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#1124 +(1424)- [X]

<DigDug> internet access to productivity is what condoms are to babies.
<Ash> A choking hazard?

#1612 +(384)- [X]

<[PhReAk]> i have a problem, i have an +++ATH0 modem bomber but when i use it it disconnects me from the internet, what is the problem?

#1983 +(302)- [X]

<JDigital> Sounds like a really, really kool hentai webcomic.
<Subvillain> Not a webcomic, a paper manga.
<JDigital> Manga + scanner = webcomic. DYS?

#2500 +(700)- [X]

<Dekon> Florida is holding the election hostage until we quit sending old people

#3006 +(372)- [X]

<djLiKu> 8=========D
<insanelee> wow.. . is that life size?
<djLiKu> yeah
<djLiKu> if u have a 200 inch monitor

#4274 +(222)- [X]

<DeX`> i could eat a 4lb london broil and have room left for a small chinese woman
<Damaceles> after you ate her you'd have to eat again in an hour

#4366 +(379)- [X]

<Bobby> "YOU ARE ONLY CONSIDERED A LOYAL TALIBAN MEMBER IF YOUR BEARD IS AT LEAST ONE THIRD THE LENGTH OF AN X-BOX CONTROLLER."

#4701 +(68)- [X]

<Nate> I don't care that I don't fuck chicks.
<Nate> I have my MCSD.
<RPGoddess> but nate.... sex is good! :D
<Nate> Yes Shari, I would imagine.
<Nate> But so is manual sex.
<Nate> :)

#5300 +(25146)- [X]

<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.

#6057 +(246)- [X]

<kingmob> lisa is being very resistant to this whole "dreadlock" thing
<kingmob> probably concerned about all the fly bitches i'll have

#7734 +(58)- [X]

<DaemoN_> NOOOOO!!! MY PENIS IS OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!

#7819 +(164)- [X]

<kt> collars are still ugly on people.
<Adri784> What if you're roleplaying?
<kt> then you'll be an ugly roleplayer.
* Adri784 thinks about that
<Adri784> I guess i'll keep that in mind if i ever enter a sex slave relationship

#7838 +(281)- [X]

<rob`> wai, self-pity.  is there anything more pathetic? :)
<nev> *nod* whining about it on irc ;)

#15519 +(303)- [X]

<ouija> He likes to hit on girls
<ouija> and then go like
<ouija> HAHA HA!!! I'm QUEER!

#16475 +(1040)- [X]

<Logan> I have to say that sex ruined pornography for me. I discovered that women don't scream, "Fuck me you big-cocked cowboy!" when you touch their elbow.

#17344 +(364)- [X]

<homeslice> <Arbo> I'm making a personal call to tell someone I'll be working through lunch, and I get fired for it.
<kitten> A PERSONAL CALL
<kitten> YOU MONSTER
<kitten> YOU SHOULD BE HANGED
<homeslice> He's going to hell now.
<homeslice> That's like the 14th commandment.
<homeslice> On the tablet that Moses broke.
<kitten> I think the 11th was "Thou Shalt Not Pay A Lot For A Muffler".

#17984 +(252)- [X]

<RuTaLiA> i *know* im a receptionist, but it would make my job a lot easier if ppl wouldnt call up here

#33748 +(22)- [X]

<@Pooka158> *** Topic is '!Newshows | !Rules'
<Pooka158> !newshoes

#36530 +(37)- [X]

<The-Dude> I heard it involves placing a toilet paper tube up there and letting a hampster crawl in....then pull out the tube, leaving the hampster in there......
<Kanush> that is disgusting.......yet intriguining "

#37394 +(151)- [X]

<Tuxishimo> The old bus station toilets were closed down because people were wiping shit on the toilet paper.
<Tuxishimo> Then throwing it at the wall.
<GM-Mark> ew..
<GM-Mark> why would they do that?
<Tuxishimo> Fun?
<GM-Mark> is that customary in Britain?
<Tuxishimo> Yes. It's part of immigration too.
<Tuxishimo> You stand there.
<Tuxishimo> And have shit thrown at you.

#39164 +(459)- [X]

<Tarl> You ever meet me, and I'm depressed, I will hit you soooo hard if you hug me.
<Beoulve> You're not secure enough in your sexuality for me to hug you.
<Tarl> No. I'm not secure enough in *your* sexuality for you to hug me.

#43713 +(250)- [X]

<buzgub> so what you actually wanted to do was change doom?
<damnerror> yes
<damnerror> I didnt know it was C
<damnerror> I thought most games were written in Macromedia

#49879 +(150)- [X]

#Linux on GamesNET
* Topic is '2.4.19 stable/2.5.40 unstable || don't ask to ask a question...just ask it!'

* Stumpy has joined #Linux
<Stumpy> I have a mandrake question
<Stumpy> mandrake anyone?
<Rev`15th> read the topic
<Stumpy> ok
<Stumpy> later
<Stumpy> idiot
* Stumpy has left #Linux

#50000 +(147)- [X]

<scott> you know I wish there was a -violent flag, so you could have some spectacular way of erasing a package you really hate
<Munger> scott: fdisk
<scott> because Id install nano every day just so I could do a : emergeu nmerge -violent nano
<scott> you know, something with explosions

#50944 +(333)- [X]

<@Netwizard> Osamas dead
<@Burned> perhaps
<@Burned> i just dont want osama to keep releasing albums like tupac

#53481 +(171)- [X]

<SiZZuRp> this is from www.pk-hq.com
<SiZZuRp> Most users ever online was 138 on 02-14-2002 at 13:33.
<SiZZURp> a sad valentines day......... date much?

#53877 +(292)- [X]

<Frozen_Shadow> OMG my cousin had sex with her dog, when i stayed the night at my aunts house, got up to go pee and her room is right by the bathroom and i walked past she had the light on and the door open
<cheesegoduk> what the hell frozen?
<cheesegoduk> your cousion was having sex with the dog
<Frozen_Shadow> yes
<cheesegoduk> what did she say when she saw you?
<Frozen_Shadow> she didnt say anything
<cheesegoduk> ?
<v_Ln|email> hahahahaha
<Frozen_Shadow> i just dont go to the bathroom in the middle of the night any more

#55924 +(589)- [X]

* Cassa gets naked and covers herself in blood from her missing fingernail
<utopian> "It looks like you're writing a letter"
<@DumHed> ok utop that is officially the funniest thing you've ever said

#70667 +(453)- [X]

<Zeal> Ignorance is bliss. :]
<devilsad> Ignorance is leaning out the car window at 100 miles per hour, feeling the wind in your hair... then hitting a pole.
<Brass> Ignorance is watching the instant replay, and hoping the guy makes the catch this time.

#75993 +(105)- [X]

* Dark is listening to his roommate play Mike Tyson's Punch-Out
<Durandal> Dark : Isn't there a bonus level where you can rape Mike Tyson's wife?

#76047 +(293)- [X]

<@Neurowave> YOU!
<@Neurowave> DOWNLOAD!
<@Neurowave> ALL!
<@Neurowave> SONGS
<@Neurowave> THEN
<@Neurowave> LISTEN
<@Neurowave> NOW
<spacer> ALL YOUR CAPS ARE BELONG TO US!
<sEnDarK> that sentence is not gramatically correct, its "all your caps belong to us"

#100524 +(217)- [X]

<boyd> anyway, theres a survey on the back and one question is "What was the easiest way to make new friends at your Teritary Institution?"
<boyd> if my name wasn't going to be attached to it, i'd put something like "i'm doing computer science, I  HAVE NO FRIENDS

#101881 +(2503)- [X]

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it
ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my
breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic
symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide
and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in
the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

#109624 +(695)- [X]

<uTi|Veridian> my HLTV tops out at about 30 people - then lags like your mom
<cyde> so tell me... if i used my mom in conjunction with your server... could we top 60?
<uTi|Veridian> can your mom handle 30 teenage boys?
<cyde> the question is....can 30 teenage boys....handle my mom?

#137950 +(264)- [X]

<LicknDrgn> I dunno, I haven't used a stock HSF in one of my machines since P200 days
<LicknDrgn> Which probably accounts for the fact I've got a cold CPU most days and fuck all else to my name :)
<LicknDrgn> Then again, the drug addict and alcoholic phases probably don't help either.
<LicknDrgn> Still, at least I can play video games drunk and stoned with the heater on :P
<LicknDrgn> And really, isn't that what's important in life?
<LicknDrgn> ...
<LicknDrgn> I wish I had a heater :(

#147182 +(914)- [X]

<@Zero> adding an h next to an s in every word spices it up
<@Zero> shpanks, shandels, shaffire, shilly, shaddup
<Red_Baron> until you tell your dog to sit

#217770 +(1639)- [X]

<DoesNotExist> HAHAHAH. HAMLET THE TEXT ADVENTURE.
<doughnut> DUDE.
<Zinger> You have two options.
<Zinger> 1) Be.
<Zinger> 2) Not be.
<doughnut> hahahaha
<Gohanmastaflex> haha

#367871 +(612)- [X]

[LoTek] my girl bleeds a lot.
[LoTek] like, for 5 or 6 days
[LoTek] that cant be normal.
[Dissembler] wow, you should take her to the vet.

#419747 +(816)- [X]

cpufreak04: Fun fact.
cpufreak04: Take 'HAL' from 2001: A Space Odyssey
cpufreak04: And move every letter one letter forward (Y=Z, X=Y)
cpufreak04: What do you get?
MavAntagonist: g_k
cpufreak04: FORWARD.
MavAntagonist: oh....IBM!
MavAntagonist: OMG!

#445539 +(394)- [X]

<mattbuck> !pball
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> i would start by kissin you softly on your lips
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> whilst undoin your shirt
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> then i wud move down your neck and start kissing your chest
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> all the while i woould be undoin your belt and your trousers
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> i would then rekease your long hard throbbin cock from your underware
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> and move my tongue down from your chest to your waist onto your penix
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> *penis
<mattbuck> not that one AGAIN!
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> then i wud give u the best head of your life
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> and i will let your imagination take you from there
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> NOW can i have my ops back?

#567023 +(572)- [X]

<RamaWURK> THe first few hours of work
<RamaWURK> Just drag on
<Jato> Hey Rama.
<The_Orichalcon> Rama, play "What's that noise"
<The_Orichalcon> it helps pass the time
<Jato> How do you play "What's that noise"
<The_Orichalcon> you listen for a little while, and try to hear a noise that you can't quite make out
<The_Orichalcon> then you go around finding out what's making the noise
<The_Orichalcon> or the multiplayer version
<The_Orichalcon> if you have mates that are bored
<RamaWURK> lol
<The_Orichalcon> they make some noises
<The_Orichalcon> and you have to find out where and what they are
<Jato> TO, you are on a whole other level of boredom.

#628630 +(9669)- [X]

<samsim> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<samsim> and got mauled
<samsim> and people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<samsim> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<samsim> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in

#640231 +(833)- [X]

<DuEy> my grandparents just asked me to send an email to my cousin :\ and they gave me the postal address

#650684 +(1299)- [X]

<cathy_n> That's because processed food is so manipulative.
<Yawgatog> Sometimes chicken nuggets force me into situations I am uncomfortable with.

#653295 +(808)- [X]

<lostmx89> ok i like this torrent thing but when you turn off your computer how do you make sure it is still downlowding

#703713 +(803)- [X]

<Ninja_P> Okay, I just watched a guy puke in a glass, then drink it again
<DragonAtma> Congratulations, you now know how congress operates.

#729963 +(583)- [X]

<Kirkburn> Shouldn't RCs be called Gamma?
<Maldivia> in Microsoft's case: RC = Alpha, Release = Beta, Service Pack 1 = RC, Service Pack 2 = Release

#766825 +(1197)- [X]

<kuhbaert> Yoda: The other side is dark.. very dark.
<kuhbaert> Obiwan: Quit whining and eat your toast already

#884782 +(1860)- [X]

<RST38h> When I bought 14.4kbd modem, TELNET and FTP became so lightning fast...
<jaem> what sort of lightning do you have where you live, then?
<lcuk> the sort that used to buffer before striking

#962685 +(227)- [X]

<omglolbah> our official template database had a digital test logic page called "DIGITEST" (from the times when we used 8.3 filenames)
<omglolbah> so my coworker needed to create one for analog test logic <.<
<omglolbah> I got to write the docs for "Template: ANALTEST"

0.0815 21090 quotes approved; 795 quotes pending
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