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#257 +(361)- [X]

<repp0r> Dude, pot first, then porn.
<repp0r> Trust me. It's so much better. :D
<lele> dude i'm doing before AND after

#1049 +(257)- [X]

(s|urpee) haha yuh me hakz0r the university gibson
(s|urpee) one day
(s|urpee) I was like hakz0ring it and stuff
(s|urpee) and I was like emailing support@cc and shit
(s|urpee) and then he emailed me back and told me to notify the lab guy that the comp next to me needed rebooting

#1700 +(106)- [X]

thep0et> i can pull my scrotum up to the point where it looks like a pussy

#1897 +(1325)- [X]

<gaspumpXP> Man... what kind of RPG is this?  It won't let me rape the sheep...

#4032 +(351)- [X]

<blazemore> one of my friends that i haven't talked to in forever said "Hey what's up" through icq last night
<blazemore> i didn't say anything though cause last time she said whats up she just needed a cd burned :|
<mightyflo> cdrs before hos

#5510 +(389)- [X]

<zaril> my x-gf left me sex-deprived, not my fault. :P
<Toen> yeah right.
<Toen> "she let me see her bra once"
<Toen> "...one of the ones in her dresser anyway"
<Toen> "it was unhooked! eheh! heh!"

#5533 +(341)- [X]

<gobi> djcrom: most guys would prolly jump on it and put a bag over her head if nothing else
<djcrom> if anything you'd need like 15 condoms tho
<gobi> djcrom: or a full body condom
<djcrom> don't get herpes, get glad (tm)

#6703 +(684)- [X]

<Dynamo> [Destiny's Child - Say My Name.mp3]-[4.34mb/4m 30s]
<Dynamo> [Pet Music - 04 - Warm Hugs.mp3]-[5.23mb/5m 26s]
<Dynamo> No one saw Destiny's Child, or Pet Music, aight?
<Dynamo> [Destiny's Child - Independent Woman Part 1.mp3]-[3.6mb/3m 44s]
<Dynamo> [Pet Music - 08 - Chasing Clouds.mp3]-[4.4mb/4m 35s]
<Dynamo> This PC must hate me.

#7587 +(54)- [X]

*** FAG has joined #us-opers
<FAG> I'm gay. How do I get my O:Line?

#7912 +(185)- [X]

<HeadSoft> hehe amazing what a kinda catchy tune and a ridiculous plot and some photoshop edited pics and too many chat room addicts with nothing better to do... can do to make something like a pop culture fad out of "all your base"

#10280 +(1728)- [X]

<Jesse> hello, I am Jesse, male, 28 years old, caucasian, and am looking for friends to chat with. I hope to see you online
<Amanda`> I HOPE TO SEE YOU FACE-DOWN IN A QUAGMIRE WITH A NINE IRON LODGED BETWEEN YOUR SHOULDER BLADES

#11902 +(197)- [X]

<Pirelli> ooo thats what i want to buy, a computer made by company whose ceo meets
a cow in a secret place every night

#11987 +(429)- [X]

*** {JPM} changes topic to 'Welcome to IRC! The Home of fat chics and skinny guys.'

#13723 +(0)- [X]

<ChrisD[TK]> Sumez = Super fag0t Fighter 2 turbo champion black belt edition

#15750 +(190)- [X]

<beaker> > MR IP MASTER : OURS FIREWALLS WERE DETECTING A LOT OF TRYINGS TO
  VIOLATE
<beaker> > THE SECURITY OF OURS SYSTEMS FROM THE NEXT IP UNDER YOUR DOMAIN
<beaker> > ADMINISTRATOR
<beaker> >
<beaker> > WE WAIT FOR AN INMEDIATLY SOLUTION

#22955 +(1800)- [X]

<Elly_May>  i'm so sick of fucking my father
<Shitshe>  you mean i'm so sick of MY fucking father
<Elly_May> whatever makes you happy you conservative piece of shit

#25290 +(339)- [X]

(SithAdmin): fsck
(SithAdmin): paper cut on tongue
([TeMpEsT]): ouch
(Rambozo): ooh...
([TeMpEsT]): how did you manage that sith?
(Rambozo): he tried to eat out a paper model of anna kournikova
(Rambozo): it came as a cutout in a magazine
([TeMpEsT]): lmao
(Rambozo): :D
(Rambozo): "Put tab A into slot B" "I sure will!!"

#28348 +(1844)- [X]

<tis_berni> I'm a construction worker
<tis_berni> for one more week
<tam> and then?
<moof> then he has to be the indian or the navy guy.

#31435 +(754)- [X]

<Faldarith> I should give you some information on my school, our black population
<Faldarith> is named Andre

#37767 +(877)- [X]

<Bookworm> bash.org I don't think it's abuse, do you?
<IICV> bash.org Why are we prefacing everything with bash.org?
<JeremiahSmith> bash.org Nope.
<AngelHedgie> bash.org No, more like pointing out the flaw in the script.
<JeremiahSmith> bash.org Because Yin-Tzu's scripts filter out all lines that contain bash.org.
<Bookworm> bash.org - iicv - Yin-Tzu has a script that replaces the whole line that has bash.org in it with "I'm a flaming lamer"
<IICV> bash.org Spiffy.
<JeremiahSmith> bash.org So he doesn't know we're talking about him.
<AngelHedgie> bash.org So we're trying to drive a point home.

#38204 +(385)- [X]

<KodiaK> fuck the oil companies
<KodiaK> 73.9 cents for gas
<KodiaK> why dont they just add a retractable dildo to each gas pump
<KodiaK> so while you fill your tank up, it can fuck you in the ass while you do it

#39572 +(394)- [X]

<detro> i dont remember my heart stopping though
<detro> and i dont remember the paddles shocking me
<revc> that's because you were dead
<detro> yea
<detro> i guess
<detro> next time i die i wanna be sober

#40312 +(261)- [X]

<bbyhewie> my roommate just asked me how to change the font of text in a picture he just downloaded
<PhsyCon> tell him to drop it in notepad :P
<bbyhewie> no, i told him to shut up and stop talking to me

#44029 +(106)- [X]

<Mars_Alien> okey wat am i missing
<Gandalf> your h key?
--> jennings1 (jirc@vic-dial-196-31-177-46.mweb.co.za) has joined #Highveld
<Mars_Alien> gulo jennings1

#56748 +(176)- [X]

<TonicBH> [Tonic Hedgehog's mIRC Software] - [Windows XP Uptime: 2wks 1day 19hrs 43mins 24secs] - [mIRC v6.02 Uptime: 4days 11hrs 31mins 40secs]
<TonicBH> O_O
<TonicBH> 15 days ;/
<TonicBH> ph33r :/
<Sep> wtf
<Sep> turn your damn computer off

#71913 +(100)- [X]

<Assid> ack
<Assid> something not right here
<Assid>  1:58am  up 1 day, 19:16,  2 users,  load average: 149.20, 123.73, 57.51

#75224 +(212)- [X]

--> Smoothice (Smoothice@AC865D64.ipt.aol.com) has joined #linux
<Smoothice> Is there any free versions of UNIX?

#80967 +(-160)- [X]

<apoc|21hours> <jas0n> man im a geek
<apoc|21hours> <jas0n> im trying to find the RGB value of my hair
<Ender> wtf
<Ender> *jas0n TRYING TO BE FUNNY BUT NOT RAEWLLY I BET I PUT MY OWN QUOTE ON BASH.ORG CAUSE ITD MAEK MY FAMOUS ASND I'LL TELL ME MOM AND ALL THE GIRLS'LL LOEV ME FOR THE FUNNY
<Ender> ... yaeh
<apoc|21hours> rofl
<Ender> (im gonna post that on bash.org so i can get the girls and jas0n's mom)

#87064 +(290)- [X]

Brandon2W: i had a dream that i was talking to someone, but she had a little AIM window next to her head, and i just read what she said there and typed back to her what i would have said
Brandon2W: i need therapy

#107517 +(1)- [X]

<WeZ> goodie 1 more hour then home time for me
<WeZ> hehe
<WeZ> not coming back this afternoon
<Guyt_X> lucky
<Guyt_X> why
<Guyt_X> do u need to eat ?
* Guyt_X runs
<WeZ> going to the doctor to have a mole removed
<Guyt_X> why dont u just wash
<Guyt_X> sorry im nasty
<Guyt_X> that was un called for
<WeZ> sies
* Guyt_X goes to wash his mouth out with soap
* Guyt_X hands WeZ the soap
<Guyt_X> u might need this

#180150 +(1552)- [X]

*** YOU has joined #gamedev
* YOU HAVE RECEIVED A FATAL ERROR, PRESS ALT + F4 TO REPAIR THIS IMMEDIATELY
<Waxycat> teh
<Waxycat> it says i recieved a fatal error
<posit> Waxycat: oh that happens some times, you have to press alt+f4 to fix it
<posit> *sometimes
<Waxycat> that quits irc
<Falnom> ALT+F4 quick!
<Waxycat> why?
* YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO RESTART MIRC
<posit> you have a fatal error
<Waxycat> otherwize?
<posit> if you don't restart it may damage your system
<Waxycat> it says i have 30 seconds
*** Waxycat has quit IRC []
<posit> damn yeah
<Palish> bahhahah.
*** Waxycat has joined #gamedev
* YOU HAVE RECEIVED A FATAL ERROR, PRESS ALT + F4 TO REPAIR THIS IMMEDIATELY
<Waxycat> what happened?
<Waxycat> again?!?!
<Waxycat> it says it again!
<posit> again?
<Waxycat> what should i do?!
<posit> maybe a config problem
<Waxycat> what will happen if i don't quit?
<posit> not sure exactly
<posit> but I don't think it's good
* YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO RESTART MIRC
*** Waxycat has quit IRC []

#200726 +(1675)- [X]

Velociraptor: Do you have ne updog?
SAMrhodes87: What the fuck is UPDOG?
Velociraptor: nuthin much wha bout u?

#220904 +(302)- [X]

<NW>: The NHL has the Stanley Cup, the MLB has the World Series, and the NFL has the Super Bowl.
<NW> I'm not sure what the NBA has...
**Reno sips vodkety.
<[Drum]>: The Championship.
<Ran[afk]>: The Rape Accusation Trial.

#286770 +(1185)- [X]

<Sukato> Once again
<Sukato> my firewall successfully blocked hack attempt from 192.168.0.1
<Sukato> Then some programs get kicked offline
<Jed> I know that IP address
<Jed> He's a mean bastard.

#373736 +(931)- [X]

<AnimeMan> my bed is evil.
<norad> how so?
<AnimeMan> it's a spy.
<norad> how can a bed be a spy?
<AnimeMan> well at night.. it squeeks.
<AnimeMan> It's as if it's telling my mum, "he's masturbating, he's masturbating!"

#445227 +(1063)- [X]

<feste_> I had a traditional thanks giving..invited the neighbors over for dinner..then killed them and took their land!!

#450301 +(2111)- [X]

<@buo> A byte walks into a bar and orders a pint. Bartender asks him "What's wrong?" Byte says "Parity error." Bartender nods and says "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."

#465591 +(1920)- [X]

<Robyn> then we realised that james had fucked with the bunsen burner
<Robyn> and set the lab on fire
<Robyn> penis ensued
<tempura> ...penis?
<Robyn> panic
<Robyn> PANIC
<Robyn> shit

#483316 +(503)- [X]

<Zeta7> man
<Zeta7> dont give me that guns are bad shit
<Zeta7> I have numerous guns and I dont remember the last time a life was taken with any of them
<[sq]> guns
<[sq]> hehe
<[sq]> you know i have blackouts like that too

#513922 +(1090)- [X]

<Animenia> Oh shit almost forgot to tell you guys.... The funniest thing ever happened today... :)
<Animenia> There\'s this dude living beneath my apartment and some other dude across the street
<Animenia> and we talk from time to time so we decided to have a litte chat on my teamspeak server
<Animenia> so after talking a while
<Animenia> one of the guys said he had to leave for a while so the server got really quiet...
<Ayanami9870> because they saw a webcam pic of his dildo?
<Animenia> Though this guy didn\'t use push to talk so after like 10 minutes of inactivity on the server I started hear moanings and shit from my speakers
<Animenia> and I was playing really loud music
<Animenia> Then you hear his mom come in and he\'s like \"oh shit, it\'s not what it looks like\" and she goes of screaming \"YOU\'RE MASTURBATING?!?!\" and starts crying and shit and tells him to move out and stuff like that
<Dazzio> holy fuck
<Animenia> You should have seen the look on his face when I met him in the elevator later today.... He gave me the dirtiest look ever.... and said \"Did you really have to play so god damn loud music?? The whole block heard of my mom and that shit\"

#514109 +(2442)- [X]

<RobbiePaul> i really wish the redneck neighbors that moved in next door would feed their children anti-freeze
<Nichole> slip it into some popcicles and serve
<RobbiePaul> "anti" freeze...

#524110 +(1798)- [X]

<RandalCalrissian> Who wrote an essay entitled 'Advice to a Young Man on choosing a Mistress'?
<Jeegoo> Cassanova 
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 1st hint, B___am__ ____k___
<Jeegoo> no idea
<Randal> dr seus
<Jeegoo> hee
<Zwuh> Al Gore
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 2nd hint, _en_a_in _r_n__i_
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 3rd hint, B_njami_ Fra__lin
<Zwuh> Benjamin Frankin
<Jeegoo> Benjamn franklin
<Randal> benjamin frankls
<Randal> oop
<Randal> s
<Zwuh> haha
<RandalCalrissian> Time's up! The answer was: Benjamin Franklin
<Zwuh> way to spell, team!

#543436 +(3259)- [X]

<opensoar> you know how my wife looks really young right?
<jb> yeah - she looks about 15
<opensoar> we'd been playing tennis and she was in little shorts and a t-shirt
<opensoar> we went to a mall and i figured i'd embarrass her with a bit sloppy kiss..
<jb> lol - you bastard!
<opensoar> after i'd slobbered all over her, she pushed me away and shouted out "Ew! Dad! GROSS!"
<opensoar> the whole place thought i was some kind of pervy..

#576017 +(1300)- [X]

Promisemememphis: there was a girl in one of my bio teachers classes and they had to put a cotton swab in their mouth and look at the slide
Promisemememphis: he went to look at hers because she saw something moving and told her it was a sperm
Promisemememphis: which meant that she'd just given some guy head in lunch like fifteen minutes before hand
Promisemememphis: he wouldn't let her leave the class either

#603832 +(709)- [X]

<d-snp> well actually windows D is my porn reflex
<d-snp> you never know what's under alt tab
<d-snp> it might be more porn :P

#616678 +(28)- [X]

Nobdepot signed on at 4:00:27 PM.
VenuSparkle85 (4:00:37 PM): hey
Nobdepot (4:00:39 PM): hey
VenuSparkle85 (4:00:41 PM): brb
Nobdepot (4:00:54 PM): wtf??? you messaged me just to say that?]
Nobdepot (5:43:35 PM): ...

#637196 +(1818)- [X]

<LordPie> which part confuses you more, my complex lexicon or the fact that i beat you with your own logic?
<jestaa> using big words doesn't make you more smarter.
<LordPie> Sorry, let me put it in an language that you can understand
<LordPie> OMG, ROFL LOL!!!!!!!!! J00 GOT OWNED!!11111!!

#698150 +(572)- [X]

<Dave> Well. I'mma go shower and then go pick up my friend from jail.
<Dave> I'll be back later.
<Shadowpillar> ask him how big his anus is
<Dave> He's a big dude, no one's going to fuck with him.
<Shadowpillar> ask him how many other people he's cornholed
<Shadowpillar> lol
<Dave> He's been in jail for roughly 5 hours.
<Dave> And he has a girlfriend.
<Dave> I'm betting on a grand total of six.

#738798 +(48)- [X]

H2SO4Baddie:  it's a good thing easter isn't on groundhog day, cuz then jesus'd come out of his tomb, see his shadow, go back in and we'd have 6 more weeks of winter
axoren123: xD

#768275 +(662)- [X]

<Ryaltar> You know you're experiencing a humiliating moment when your girlfriend tells you that you need an aimbot in bed.. >Sigh<

0.0611 21077 quotes approved; 554 quotes pending
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