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#23 +(1977)- [X]

<Guilty> Oh god I just changed my pw and instantly forgot it

#950 +(630)- [X]

(Amakusa) ALF and Catwoman snuff porn crossover
(Amakusa) I'm afraid that when I make stuff up like that, it really exists out there somewhere ;(

#3300 +(206)- [X]

<StoneDog> The mental image that went with getting head from a severed head?
<StoneDog> Didn't bug me.

#6056 +(349)- [X]

<Guyver3> koolaid time
<Guyver3> what today
<Guyver3> strawberry kiwi
<Guyver3> strawberry kiwi lemonade
<Guyver3> mountain berry blast
<Guyver3> or blood of the preacher's daughter?
<kingmob> the blood one.  definitely.

#6653 +(472)- [X]

<LR|Midnight> this ice cream owns
<[ice]> omfg
<[ice]> this Midnight cream 0wns

#6930 +(1005)- [X]

<psichan> nipple rings remind me of giant castle doors
<psichan> whenever I see someone showing off nipple rings, I want to reach out and yank on them, screaming "SANCTUARY!"

#7286 +(248)- [X]

( Comatose  ) play dough is the food of kings
( Chino     ) play dough is too salty
( Comatose  ) but its not as crunchy as crayons

#7420 +(265)- [X]

<firebrand> damn, i cannot spell today
<A|exander> you just did.
<firebrand> fuck you ;)

#8603 +(-62)- [X]

<sleepswithangels> quiet in here
<sleepswithangels> HII!!!
<sleepswithangels> oh fuck this

#11094 +(178)- [X]

<magoo> herk knows all about liquid saftey
<herkit> i know where to buy new keyboards

#13404 +(749)- [X]

<@rtav> CaptainX, It is considered outdated and sexist to refer to your barbecue with "her"
<@rtav> CaptainX, Unless it is an erotic barbecue with the erotic feature set of a woman.
<@rtav> Then I propose that you are confusing a hooker with a barbecue.
<@rtav> To determine once and for all whether you are dealing with a barecue or a hooker, simply light it on fire.
<@rtav> If it runs, you are dealing with a hooker.
<@rtav> If it does not, you are either dealing with a barbecue or a dead hooker.

#16230 +(266)- [X]

([m1]) teresa do you remember what i told you about the playground mentality of guys?
(resa) playground?
(resa) they only think about sex?
([m1]) no teresa
([m1]) that boys in elementary school would pick on girls they like
(Mog2) i'd hate to know how teresa connected the playground to thinking about sex

#17475 +(129)- [X]

* Techniq throws salt in FG's eyes
* FuNGuY throws ass in techo's dick

#20254 +(69)- [X]

<oz> DYKQUIL - YOUR RUBBING, LICKING, GRABBING, POKING, TEASING, TONGUING, SO YOU CAN GO ALL NITE MEDICINE

#26994 +(684)- [X]

<sean> I could jack off to a barbie doll and it'd be the equivilant to jerking off to the girls in playboy
<Ronwe> sean: you've jerked off to a barbie doll?
<iTM> wtf
<Ronwe> that' just pathetic
<sean> yes, many MANY times
<Ronwe> I mean, I've done it to Charsi's ass in D2.. but never to a barbie doll
<Ronwe> and it was only once... too lazy to go find some decent porn to smack to
<Astro> lol
<iTM> Charsi's ass?
<Ronwe> yeah... it's tight and firm
<Ronwe> I'm not going to explain any more
<Ronwe> I'm already afraid of this making it to bash

#33205 +(179)- [X]

<radez> i tried slitting my wrist 3 days ago cuz i realized that my life sucked but then
<radez> i wanted to watch coyote ugly

#34686 +(630)- [X]

<Hypr> i heard theres a mexican equvalent of warez called juarez

#39722 +(-55)- [X]

(This was said after I quoted bash.org)
<Abyss> I hope these people stay on irc and never venture into the real world
<Abyss> or we will all be in big trouble

#46681 +(-87)- [X]

(panthernt) but theres this big black-ish cloud in detroit's general direction
<energize> that's just niggers reflecting into the sky

#49499 +(461)- [X]

<Praetor> i got jury duty and I was like
<Praetor> "well.. I don't believe in drug laws... i couldn't convict someone on drug posession bc i don't believe it should be a crime, unless he was black of course"
<Praetor> excused

#50774 +(274)- [X]

<aBoijj> he asked me where I downloaded it from
<aBoijj> I said I walked into the shop and downloaded it from the shelf to my hand then uploaded some money from my pocket to the till via the shop assistant

#53321 +(359)- [X]

<IsamuDyson> i think they need to get out and meet some people
<BloodFromStone> Hey, I won't allow that kind of talk in here.

#75994 +(56)- [X]

[Animosity]: anyone got any bubble wrap they can dcc me >?

#80048 +(212)- [X]

Chris: well, idle hands are the devil's playdgroun
Lotach: which is why god invented porn
Chris: yes
Lotach: so man would not resort to the devil's deeds

#97923 +(530)- [X]

<ChangWufei> it was well funny when we all went in a gay bar, they all just stared at us
<ChangWufei> hehe
<loveya> u went in a gay bar???
<ChangWufei> yeah, we didnt realise at first
<astrotrain> what... that you were gay?

#98898 +(1149)- [X]

<iretch> i love how the only way i can tell which family members are home
<iretch> are which lights are lit up on my hub

#101988 +(348)- [X]

<Sage> but curiosity
<ChaosValentine> killed the cat
<Unicorn> technically the cat killed himself, curiosity just convinced it to
<gk> no way man
<gk> curiosity busted out a switch blade and slit that stupid pussy's throat

#106363 +(71)- [X]

(jo2): Do you know any help files for vb which are legal to download ?
(@IRBMe): MSDN?
(@IRBMe): or you could look on the CD's or something
(jo2): i have no cds
(@IRBMe): where did they go?
(jo2): don't know
(jo2): i never had them
(jo2): i have downloaded a trial ver
(@AndyDev): where did u d/l it from?
(jo2): no warez
(@AndyDev): where did u find the trial version?
(jo2): don't know
(jo2): it was 3 month ago
(@AndyDev): then buy the cds
(jo2): ok give me the money
(@AndyDev): OK, download them from here ftp://warez:download@127.0.0.1
(jo2): it doesn't work

#137988 +(125)- [X]

<evileye|ESC> http://promotions.yahoo.com/yodel/
<evileye|ESC> YAhOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!
<Hellfire> ROFL
<evileye|ESC> "DO NOT ENTER THIS PROMOTION IF YOU ARE NOT LOCATED AND LEGALLY RESIDING IN THE UNITED STATES (EXCEPT FLORIDA) DURING THE ENTIRE TERM OF THIS PROMOTION."
<evileye|ESC> EXCEPT FLORIDA!
<evileye|ESC> damn old people
<Hellfire> hahaha
<Hellfire> they dont want the professional florida yodelers to win......

#138626 +(393)- [X]

kobbie|pot has Quit iRC (Write Error: Broken pipe)
kobbie|work has joined.

#148851 +(769)- [X]

<november7> 100 pts
<`red> in canada we get 200 pts for running over americans.
<november7> yea but over here your points arent worth shit

#149650 +(1676)- [X]

[ Skip ] my mum told me she deleted "that program that you have obscene conversations on"
[ Skip ] i came on and irc was still here
[ Skip ] yet my winamp is gone :S

#162081 +(166)- [X]

<ByteSize> warez = abrv. from "where is"
<ByteSize> right?

#239439 +(264)- [X]

(+{-ReV-}) http://www.eden.rutgers.edu/~husainm/Animated/milkit.gif thats stupid the glass isn't even filling up how am i supposed to believe it then
(jizzypop_) hehe
(jizzypop_) you just have to have faith
(+{-ReV-}) like the song
(@J_bomb) rev it's a new GIF version
(@J_bomb) if you wait long enough, they'll fill up
(@J_bomb) it has extra frames
(+{-ReV-}) ok
(@J_bomb) just sit and stare
(+{-ReV-}) i'll put my finger on the screen to mark the progression of the milk

20 minutes later...

(+{-ReV-}) ok dammit
(+{-ReV-}) i fucking quit
(+{-ReV-}) screw the milk

#364005 +(1557)- [X]

Spreadursunshine: wow you werent online all yesterday
EinhanderMKII: Yeah I was out doing things PRODUCTIVE
Spreadursunshine: omg! its a breakthrough
Spreadursunshine: like what?
EinhanderMKII: fixing my internet

#461919 +(478)- [X]

<Barb> I just looked over at a cup on my desk and thought "Ew, that milk must be really old. Its like, orangey. Strange that it doesn't smell." And I realized it was orange juice and not milk.

#483079 +(266)- [X]

<ajh_home> I'm not sure I can convey how uncomfortable it makes me when people just randomly come up to me.
<kyle> the funny thing is, if you killed them, it would be /you/ who gets arrested.
<kyle> what a backwards society.

#490690 +(402)- [X]

<DM|Rigs> heh no body loves me
<DM|Rigs> :(
<Munter> Jesus loves you!
<Sirak> Everybody else thinks you're a cunt

#525439 +(856)- [X]

<Darth_Blade> Wow.
<Darth_Blade> Word crashes whenever I try to quote the constitution article about human rights. Conspiracy theories anyone? %)
<aetherspoon> heh
<Darth_Blade> But it's really really weird.
<aetherspoon> try openoffice.  It only crashes when you quote Microsoft License Agreements.  :P

#556995 +(592)- [X]

<Rev> my house of 1000 corpses download is done
<ix> what a waste of bandwidth
<@Volsus> unless that's a sims expansion pack

#572588 +(528)- [X]

<nerdBeer> so, I just dropped a book _into the toilet_
<ct> home or work?
<popsQ> heh, does it matter?
<nerdBeer> poop's poop, man.
<banquo> Ok,..WHY were you reading a book over a poop filled toilet? And what!? "Poop spotters guide"? "Pooping for dummies"? "The illustrated guide to What the Hell did I Eat"? "Flushing and putting the seat down (A husbands compendium)"?  
<banquo> If you have to stand and read it it has to be porn while your,.........Oh I see

#607493 +(125)- [X]

<Azn> This guy came to our school, and talked to us about how drinking and driving is bad...
<Azn> And he mentioned that if you are convicted, you will have a breathalizer installed in your car, so you have to breathe into a tube to start your car...
<Azn> And some guy shouted "What if you fart in it?"
<Azn> Everyone laughed, and the speaker looked pissed and said "Well, gas expelled from the anus contains methane, not alcohol.  It would be difficult for an intoxicated person to perform such an action with their distorted hand-eye cordination"

#629232 +(1075)- [X]

<JasonM> Oh my god.
<JasonM> I was at the train station today, and this REALLY EMO GUY comes up to me and asks me if i have a lighter
<JasonM> So i get it out and go to light it
<JasonM> Then his fucking fringe catches on fire
<aikon> LOL!
<JasonM> I pissbolted.
<JasonM> I'm scared of going back there tomorrow and seeing a burned emo corpse on the ground

#631180 +(348)- [X]

EvILpYRoMaNiA: my dad tried to sit on my lap: he tackled me off my chair.
EvILpYRoMaNiA: dog*
EvILpYRoMaNiA: shit
EvILpYRoMaNiA: that was the worst typo ever.

#668899 +(733)- [X]

<Caius> in the last year I've broken the screen on: SE S700i, SE P910i, iPod 40GB, Pentax S6, Palm Zire 72 (and slightly before the last year, Palm M100)
<Libertus> Caius: Have you considered pen and paper?

#731734 +(3250)- [X]

<NaStyChoC> hey babe asl?
<sweetangelic> hi, 14/f/aus ^^
<NaStyChoC> ive a real big cock..
<sweetangelic> o how big??
<NaStyChoC> 9in
<sweetangelic> dats prty big, mines only 8
<NaStyChoC> ok
<NaStyChoC> wait wtf

#740127 +(335)- [X]

<sdodson> I'm trying to figure out if my neighbors have really bad rhythm or if they're hanging photos on the wall

#761518 +(2339)- [X]

cag  URL  tara: When I was in high school, the school board decided that the biology students had to pay for the fetal pigs that were being dissected. After the course was done, my friend Amy demanded that she be allowed to take the pig, since she had paid for it. There was some WTF from the school, but she got her pig. That weekend, she and her brother dressed the pig up in some baby clothes and a blanket, drove down the street and lit a smoke bomb in the car. They were passing a couple walking down the street when Amy leaned out of the car and yelled "Save my baby" and tossed the pig at the couple. They were doing about 50 mph so she missed the couple. The baby/pig hit the sidewalk, skidded along the concrete, shedding parts and limbs before it impacted a mailbox.
She said she had never seen such a horrified look in her life.

#896077 +(1970)- [X]

<XenThra> I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
<DevXen> Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

#904257 +(-35)- [X]

<olaf> there's a retarded kid who picks up coins
<olaf> well did when we went to high school
<olaf> he would stop for even a penny
<olaf> well, my girlfriend at the time had a huuuuge collection jar
<olaf> and she brought it to school one morning
<olaf> so we could put them all over the place
<olaf> and we walked outside to where he was hanging out
<olaf> and i pretended to trip and fall
<olaf> right in front of him
<olaf> and the coins went FUCKING EVERYWHER
<olaf> but not only did he pick up all the coins
<olaf> he would pick them up 1 at a time
<olaf> every time he bent over
<olaf> he was there for fucking EVER
<olaf> and then my little sister and my friend zac
<olaf> on one of the days i was suspended
<olaf> superglued a fucking quarter and put it on the ground
<olaf> and it got stuck to his hand
<olaf> and he was swinging his hand around screaming in his tard voice
<olaf> and, apparently
<olaf> everyone and their god damned mother laughed for ever
<olaf> yeah, i'm a shitty human so what
<||bass> you're my hero

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