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#97 +(682)- [X]

<reptile-> I can DoS people's cars from my GBA.

#349 +(1391)- [X]

<ping> oh, im ready for the upcoming school year
<End[gone]> i dont think it will be any different
<zxaxox> thats why you have to take a shotgun and MAKE it different.

#2921 +(485)- [X]

(Fungus): idler, define " life " please :)
(Idler): Fungus: Life is the thing that grows in my fridge
(Idler): Starting to get really big now
(Idler): Might have to kill it some day
(NX): did u try to eat it?
(Idler): NX: No, that's what I should have done a long time ago

#4451 +(85)- [X]

<amoeba> mouse gestures = OMG IM TOO LAZY TO PRESS TEH BUTTONS ON TEH KEYBOARD
<@tr0n> HEY IF I MOVE IT IN AN S PATTERN AND THEN A ZIGZAG AND THEN A SQUARE SHAPE IT WILL TAKE ME TO FAGS.NET

#5484 +(393)- [X]

<cain> YOU COULD NOT GET PLAY IF YOU WALKED INTO A WHOREHOUSE WITH YOUR DICK SANDWICHED BETWEEN A AMEX AND A PLATINUM VISA

#6042 +(230)- [X]

<Ichiro51> LOL I remember picking up this chick at a bar several years ago .. we went back to her place, she asks me if I minded if she "made herself at home" .. I said no, so she took her teeth out and blew me.

#6527 +(157)- [X]

<CitizenC> The "P" in "#P-Raves" stands for "get the fuck out of our channel, bitch!"

#7419 +(624)- [X]

<elite_chaR> butcher im sitting like right behind you at lanwar :D
<elite_chaR> SO NO FUNNY BUSINESS
<elite_chaR> NO WEIRD NOISES
<elite_chaR> NO WEIRD SMELLS
<elite_chaR> NO WEIRD SPELLING
<butcher> dude, too late, I just f4rt3d
<butcher> that's a wierd noise, a weird smell, and a weird spelling.

#8684 +(918)- [X]

<Pryk> I am so fucking h0nry today, I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like someone is licking the crotch of my voodoo doll.

#9403 +(49)- [X]

<FOCK> god damn
<FOCK> every fucking one of these clients  blow
<FOCK> ugh... unknown internal command (/me)
<rude> hahah
<CIA> ./action
<rude> dude, throw that trash out
<FOCK> i need to lay the smackdown on this fucker
<rude> /ctcp #chan action :stuff
<FOCK> no BitchX for BeOS
<rude> maybe you don't need the :
<FOCK> *ANGERRRRRR*
<rude> what're you doin' on be?
<FOCK> no wonder this os hasnt taken off, no decent irc clients

#11068 +(282)- [X]

<Zarzig> If i had a cup of liquid nitrogen right now, i would drink it.
<Zarzig> Granted my stomach would solidify and i would die in a matter of seconds...
<Zarzig> but at least my underwear woulden't be so sweaty...

#16885 +(471)- [X]

< Tobester> I downloaded a file named JESSICA ALBA LESBIAN PORN SEEN DIVX at 12mb and it was a guy fisting himself

#20875 +(644)- [X]

<cainispissyill> YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
<cainispissyill> GOOOOO MATH!
<cainispissyill> GOOOOO STATISTICS!
<badtz-maru> GOOOOOOOOOOO AWAY

#25325 +(113)- [X]

<Random> Mdk: did your mom actually teach Erica to be a ninja, does she come on irc, or is this all some big joke i'm not getting?

#31165 +(399)- [X]

truthug17: so u have a man
Cassandra: Oh yes.
truthug17: do u love him
Cassandra: I do.
truthug17: could u love me
Cassandra: I might. But I'd never sleep with you, so I guess it doesn't matter.

#32983 +(1369)- [X]

<WaterBomb> Actually, your penis is one of the cleanest parts of your body, since it receives little or no exposure to dirt and bacteria.
<WaterBomb> So, in theory, sucking your own dick is healthier than sucking your thumb
<Clicky_Pen> ...
<NickWhiz1> ...
<LavosPhoenix> ...
<Melkor> ...

#33588 +(176)- [X]

phusnikin> that sucked. compiled my executable into my src and i have no
backup, damm bash tab completion :\

#34183 +(359)- [X]

<Emmy> When I was in Helsinki, I couldn't stay at the house of a friend, because they had - well, crawly things, too
<Azif> babies?

#34507 +(62)- [X]

Pron_Czar_Mike- inner city broadband is silly, like a crackhead mom with 6 kids can afford it, get it out to us middle class rural people first you bastards!

#36296 +(349)- [X]

* inshadowhiding sets off a small sodium bomb for warmth
SeaWolf has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Windesong has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Rish-sims has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Hypnos has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Vulpine has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
<inshadowhiding> well that was efective

#46779 +(30)- [X]

TwilightKnight: omfg
TwilightKnight: i just lost 2 and a half hours of my life
TwilightKnight: to unreal tournament
DrSpaZZo: Really? I just fucking lost 4 hours of my life to fixing my laptop
DrSpaZZo: So shut the fuck up

#48501 +(518)- [X]

Phut: ooh
Phut: I just had an idea
Phut: I wanna save up a lot of money...... rent a billboard, and just simply put "www.goatse.cx" on it.  Nothing else but that.
Phut: that would own

#51999 +(508)- [X]

<Tak777> I have returned
* Feops disbelieves
<Feops> 1d20+1
<Ragnaar> Feops: 1d20+1 (6)
<Feops> damn
<Feops> fine, you're here.

#52704 +(640)- [X]

<sit`> one of my female coworkers remarked about how i was cutting up my apple with great care so i said "you have to treat it like a woman, cut it in thin slices"
<sit`> didn't go over to well for some reason

#52802 +(653)- [X]

Acire1134:Damn dog keeps fallin off my clock
Impala33157:O.O
Impala33157:I SO read that wrong

#58162 +(259)- [X]

<WoWMaN\>ah well, i'm off now
<Bart\> where to?
<WoWMaN\>some people like to call it masturbation, or jerking off. I myself prefer: "letting the dog out"
<WoWMaN\>that way it doesn't sound all that suspicious when I tell my mum what I'm off to do
<Bart\>sure... "Mum, I'm going to let the dogs out" and then you go to the bathroom...
<Bart\>would seem pretty suspicious to me
<WoWMaN\>well, not to my mum
<WoWMaN\>in fact... we don't even have a dog :)

#90152 +(533)- [X]

<mark_007> i was peeing before and i hear this shuffling outside the door, so i lift my leg and kick the door as hard as i can
<mark_007> and like i hear this bump, and an "OWW", so i really quickly finish up and open the door
<mark_007> my little brother's lying on the ground holding his head and writhing in pain
<mark_007> HE WAS LISTENING TO ME PEEING

#94038 +(341)- [X]

<Babyxic> have fun in ur wrestling outfit
<KestrelM1> its not wrestling!
<KestrelM1> its rowing!
<KestrelM1> they're rowing troughs!
<KestrelM1> and i dont grope other males
<KestrelM1> just... long poles...

#97934 +(135)- [X]

<Nush> im not racist, i had black friends, but my dad sold them all

#107855 +(384)- [X]

AoD> Hey.  Would anyone here have paid money to kick Saddam out of power?
<dubuto> Sure.
<AoD> Pick a figure.
<dubuto> I heard the Iraq thing cost 63odd billion.
<AoD> What would it have been worth to you to get rid of him?
<AoD> OUt of your pocket.
<dubuto> Tough question.
<AoD> It cost us 220 dollars each.
<Meadow_Boxer> Ain't that some shit
<AoD> Could have been worse.
<AoD> Hell, at 220 dollars a pop, I'm game for another tyrant!
<Gavok> How much to eliminate Whoopie Goldberg?

#134558 +(342)- [X]

<Fr0d0> Just imagin what wars would be like if instead of battle hardend soldiers, they used nerds and geeks.
<H4ndalfTehGh3y> "D00d! j00 sh0tz0r m333!11!11 Wut r u?!?!? 4 FFFFAAAAGGG?!!!?!"

#139480 +(287)- [X]

<AndyPunk> what is with all the publicity with people who have lost limbs in the war
<AndyPunk> wasn't the only reason we went into iraq was to dis-arm them?

#170498 +(1800)- [X]

<Dark_Soul>Just because I'm from Canada doesnt mean I live in an igloo.
<Ralts>What, you fucking homeless?

#173708 +(1388)- [X]

<cdowdsux> So my friend was telling me about how he tried to commit suicide by taking 20 Advil...so I was just like.. "Dude, why take 20 Advil when you could have just taken 3 Aleve?"

#179137 +(868)- [X]

* Khross flies a 757 into andy
* andy flies a 757 into Khross's 757.
* aen blocks them both with twin towers.
<andy> SO THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED

#215287 +(394)- [X]

<djlaptop> could God write a program that's so intensive that his cpu couldn't run it?

#234706 +(248)- [X]

<@debaser> so
<@debaser> i'm kinda looking forward to seeing the passion
<blister> the question is though: which bitch is going to get naked in this story (the hotty from Braveheart == win!)
<Azra`el> jesus died a virgin man
<Azra`el> remember?
<Pi> Azra`el: but Jesus got tempted like a mofo
<Pi> so some chick's probably all "let's sex0r" and he's all "get thee behind me"
<blister> if they did that
<blister> i'd go see it

#310385 +(857)- [X]

<peebles> how about a new low CARB diet
<peebles> No Cheney
<peebles> No Ashcroft
<peebles> No Rumsfeld
<peebles> No Bush
<peebles> And forget about the Rice.

#356805 +(2572)- [X]

<v_9> All those who believe in Telekenesis raise my hand.

#358194 +(1418)- [X]

*** p00bear (jason@adsl-208-188-253-138.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #cplusplus
<p00bear> hey hey
<p00bear> so can the boolean evaluated conditional expression achieve orgasm?
<asiib> ...
<p00bear> sure, it comes after a while!
<p00bear> :D
*** p00bear was kicked by Reagun (KK: i'm only kicking you cause i get it)

#386207 +(826)- [X]

<Paul> So anyway, i hit him over the head with a shovel
<Paul> and now he's all "Lawsuit" this and "Jailtime" that

#392848 +(584)- [X]

<X-G> Yay, I wrote a todo list
<X-G> Now I can procrastinate more efficiently!

#514738 +(977)- [X]

< fook_> we had radiation alert drills in my HS, those were my favorite
< mofino> I thought you'd just enjoy it by now.
< sili> fook_: how do you hide from radiation? lead suit?
< mofino> fook, haha
< tag_> I'm not in highschool
< fook_> because its important to exit the school in an orderly fashion if the nuclea powerplant were to melt down
< tag_> which was even better
< tag_> fook_: Hahah
< fook_> sili: yeah, theres no way.
< fook_> our school was 15miles from the plant
< mofino> "But teacher my skin is melting..."
< mofino> "STAY IN LINE RICHARD!"

#540166 +(687)- [X]

xeon: "Keyboard Failure, Press F1 to continue"
xeon: ....... wtf?!

#543726 +(1169)- [X]

<root66> so, I was contracted to write a text messaging client for windows. I said I wanted $250 upfront and $250 upon completion. He only sent $200
<root66> so I completed it but made it crippled and put "demo" in the titlebar
<root66> and he told me "this is just some demo you downloaded. I am not giving you any more money"
<root66> so I changed "demo" to "cheapskate version - that means you dave" and sent it again
<root66> now he won't answer my emails

#624688 +(1078)- [X]

(Cdian)If anyone wants to see it, I have the entire series of "goatse" pictures, not just the most famous one. You'd be horriffied to see exactly what that man can fit up his arse.
(em-p)Yeah cause when I saw goatse.cx my first thought was "where can I find MORE?" and then, when I found more? "I'm going to hold onto these!" I just don't KNOW you anymore dude.

#773988 +(775)- [X]

sup lyndz: "That's what you tell your parents if they catch you masturbating. I WASN'T MASTURBATING. I WAS CLEANING IT AND IT WENT OFF."

#809347 +(2224)- [X]

<Poyzin> So, something amusing happened to me.
<Kilts> ?
<Poyzin> I clocked out of work today, and the ticket tells me I've worked 13 hours and 37 minutes.
<Poyzin> Of course, presented as 13.37.
<Poyzin> Know what that makes me? :D
<Kilts> lol really leet?
<Poyzin> ...
<Poyzin> I worked 13 and a half fucking hours, and TIRED isn't your first guess? God dammit.

#811215 +(678)- [X]

<@Tyr> OMG
<@Tyr> Christopher Walken reading "The Raven"
< Trekkie> if there were an audiobook of Christopher Walken reading the Bible it would probably be #1 on iTunes
<@Tyr> if christopher walken read the bible
<@Tyr> i'd be a believer

#904257 +(-27)- [X]

<olaf> there's a retarded kid who picks up coins
<olaf> well did when we went to high school
<olaf> he would stop for even a penny
<olaf> well, my girlfriend at the time had a huuuuge collection jar
<olaf> and she brought it to school one morning
<olaf> so we could put them all over the place
<olaf> and we walked outside to where he was hanging out
<olaf> and i pretended to trip and fall
<olaf> right in front of him
<olaf> and the coins went FUCKING EVERYWHER
<olaf> but not only did he pick up all the coins
<olaf> he would pick them up 1 at a time
<olaf> every time he bent over
<olaf> he was there for fucking EVER
<olaf> and then my little sister and my friend zac
<olaf> on one of the days i was suspended
<olaf> superglued a fucking quarter and put it on the ground
<olaf> and it got stuck to his hand
<olaf> and he was swinging his hand around screaming in his tard voice
<olaf> and, apparently
<olaf> everyone and their god damned mother laughed for ever
<olaf> yeah, i'm a shitty human so what
<||bass> you're my hero

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