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#446 +(287)- [X]

<SYch0> my mom got rearended

#1552 +(668)- [X]

<ckx> when i worked at the sub shop
<ckx> whenever a fat person would get a sub and a regular pepsi
<ckx> i'd be like "umm wouldn't you rather have a diet pepsi?"
<ckx> and they'd get all offended
<skmt> haha
<ckx> but they'd still get the diet pepsi instead

#1745 +(393)- [X]

(nexxai) [poopfart]: can you fart and poo at the same time?
(poopfart) yes
(poopfart) i can
(poopfart) their called accidents

#2268 +(584)- [X]

<ScratGOD> dude some guy was fucking me in the ass last night and reached around and grabbed my cock. I got up and said "what the fuck, do you think im gay or something?"

#4599 +(584)- [X]

*** tatsumi_oreo is now known as tatsumi\Beatingof\
*** tatsumi\Beatingof\ is now known as tatsumi\BeatingSoF\

#4837 +(670)- [X]

<KeeperS> one of the questions on there is "HOW MANY SIDES DOES A TRIANGLE HAVE?"
<KeeperS> and it has a picture of a triangle
<KeeperS> and then 4 answer choices
<KeeperS> how do you get that wrong?

#5729 +(1079)- [X]

<Lord-Data> god damn faggot game
<Lord-Data> why the fuck would i wanna pick up a corpse when im on 10% health, theres a minigun in front of me and im under fire
<Lord-Data> when i push use i wanna use the god damn gun, not fuck the damn corpse

#7855 +(784)- [X]

<octo> no matter what anyone tells you, or how much you think it would be a good idea, never ever put aftershave on your balls
<HeXeDeCiMaL> OMG 0 ...
<Angelhair> curiosity will get you every time
<Ninja_Bill> as far as i know curiosity didnt make a cat put aftershave on its nuts

#8452 +(20)- [X]

<Mousey> haha quarter chicken from mcdonalds
<mk4> whats quarter chicken ?
<mk4> like a quater pounder ?
<Punk-In-Drublic> well its not quiet a halfd of a chicken dave

#9920 +(175)- [X]

<James> buy a Pentium 4 so you can reboot faster man.

#10484 +(172)- [X]

<cj_> i have symlinked pine to mutt on my system and put a
reasonably cool .muttrc in everyone's home directory  that uses pine
<cj_> i may be a nazi, but they'll thank me later

#12304 +(380)- [X]

<@Breathe> Server announcement:  >>Attention please: We are about to reset the Linuxguy server to upgrade the chat softweare. This will cause you to disconnect. You should be able to reconnect right away. If you have any problems, please let us know in #magicstar.. We will reset linuxguy in 2 minutes.<<
<@Breathe> I love it.  "If you can't reconnect, come into a channel and let us know!"

#14466 +(298)- [X]

<Amante> Do you guys know how many 24hr porno shops they have going down 75?
<@Breathe> 138.
<@Breathe> And you don't want to know how I know that.
<Amante> I thought I recognized your picture :)

#16368 +(424)- [X]

<MaXiMUz> so linux and ftp r the same thing rite?
<MaXiMUz> Fuck hacking itz too complicated, i can't ftp and shit

#18397 +(114)- [X]

<Scythewz> my bed makes a nice punching bag
<Zimbu> and at night, Scythewz's bed makes a nice diaper

#20216 +(336)- [X]

#21892 +(249)- [X]

<|grinch|> Jesus may be able to heal the sick and bring the dead back to life, but he can't do shit for low fps

#22994 +(656)- [X]

<Keoni> Thank you for using Wordzone's Express Translation service. The text you have just submitted can be translated for the following price. Accepting this price by clicking on the "ORDER" button will allow us to begin translating your document immediately.
<Keoni> Translation Price: $ 10.00
<Ragnarok> someone who really needs the word
<Keoni> what word is that?
<Ragnarok> hmm
<Ragnarok> well
<Ragnarok> i was on the phone with the database tech support a couple days ago
<Ragnarok> well
<Ragnarok> nights actually
<Ragnarok> and since it was the middle of the night
<Ragnarok> we get some guy in france
<Ragnarok> and his english was incredibly shitty
<Ragnarok> i'da paid $10 to know how to say assmarauder in french

#26579 +(393)- [X]

<Eternal_S> Is this the irc-channel about the windows shell Litestep?
<DeVante`> No...
<DeVante`> This is where we, the homosexual IRC community, can come together without persecution from others.
* Floach- slaps DeVante` around a bit with a large trout
<DeVante`> Er..
<DeVante`> I mean..
<DeVante`> Yes...
<DeVante`> Litestep shell.
<DeVante`> That's us!

#31551 +(150)- [X]

<spacegirl> because i don't suck dick
<P-Rex> how do your mates keep you from talking during sex then, kellie?

#38133 +(950)- [X]

<Dedge> When you kill 6 people in Unreal Tournament it's "Monster Kill", In Quake3 it's "Excellent", in Counter-Strike it's "Kicked by console"

#39460 +(103)- [X]

<stix> oh shit all my downs are gone after a format and change of OS drive
<stix> can i fix that?

#43343 +(218)- [X]

<@kmad> yah im switching majors
<@mr420> so whats your new major
<@kmad> English
<@mr420> yuch
<@ChAmP> o.O
<@mr420> from what
<@kmad> cpsc
<@kmad> so boring and stupid
<@ChAmP> english is boringer

#70014 +(538)- [X]

<Burned> Its stuff like the Columbia shuttle disaster that really brings you down to earth

#79842 +(179)- [X]

<SaxxonPike> I'm not gonna serve illegal stuff, just some MP3 files I got from Kazaa

#81921 +(1058)- [X]

<Mak> Aimee, well that's your opinion, and I have my opinion about you. I don't bring my opinion up, so I'd love it if in return you'd do the same, if only for common courtesy :)
<Aimee> I'd love to hear your opinion about me hon.
<Aimee> Perhaps you could write a book?
<Aimee> and name it "Things Aimee doesn't care about, by Makat"
<Mak> Chapter 1: Other people

#97997 +(162)- [X]

<timovgod> Man, when I saw they said they were going to add color to the $20 bill I thought the meant they were replacing Jackson with Al Sharton

#98063 +(253)- [X]

<Guardian_Latino> manboobs give girls something to look at when they're talking to you

#99683 +(145)- [X]

<Red_Squirrel> Jeff [Hardy] could get caught backstage sleeping with every diva and KO would still find a way to label him gay ^_^
<dubchu> ...every diva *at the same time*, yo.
<DaimaijeD> He DOES paint pretty blue swirlies on himself with what looks like pudding.
<DaimaijeD> When you smear yourself with blue pudding in preparation to meet a guy in tights, there's something amiss.

#100185 +(229)- [X]

<[Piratez]> i had a computer security class; teacher talking about sept. 11 bombing.. he goes.. 'you know how much computers were lost in the bombing'....

#113123 +(387)- [X]

<euphoria> we had drugs sex and rock and roll now all we have is aids crack and techno

#128559 +(250)- [X]

<SurveySays--Food> So I bought a Kobe Bryant jersey the other day.
<SurveySays--Food> Cost me twenty-five bucks for the black one.
<SurveySays--Food> I asked the cashier if it was the "Buy me, I'm a rapist" sale.
<SurveySays--Food> She was not amused.

#156271 +(171)- [X]

* qpsk likes how tarantino does tribute movies
<qpsk> jackie brown was blaxploitation
<qpsk> kill bill is kung fu
<slightly> his next film will be an homage to public safety films: "Duck and Cover.....with a Vengeance"

#225840 +(596)- [X]

(SuperMarine): i swear to go
(SuperMarine): d
(SuperMarine): if that dog next door dosnt shut up
(SuperMarine): im going to do something bad
(AfroTrance): like complain over irc

#229921 +(461)- [X]

<warezfrea> can any1 tell me where I can download GTA Vice city?
<@Conz> buy it, rip it, put up your own ftp, download it

#290466 +(2651)- [X]

<raven> Any cat people here? I've got a problem with Nicky...
<Leth> I've been known to be handy with a wok
<Lore> Why, I'm a cat person.
<raven> I took Morgan to the vet yesterday - he was gone for a total of 45 minutes, got two vaccs and a blood draw.
<raven> Brought him home and Nicky went BALLISTIC.
<raven> Spent the rest of the night yowling and hissing and attacking MOrgan.
<CrazyClimber> nicky smells the hospital smells on morgan
<Lore> Yeah, I've seen that happen.
<raven> Is there anything I can do to get the hospital stink off him, then? Pack his carrier in coffe grounds or something?
<tieboy> how about a bath
<CrazyClimber> just give it a day or so
<Lore> We tried catnip and butter, and neither worked.
<agent_orange> butter?
<agent_orange> you buttered your cat?
<Lore> Yes.
<raven> it's the best way to butter the house.
<raven> Cats are effective butter delivery units.
<Lore> We read somewhere to put butter on a cat's forehead.
<agent_orange> did the emolient facilitate insertion?
<Lore> And the other cat licks it off, and likes the first cat, because it tastes like butter.
<Lore> As I said, it didn't work.
<agent_orange> you read sopmewhere to put butter on the cats foreWHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING
<tieboy> rub the two cats together vigorously until they smell like each other
<agent_orange> piss on them both at the same time
<raven> It's more fun to put tape on their feet.
<agent_orange> why not do both
<agent_orange> and then get out the handycam
<Lore> I believe what I was thinking was "Maybe it will work. And even if it doesn't, I get to butter the cat's forehead."
<agent_orange> AFHV would *love* some footage of sticky-pawed, freshly buttered cats trying in vain to avoid a stream of steaming miller lite
<Samwise> You know what helps with feuding cats, Lore? Sending me lots of cash.
<agent_orange> now, see, I read somewhere --
<agent_orange> I think it was leviticus
<agent_orange> -- that what you should do is frost them
<agent_orange> betty crocker, right out of the can
<raven> Chocolate or buttercream?
<Leth> rave: go chocolate, buttercreme isn't pareve
<CrazyClimber> you're frosting meat?
<agent_orange> and then there'a always Cat Wellington
<agent_orange> "What are you doing in the kitchen, dear?" "Just buttering the cat, pumpkin!"
<agent_orange> "Why don't you baste the chicken while you're at it, too, dear?" "Baste the ... *light bulb* ...Sure! Sure, I'll 'baste the chicken'!"
<CrazyClimber> a google images search for "buttered cat" returns a picture of isaac hayes
<agent_orange> chocolate salty cat balls

#291606 +(227)- [X]

<Sholin> You know, I went to KFC the other day with my Mother, And she asked them if they had anything fried..

#374277 +(276)- [X]

Demonic: .............  Whoah, this conversation just took the offramp into Pervert Pike, going a good 80 mph even.
Demonic: Not that I'm entirely against such a happening.
YRS: niehter am I
YRS: lol
YRS: I could go for a good hentai right about now
Demonic: Good ole hentai, glossing over Japan's major social problems since 1946.

#384331 +(634)- [X]

<+Badger[49]> ...would you pose nude for, like, a billion dollars? o.o
<+Nightwish> who wouldnt
<+Nightwish> o_o
<+Nightwish> then again i'd pose for like 5 cents and a candy

#387548 +(111)- [X]

crazycougr: saw rick james died?
phaded 001: yup
crazycougr: 'natural causes'
phaded 001: wonder what chappelle is gonna do now
crazycougr: cocaine is natural isnt it?

#409151 +(876)- [X]

<rolo> alright, someone pls explain to me what the fuck "it" is in the phrase "keep it real"
<draco> yeah, and how/why does it become fake?
<thrgy> and why the fuck is everyone its keeper?!?!?!
* traxor has quit IRC (Quit: it has failed to be kept real in here)

#448314 +(2216)- [X]

* badlands dials phone-a-hooker
<WhitAdept> phone brb

#601277 +(724)- [X]

<Happy_Dot> So my dad and I were reading readers digest, and there was this ad for some apocalypse book. It said "The end is near! Dont delay! This book will tell you everything you need to know! Hurry!" Then, at the bottom of the page, it says : please allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery.

#616259 +(3876)- [X]

<Jenny> I love you.
<Jenny> I just wanted you to know, incase you were starting to doubt.
<Phalanx> My bro's not here right now, and by the way he's cheating on you.

#637552 +(746)- [X]

<aamP> i named my two goldfish 1 and 2
<aamP> because if 1 died i still had 2

#716192 +(157)- [X]

TaipeiSS: o.o I love the Harvard common app supplement.
TaipeiSS: they don't ask you stupid gay questions that you have to write essays to
zenith251: They don't want no Jibba Jabba.
TaipeiSS: the closest thing they ask is...
TaipeiSS: Briefly discuss one book that has strongly influenced you.
TaipeiSS: Briefly discuss.
TaipeiSS: That's like, a paragraph or two.
zenith251: But halfway through the space they provide "We said brief, damnit!"
TaipeiSS: Not "500 -750 words on a quote that means something to your life and how you exude it in every situation" like fuckin gayassed Cornell
zenith251: And if you keep going past that line, they don't read it.
TaipeiSS: and they get this big purple stamp that says GAY
TaipeiSS: and they stamp it on that part of your essay and print it and send it back to you in the mail
TaipeiSS: And they include a handwritten postit where they laugh at you and say you have no friends.

#816484 +(880)- [X]

<Rachessa> By viewing porn, you're giving pages hits which lets them pay the models a little more.   Those girls might not have much and you're helping them support themselves when they might not have anyone to turn to, allowing them to get by.
<Rachessa> In a sense, every time you whack off, you're actually saving lives.

#827006 +(5164)- [X]

ElGarlic: Spending your life waiting for the messiah to come save the world is like waiting around for the straight piece to come in Tetris.
ElGarlic: Even if it comes, by that time you've accumulated a mountain of shit so high that you're fucked no matter what you do.

#875655 +(2590)- [X]

<rizerz> A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
<rizerz> can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him
<rizerz> looking for work in six weeks.'
<rizerz> A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one
<rizerz> person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
<rizerz> A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we
<rizerz> can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have
<rizerz> them both looking for work in two weeks.'
<rizerz> A Texas doctor, not to be outdone said, 'You guys are way behind.  We
<rizerz> took a man with no brains out of Texas , put him in the White House, and
<rizerz> now half the country is looking for work.

#947980 +(568)- [X]

<Brownie> That guy's such a nerd, his first words probably were "Hello World!"

0.0776 20958 quotes approved; 4418 quotes pending
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