIS... IS MY QUERY
Andy: wha?... WHO TOUCH MY QUERY?!
Matt: WHO TOUCHED MY JOINS!!??
Matt: Some users think they can outsmart me.  Maybe... maybe.  I have yet to meet one who can outsmart LIMIT.
Matt: She weighs in at 300 lines of SQL and she searches 8 million rows per second.  It costs 24 billion machine cycles to run this query... for 12 seconds.

0.0401 20983 quotes approved; 870 quotes pending
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