#372 +(869)- [X]
<Eph> ahhhhhh tits , that`s thing I didn`t see for long now ...ahhhhhh
<honx> eph: how can you be on the internet and not see tits for a long time?
#1225 +(429)- [X]
[timmo] i liked the great gatsby movie
[timmo] because gatsby was harrison ford
[timmo] and i cant pass up an opertunity
[timmo] to see him get shot
#1507 +(315)- [X]
<nexxai> man, I love having hookups
<MTrez> found someone who works in an abnormally large dildo factory?
#1850 +(345)- [X]
<Shiznaught> what better kinston or micron ram
<devGOD> i like kingston
<devGOD> did you know kingston's founder is an ex-football player
<`michael> that really makes their ram better too
#3280 +(203)- [X]
<Evasion> they say astroglide doesn't get sticky for hours, thats bs, it gets sticky in 5-10 minutes
<aNuBiS-> Evasion: you arent supposed to mix it with feces
#4472 +(929)- [X]
<the_Speed_Bump> I have a severe, irrational phobia against midgets with red hair who wear black trenchcoats and sell kitchen cleaners in back alleys behind hotels whose names start with the letter 'U'.
<the_Speed_Bump> Every day is a struggle.
#5764 +(477)- [X]
<Grizzly_Addams> So? I just want your Mac address.
<AngryChicken> ...this is a PC ;-)
#6956 +(475)- [X]
<friction> hey hey.
<Turbovec> yo yo yo flapjack
<friction> i... don't know what that means.
<Turbovec> its raper talk, you're not supposed to understand dawg ;-)
<FlipTopBox> Turbovec: i believe you either mean "rapper" or "rapist". considering the context, i'm supposing the first.
#9399 +(216)- [X]
<Ragnarok> i kinda like that
<Ragnarok> i dig the natural look
<haole> then you'll be quite pleased with her crotch afro
<haole> it looks like a 70s blaxploitation extra
#11244 +(417)- [X]
<Hippie316> plus i have one of the worlds smallest rooms
<Hippie316> ask dop hes seen my room
<Hippie316> plus he can attest to it being small
<Doppelganger> no I cant
<Doppelganger> oh, you mean the room
#11435 +(50)- [X]
<doc> i feel no need to go to canada
<doc> if i want a taste of canada, i'll drink a canada dry
#15071 +(317)- [X]
<cardinal> huh, a friend of mine pissed in his girlfriend's typewriter
<cardinal> under similar circumstances
<cardinal> drunk, needing to pee, didn't want to turn on the light, found
<cardinal> the "bathroom" door, found the "toilet", opened the lid,
<cardinal> pissed, couldn't find the flusher, went back to bed
<cardinal> discovered the next morning he'd opened the wrong door, and
<cardinal> found the typewriter, not the toilet, which explains the lack
<cardinal> of flush lever
<Deke> and the *ding* when he finished
<cardinal> all I could say when he told me the story was "Good thing it
<cardinal> wasn't a Selectric"
#17923 +(169)- [X]
<Algorithms> DareDevil2002: I am saying I am wishing for stable woody
<PaC> Algorithms: perhaps viagra can help you with that
#21922 +(851)- [X]
<ws\thr> (I OWN YOU: A polite way of reminding someone that you killed them. Typically this is replied to with "FUCKING CAMPING WHORE" which means "Well done" <
#22000 +(368)- [X]
<PoisonPen> Ayn Rand is the curdled remains of a black, bitter, shrivelled apple from the tree of hypocrisy growing under the outhouse in the deepest pit of Hell. She couldn't grope her way out of her own rectum with a flashlight and a copy of Gray's Anatomy. Her entire rancid philosophy could have been killed if anyone had been brave or desperate enough to stick their penis into that frigid arctic pucker of her twat.
#26283 +(248)- [X]
<Masa> I never had a brother I could fight with
<Masa> very unsatisfactory
<Kevyn> I punched my sister once. Heh.
<Kevyn> I was too young to know better.
<Masa> and I couldnt hit my sister too much
<Kevyn> Pow, right in the nose.
<waffle> you're quite the enlightened male
<Kevyn> Eh. I love my family and that's how I show it.
<Kevyn> I can't wait to have kids.
<Kevyn> I'm gonna beat their fucking asses.
#33599 +(132)- [X]
<Destruya> We were in Ashland, VA, coming back from unloading my shit into a rented SUV coming back from school
<Destruya> And there's this van, California tags in this McDonalds we pull into
<Destruya> Ashland is only good for three things
<Destruya> Bathroom, food, gas
<Destruya> Nothing else
<Destruya> Perfect rest stop
<Destruya> Anyway, these stereotypical fuckin' Westies are in this Central VA bumfuck McDonalds asking for Cappucinos at 11:30 at night.
<Veen> heh, fucks.
<Destruya> Then, when the black lady at the counter recommends coffee, they ask where the nearest Starbucks is.
<Destruya> It's like, SHIT, people - get a fucking Coke and move on with life.
<Destruya> Caffeine is caffeine
#34100 +(162)- [X]
<tima> my opinion always was that having a webcam is the first step to getting caught mastrubation
#38063 +(315)- [X]
<+TheKid> Quake is just IRC with rocket launchers.
#39905 +(18)- [X]
<street> afk, earthquake
#61341 +(16)- [X]
<Clay> cs is like the eqivalent of eminem every 13year old loves it
#71954 +(822)- [X]
<jim_trim> How To Know If a girl likes you
<sarah> Quite simple: If she sits naked on your hand, and it feels like a horse is eating out of your palm, she likes you.
#75832 +(1085)- [X]
<+nexx> im thinking of quitting university to spend my life reading every quote on bash.org, quote this on bash so when im 30 ill read this and remember where my life went wrong.
#76366 +(197)- [X]
<LoneWolf_> Sexpo sucked ....
<Gibbon> cool, I thought you'd only be able to look at stuff!
<LoneWolf_> (in a bad way)
#77489 +(609)- [X]
<Jumper_> for an optimist the glass is half full, for a pessimist it is half empty, for an engineer it's twice as big as it needs to be
<Thraddash> for a programmer it has too few interfaces?
<Jumper_> for a programmer it's a Basic Input Output System (BIOS) with a buffer overflow just waiting to happen
#80953 +(567)- [X]
<Aemon> so what do you do? network security?
<Dark_Knight> Information security/Network security
<Aemon> i'm a lowly webdesigner/developer
<Dark_Knight> although having IRC on my box at work is a major violation of the security policy
<Dark_Knight> but fuck it, I wrote it
#93834 +(1061)- [X]
<GPF> i have your ip i will get my friend to hack you ahahahahah
<CommanderStab> Muahaha you have fallen into my evil trap, do you know what IP stands for?!
<CommanderStab> I stands for "Internet Police" and if you try to hack into it you will be arrested by the Internet Police!!!
<GPF> thats not true
<GPF> is it??
<GPF> shit i better tell my friend not to hack into the other ips i gave him
-!- GPF firstname.lastname@example.org has left #lobby
<CommanderStab> Stupidity - the ONLY effective anti-hacker method.
#94317 +(239)- [X]
<Valker> You know
<Valker> Aside from the wind fucking up my hair
<Valker> Outside really isn't that bad.
<Archer> You really don't have a life, do you?
#98100 +(1603)- [X]
<AleX> i guess this channel must be a center of activity; when i not rarondn an;sc;ln vialmnv,ma v,xznm f dlJFSMSMMMSMMSM:HHHFRRF
<AleX> sorry, i stopped caring halfway through that sentnece
#105677 +(106)- [X]
<+NoNameAndrew> yeah right, you were rubbing the one eye'd snake to him like I am
#107732 +(247)- [X]
<Gunslinger> The current version of Land Warrior had been intended for operational use in 2004. Although it has been much improved over earlier prototypes, the system was deemed “unreliable” and unlikely to survive the rigors of combat.
<Gunslinger> He explained that LW has three basic “assemblies,” the helmet, the body and the weapons. The helmet assembly has a wireless antenna, a helmet mounted display and a helmet interface assembly. The body assembly has a GPS receiver, a navigation box, a 500-megahertz rugged com-
<Gunslinger> puter operating Windows 2000, another smaller computer connected to the other PC and a voice-data communications control set.
<Gunslinger> Their RUnning Windows 2K! HAHAHAHAHAHA
<Gunslinger> We're so fucked...
<Takkie> good lord
<Takkie> can you imagine?
<Takkie> "Illegal operation"
<Gunslinger> "Sir, I can't call in for Air support! Should I Ctrl+Alt+Del?"
#168269 +(25)- [X]
<Arran> brb, loo.
<Stirfry_Ninja> arran is anally retentive
<EvoX> he rents his anus??!!
#244273 +(467)- [X]
<Xenocide> what are those things called....
<Xenocide> y'know, they leik deposite ink.. onto cds
<Xenocide> WTF ARE THEY CALLED
#294137 +(389)- [X]
<Bubbaprog> my posters came from the museum of modern art
<Bubbaprog> three huuuge art prints, magritte and miro, for 20 buckls shipped
<Bubbaprog> you should see the giant bazooka they came in
<Bubbaprog> it's like a tampon applicator for rosie o'donnell
#338143 +(630)- [X]
Mmc1512: YOI KID
Mmc1512: ALL THE LAMPSHADES ARE ON YOUR SUBMARINE
Mmc1512: catch my drift?
NcKmN 1988: wtf lol
Mmc1512: your alarm clocks are made out of cheese
NcKmN 1988: uhhh..
Mmc1512: your car is a boat on the fifth of the week
Mmc1512: get it?
NcKmN 1988: hmmm...
NcKmN 1988: no
Mmc1512: you look like a goriila escaped from alaska
Mmc1512: you need 2 pencils to write but only one hand to see
NcKmN 1988: u sniff glue again?
Mmc1512: no son
Mmc1512: back off my shoe box
#446297 +(159)- [X]
<%TTK> How would I start overclocking
<mikeszewil> don't know
<+Fizban30> open the box
<+Fizban30> make sure its on
<+Fizban30> and stick a knife in random spots
<+Fizban30> when you feel the zap your done
#456050 +(945)- [X]
<BlackstarII> wanna sleep over?
#579865 +(2043)- [X]
Skylos : dang its irritating when I get phone calls and they just hang up
Triggur: call them back with caller ID and then hang up!
Triggur: ever get a Heavy-Breathing call?
Triggur: I did once and I told him, "oh god, that is SO hot. can I jack off too?"
Triggur: turns out it was my mom winded from walking upstairs.
#637964 +(697)- [X]
<LoneVandal> I've heard Korean is the most logical and easy to read written language on earth
<LoneVandal> And that it is way easier to understand than speaking it
<Parn> It's easy to speak Korean
<Parn> See, watch
<Parn> CHING CHONG PING PONG
<LoneVandal> Thats chinese you faggot
#654066 +(296)- [X]
<Dann> this is so sad...
<Dann> i want to find the "super mario bros movie" on limewire, just for old times' sake... but guess what my first search result is?
<Dann> the 40 year old virgin
#686031 +(538)- [X]
<Nano> Is it "cheating" or wrong to mastubate over another chick when your married?
<Syco> thats like asking is it rape if they smile?
<Nano> wtf... no its not :/
#707944 +(541)- [X]
SPUNNEER: whats goth
fist meets colon: Goth is emo on 5,000 calories a day.
#757644 +(857)- [X]
Zoolig: I've had enough of weak, indecisive people.
Shoe: I think I have too.
#774539 +(177)- [X]
<TehGherkin> I punched the shit out of like several lampposts and some shrubbery.
<TehGherkin> The shrubbery accosted me as I walked there and I'm pretty sure one of the lamp posts cast a dispersion on my mother.
#777977 +(19292)- [X]
<Anonymous> Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.”
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
#799370 +(1132)- [X]
<@Phil> Hey, not saying your vagina isn't mighty. I mean, people LOVE the grand canyon...
<@Squash> Well guys like it when they can go in deep.
<@Phil> Yeah, but not when they'll fall in and die.
#814551 +(2306)- [X]
<macks> YEAH DUDE I'M SO GANGSTA I HOLD MY LAPTOP SIDEWAYS WHEN I POST FLAMES
#950879 +(329)- [X]
* Andaith has changed topic for #warble to: "Drought in the UK means: It's still raining, but not as much as we'd like."
#954315 +(448)- [X]
<@LAMMJohnson> I suspect Star Trek Into Darkness will be good but not great.
<@LAMMJohnson> My reasoning for this is thus
<@LAMMJohnson> Perfect score because all of its words have a length that is a power of 2.
<@LAMMJohnson> Minus one point because total letters is not a power of two.
<@LAMMJohnson> Not even including spaces.
<@LAMMJohnson> However, the letters in all of the words plus the number of words is 24.
<@LAMMJohnson> Overall score for the movie: 8.5
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Vice Executive of the Autism Department
<@LAMMJohnson> The score, correctly, is a power of two marred with an ugly fraction.
<@LAMMJohnson> Although the fraction is 1/2
<@LAMMJohnson> Actually, the overall fraction is 17/20 which I pretty much hate.
<@LAMMJohnson> Which means I will initially think the movie is OK but then later change my mind and hate it.
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Honourable Chairman of the Autism Empire
#954760 +(1924)- [X]
<LogicalThought> Having a girls head on your chest is one of the best feelings ever
<The_Opinion> Especially when it's still attached.