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#49 +(1730)- [X]

<TheFlux> give me a chick with lips the size of that guy from aerosmith or something
<scarf> why dont you just get the guy from aerosmith

#122 +(78)- [X]

<bocz> cept i dont see how they can test your smartness with HISTORY

#203 +(6)- [X]

(Guilty) If only shafr was a large negro like the real shaft, then he could bust into the colo and frighten them

#369 +(8235)- [X]

<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P

#387 +(267)- [X]

<deft-> i always type /dick instead of /nick on accident =

#1082 +(229)- [X]

<MadHatter> I'm getting pretty sick of black and white
<MadHatter> there's just too much to manage
<MadHatter> it's probably a really good game for people who don't already have jobs
<blazemore> maybe i should play then

#1528 +(519)- [X]

<JDigital> We used to have this kick ass game when we were kids....
<VillainSede> Swallow the chlorine tabs?
<VillainSede> that one takes me back..

#1701 +(1136)- [X]

<Camo> tress, how do I make a program that makes the cd spin really fast and  does't stop and if you open the cdrom drive, the cd flies out and cuts your  throat?

#3375 +(121)- [X]

<Maxisout> Apoc has so much brail on his face it would confuse a blind person

#3873 +(374)- [X]

<Scofco> I wish I invented Jesus

#4828 +(900)- [X]

<mov> DAL: u seen 2001 - A space odyssey?
<DAL9000> that has to be the stupidest question i've ever heard

#6282 +(483)- [X]

<tertyl> and i've bent a spoon with the power of my mind...though when the drugs wore off..it was back to normal...

#6400 +(138)- [X]

<cygnus> speech recognition is only for people who don't jerk off enough to build up wrist strength and then get fucked up from using their keyboards

#7361 +(182)- [X]

<devilgrl> qwasz: im a rocket technician for the govt.
<devilgrl> i used to be a unix admin
<pagan> sure have alot of exp for being 21...
<devilgrl> pagan: i dropped outta school and started working fulltime when I was 17
<pagan> then the .gov picked you up to work on rockets?
<devilgrl> my friend works for the company, he got me an interview
<pagan> and they saw your stunning education record, and hired you right?
<pagan> of course your full of shit, your a girl
<devilgrl> exactly

#8593 +(59)- [X]

(nathan) weird.  my dsl works better as long as i'm constantly pinging the server
(nathan) as soon as i stop pinging one direction or the other, it blocks up
(nathan) like a bad bowel movement

#9353 +(87)- [X]

01:52PM <s7ank> i got a mailbox today!
<s7ank> there was a magnet avertising quicken in it!
<s7ank> it has my name on it! the mailbox i mean! not the magnet,
that'd be silly.
<ShaneBe> not with the power of TODAYS direct marketing!

#10984 +(523)- [X]

<Seros> Did you get my hat back?
<Spleen> what kinda question is that?
<Seros> An easy one?

#14425 +(100)- [X]

(united_as_one): what would happen if i installed linux on windows

#15177 +(59)- [X]

[Mills] these new headphones of mie with a lead nearly got me in the shit last night, was watching some porn at about 3 am at pretty high volume and I got up and walked away, the speaker crashed down on the floor but thankfully the headphone jack didnt come out :)

#34970 +(265)- [X]

<Ed> P2 Celeron was good though, because it used the same slot as the P3.
<Mime> P3 has two different slots!
<Mime> I had a SNES game style P3, my mate had a flat one.
<Ed> Mime, that's a socket.
<waffle> Mime: you mean a slot and socket
<Mime> Yes, socket and slot.
<waffle> amd really loved the slot
<kawaii_kekekeke> I love that slot.
<Mime> I love your mom's slot
<waffle> your moms a slot

#46015 +(169)- [X]

<sdgsdg> this microsoft natural keyboard is like smart or something
<DrgdHmstr> its posessed
<sdgsdg> a few times already it hasnt pressed enter when I wasnt sure if I wanted to press enter or not
<sdgsdg> It like gives yyou a second chance

#53858 +(296)- [X]

<MooFoo> Fuse, get yourself a shock rifle, that shoots instant blue shit and slow moving blue shit
<MooFoo> Also, if you manage to hit the slow moving blue shit with the instant blue shit, you will get an explosion of blue shit, that will turn the enemies into red shit
<Fuse> That's a lot fo shit
<MooFoo> fo real

#54173 +(413)- [X]

<Zoogle> So my mom comes in to my room and starts bitching about how pirating software is immoral and wrong and is worse than stealing.
<Zoogle> When she's all done she gives me 2 cd's and says "Oh, and can you copy these for me?"

#57753 +(200)- [X]

< peter> alanis morrisette is a prime example of why horses shouldn't be allowed to sing.

#62435 +(313)- [X]

@<Yeshua> am I the only one who thinks the black-haired girl in t.a.t.u is EXTREMELY hot?
@<Echo5ive> Yeshua: I second that erection.
@<Echo5ive> eh, I mean emotion.

#68581 +(706)- [X]

*** Rossy is now known as Rossy|Married
<Rossy|Married> ullo
<StoneColdSpider> u poor bastard Rossy
<Rossy|Married> thanx StoneColdSpider I still see you must be having a successful relationship with you PC
<StoneColdSpider> oh i am indeed we are expecing a palm pilot anyday now

#75905 +(157)- [X]

<[Basil]Ruger> Flashing backgrounds make eplileptic Jesus cry

#81929 +(408)- [X]

<U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love meh gf
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love saying that i have a gf
<ViPeR`> i have a gf too :D
<ViPeR`> i love her too :)
<[AoS]Albatros> YEAH I HAVE A GEFORCE TOO AND I LOVE THAT GRAPHICS CARD gawddamnit
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> my gf is a real person alba, not some piece of hardware thats shocks the shit out of your dick when it gives you head
<[AoS]Albatros> Nice idea
<[AoS]Albatros> brb

#81957 +(10)- [X]

-:- SignOff SdBlAiNe2K3: #diradio (Quit: I am in shape. Round is a shape.)

#82115 +(424)- [X]

<|mac|> Had a job in Govt, my mind misfired, I got fired, Maryland says if you get fired from state service cant come back for 3 years
<SideShow_Mike> mac did you chainsaw kill someone at work? I thought it was damn near impossible to get fired form those jobs.
<|mac|> no sideshowmike I had a nervous breakdown and shit on my supervisors desk
<clay45> whoa

#82166 +(125)- [X]

<MonkeyFlippers> Anyone know the capital of Croatia?
<gho5t> who cares?
<[steev]> MonkeyFlippers; google.com does
<MonkeyFlippers> Who cares, gho5t?
<gho5t> aww did i hurt your feelings?
<gho5t> i'm sorry i care
<gho5t> let's go look together
<gho5t> i'll meet you at google

#98862 +(176)- [X]

blade|uk: oh no
blade|uk: another AOLer
DONTGIVEU: uh yes
DONTGIVEU: who cares im not a bad aoler
DONTGIVEU: i do good for this room
blade|uk: room
blade|uk: haha
blade|uk: typical AOLer
blade|uk: it's called a channel

#101177 +(48)- [X]

<classNTBk> lifetime kicks ass
<classNTBk> its got designing women
<classNTBk> its slogan may be "television for women", but its attitude is "kickass enough for studs"

#105199 +(645)- [X]

[anewname] CAPS LOCK IS LIKE CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL

#105279 +(145)- [X]

< chris> Meanwhile, I am participating in all that is unholy and rightly hated
< chris> Namely, I am writing a Java Applet that runs in a browser and is controlled by JavaScript
<@phessler> hahaha
* chris commits hara-kiri to minimize the dishonor to his family
< chris> phessler: Yeah, but the thing is: this is way better than what I was doing before, which was Flash coding
< chris> Flash, Java and JavaScript -- all in a day's work
< chris> Incidentally, I am looking for a new job...

#137953 +(301)- [X]

<dr_binks>I think they should start rating bash quotes according to how stupid the people are, not how funny the quotes are.

#139622 +(1827)- [X]

<Nash> YES&#8230;they caught the bastard who made the blaster virus
<Nash> looks like he will be getting 10 yrs max in prison
<DDR4life> serves him right
<DROSS> Someone is soon going to discover how strangely painful the shower hour in prison is
<FiringSquad> He&#8217;ll probably catch a different type of virus in prison
<LexiusTheGenuis> poor kids virginity is going to the recycle bin
<Sczoyd> cellmates will probably be giving him some rather large uploads
<Antibig> theyll be installing some new hardware in his rectum
<FiringSquad> looks like his unprotected port is going to be probed
<Sczoyd> I hope he doesnt mind other men using his hard drive
<JSP> a roll like him is going to get rolled a lot
<Sczoyd> his prison mates are going to have a lot of fun with their new laptop
<ShinKurro> someone will find out a new way to spread viruses
<Nash> okay, that wasn&#8217;t really called for.

#217416 +(698)- [X]

<ShatnersBassoon>Ouch.  Just been to the toilet for a poo, and I decided to do a bit of a dangleberry-tidy.  Suffice it to say I'm now several bumhairs lighter.
<Kenny>That's probably more information that I needed.
<Kenny>"than"
<Kenny>fuck

#308143 +(318)- [X]

Retrace: so what is she?
Retrace: a .073 or a 10.0000000001
cryptic: shes like an 8
Retrace: whoa
Retrace: wait....a internet 8 or a real world 8?

#331963 +(765)- [X]

<Face> I worked at a compusa
<Face> People go in their knowing nothing about computers, and get had.
<AngryLlama> Face: any electronics store does this; I was in Best Buy yesterday and the guy actually felt the need to tell me "A megabyte is like a kilobyte, except really big"

#395607 +(348)- [X]

DaLady Firestorm: and drinking my tea
Laketh 69: teabag?
DaLady Firestorm: I like tea
DaLady Firestorm: and yes, there is a tea bag in my drink right now
Laketh 69: lol
DaLady Firestorm: why do you ask
Laketh 69: .......
Laketh 69: teabag ;(
DaLady Firestorm: do I want to know
DaLady Firestorm: what's the fixation with teabag
Laketh 69: is when you stick your balls into a girls mouth
DaLady Firestorm: did you have a pet tebag...
DaLady Firestorm: ...ah...
DaLady Firestorm: okay, that explains it
DaLady Firestorm: ew...
Laketh 69: duh
Laketh 69: and u like teabags
DaLady Firestorm: I like tea
DaLady Firestorm: not the bags
DaLady Firestorm: or sacs
DaLady Firestorm: or whatever
Laketh 69: the bags make the tea
DaLady Firestorm: I like what comes out of the tea bags
DaLady Firestorm: oh, wait a second

#397681 +(437)- [X]

<Dorfl> I'm not Canadian, I'm just drunk.

#410657 +(1594)- [X]

KelBell853: im 4'12'' 82 pounds, hazel eyes, brown hair blond highlights, medium length hair
i am KTIK: 4'12"?
KelBell853: yeah 4 feet 12 inches
i am KTIK: I hope you're kidding.
KelBell853: im dead serious
i am KTIK: How many inches are in a foot?
KelBell853: 12
i am KTIK: Put two and two together...
KelBell853: opps yeah im 5 foot

#451489 +(821)- [X]

<RastaJew> when a girl says she has no new nude pics and you ask for her old ones dont say "the older the better"

#659425 +(332)- [X]

Andy: when I finish a song, I automaticly hate it.
Nielzor: that's quite a healthy attitude, though, I think, hating what you've created
Andy: like punching babies!
Nielzor: EXACTLY

#669982 +(1128)- [X]

<Awaken> this is pissing me off
<Awaken> i have some windows updates that just HAVE to restart my fucking computer
<{RANT}> :(
* MaxPower (M4dMaX@ool-182f05ac.dyn.optonline.net) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* {Bitch} (~yeah@cpe-069-134-207-100.nc.res.rr.com) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* aliensoup (~aliensoup@heimdal.complx.net) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* Jing|es (Jingles@cpe-24-167-108-167.satx.res.rr.com) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* Ladywork (victoria.r@host86-140-223-138.range86-140.btcentralplus.com) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* TostigAFK (~Tostig@ip68-8-64-254.sd.sd.cox.net) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
<Mr_Power> his computer is the EFnet server?

#676812 +(525)- [X]

<mETRo> you shoulda taken it back to walmart lol
<mETRo> they take anything back
<zx2ms> dude serisouly I was read to just throw it away and buy a new one
<zx2ms> instead of go through the hassle
<mETRo> you could bring in a box of used rubbers there
<mETRo> and theyd be like "was there anything wrong with them?"
<[xENo]> just set the kid on the counter
<zx2ms> lol

#756797 +(606)- [X]

<Ralf> programmers and old people have a lot in common.
<Ralf> we're both always looking for ways to control leaks.
<Ralf> and dumps.

#770519 +(421)- [X]

Allan: incidentally, my house is Zombie resistant.
Crysm: how so?
Allan: I wonder why that is
Allan: elevated first floor, strong steel doors.
Allan: the windows are out of reach, basically.
Crysm: it's next to a graveyard, man
Crysm: the planners had to think ahead
Allan: good point
Allan: ...dear god, I gave my house a zombie proofing assessment.
Allan: That's... a whole new level of something.

#882587 +(524)- [X]

<+Lekon> Oddly enough in fable 2 I AM queerbait somehow
<+Lekon> All the gay guys in bowerstone are trying to marry my guy
<+HereticMachine> Sent.
<+Lekon> Its a Halo above my head, not a steering wheel for my mouth bastards.

0.0512 20774 quotes approved; 4049 quotes pending
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