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#1716 +(43)- [X]

<occifer> my penis was fat
<occifer> not to long ago
<occifer> so i employed a well known chineese remedy
<occifer> you simple tug and pull at it for a couple of minutes

#2479 +(754)- [X]

<Screwy> I went on a 30-day diet
<Screwy> and lost 30 days

#2507 +(1317)- [X]

<briansex> i am sliding my hand up your leg what do u do?
<sully> I tell you I'm a guy?

#2870 +(179)- [X]

* FiShYmAn kills Noddy
* FiShYmAn sells the film to ld saying its olsen twins for $50
[Noddy ] rfol
[Noddy ] he'd get off on it either way

#3599 +(290)- [X]

<xeiro> O_6: what does updating your kernel actaully do
<O_6> xeiro, gets me the chicks

#3698 +(112)- [X]

<Joshua> i'm almost out of money for food... and i've got 4 more months before i go home...
<Joshua> all of my remaining food money is going towards caffeine.
<Villager> who needs food when you have caffeine eh?

#5379 +(464)- [X]

<`axion> dammit
<`axion> they fucked my hair up
<nakke> well
<nakke> now your hair suits the rest of you

#6727 +(561)- [X]

<k8_fan> I have this nightmare that I die suddenly...and everyone I know starts looking through my browser cache.
* Hogie-One has that same dream!

#8271 +(1176)- [X]

*** Haggis has quit IRC (Quit: Sometimes I try to masturbate long words into a conversation. Even if I dont know what they mean.)

#11876 +(169)- [X]

<[BDT]Karma> put the chicken mushroom [ramen] outside
<[BDT]Karma> and wait with a club
<[BDT]Karma> maybe a squirrel will come by
<[BDT]Karma> and you will have food for another day

#13077 +(1453)- [X]

corner (19:08:21): how tall is a standard guillotine?
Andrick (19:08:33): This still concerns you?
corner (19:08:39): yeah, I really want to build one
corner (19:08:47): I have short ceilings
corner (19:08:51): I wanna make sure I can keep it in my apt
Andrick (19:09:00): I have to admit that I never have committed that number to memory.
Andrick (19:09:06): But I can tell you they are *tall*.
corner (19:09:15): maybe I can make a kid's version?
Andrick (19:09:30): That is probably a wonderfully poor choice of words.

#13295 +(204)- [X]

<Ntruder> someone peed in the dating pool here

#13405 +(469)- [X]

<Synikal> i do lawns
<mikeyjone> plz no sexual preferences
<Synikal> i do like 2 every day almost
<mikeyjone> one day you'll answer the door and a small blade of grass will be there saying "daddy?"
<Synikal> lol

#16296 +(38)- [X]

<sage> Its like my card is a big fat breast and the asus support is a bra...my boob be flapin in the breeze over here.

#16781 +(430)- [X]

<Edge> i am right when I say there's no other reasonable explanation for anakin and amidala bringing R2D2 to naboo if not to shoot some really nasty homemade holographic porn?

#17249 +(123)- [X]

<NickBlasta> i always dream and then wake up and i was like woah was that real
<NickBlasta> like the matrix
<isajeep> which pill did you take?
<NickBlasta> the hard pill
<isajeep> lol  knew you'd say that

#18757 +(124)- [X]

<Ice_raven> um has anyone tried BearShare
<slash> it sounded a bit too faggotilicious for me
<Ice_raven> it is
<slash> okay, that's good.
<slash> no false advertising there!

#19346 +(125)- [X]

<Despondent> Got a problem with it? speak to /dev/null
<Tricks> wtf is /dev/null
<Despondent> I don't know, what is it?
<Tricks> i think u do mate
<Tricks> and thats probably the sad thing

#33661 +(296)- [X]

<\Gadget\> I have cable and my mom just handed me an AOL CD to see if we could get the internet to go faster.

#33787 +(20)- [X]

<kisama_> i think you're smoking some of that shit that causes you to love fat girls

#34401 +(137)- [X]

<Macphisto> You guys keep an eye out for Chromatics new oreilly weblog titled, "How the power of perl couldn't stop Macphisto from breaking my legs."

#35567 +(459)- [X]

<kisa> GET DRESSES, WE'RE LEAVING IN 2 MINUTES!!!
<Stalker> WHERE are you going?
<kisa> DRESSED, DRESSED DAMMIT!

#36690 +(476)- [X]

<blie> i need a new girlfriend
<blie> mine sucks
<kelseyB> yours sucks?
<kelseyB> ill take her

#37248 +(83)- [X]

<deathwarrior> time out baron
*** SignOff Baron: #doomino (Ping timeout for Baron[h24-66-172-59.du.shawcable.net])

#40532 +(283)- [X]

*** cuteone4 has joined #photoshop
(cuteone4): has anybody in here helped me with a graphic in the last few days?
(cln): you can be damn sure i havnt
(cuteone4): UP YOURS CLN
(cuteone4): i am trying to learn this program
(cuteone4): stupid layers.
(cln): wait..
(cln): youve been in this chan for what? 2 years?
(cln): and you don't know jack shit about photoshop?
(cuteone4): i just got the program recently

#42331 +(553)- [X]

<Dezzy> actually i was looking for girlie porn for my boyfriend
<Beerman> you're a girlie
<Beerman> you can MAKE girlie porn!
<Dezzy> hm.... true...

#46652 +(345)- [X]

<C4> I overclocked my mousepad.
<tminos> thats nothing, I have my waterbed OC'ed, now I only have to sleep for two hours a night

#47356 +(1429)- [X]

<BradJ*hnson> OMG, I lost my mouse!
<Dilly4> Your cursor, or your entire mouse?
<BradJ*hnson> Um, both.  Isn't the cursor attached to the bottom of the mouse?
<Dilly4> What?  Do you run your mouse around on the screen?
<BradJ*hnson> No, on the mouse pad...oh, I see.  The cursor is the arrow, right?
<Dilly4> New to computers, eh?
<BradJ*hnson> You wouldn't believe it, but I'm actually really good with computers
Dilly4 doesn't believe it.
<BradJ*hnson> How did you do that?  I got my mouse back!
<Dilly4> it typed "/me doesn't believe it"
<BradJ*hnson> "/me wants to make money with computers"
Dilly4 suggests that the best way for you to make money is to sell yours.
<BradJ*hnson> Fucker.
GanGreen thinks he'll submit this lameness to Bash.
Dilly4 nods in agreement.
<BradJ*hnson> "/me wonders if this is working right on your end.  What is Bash?"
<Dilly4> GanG, make sure you blank out his name so his family (and future customers) don't see what a lamer he is.
<GanGreen> NP.  How about if I make it "BradJ*hnson"?
Dilly4 laughs his head off.
<BradJ*hnson> "/me goes "Just so long as no one recognizes it...I DO sounds kinda stupid.  I'm smrat tho"
Dilly4 can't control his fits of laughter
<BradJ*hnson> smart.  you all suck hard.

#61127 +(189)- [X]

<aweigh> Physical pain?
<aweigh> Sign me up.
<WussyBoy> Pain can be fun, but certainly not in a sexual way
<aweigh> Obviously you've never had a donkey punch.
<Galvatron> ...that was in no way appropriate

#75173 +(434)- [X]

*** Parts: Moses

#76938 +(709)- [X]

<Anatole> Drug money supports terrorism. Oil money supports terrorism. Tax money supports terrorism.
<Anatole> I just cut out the middlemen and write a check each week for ten dollars, made out to "TERRORISM."
<Ein> sweet
<Ein> where do I mail my check?
<Anatole> Wherever. The terrorists will find it.

#77050 +(372)- [X]

<Tetsuro> You have a blog?
<Kat> dude
<Kat> I'm an angsty suburbian teenager
<Kat> and you're asking me if I have a WEBLOG?

#88096 +(438)- [X]

<Howdizzle> I put the Laughter in Slaughter

#90066 +(116)- [X]

<Bootel> excuse me but my english isn't very good
<Nex-`> oh deha
<Nex-`> thats no godo is it
<Nex-`> is that wheer i mate typos so you cannt understdsd me

#94390 +(1294)- [X]

<death[a]zre> SIERRA TANGO FOXTROT UNIFORM

#100541 +(378)- [X]

* woodss has Favourites
* fungi has Bookmarks
* morner has a secretary :P
morner: well, more of an assistant really
morner: ...
morner: ok, it's a pda

#102126 +(199)- [X]

<Dead_Meat|Linux> is there an alternative to sun java jre now?
<ChrisDKK> sun tea?
<Dead_Meat|Linux> um...
<Dead_Meat|Linux> what's the difference?
<ChrisDKK> one is made with tea leaves the other is made with coffee beans

#103499 +(138)- [X]

<Miro-kun> My karma ran over your dogma

#105747 +(264)- [X]

<Mr_p> so hows ur man love?
<Mr_Bandit> its a pain in the arse

#137553 +(308)- [X]

<Atob> The internet's like the Bible but with pictures.
<Atob> And those pictures are of naked ladies.

#149820 +(484)- [X]

<Ed> alright
<Ed> the world is completely fucked
<Ed> my neighbour has a "No visitors except by prior arrangement" sign
<Ed> thing is, I just found out that the bastard's a Jehova's Witness
<Ed> I wonder if a "No thanks, I'm a Protestant" would work any on my door

#171643 +(707)- [X]

* Curt stabs Stinger in the face with a generic object
<Curt> whee.
<The_Stinger> hey why do you find it neccesary to stab me in the face with a generic object
<The_Stinger> o_O
<Curt> because I didn't have a specific object at hand.

#218575 +(129)- [X]

<D-FENZ> anyone know how much you can overclock the 2500xp before shit happnes
<Moonman> if u smell burning....then i'd slow down :P
<Malthius> sounds like sex really

#349350 +(677)- [X]

<Arameth> wow if the bible was an rpg then judas was damn poor. he sold out for thirty silver, that is three gold pieces, you can only just buy a dagger for that

#398712 +(236)- [X]

<Xal> how come people from foreign countries find it apt to use every single fucking smiley on msn?
<Puck> XD
<Puck> Because, Xaleth
<Puck> They find it so amusing :O
<Xal> "My father just beat me with a stick (h):D
<Puck> o_o
<Xal> Today, I got a hysterectimony. 8D :> :|
<Selene> XD XD
<Covered> xD

#426401 +(1283)- [X]

<Crac|ked> So anyway my griendfriend came over last night and like i was playing CS and not paying her any attention,
<Crac|ked> so like she silently slid under my desk and undid my pants and gave me oral -
<Crac|ked> to cut a long story short after i was done, she looked up at me and said:
<Crac|ked> "You do realise i just gave you a geeks fanatasy - CS and a blow-job!"
<RoCkYTrAiL> lol.
<JimmyBoy> I don't think that's a good fantasy...
<JiveHut> FAG!!!
<RoCkYTrAiL> fag!
<Treader> homo
<JimmyBoy> :(

#593434 +(966)- [X]

reaper: knock knock
SaladTongo: Who's there
reaper: banana
SaladTongo: shit i didn't think you'd find me here

#623551 +(800)- [X]

RIPpolaris89: omg, brokeback mountain is soooo gay
Brownie8290: NO SHIT SHERLOCK

#778189 +(1080)- [X]

<Glen> hi, I am explorer.exe. sometimes when you are doing anything at all, I will just freeze for ten minutes. All of my brother and sister windows will also freeze, because they are sad for me. Maybe we will come back, maybe not, it will be a surprise!
<Alex> Ohh the suspense
<Glen> it is like a thriller novel
<Alex> A race against time
<Glen> a twisted web of deceit
<Glen> a woman without a past, a detective without a future
<Glen> a file browsing application without proper thread isolation

#827518 +(3350)- [X]

<kinzey> i want to go out with a girl
<kinzey> and lay in the field
<kinzey> real romatic like
<kinzey> and just stare at the full moon
<kinzey> and she'll say something along the lines of "the moon's so beautiful tonight"
<kinzey> and i'll just be like
<kinzey> "that's no moon... THAT'S A BATTLESTATION!!!"
<kinzey> and then run to the car and leave her ass there
<Chris> wow

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