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#415 +(348)- [X]

<gloone> thinking that noone is here since it's saturday
<gloone> so that i can kill him with a screwdriver.
<gloone> or a stapler
<gloone> that's what i have here.

#427 +(513)- [X]

<VicViper> My last girlfriend was cute, but then I found out she was a rom, so I had to dump her.

#434 +(420)- [X]

<JrJrJr> anyone know if 3d studio max is better then adobe photoshop

#1201 +(1776)- [X]

<RevSlidey> a baby seal walks into a club

#4105 +(532)- [X]

* dodgearse learns to need how to say somthing before thinking of it
[dodgearse] wow... that dont sound right
* dodgearse needs to learn to think about what hes going to say before saying it...

#5731 +(48)- [X]

<dan-zzzz> got some drab races to go to
<Lord-Data> heh. that when it rains?

#6472 +(288)- [X]

<[werk]chin> (Bobo) "With the sam's deal on a 100 gb drive, im able to download and store the porn of 10 regular men"

#10461 +(220)- [X]

<melanarchy> I mean I don't want to be too mean
<melanarchy> but there are levels of acceptable IRC stupidity

#20788 +(799)- [X]

<Murgatroyd> You know you've been playing Nethack too much when...
<Murgatroyd> You look both ways down the corridor, start to sweat... then realise you're looking at your EMail address.

#21889 +(207)- [X]

<SimonBob> A friend of mine was the games monitor for a linux/windows hybrid comp at school
<SimonBob> He was in charge of deleting games
<SimonBob> And he was like "Linux? That game isn't fun"

#22352 +(394)- [X]

<ignatz> If you piss off enough people, it's hard to tell the difference between a distributed denial of service attack and public opinion.

#22686 +(163)- [X]

<@maff> if you are on dialup, do the rest of the world a favor and dont share any files on any p2p networks
<@maff> i dont want to wait an hour to download a 5 meg mp3 just like you dont want   to wait an hour to upload it so lets cut the bullshit and not have this problem in the first place

#22942 +(332)- [X]

<NyseriA> at uni we asked this lad why the carpet was a different colour under this computer desk, he said that he had spilled an eggcup of bleach :D What made it worse though was that there was a lass sat on his beanbag on teh floor and she said, did you spill it upwards onto the keyboard shelf bottom as well :P

#34167 +(106)- [X]

<_Nor> I can spell, I just choose not to

#45768 +(455)- [X]

<Joe> man, be careful... two minutes of pleasure for twenty years of pain
<DaShmoo> You only lasted two minutes? You loser.
<Joe> fuck you

#46961 +(268)- [X]

<Trahen0ts> nobody loves me
<Trahen0ts> that's it
<Usiel> grow boobs. i'll love you
<Trahen0ts> *turn up polka*
<Trahen0ts> how do you know I don't have boobs?
<Usiel> your picture
<Trahen0ts> that could be somebody else
<Usiel> looks like you
<Trahen0ts> how do you know?
<Usiel> i saw you
<Trahen0ts> when?
<Usiel> couple years ago
<Trahen0ts> ..
<Trahen0ts> that coulda been somebody else.
<Usiel> kind of an elaborate hoax just to fool me
<Trahen0ts> well, I'm an elaborate guy
<Trahen0ts> I have boobs, trust me

#47084 +(607)- [X]

<Chris_Away> On a UK keyboard the dash, the space bar and the 5 are all on the same key.
<NapkinEater> YOU LIE!!!
<Chris_Away> You5can't prove-that.

#47327 +(656)- [X]

<Killrbyte> HAHAHA.  My Dad just told me that once when he was in school he took a blank tape, recorded someone screaming about 30 minutes into it, and put it in a tape player and pressed Play right before the end of class.  Then he left it there so during the next class, they suddenly hear a loud scream in the middle of class from this damn tape player.

#49346 +(302)- [X]

<sampson> twisted my fuckin ankle...don't go to riots in birkenstocks
<sampson> they aren't good rioting shoes

#50411 +(844)- [X]

<[CIT-R]StreaK> my puppy is crying :(
<Volt9000> so pull out

#53457 +(96)- [X]

<TreeSquid> he's not foreign, just stupid

#58455 +(803)- [X]

<Matto20V> get lost
<uneekwahn> I can't
<uneekwahn> I have a map
* Matto20V points at his asshole
* uneekwahn opens his map for "the grand canyon"

#60139 +(149)- [X]

<True_Hitoare> Yeah, it's amazing this abacus gets internet access... :p

#74565 +(213)- [X]

<just_shoot_me> you kno what the worst skool subject in the world is???
<Star_Princess> just_shoot_me english?

#81885 +(20)- [X]

<[c4]> linux owns all
<[c4]> i need xp cdkey...lol
<seph429> HYPICRITE

#81972 +(591)- [X]

<Quentil> uh, is anyone a little boggled by the fact that cnn and msnbc and foxnews seem to be better equiped with stuff than the entire nation of iraq?
<William> not realy
<Quentil> "now we go to the carrier group and watch the planes take off.  Okay, we're gonna cut to the guy reporting that those planes are now over this city.  Let's watch the bombs fall live.  Okay, now we go back to the carrier and watch the planes land. 
<William> dont forget the news's armored vehicles
<Quentil> yeah
<William> which are better than Iraqs, in some cases
<Quentil> heh
<William> at least its not like Macross II, where the News Service had a Variable Fighter
<William> If FOX had a jet fighter, something would be wrong
<William> seriously wrong
<Quentil> that would rock
<Quentil> 'Now we go live to the FOX f-15...which has shot down three iraq jets so far...The media and gov't are so in bed with one another for this war it almost would make sense.
<William> dont forget the FOX news broadcasting Aircraft Carrier station.
* Quentil laughs
<William> and their "Close to the Action" Camera Tank
<Quentil> and the FOX News special ops group.
<William> "Getting News, the SEAL way."

#83567 +(284)- [X]

<MuerteDeAngeles> Ironic how shit works out...my theory is this...no matter how much life wants to fuck me in the ass, things always turn out somewhat good
<MuerteDeAngeles> Like a metaphorical reach-around, if you will

#96486 +(596)- [X]

<MistaED> i've got a great backup idea, get what you want important backed up like work docs and stuff, then zip it all up, encrypt it, then rename it to a porn name .avi and put it into kazaa!

#108493 +(304)- [X]

<dts|sKratch> get a serial ata drive
<dts|Oleander> www.shitsex.com
<dts|Oleander> wait
<dts|sKratch> it plugs into pci
<dts|Oleander> wrong link
<dts|Oleander> ahha
<dts|sKratch> HAHAHA
<dts|sKratch> gg clipboard

#109111 +(508)- [X]

<Thel> "You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system. Please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for your cooperation."
* SephirothTheOneWingedAngel (~uole@ Quit (gryphon.magicstar.net starship.magicstar.net)
* SporkBad (~LanceBad@ Quit (gryphon.magicstar.net starship.magicstar.net)
* Sir_Spankspeople (PsychoSam_@ Quit (gryphon.magicstar.net starship.magicstar.net)
* Ace|werk (~Cartoonis@ Quit (gryphon.magicstar.net starship.magicstar.net)

#113520 +(287)- [X]

<oR1on|Trivia> 6. What is a leech a type of?
<AuthSrev> woman

#117305 +(557)- [X]

<Legion> touching yourself leeds to blindness
<beej> heh, and spellin problems, apparently
<beej> ...omfg

#138435 +(359)- [X]

<nonzero> do you have a vagina?
<cisco_gal> yes :p
<nonzero> sweet

#147771 +(511)- [X]

<Laemtao> Girls are like Wolfenstein 3D.
<Shatai> How so?
<Laemtao> If you get far enough, you have to fight Hitler himself.

#149692 +(574)- [X]

<TossMonkey> well, people who take a test on the internet to see if they have a personality should already know the answer.

#184461 +(605)- [X]

RegEdit: Aquafresh Extreme Clean Toothpaste. Wow. Even toothpaste can be extreme
hyt: YEAAAAAAAAAHHHH... and to the next event... extreme gargling
RegEdit: It's called bukkake
hyt: Ewww

#208254 +(831)- [X]

<+far2stoned> that reminds me, bought a book when i was in china last year, called How To Woo, thought it might help me with my seduction techniques
<+far2stoned> turns out it was volume 2 of the chinese phone book :(

#304502 +(2508)- [X]

<Kanush> it's funny, when I tell someone I'm an insomniac they almost always say "that's odd, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow" which is odd becuase I don't go around telling blind people "that's odd because I can see perfectly"

#351162 +(711)- [X]

<m0nk3h> *Italy has quit euro.2004.com (Read error: Connection reset by Scandinavia)*

#386488 +(395)- [X]

<KainSularei> ah, bash.org
<KainSularei> 17037 quotes approved; 13482 quotes copied from the top 100 bash quotes pending; 5 original quotes pending

#400459 +(13498)- [X]

<Sonium> someone speak python here?
<lucky> SSSSS
<Sonium> the programming language

#447902 +(672)- [X]

<J0SH> u spelt black wrong

#490690 +(402)- [X]

<DM|Rigs> heh no body loves me
<DM|Rigs> :(
<Munter> Jesus loves you!
<Sirak> Everybody else thinks you're a cunt

#616895 +(2704)- [X]

[translated from German]
<MuschiExpress> kater are you there?
<KoolerKater> yeah
<MuschiExpress> What kind of spaz are you?
<KoolerKater> what's up?
<MuschiExpress> You were supposed to burn my holiday videos on DVD for my wife
<MuschiExpress> NOT your porn collection ffs
<KoolerKater> omg wait a minute... you said you wanted the holiday stuff and that porn
<MuschiExpress> Yes, but on TWO, in numbers, 2, you understand, TWO DVDs!!!
<KoolerKater> ...

#626676 +(1616)- [X]

ShamanMumboJumbo: Dude, I hate AIM Triton but I had to get it because all my friends have it and I can't share files otherwise
ViewtifulDom: Peer2Peer Pressure?

#780063 +(539)- [X]

<DusK> python is pretty easy to learn
<DusK> you write pseudocode, and you indent it correctly :)

#825820 +(1299)- [X]

<vahnsin> A bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts." The barman says "Why the big pause?"
<NikEy> it took me literally 20 minutes to fucking understand this joke goddammit

#909853 +(3210)- [X]

Crimson_Judas: I overheard this chick at lunch talking to a friend
Crimson_Judas: About how she had to terminate her pregnancy when she was young, and now that she's ready for children she can't get pregnant
lemonlimeskull: Classic case of ABORT, RETRY, FAIL.

#952948 +(1053)- [X]

<gmaxwell> 1960: "I have a great idea! lets have every person in the country carry a radio tracking beacon!" "That'll never fly!"  2012: "I can has TWO iphones??"

#954177 +(107)- [X]

ND: My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.

0.0345 20982 quotes approved; 5410 quotes pending
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