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#769 +(286)- [X]

<c-rOCK> pen hates you
<c-rOCK> waffle boy
<eggo> pen loves me
<eggo> infact i can feel his penis pushing past my anus right now
<Guilty> I thought pen was castrated by the Russian government to make him a more efficant soviet hax0r

#1618 +(104)- [X]

(Demention) Qwa-Z sucks like George Michael in a men's bathroom :P

#2472 +(529)- [X]

<ArAgOn__> Dyckert: If your parents got divorced, would they still be cousins?

#2481 +(436)- [X]

<MattsGirl> my surname gets pronounced many ways
<NixsGirl> what the right way to say it?
<MattsGirl> Bee-at-ch

#6986 +(365)- [X]

<vamp_work> some guy named Debian hacked my box and made it unstable
<vamp_work> it tells me every time I log in

#7718 +(800)- [X]

<[-tOrn-]> And then today at work I almost cracked up
<[-tOrn-]> "Hey what are the system requirements on this?"
<[-tOrn-]> "Uh, sir..that's a book."

#9635 +(449)- [X]

<orion> i'd rather pull their addresses and braid a friendship bracelet with their spines and intestines
<jestuh> <wondering if pen would accept that quote>
<orion> <wondering what the stomach lining looks like draped inside-out over someone's skull>

#10666 +(38)- [X]

<WAP> @find indonesian girl

#11260 +(184)- [X]

<DumbCatgirlSexSlave> no.  must slay Willian Shatner.
<DumbCatgirlSexSlave> ... his name is "Shatner".  this never struck me as funny before but it does now.
<Tomko> william scatner
<Tomko> spock: your feces is ILLOGICALLY DELICIOUS

#11620 +(415)- [X]

<Astroboy> Im going to murder the next girl I ever hear make some comment about being over weight.
<Astroboy> Unless the girl is like 500 pounds.
<Trinity> I am so over weight.
<Astroboy> Trinity way to be a absurdly difficult distance away for me to murder you.

#13576 +(216)- [X]

<Darth-Phenom> I've just realised something which you'll find quite remarkable
<Darth-Phenom> This place sucks

#14700 +(6)- [X]

<b0ing> I listen dark evil jungle and pounding acidy goa, not happy 'i love you, you love me, lets go in the bathroom and fuck because we are fags' music.

#15565 +(296)- [X]

pinkboy   so, like, how the FUCK do you let your wife get to 1200lbs?
ScottM    <pinkboy> so, like, how the FUCK do you fuck your 1200lb wife?
pinkboy   I can't imagine that it would be too difficult, unless of course you're picky about finding the real vagina.

#15787 +(706)- [X]

<SiZZuRp> what has 7 balls and screws old ladies?
<Chibi-Trunks> iunno
<SiZZuRp> the lottery

#22994 +(668)- [X]

<Keoni> Thank you for using Wordzone's Express Translation service. The text you have just submitted can be translated for the following price. Accepting this price by clicking on the "ORDER" button will allow us to begin translating your document immediately.
<Keoni> Translation Price: $ 10.00
<Keoni> WHO THE FUCK WILL PAY 10 BUCKS FOR 1 WORD???
<Ragnarok> someone who really needs the word
<Keoni> what word is that?
<Ragnarok> hmm
<Ragnarok> well
<Ragnarok> i was on the phone with the database tech support a couple days ago
<Ragnarok> well
<Ragnarok> nights actually
<Ragnarok> and since it was the middle of the night
<Ragnarok> we get some guy in france
<Ragnarok> and his english was incredibly shitty
<Ragnarok> i'da paid $10 to know how to say assmarauder in french

#35163 +(233)- [X]

[+escobar] just found out my grandma watches porn
[+escobar] something is serious wrong in the world

#46048 +(20)- [X]

<Panadol> have any of you guys tried double sided table as a mouse feet replacement?
<VooDoo> that might not work
<VooDoo> but feel free to try it

#46129 +(297)- [X]

<darknation> wtf
<darknation> someone has been searching for dildos on amazon.com with my username

#50949 +(79)- [X]

<Westy> not enough porn chans if you ask me  ;(tv channels)
<atdt> there's like 6 or 7 of them
<Westy> none here... unless you pay extra
<atdt> well, yeah. you've got to order them
<Westy> bah
<Westy> should be thrown in with the family packs
<atdt> heh

#53080 +(1140)- [X]

<Foxie> "My family was asking me all these nosey-ass questions, 'When are you going to find a woman?', 'When are you going to get married?', 'When are you going to have childeren?', then my grandmother was like "Maybe he donesn't like chochate..." and I was like "it's not like I don't like chochlate, it's that I don't like it without nuts."
<Foxie> "So my uncle was like "You're gay?! You don't look gay!!", so I said "Yes, I'm one of the newer models, I'm a stealth fag."

#53806 +(960)- [X]

<Carter> Periods rock
<Carter> It's the only time you have enough blood to cover yourself in warpaint unpainfully
<Carter> you can recreate Braveheart with red!
<DireWolf> Sorry you two, but the idea of a bunch of lesbian feminist bitches on their periods re-enacting BraveHeart is enough to make all the men on the face of the earth curl up in a fetal position and await death.

#54244 +(185)- [X]

<|Robot|Pimpbot> I SWEAR TO GOD I WISH I COULD JUST REACH THROUGH THE INTERNET AND KILL PPL SOMETIMES
<|Robot|Pimpbot> does anyone know if that will be part of Internet v2?
<{RA}SKY-UED3> yeah
<{RA}SKY-UED3> but youll have to pay a tax on it
<{RA}SKY-UED3> and stand in a line
<|Robot|Pimpbot> im willing

#56885 +(153)- [X]

<Alien8or> I was using a silicon gel to jack off. i had a little accident.
<Alien8or> i was really rushing and then when I cummed i rest for a bit. The silicon dried and where the silicon squished between my fingers are little spieks. I got a spiked cock!
<Alien8or> heh, wait, its spiked Darth Maul style, this owns!

#62044 +(231)- [X]

<hpr-vb6> $2 bills pwn
<Cracker`tv> KEEP THE 2S!
<[LIQuid]> why?!
<Cracker`tv> take them to strip clubs when you get older... strippers dont look too hard and they think they're twenties!!!

#70301 +(175)- [X]

<Drac|working> cool pizza,beer and my computer......this is the life
<Seth> Drac|working: that is the life of one who doesn't have a life ;)

#71820 +(462)- [X]

(m-femme): my ass is too big for hotpants haha
(m-femme): its my muscle...i have too much ass muscle..
(m-femme): haha
(doggie^): lol
([olly]): stop using it to talk then

#73052 +(1512)- [X]

<TheDingo> okay.. i walked into the kitchen to get something, and my mom is on the phone with someone and she says "i said, 'who are you to talk? you showed the inside of your anus to half the nation!'"
<TheDingo> and i just screamed "you know the goatse man?!"

#74563 +(1485)- [X]

<Clecky> hey
<SargeZT> Hey
<SargeZT> SEX?
<Clecky> sure
* Clecky sex
* SargeZT sex
<SargeZT> Done
<SargeZT> Cya
<Clecky> bye

#75196 +(123)- [X]

<SA-Meta> pyro send me a good computer and war3
<SA-PYRoMaNiaC> Alright.  Address?
<SA-PYRoMaNiaC> And if you act now, the Anthrax is free!
<SA-Meta> OMG YES!

#86683 +(473)- [X]

<Resident_Redneck> The Canadians commited three warships, 1000 soldiers, and 10 tanks to the war effort...but due to the exchange rate, it works out to be a mountie, a moose, and a flying sqirrel.

#100123 +(295)- [X]

<@Asha`monkey> Storm is like a 64 or something like that.
<+darkLem> boy, he looks younger than he is obviously.
<+nosphalot> he scarifices virgins to keep up appearance
<+darkLem> ...so THAT'S why he hangs around on IRC!

#106573 +(158)- [X]

#Jesus unable to join channel (invite only)

#155324 +(397)- [X]

<_Hobbes|Stoned> I can't help but wonder if someday I'll look back on all of this and shudder to think that it's all logged

#169866 +(860)- [X]

ashp: OMG MATT I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MATRIX
ashp: AFTER THE BIG SHOWDOWN WITH SMITH
ashp: RUFUS DROPS OUTTA THE SKY AND SAYS "MOST EXCELLENT DUDE"
ashp: and it was all just an excellent adventure

#178890 +(15157)- [X]

*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God>  Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. -  (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...

#205493 +(1257)- [X]

<@TunaRoll> wow, i  spelled bukkake wrong and google corrected me

#238410 +(552)- [X]

<Schwab> so I bought some mary jane last night
<Schwab> about a quarters worth
<Schwab> then I planted it in this jackass's car
<Schwab> then I called the cops
<Schwab> and now he's on parol violation
<Schwab> lesson in all of this....don't ever..EVER.. fucking touch my food, especially with the intention of ruining it while I'm eating

#253018 +(232)- [X]

<q8D> jesus christ I have the runs this morning
<q8D> woo
<q8D> it's like my ass is yelling at the toilet

#269099 +(1406)- [X]

<p2p> I was reading some thing this morning about a new condom with a built-in vibrator
<shxrobert> oh great the rubber that makes you come as you put the fucker on
<p2p> the downside is you have to shove the AA battery up your ass
<Gollie> downside?

#311282 +(855)- [X]

( l008com) Hey does anyone know how David Blaine levitates?
( LoganCale) There are two ways.
( LoganCale) One way he's on a cable and they digitally edit it out.
( l008com) no he's on ABC thats not cable

#412241 +(1933)- [X]

<Elysium> I think I need to watch some porn for luck
<gNaRKiLL> doesnt work
<gNaRKiLL> id be the luckiest fucker alive
<gNaRKiLL> id shit leprachauns

#439955 +(430)- [X]

<Zotmaster> i myself would like to meet a woman made out of pie

#447426 +(766)- [X]

<Whiffles> Quit thinking!!
<God> I'm sorry.  *becomes christian*

#475913 +(2240)- [X]

<Insomniak> ow owow
<Insomniak> ow
<Insomniak> i hit myself in the nuts playing air guitar
<Insomniak> again
<nxn> darwin is hard at work

#515059 +(283)- [X]

<tsunami> my mind is racing, just remember my old flatmate and the dreaded salad
<tsunami> i was like: 'this salad you made tastes funny...' found out she used the cucumber the night before, washed it and placed it back in the crisper... i banned her from ever making food again
<Sephiroth> hmmm...that's mildly erotic
<Sephiroth> in a lo-cal sort of way

#608442 +(1255)- [X]

<BoltBait> My wife saw my 7756 post count on the MOTL board and said, "you've never said that many things to me since we've been married."

#647615 +(560)- [X]

<@semi> heres the way I see it
<@semi> they say you are supposed to spend two months salary on the ring
<@semi> better do that now when you are earning 50 bucks a month

#666045 +(608)- [X]

<Glock> So i attended this sudden death the other day, a guy hung himself
<Glock> The guys partner was there and said he'd been pretty depressed lately
<Glock> Then my stupid partner says 'Has he ever done anything like this before?'
<Glock> Should have seen the confused face of the poor girl
<Izzy> Maybe it was jesus....he'll come back

#756664 +(2)- [X]

walshy117: im afraid of the internet pr0n
walshy117: its like
walshy117: i was playing around the stove
walshy117: and i got burned
walshy117: now i dont fucking go in the kitchen anymore
walshy117: not saying i was literally beating off in the kitchen of course

#882587 +(639)- [X]

<+Lekon> Oddly enough in fable 2 I AM queerbait somehow
<+Lekon> All the gay guys in bowerstone are trying to marry my guy
<+HereticMachine> Sent.
<+Lekon> Its a Halo above my head, not a steering wheel for my mouth bastards.

0.0634 21061 quotes approved; 287 quotes pending
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