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#616 +(125)- [X]

<Saige> cureobsession is a guy who might be cute, but you can't tell from the low-quality pictures

#751 +(1070)- [X]

[reidman   ) why is there an ad for Windows Media Player on the Apple Quicktime site??
[|Dan|     ) god only knows why
[|Dan|     ) and he's laughing

#1585 +(2682)- [X]

<vortex502> 3+5
<vortex502> oops
<vortex502> thought i had the calculator prog. open

#2425 +(59)- [X]

<gb> tip of penis stuck to underwear after jackin

#3011 +(241)- [X]

<Viscant> cockblock (COK'blok) n. 1. to stop in the sexual escapading by another willfully and wantonly. 2. to deflect the cock "viscant was eyeing ricky ortiz lustily until arturo cockblocked him"

#6994 +(654)- [X]

<mgod> weights 300 or something 
<mgod> she sez she has a thyroid problem
<bats> um i didn't know nabisco made thyroids

#7010 +(64)- [X]

<`Kd> theres another good spelling leason

#7529 +(85)- [X]

<yunicus> i could fuckin crack your head like a walnut with my clit

#8711 +(23)- [X]

<JtHM> http://members.cox.net/image.server/nat-portman-pikey.jpg <- hrmmmm
<shpongle> jt - shes going commando !
<JtHM> she's going on an archeological dig!

#9031 +(579)- [X]

<DJTodd> My sister in law once asked me if it counted as sex if she fucked some guy but didn't kiss him.
<DJTodd> She's a real brain.

#10676 +(44)- [X]

<ZackSmurf> ur a gay cs whore rnt u skratch
<[-FeC-]sKratch> other than the gay and whore part, yes

#10781 +(296)- [X]

<Jed_D`Lagged> I don' tknow, I really woulden't want a penis I coulden't hide under my desk.
<Jed_D`Lagged> Or one that would take more than one hand to masturbate
<Farnarcle> did i miss something

#11395 +(317)- [X]

<dine-sa> no it won't MoP, amusment park jobs actually suck
<dine-sa> I had a friend who worked at six flags all summer.
<SA-MoP> dine had a friend! *dies* :D
<SA-Metathrom> Hehe
<dine-sa> :P it was before I had a modem
<SA-MoP> lol ok

#14843 +(319)- [X]

<Azadre> Computers kick ass
<Western_Chee> my gaydar totally wasnt functioning today
<Azadre> My ass hurts
<Western_Chee> i was about to buy shit from express for men
*** Western_Chee was kicked by Puedlfor (Puedlfor)
*** Azadre was kicked by Puedlfor (Puedlfor)
<RunninRaven> Pued, you are a saint
<Puedlfor> I do what I can

#16062 +(111)- [X]

<Robzilla> yeah, you know merc, you should share your gf
<Robzilla> givin im sharin my winxp :)

#16979 +(297)- [X]

<mgt> i can't find any good porn anymore tho
<mgt> i like reading stories now
<mgt> it gets my imagination going
<mgt> the trick is getting yourself to actually believe they are true
<mgt> and not written by some fat horny star trek fan

#17991 +(259)- [X]

<destruct> my boss just said  o/~ be a man o/~
<archon> did he say it while removing his belt?

#22754 +(548)- [X]

<FiZi> HEY I FOUND A COOKIE CRUMB ON MY SHIRT
* FiZi eats it
<FiZi> Aw crap
<FiZi> It wasn't a cookie crumb

#23370 +(170)- [X]

(@{basara}): i can live with aaygo being texan and i can live with mos and his love for the male genatalia but i draw the line at a DIET drink

#40905 +(75)- [X]

(WillJitsu) how do I tell BitchX to use a certain port range for dcc transfers?
(nyisles) /disco DCCportrange <port1> <portwhatever>
(WillJitsu) hmm  that's not working
(WillJitsu) ACiDDoG is the one running BitchX
() join/#bitchx (ACiDDoG!~willjitsu@cpe-024-165-204-216.midsouth.rr.com)..
(ACiDDoG) me
(ACiDDoG) so I type:  /disco DCCportrange 5990 6000
(ACiDDoG) right?
(shattah) yeah
(nyisles) yes
() signoff/#bitchx.. ACiDDoG (DCCportrange 5990 6000)
(WillJitsu) funny joke
(WillJitsu) seriously, how do you change it?
(nyisles) /exec -o yes dcc_port_range num1 num2
(WillJitsu) is that another joke?
(nyisles) No
(nyisles) enough humor for one night
(WillJitsu) -:- No target for this window for -OUT
(nyisles) WillJitsu: you have to be connected first
(nyisles) and i think in a channel as well
() join/#bitchx (ACiDDoG!~willjitsu@cpe-024-165-204-216.midsouth.rr.com)..
(ACiDDoG) dcc_port_range 5990 6000
(ACiDDoG) dcc_port_range 5990 6000
(ACiDDoG) dcc_port_range 5990 6000
(ACiDDoG) dcc_port_range 5990 6000
() signoff/#bitchx.. ACiDDoG (Excess Flood)

#43132 +(381)- [X]

<Celia> la la la
* Archy` stretches and slowly moves arm around Craig
<Archy`> oops
<Archy`> damn TAB
<Archy`> erm....
<@Azhrarn> HAH

#50087 +(586)- [X]

<Gartt> 60% of girls first kiss is with another girl
<LatinoReheat> that is a most sexy statistic

#52978 +(377)- [X]

<FLB> once sex tv showed a room full of women masturbating
<FLB> it was an "orgasm class"
<FLB> and they all go there
<Kamikaze_Watermelon> did you tape it?
<FLB> and in a group
<FLB> finger themselves.
<FLB> Umm
<FLB> No.
<Kamikaze_Watermelon> bastard
<FLB> I was uhh....
<FLB> taking notes?

#57008 +(385)- [X]

DasKrav: We were playing a review game in history class, on the topic of the roman empire
DasKrav: The game was like this: The class divides into 8 groups, and one person rotates with the rest of the group in jeapordy-style questions,
DasKrav: and the question was "What was the name of the emperor who built a wall in britain?"
DasKrav: and nobody knew it, so he said "Here's a hint: Its named after him."
DasKrav: and so this one jock guy in my class goes,
DasKrav: "Berlin?"

#71815 +(174)- [X]

<kichigai> *:-}8 8-   transvestite

#75995 +(141)- [X]

<geekster> ssh on 56k is about as fun as a frontal labotomy with a chainsaw
<geekster> and don't even thing about downloading anything, then it's like castration with the same chainsaw, after the labotomy

#79825 +(674)- [X]

<Hiryuu> Hey, which is more evil, kicking puppies or tearing those tags off of mattresses?
<Estelle> Puppies heal, matresses don't

#81215 +(212)- [X]

ErikB -> you know what is funny? i can measure my level of health by playing quake2. when i eat bad, sleep irregular and drink much, i play like shit. when i skate, take vitamin pills and sleep good i rule the scene. vitamin C is the key

#100203 +(344)- [X]

<devilc0ck> guess who'z d/l'ing turtle power
<devilc0ck> guess who'z d/l'ing turtle power
<devilc0ck> guess who'z got the ninja rap..
<fingers> guess who's all alone in thinking how kewl that is

#115781 +(708)- [X]

<noddy> oops, i banned tgo last night and forgot to remove it :/
<Mortarion> yes you did
<noddy> sorry dude :*(
<The_Gifted_One> yeah, u whore :P
<noddy> :/
<Mortarion> am i gonna have to start checking the ban list when i get up every morning again?
<noddy> again!?
<Mortarion> yes, when i first gave you ops i'd have to check the banlist, usually you hadn't banned anyone in particular, you'd just filled it up with crap banmasks
<Mortarion> i got up one morning and like 40 countries had been banned
<The_Gifted_One> ROFL

#171987 +(14796)- [X]

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

#221002 +(269)- [X]

<TKD-Azmodeux> I'm embezzling all the clan funds into jerkin's hand lotion.
<TKD-Strider> Why do you need that?
<TKD-Azmodeux> ...Yes...why indeed...

#238914 +(423)- [X]

<nien_rima> actually, jaffars right there
<Jaffar> Oh for the love of Christ, shut the Hell --
<Jaffar> Oh wait.
<Jaffar> You were agreeing with me.
<Jaffar> Nevermind then, carry on.

#284014 +(959)- [X]

<Max> I went to donate some money to bash.org today
<Max> I clicked the Paypal Donate button, and it comes up with the message:
<Max> Bash.org Paypal Donation attempt #56489 pending
<Max> *two minutes later*
<Max> Bash.org Paypal Donation attempt #56489 rejected

#301270 +(900)- [X]

<senorperrito> jesus christ my moms a n00b
<senorperrito> she walked into my room and asked what i was doing and i told her i was burning CDs
<senorperrito> she was like do you want me to open a window so u have ventilation?

#339458 +(1419)- [X]

<Monsoon`> people are stupider than previously imagined
<Monsoon`> My roommate talked to a customer today, told him to right-click on something.  So the customer got a pen and paper, and proceeded to write "click" on it.

#363820 +(1825)- [X]

<Duzzy> today at work, i was cutting gras outside the local school.. and then a chick came up to me.. kissed me, squeezed my balls, gave me a note and the she ran of.. and i was like wtf?!? when I got my mind gathered I looked at the note and there was a phone number.. I should send an sms to it, and that was when I realized the bitch had stolen my cellphone =(

#397491 +(383)- [X]

BUMKEI: wanna go to the republican national convention
sKratch: pony it
BUMKEI: yea
BUMKEI: assassinate bush
sKratch: fbi gonna get you
BUMKEI: naw
BUMKEI: ill just hand him a bag of pretzels

#426275 +(1959)- [X]

Be1ial: remember the old arcade games that had a message from the president about saying no to drugs?
Krizkor: haha yeah.
Krizkor: because of that blue screen before mortal kombat, i stayed off drugs.
Krizkor: but unfortunately, i began pulling people's spines out.

#571902 +(369)- [X]

* PotSmoker has quit IRC (Broken pipe)
<careyasd> that's why you smoke joints

#577451 +(10382)- [X]

<DmncAtrny> I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING."
<DmncAtrny> And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer
<DmncAtrny> and run like hell

#603885 +(575)- [X]

<MrCoffee> Your mom is such a whore, if she was a chmod she'd be 777 because everyone has access

#650342 +(710)- [X]

<Sam> But why is it 69 and not 96?
<Sam> Oh wait...
<Tim> :/ Thats a weird fetish and I don't want to know what it is :(

#750346 +(940)- [X]

<tastycake> anyone know of a voice changer program
<denke> ya
<denke> its called puberty

#760869 +(200)- [X]

<Randy`> took duey 2 hours to complete the vista cycle
<Randy`> from 'I'm going to install vista' to 'vista ftl'

#775579 +(171)- [X]

Sunspot: They don't make 'em like they used to. That's all I have to say.
Bobby: Nope, they sure don't.
***Sunspot jumps in his Time Machine (don't forget the flux capacitor) and goes back to watch some cartoons.
Sunspot: Seriously. I want to get a Delorean and ducttape a blender on top.
Sunspot: Sad thing is, very few people would get the joke.
Sunspot: And even sadder, I'm saddled with a Delorean with a blender duct-taped to the top.

#787031 +(3189)- [X]

<obm>If they make a Nano Iphone, I may be interested.
<obm>oh, or an iphone shuffle, no screen and it phones random people

#814243 +(5375)- [X]

<+HoCkster> I got an official warning from my bank
<+HoCkster> I usually pay my rent as "Columbian Drug Money", they never objected
<+HoCkster> but then I forgot my mates cell phone number,
<+HoCkster> we were both doing internet banking at the same time right
<@Lilzvixen> welcome to my room
<+HoCkster> so I give him a 1 cent payment going "What's your number"
<+HoCkster> and we start having this whole conversation
<+HoCkster> it was like webchat
<+HoCkster> so like 87 payments later, the bank rings me up and were like
<+HoCkster> "have you thought of getting MSN?"

#875655 +(2638)- [X]

<rizerz> A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
<rizerz> can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him
<rizerz> looking for work in six weeks.'
<rizerz> A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one
<rizerz> person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
<rizerz> A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we
<rizerz> can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have
<rizerz> them both looking for work in two weeks.'
<rizerz> A Texas doctor, not to be outdone said, 'You guys are way behind.  We
<rizerz> took a man with no brains out of Texas , put him in the White House, and
<rizerz> now half the country is looking for work.

#903821 +(1278)- [X]

<StanM> Pussy is like MP3s
<StanM> For every one who pays for it, theres thousands more getting it for free.

0.0846 21096 quotes approved; 1596 quotes pending
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