#2175 +(482)- [X]
<boozie> during my nap i farted underneath the blanket and i almost killld myself
#3457 +(981)- [X]
<Legatic> How can you think you matter when your URL has a tilde in it?
#4629 +(436)- [X]
<eldee> jedi kite.. that'd be a bad ass game
<eldee> fly kites in a park with other jedi.. try to light saber the other guys string
<boozie> oh.. i thought i was gonna be about jedi jews
<boozie> stealing nickels and shit
<eldee> that'd be jedi kike you idjit
<boozie> ah.. thats right
<eldee> get your derrogatory slurs straight
<BombScare> man, every time i think someone in here cant get any dumber boozie steps up
#5113 +(438)- [X]
<reub> if i ever met you guys in real life i would never touch your rulers
#5370 +(464)- [X]
<D1> some new LCDs came out recently.
<D1> which are suppost to be better than the old ones or something.
<McMoo> some new computers came out recently, too
<McMoo> amazingly enough, they're also supposed to be better than old ones.
#7143 +(688)- [X]
<DanSTC> Delusion, will you have my baby?
<Delusion> Dan: Yes, if it's cooked well.
#7412 +(348)- [X]
<cromicus> they're all like "everytime you say the word 'sex', jesus cries and floods a town in a third-world country"
#7524 +(306)- [X]
<yunicus> sometimes i can't deal with you people in text format
#8660 +(222)- [X]
<CactusJac> masturbating is like pringles
<ori0n> once you pop, you can't stop!
#14389 +(203)- [X]
<PrincessLeia2> caffine is much less deadly tho'
<MykBev> not if you smoke it!
#17873 +(376)- [X]
<Kerpal>the Cd-key is 56dsr67x
<kerpal>Hmm....it is x as in zebra
<vR|Sn00kie> you are stupid
#18468 +(74)- [X]
<FooMashoo> i wear my pants backwards <Bryan> is that so the zipper is easier for your lover? <FooMashoo> yes
#20152 +(159)- [X]
<Cryptomancer> If they want to prove that mp3's hurt CD sales, yeah, CD's that can't be ripped into MP3's won't sell. :)
#33904 +(427)- [X]
<Clutch1> Some fucker is using my name!
<Zaratustra> Clutch is firstname.lastname@example.org * Michael Pierce
<Clutch1> Hmmm... I am that fucker.
#40521 +(1160)- [X]
TAAK24: you gamecube like yes?
gamecube4789: may i ask who you are?
TAAK24: i use aim
TAAK24: i find name in directory
TAAK24: you know where i get cheap gamecube?
gamecube4789: how much money do you have?
TAAK24: no much
gamecube4789: at least 100 right?
TAAK24: no :(
TAAK24: i need save for 3 months for 100 us dollar
TAAK24: i work at factory during week
TAAK24: money not good
gamecube4789: you talk like a baby
TAAK24: my english no good
TAAK24: why you make fun
TAAK24: i take this insult
TAAK24: i get factory friend slit throat
TAAK24: you no fuck with I!!!
TAAK24: YOU AMERICAN COCK
TAAK24: I KILL YOU FUCK
TAAK24: i ask friendly you make fun
TAAK24: YOU FUCK
gamecube4789: what? i don't understand what you are saying
#41169 +(-69)- [X]
<Warwitch> you speak German? :o
<travelyan> sure i do.
* Warwitch nods
<travelyan> das machine ist nicht fer gefingerpoken und das mittengrabben
<Hoo_Man> get that nazi shit outa here!
#44175 +(254)- [X]
<Radon> there goes the neighborhood.
<Radon> power went out.
<Radon> thank god for UPS
<Shel-afk> Thats great
<Radon> surprised the cable didnt go out.
<Radon> phone did.
<Shel-afk> The only thing that works in your house is the computer
<Shel-afk> "So, what did you do during the power outage"
<Radon> and flashlights.
<Shel-afk> "Played quake"
#45235 +(468)- [X]
<Rune> my car blew up when half a dozen of diaz's friggin cronies rammed their cars into mine
<+Shadow> heh I hate it when someone cuts you off in a motorcycle and bumps you into a cop
<+Shadow> and then you try to run away but you can't get on the bike with the cop near
<+Shadow> so you have to kill the cop
<+Shadow> then you have two stars for no real reason
<Rune> I hate it when taxis make sharp turns when you're going high speed on a motorcycle
<Jamie_M> for a second there
<Jamie_M> i thought "wait shadow owns a motorcycle"
<Jamie_M> but then i realized nobody in here EVER talks about real life.
#45545 +(262)- [X]
<Black_Mage> i need the program that enables you to make flash; damned if i remember what it's called
#46593 +(363)- [X]
<kmad> ppl should stop using worn-out cliches because they're not funny anymore
<}}T-DuB--> is that your final answer?
#46840 +(384)- [X]
<The-Fighter> i'm not a penis-driven tennager, unlike some people in this room
<BlazeHedgehog> MY PENIS DRIVES ME TO WORK EVERY DAY :D
#50296 +(-949)- [X]
<linux> "So... my girlfriend told me she thought i was a pedophile the other day."
<linux> "so i says to her, that's an awfully big word coming from a 12 year old."
#51467 +(1)- [X]
<Champion> id never admit to being homosexual
#52477 +(228)- [X]
Dr SpaZZo: Why the hell do they call it fox undercover when they just go up to the people on the street and go "WHY R U SWINDALING TEH COMMUN PUBLIK :-("
#56044 +(1591)- [X]
DasKrav: Know what I hate?
DasKrav: Repeating myself.
DasKrav: I said I hate repeating myself
DasKrav: I SAID I HATE-
DasKrav: Oh wait
DasKrav: YOU FUCKING QUEEF
#56996 +(428)- [X]
<Jackal> If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
#58619 +(316)- [X]
<Bal> saw lotr2
<biff|JK2> u like Bal?
<Bal> when legolas calls out to gimli at the begining, i was expecting him to say 'come on silent bob'
#68573 +(294)- [X]
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> i talked for 4 hours, to my anti-drug girlfriend
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> stoned off my ass
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> she didnt suspect nothing
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> im like "everyone here is wasted and toasted"
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> she is like You arent i hope
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> im like Nope!
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> oh man, i should be an actor
<LoZel> no you shouldnt
<LoZel> no dude you cant even make text beleivable
#74727 +(315)- [X]
<Autocracy> hehe.. mod_gzip works :)
<Rick_Hunter> Autocracy: Why wouldn't mod_gzip work?
<Autocracy> because it's me...
<Autocracy> that's usually the case...
<Autocracy> I swear the whole world's against me...
* Rick_Hunter makes a note to tell people, at the next meeting, to be less obvious.
<Rick_Hunter> Nothing. ^_^
* Rick_Hunter whistles and walks away.
#89911 +(842)- [X]
(harm_) math has never been my strongpoint
(harm_) or english
(harm_) or school
(harm_) or girls
(harm_) or life
#106846 +(25)- [X]
<Supa_Kuraka> if you flirt with the female version of yourself... is that masturbation or incest?
#106860 +(174)- [X]
<Kazimierz> the fast and the furious was full of homoerotic undertones
<Kazimierz> just you couldn't hear them under the loud music and loud car engines
#136477 +(544)- [X]
<robbie212> where are you getting this stuff?
<bahumbug> robbie212: www.freedvdrsforpeoplethatarentjewish.com
<robbie212> it doesn't work
<bahumbug> you must be jewish
#200255 +(670)- [X]
<SSilver2k> he worked on a server called Servix in a college, he asked this girl to log into her "servix" terminal...you can see how that conversation went.
#239995 +(1439)- [X]
<Drychtnath> csn hold sm u ajcp;pjp
<Drychtnath> *I cns hdol mu alclhoo
<Drychtnath> *can, *hold, *my, *alcohol
<getoutofmygalley> You should really go to bed, Dan. You're way too drunk.
<Drychtnath> butr i'm not
<Drychtnath> least i don't think dfo
<Drychtnath> dfo = spo
<Drychtnath> spo = os
<Drychtnath> os = so
#271837 +(365)- [X]
<Daleks|> guys i'm seeking for mid 90's hip hop song
<Daleks|> that going like this "na, na na na na, na na na na na..."
#375215 +(1488)- [X]
<<Excel>> Omg, I saw the funniest thing today.
<<Excel>> There was a chalk outline on the floor, like those crime scenes where someone's been murdered.
<<Excel>> And in the middle of it, someone had written 'PWNED!'
#417089 +(303)- [X]
<blanco> chicks dig ignorance
<blanco> but only as long as do it with an accent
#442705 +(55)- [X]
Vince: I just need a lot of vaseline for the next few days
#468705 +(624)- [X]
<Moltar> jesus says turn the other cheek
<YouAgain> thats why jesus is dead
#500890 +(2841)- [X]
* UB3R-B0T is now known as Kwame
* Kwame is now known as Wheeler
* Wheeler is now known as Linka
* Linka is now known as Gi
* Gi was kicked by Xeiliex (Xeiliex)
* Gi has joined #jasio
* Gi is now known as Ma-ti
* Ma-ti is now known as Everyone
<Everyone> GO PLANET
* Everyone is now known as anonymous
<anonymous> BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED...
* anonymous is now known as Captain_Planet
<Captain_Planet> I AM CAPTAIN PLANET
<Xeiliex> Moiph, NEVER AGAIN
#511661 +(1429)- [X]
<HC-Marine> yeah one time this windows & doors company called
<HC-Marine> and my dad answered it
<HC-Marine> they asked if he wanted to have his windows and doors replaced
<HC-Marine> he responded with "I don't have any"
<HC-Marine> they were so confused
#525444 +(-90)- [X]
<d0ppy> I just had an idea
<d0ppy> If I spray cheese into a condom....
<d0ppy> I can actually have sex with easy cheese
<cdkj> get a girlfriend please
#579685 +(1986)- [X]
Rude: holy shit people take everything the wrong way. I was having dinner, so when I get back to the comp my buddy asks what I was doing. so i told him, and he's like "oh yeah? that your code name for jacking off nowadays?"
Rude: then just now i was jacking off and someone asked what I was doing, so I told em i was jerking, and they're like "lmao, so what're you actually doing? making dinner or someshit?"
Rude: I'm just going to make shit up from now on :/
#601458 +(1340)- [X]
<Jeffrey> So I started work today at Cox Communications.
<Jeffrey> Direct quote from Cox Communications, mission statement.
<Jeffrey> "For Cox, it's not about being the biggest; it's about being the best."
<Vann> ...I feel a t-shirt coming on.
#643785 +(457)- [X]
<hobosexual> i reckon im going to hell
<Caedes> I know how to tell if someone is gong to hell or not.
<Caedes> Q. Are you religious ?
<Caedes> A. You're going to hell
<hobosexual> makes sense.
#664248 +(1215)- [X]
<Lynxis> so i was outside today..
<Lynxis> i seen this bird chasing after this a butterfly
<Lynxis> my first thought was that the bird was probably trying to rape the butterfly
<Lynxis> then my second thought was maybe the butterfly was playing hard to get
<Lynxis> and my third thought was "Wow, I must really hang out in the wrong places on the internet."
#715207 +(108)- [X]
<InfamousMyzt> bash.org mod college
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 1: accept and deny buttons
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 2: funny, or not?
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 3: always accept racial jokes
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 4: always accept quotes that mention bash.org
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 5: if you can't decide, click deny anyways
#833499 +(2380)- [X]
Declan: I dunno...I love her, but this new years is going to be uber depressing
grencez: her friends are much lamer than both of you combined
Declan: The thought of her getting high at a party where everyone is drunk while I sit at home and code Perl or something is kind of too much to bear
CyanFlux: maybe try coding something in c
#868801 +(-465)- [X]
<zaim> you know the jews had dns back in the day
<zaim> their numbers resolved to a name