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#540 +(125)- [X]

<hypr> i need jewcases or like paper or plastic things to put cds in :.

#659 +(71)- [X]

<imminent> clean keyboard
<imminent> yesss
<edible> you desemenized it?
<edible> let some cum hungry slut lick the shit out of your keyboard?

#1523 +(263)- [X]

<sev> there is no big brother
<sev> just a big pervert

#1527 +(262)- [X]

<Geothermal> Jesus, I can only say so many things about fat people before they become redundant.  I think it would help if they all flew to their own personal little island made of gumdrops and then ate themselves to the bottom of the sea like some kind of Atlantis.  You know, only really fat.

#1679 +(642)- [X]

<Snapperhe> what 'flavour' of linux do you use?
<al-x> strawberry

#3532 +(45)- [X]

<blazemore> indian, asian.. same difference, they both end with "ian"

#8124 +(359)- [X]

<korben> i have a very rich and satisfying sex/personal life!
<Iceman> self satisifying? :P
<korben> hell no
<korben> its a very varied sex life
<korben> sometimes i swap hands

#8648 +(251)- [X]

<hakan> i asked this hot girl out, she said she just wanted to be pen pals
<hakan> and she dropped our class
<dr_rotcod> haha
<hakan> is that a good thing?

#11435 +(44)- [X]

<doc> i feel no need to go to canada 
<doc> if i want a taste of canada, i'll drink a canada dry

#11978 +(857)- [X]

<melvin> booz stabbed a teacher???

#14702 +(234)- [X]

<th0m> i've had cocaine stuck in my ass since then
<PTM> *snort*

#14860 +(676)- [X]

#16047 +(183)- [X]

<Concise> I would like to say that im on windows not on redhat...reason i said i was in redH. cause I thought everyone that was leet was on linux or unix so to fit in I had to lie...sorry..

#18463 +(968)- [X]

<Bender`> When i was little i took a bath with my dad and when he stood up from the tub his penis slapped me across the face

#18478 +(156)- [X]

<Mr_sLacKeR> were do i find crosshair files and were do i instal them too?
<Jade-> the internet and your computer

#33696 +(593)- [X]

<TreeSurgeon>  My lesbian friend Paula once told me that if god didn't intend for it to be eaten, he wouldn't have made it look like a taco. I rest my case.

#36805 +(190)- [X]

<rancid> if i made my drive NTFS and it is going slow, does my computer just need to get use to it?

#39465 +(572)- [X]

<Turranius> Hate it when I wanna watch a movie, but dont wanna start it cause I need to pee and I'm too lazy to get up.
<Turranius> Im thirsty too
<Turranius> Hmm, I might be able to solve this after all.

#40905 +(56)- [X]

#41179 +(151)- [X]

<Darn> is there a floppy version of windows xp?

#44537 +(162)- [X]

<xcabbage> C++ takes forever to compile
<richardt> xcabbage: you are referring to C++'s built-in coffee-refill time
<richardt> it's a feature.
<richardt> with C, there's no time.

#44823 +(385)- [X]

X3R0G33Z: wut do u mean typing like an aol dumbass

#48910 +(328)- [X]

<BRAVESTAR> -bash-2.05b$ LS
<BRAVESTAR> -bash: LS: command not found

#50779 +(1634)- [X]

<Koult> Hey Lac'
<Lac'> Sup dude?
<Koult> You know I went to the cinema with Claire
<Lac'> aye
<Koult> She gave me a blowjob half way through
<Lac'> really!?sweet!
<Koult> No dude, not fucking sweet,
<Lac'> ?
<Koult> Just as I came I was looking up at the screen,
<Koult> and Elijah Wood aka Frodo looked right into the camera
<Koult> and now I've got his face burned into my memory, I feel I've just gotten head from a fucking Hobbit
<Lac'>I'd type rofl ect but if I dont stop laughing I'll piss myself

#54120 +(893)- [X]

Seppuko I: ever jack a guy off with your feet?
PrettyPrincess1: no
Seppuko I: do you want to?
PrettyPrincess1 no
Seppuko I: would you if asked?
PrettyPrincess1: no
Seppuko I: what if he had a gun to your head?
PrettyPrincess1: yea
Seppuko I: SCORE

#54914 +(431)- [X]

[Video] I've been watching the warez scene for like two months.
[Video] Nothing is worth DOWNLOADING
[Video] That's sad
[Ouija] i know
[Video] Is that their new anti-piracy technique?
[Video] Release shit no one wants?

#60061 +(-15)- [X]

<FlaVouR> if http was cooler it would be YO!/SUP!

#74567 +(421)- [X]

<herze> miss pearl
<herze> my love for you is like diherrea
<helpimarock> what
<herze> i just cant hold it in
<madpunk-nap> omg
<helpimarock> ahhhhhhhhh
<madpunk-nap> that would alomst be elite
<helpimarock> thats the sweetest thing ive ever heard
<madpunk-nap> if i didnt have to do with poop
<herze> haha
<herze> madpunk, even stevie wonder could see the beauty in you
<herze> i have a few more
<madpunk-nap> i dont want to know, im going back to sleep
<herze> you have over 200 bones in your body... want another?
<herze> lets play army, ill lay on the ground and you can blow the hell out of me

#76841 +(274)- [X]

<Scogeta> screw you.
<ShadowZirus> a/s/l?

#78858 +(267)- [X]

<Kaneda> im downloading furniture for my sims, they have more of life then I do.

#89700 +(667)- [X]

<axelf> yeah, until jamaisvu resets the stats
<^Bret^> 23044 smilies
<^Bret^> dude
<^Bret^> I work at a net cafe
<^Bret^> I have *nothing* but time on my hands
<axelf> and semen
<^Bret^> and semen

#100308 +(669)- [X]

#103215 +(561)- [X]

<jeev> there are 2 things i hate in life
<jeev> racists and mexicans

#107179 +(170)- [X]

[16:50] <slammes> you know that the difficult part is not to avoid porn. that is easy. but to say no to your own dick

#122558 +(757)- [X]

<Calvinosaur> Water parks should make their entrances narrow, say 24 inches. If you can't fit through sideways, then you're too fat to be wearing a swimsuit in public.

#123088 +(338)- [X]

<eTombotron> purges are an essential part of a healthy society
=-= eTombotron was booted from #homeworld by kally (ps everyone he never existed)

#147497 +(402)- [X]

<Suiko> how the fuck could a search for 'final fantasy 7 manga' bring up 'harry potter yaoi'

#152737 +(2565)- [X]

<J-dogg> Your pretty funny
<DirtyKate> I don't remember you.. but thanx
<J-dogg> Wanna cyber?
<DirtyKate> OK, but don't tell anybody (wink)
<DirtyKate> Who are you?
<J-dogg>  I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot.
<J-dogg> And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's
<DirtyKate> You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
<J-dogg> Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
<DirtyKate> Haha! OK
<DirtyKate> Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
<J-dogg> Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
<DirtyKate> I want everything, baby!
<J-dogg> Is this a delivery?
<DirtyKate> Umm...Yes
<DirtyKate> So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
<J-dogg> Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.

<DirtyKate> Jdogg, I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
<J-dogg> You can't hurry good pizza.
<J-dogg> I'm on my way now though

<DirtyKate> So you're at my front door now.
<J-dogg> How did you know?
<J-dogg> I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
<J-dogg> Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
<DirtyKate> Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
<J-dogg> So you're still in the bathroom?
<DirtyKate> Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
<J-dogg> I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
<DirtyKate> wtf?
<DirtyKate> You perverted piece of shiat
<DirtyKate> Fuk

#175049 +(165)- [X]

HolaScumbag: GUESS WHAT.
qwerty8447: ?
HolaScumbag: my mom bought me a pen...shaped as A DOG!!!
qwerty8447: LMAO!
qwerty8447: that must be AWESOME!
HolaScumbag: I KNOW!
qwerty8447: which end do you write with?

#205870 +(312)- [X]

--> therevelator (~none@artemis.stud.uni-goettingen.de) has joined #linux-kernel
<therevelator> hi. does anybody know how to make the init-process look look like star wars?

#242116 +(254)- [X]

<Tie> CD-RWs are like.. virigins who never lose their virginity no matter how much you fuck 'em

#361677 +(847)- [X]

<morphine_monkey> dude, my hair is getting so long
<spaceman_spiff> sweet, pretty soon it'll get as long as your penis
<morphine_monkey> STFU, my hair is longer than an inch

#393554 +(1756)- [X]

<watashi-wa>necrophilia is dead boring
<chersucks> wtf?!?
<watashi-wa>try incest instead
<watashi-wa>it's only relatively boring :p

#511661 +(1453)- [X]

<HC-Marine> yeah one time this windows & doors company called
<HC-Marine> and my dad answered it
<HC-Marine> they asked if he wanted to have his windows and doors replaced
<HC-Marine> he responded with "I don't have any"
<HC-Marine> they were so confused

#587028 +(440)- [X]

<Bakazuki> Damn it, I don't care if mouth is going to hurt like a bitch during winter break (I've stated this before; I'm having my wisdom teeth pulled out), I just want it now!
<Jones> I will now take that quote out of context and spam it to people.
<Jones> [11:20:25 PM] Bakazuki: Damn it, I don't care if mouth is going to hurt like a bitch, I just want it now!

#674686 +(415)- [X]

chickenrising: if playing an actual guitar picks up girls, playing a video game about playing the guitar is sure to pick up some sort of girl... it only makes sense

#742872 +(419)- [X]

<[Ko]Rob_e_lee1> ur retarted lol
<[ko]theuberelite> thats the most hypocritical statement I've ever heard.

#790133 +(11755)- [X]

<third_planet> The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home.
<third-planet> So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car.
<third-planet> We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..
<Mr-Butlertron> The logic is all there...
<third-planet> I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just desperate and that was the first place to pull off..
<third-planet> So we park in the back of the parking lot under this tree, and it's dark out, so we figure we're secluded enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty and just parked there. Or that he won't notice.
<third-planet> The cop circles the parking lot once, then parks behind us and we're both freaking out. So Bobby, my friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we're busted.
<third-planet> So Bobby says we've gotta distract the cop from the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what's happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns bright red.
<third-planet> I roll my window down and the cop says in this really flustered voice, his face bright red, "you guys be good now" and walks quickly back to his car and drives off.
<third-planet> He didn't even notice the smell of pot.
<third-planet> We drove home in the most uncomfortable fucking silence ever.

#802736 +(-31)- [X]

xenotwuz: I thought maybe I'd go up and tell her that she's got awesomely hot looking hair.
xenotwuz: But that would just sound creepy.
Neo Maxi Zoomy: Just walk up and Say Hello or something
Neo Maxi Zoomy: I don't know, Google that shit man!

#835817 +(91)- [X]

^QuickSilver: Why the fuck don't *I* get $200 every time I walk around a bunch of locations?
Shoudai: Cause monopolies are illegal ^_^

0.0380 20983 quotes approved; 764 quotes pending
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