#2046 +(116)- [X]
<train> i'm on prison net
<train> that still works
<Hooblah> as in locked up n shit?
<Zebracake> no, irc.prison.net
#4701 +(73)- [X]
<Nate> I don't care that I don't fuck chicks.
<Nate> I have my MCSD.
<RPGoddess> but nate.... sex is good! :D
<Nate> Yes Shari, I would imagine.
<Nate> But so is manual sex.
#4828 +(1054)- [X]
<mov> DAL: u seen 2001 - A space odyssey?
<DAL9000> that has to be the stupidest question i've ever heard
#6055 +(553)- [X]
<Guyver3> you know what the best part of being me is?
<Guyver3> being me
* Guyver3 gleams with an unholy glow
<kingmob> now, see, that's the kind of attitude i like to hear
<kingmob> the world needs more arrogant bastards
<kingmob> i get lonely
#7206 +(257)- [X]
<Bane> they PROMISED they'd call me
<Xzibit-A> bunch of fucken users
<Bane> that's what i say
<Bane> i'm nothing but two holes and two hands to them
<Bane> just a cum receptacle
#8215 +(955)- [X]
<DotSPF> man, my mate is a complete div.
<DotSPF> he asked for my help coz he'd forgotten his hotmail password - I go round to see if he's put in a secret question so I can resurrect his account.
<DotSPF> what a prick
<DotSPF> his secret question was 'what is my password'
<DotSPF> i'm gonna go out and see if I can find him a cheap iMac
#8753 +(330)- [X]
<Mat> what's a mac sysadmin?
<Ryk> bru's a mac sysadmin.
<Bru> someone who can remove shrinkwrap from macromedia and adobe packages and knows the difference between appleshare and appletalk
#9484 +(257)- [X]
<asvisn> there is no /leave
*** asvisn has left #quickbasic
#11014 +(246)- [X]
<PreZ> u'd think I'd dream about britney spears, or christina ricci, or something
<PreZ> but nooooo
<PreZ> I dream I'm on IRC in #aussies
<goombah> wake up prez.. your having a hard disk crash
#11606 +(761)- [X]
<DeathRay> My car can fly thanks to the power of lies!
#14531 +(35)- [X]
<homerj`> what do I know? I load slashdot and get a pink screen
<splice> sounds like your sex life
#15785 +(299)- [X]
<b00m> i once got a virus that opened and shut my cd drive and i was like wtf... i ended up taping it shut until i wiped my computer
#27406 +(228)- [X]
* ashie is already starting to miss senior year of high school
<ashie> i cut school so much, i'd end up coming in on holidays, not knowing there was no school
#30161 +(23)- [X]
<[MI]Xealous> well, my friend invented the idea of "morning pussy"
<[MI]Xealous> its like pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwhich
#32758 +(116)- [X]
<NativeAmericanPsycho> It's a black thing.
<EMWCPrez> Like KFC?
#33565 +(345)- [X]
<AlieN__> I'm damn bored
<AlieN__> be funny
<AlieN__> yay canadian jokes
#34318 +(855)- [X]
<Gibs> I like chinese, they only come up to my knees...
<Bah> My boyfriend is half chinese and he is 6 ft 3
<Gibs> so he didnt get the shortness of the chinese
<Bah> yes he did.......
#36802 +(981)- [X]
<_Superfro> how long does a blister take to heal?
<minime--> super its in your best interest that you stop masturbating
<Willacuz> you know you masterbate too much , when u see a towel and u get horny
<minime--> you know you masturbate too much when the air coming out of the a/c vent gives you a hardon
<Willacuz> i dont get that one?
<minime--> neither do I?
<_Superfro> you know you masturbate too much when you are afraid to use a dirty sock
<aNuBiS-> you know you masturbate too much when all you guys wanna talk about is how you know when you masturbate too much
<Willacuz> aNuBiS- u know you masterbate too much when you masterbate to us talking about when all you guys wanna talk about is how you know when you masturbate too much
<aNuBiS-> Willacuz: dont make me take that one a step further...
<aNuBiS-> ...cause that would require thinking, and Im too busy masturbating
#41326 +(267)- [X]
<test4> ive been tied up before with ethernet cable to my bedpost
#41801 +(290)- [X]
<zerg> if you ever got pregnant would you get an abortion?
<zerg> keep it?
<S4L3M> of course!! i prefer to know my spawns so i can bestow upon them all my evilness and evil ways and evil knowledge...
<S4L3M> how else will i ever rule the world? fool.
#43337 +(276)- [X]
<Theogony> must not like trick or treaters
<phr0work> I didn't get ny
<phr0work> fucking kids
<Theogony> at least that greatly reduced the possibility of a lawsuit
<phr0work> also greatly reduced my chances of getting laid
<phr0work> kids in shitty costumes can't run worth a fuck
#43366 +(489)- [X]
<fo0bar> "Thank you for calling SBC Nevada Bell DSL help. If your cupholder is broken, please press 1. If you want an actual knowledgable support person, pleas enter the IP representation of a /28 netmask
#43510 +(183)- [X]
<u4Ea-kvm> i ran winipconfizzle
#58743 +(1404)- [X]
<@Campbell> I saw the best thing today... I was around at a mates place and these Jehovah's Witnesses came around preaching their shit
<@Campbell> So my mate invites them in and sits down and offers them pizza and cookies.
<@Campbell> After about 15 minutes they left very happy.
<@Campbell> We spotted them about an hour later lying in a park staring at the sky
<@Campbell> I guess those hash cookies and that magic mushie pizza really did its job.
<@Campbell> Who said drugs were bad?!
#70290 +(146)- [X]
<nullstar> i'm not criticizing, either.
<nullstar> well, i guess i am, but it's intended in a constructive manner
<nullstar> which is the good cholesterol of criticism. :)
#76579 +(12)- [X]
Schlik: i saw your mom
Schlik: naked so did adam, we were watchin
Schlik: and dont call us stockers
LckyLuciano8: or stalkers?
Schlik: hey fuck off
#96442 +(213)- [X]
<Lemming> one thing i dislike about broad band
<Lemming> porn popups load before you can close them, lol
#99863 +(161)- [X]
<Hard[D]isk> you know what the first sign of AIDs is, dont you?
<KillZaw> no what
<Hard[D]isk> a pounding sensation in your ass..
#106459 +(45)- [X]
<caze> SCO ought to be sued for suing
#107367 +(143)- [X]
* djenk feels like his energy has been completly drained out of him
* muiredach pumps energy back up in djenk
<muiredach> ooops, that was the airpump ;-)
* djenk now feels listless and bloated too ;/
#117299 +(400)- [X]
<poppycat> well..I dont have a vibrator any more but yes...he was called mister buzzy and he used to squirm and vibrate across the floor at great speed
<kirsy> you let your vibrator play on the floor?
<poppycat> yes..I didnt get much out of using it so I decided to let it amuse me by racing it
<Yasui> "GO MR BUZZY! beat that other vibrator! you can do it!"
#134558 +(345)- [X]
<Fr0d0> Just imagin what wars would be like if instead of battle hardend soldiers, they used nerds and geeks.
<H4ndalfTehGh3y> "D00d! j00 sh0tz0r m333!11!11 Wut r u?!?!? 4 FFFFAAAAGGG?!!!?!"
#136509 +(86)- [X]
<idlerakefighter> What's the deal with Ovaltine
<Sarah> the cup's round :(
<Sarah> the container's round :(
<Sarah> why isn't it roundtine?
#162334 +(266)- [X]
(@[I]vo) i'd be the worst jesus ever, i'd be constantly drunk if i could turn water into wine
#183524 +(1443)- [X]
<DRLEGO> OH THAT FUCKING IDIOT
<DRLEGO> my gf bought me a xmas gift
<DRLEGO> off amazon
<DRLEGO> but she used my account to do it
<DRLEGO> so it charged ME
#201821 +(249)- [X]
<gande34> so my azn friend has a kid, and he turns out to be black
<gande34> they are like boaters man
<gande34> they named him "Sum Ting Wong"
#231741 +(1445)- [X]
<@Sprache> what do you guys know about the company that makes RealPlayer?
<@KtuLi> I'd tell you, but the information is still buffering
#264226 +(1260)- [X]
<zN|nJa> I wonder how tough the recruiting for suicide bomber school is
<zN|nJa> 'now watch closely because I'm only gonna do this once'
#397086 +(229)- [X]
<Ferd|inking> what the heck is a Chaotic Slacker?
<Seritaph> I'd tell you, but I lost my notes.
#428535 +(865)- [X]
<Asmodai> I spy with my little eye something beginning with ([a-zA-Z0-9].*)
#488189 +(2506)- [X]
<ZhanDVG> I kept glancing at the computer thinking that the channel was dead...
<ZhanDVG> Then I realised I was looking at Notepad :(
<Ice_Dragon> Zhan, I can safely say I don't think any of us are ever going to top that
#589691 +(1936)- [X]
orangemunky: yes, but can you spell antidisestablishmentarianism???
Q-13: I can now, dumbass!
#640259 +(4099)- [X]
dazed: yeah my mom caught my brother jacking off to Powerpuff Girls
dazed: she didnt yell at him because she was laughing so hard
dazed: she just told everyone at his birthday party the next day
BaileD: You have the most fucked up family ever. Period.
#643744 +(1276)- [X]
Helene: Someone attacked Pearl Harbor?!
Helene: My Cousin is stationed there
Helene: omg omg omg
Helene: Was it bad?
Pigtail II: Helen we're talking about WWII
#653097 +(678)- [X]
lprocks: can you link me to a place that i can download roms?
lprocks: der i tried and it kept taking me to different sites
#710161 +(461)- [X]
<Ritz> I had the myspace so I could keep in contact with certain friends
<Ritz> I decided I needed new friends
#777282 +(1274)- [X]
<PetTeacher> If you could fight any celebrity who would it be?
<C0pp4F33l> michael flatly
<Protegemoi> ugh... Paris Hilton definitely
<Exostetic> Stephen Hawking.
#866133 +(4388)- [X]
<Poyzin> The vet supervisor was asking me to jack off a horse to get the semen to artificially inseminate a female horse.
<Kilts> wtf lol
<Poyzin> But listen! This was a racehorse, so the owner says that I need to massage it's prostate. I'm assuming you don't know this, but the prostate on a horse is VERY fucking far back there.
<Poyzin> So, I get on the arm-length glove and I look in the room to see another doctor with a cat or something. Tells me we had too many animals so the horse was moved to a room close to the front.
<Poyzin> Well, I get there, and I put my arm in this horse's ass. I'm talkin' less than a foot from my shoulder deep. All in clear view.
<Poyzin> And then some redneck couple come in and they see me because this front room has shit protection on it.
<Poyzin> "You a vet?" The guy ask. I wait a few seconds to see if he was joking, but then I look back to the horse's asshole.
<Poyzin> "Nah, I'm with the Amish. I'm their mechanic."
#880444 +(1035)- [X]
PROTOtype2k6: Hey Fel you know the difference between Michael phelps and Hitler?
Felathan: no clue proto.
PROTOtype2k6: At least Michael Phelps could finish a race.
#927751 +(1912)- [X]
<rdubyaj> dude this car I saw....
<rdubyaj> was really dusty
<rdubyaj> and someone had written on it "I wish my wife was this dirty"
<rdubyaj> and underneath that someone else had written "she is"