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#1183 +(373)- [X]

(notME) i have a 6 week old kitten
(notME) and my 2 year old cat raped him
(notME) shoved his feline penis in his bum
(notME) i watched it
(notME) i wasn't going to spank him
(notME) d00d no
(notME) i turned around
(notME) and he's balls are smacking my kitten in the ass
(notME) i didn't want to spank him
(notME) cuz it'd only get him off faster

#1555 +(346)- [X]

<ckx> i'm not gay
<ckx> i just like to see people fuck
<ckx> even if they're guys

#2566 +(199)- [X]

<timmo> if aol has ever taught me anything its the alt+ codes

#2636 +(120)- [X]

<shervin> i have installed a Semen Control and Flood Restictor Waste System (SCFRWS) to control my ejaculations which land on the keyboard.. and drain it to the local public swimming pool

#3385 +(140)- [X]

<crums|zzz> i love my bed
<crums|zzz> still need to christen it...grrr

#4767 +(244)- [X]

<aRse> dudes.. i'm not eating asparagus again for a while.. i just pissed green

#5026 +(253)- [X]

<myles> i wonder if i talk to my marijuana it will make it grow faster

#5888 +(748)- [X]

<DooD> my stalking skills have left me with her phone number to 100% accuracy.
<DooD> along with her home address.
<DooD> you should always pay the extra $2.00 to keep your phone number unlisted.
<Wronski> maybe she is playing "easy to stalk"

#6326 +(357)- [X]

[during the Olympics]
ted: everytime i load my yahoo it seems the US has three more medals
craig: Stop reloading then!!! Canada has to catch up

#6420 +(395)- [X]

--- [signoff!#windowmaker] NinjaCodr (wife getting naked)

#7570 +(77)- [X]

<foop> shower --hot --wet &

#8427 +(45)- [X]

<Nex> Damn it I feel ill since I told that window cleaner bloke I didnt want to buy any cleaning fluid
<Nex> I bet he was a gypo and now I am cursed

#10430 +(295)- [X]

* cj_ installs svgalib.
<cj_> gonna test quake2 on linux
<nwinter> nice.
<cj_> then i can play with myself
<nwinter> GRODEY.
<cj_> no seriously. my monitors face inwards at me, and both the mice are
within an arms reach. i can chase myself around.

#11122 +(1015)- [X]

<Super_User_2> the very first time I practiced driving I scared the shit
out of my dad. It was a manual transmission truck. I had it in first and
tired to shift, but the timing on the clutch was fucked up and it just
spun, but the pedal was lighter then I thought and I floored it. The
truck sounded like it was doing 90 and my nervous laugh sounded maniacal.
He just screamed "NOOOOOOOOOO!" as we moved about 1/2 mile an hour...
he drove home.

#12407 +(1079)- [X]

<Ixnorp[Regenerating]> I think I've found an excellent unit of size measurement. It's the 'I could kill you and hide your body in it' unit. People usually become very quiet after you say, "yea, I could kill you and 3 other people and hide the bodies in this"

#22814 +(489)- [X]

<Staunchy> wet suits are cool..... i lost 3 pints of fluid today
<Sureshot^> lol
<Sureshot^> they're class for cold sea
<Sureshot^> and avoiding jellyfish stings
<Staunchy> no I mean girls in wetsuits

#25353 +(476)- [X]

<cylinder> should've left it on goatse when you got off
<Him> heh
<Ody> o_o
<Ody> that would've gone down well with the parents
<Ody> err
<Ody> not again

#33663 +(45)- [X]

<Zel> why do we put up with these nitwits?
<t0ad> because i'm never around to ban them

#36723 +(411)- [X]

<carrot_> blast
<S|eeper> blast???
<carrot_> tis my non swear word swear word
<Audio> Mine is blowfish
<S|eeper> mine is fuck
<S|eeper> oh wait

#37650 +(668)- [X]

<CaptainCanada231> I mean, it's not like she'll be the senior pron queen for nothing.
<CaptainCanada231> *prom

#38645 +(208)- [X]

<KamiNoBaka> like a version, wooo, ctcp'd for the very first time

#43487 +(164)- [X]

(trich): man, I'm bored
(slippy^): this is accepted already by the fact you're on irc
(slippy^): mind when i do something interesting i tend to come on irc to tell everybody

#45329 +(187)- [X]

<Teakk> shhh
<Teakk> dont everybody talk at once
<LiamDevln> You forget that we're on Idler Relay Chat...
<Teakk> Oh yeah...
<LiamDevln> If you goto AOL the people talk more, but say less

#46846 +(16)- [X]

<Girl_Type_Zhanma> I LOVE irl... the internet can go suck cock in hell for all i care XP

#49809 +(251)- [X]

<juhl> LinuxWolf: I don't mind users being clueless *as such*, what I mind is when they try to do something "clever" on my network and disrupt service for everyone else and I have to clean up the mess!
<LinuxWolf> juhl:  *nod*
<juhl> LinuxWolf: if you don't know what you are doing you should ask the admin *before* you try doing it!!!
<juhl> *that* would prevent a LOT of problems
<RichiH> juhl: why not just nail a towel and a bottle of water to your front door
<juhl> RichiH: what would that accomplish ?
<RichiH> as soon as you whip the first imbecible to death with your wet towel, word will spread around the ranks of morons
<juhl> RichiH: heh - I'll have to try that

#50115 +(17)- [X]

<Lagamuffin> 1280x1024 32bit ->60Hz<- That sucks xpert
<Lagamuffin> you should fix that to atleast 85Hz
<weapon01> lol
<weapon01> overclock your monitor!!!!!!!!

#50946 +(486)- [X]

<yuethomas> so I'm not a psychopath. Boohoo.
<Dom> Well, psychopath doesn't mean murderer or killer
<Dom> They're just more likely to
<Dom> They tend to appear very intelligent, only their vocabulary is very extensive, but if you are intelligible about the topic they're discussing you will usually find it has no real substance.
<Dom> Just lots of misused or illogical jargon
<yuethomas> Case in point. o_o
<yuethomas> and cliches, i'm sure
<Dom> Yep
<Dom> And they drift from topic to topic very easily
<yuethomas> speaking of the weather
<Dom> :D
<Dom> Thanks, I brushed it this morning
<yuethomas> Did it grow?
<Dom> And how
<yuethomas> I know eh
<Dom> I'll have to paint it one day
<yuethomas> Use some duct tape too
<Dom> and hotpants

#55872 +(45)- [X]

<[N]> if a chick just comes over gives u head and leaves
<[N]> it just rules
<[N]> for lazy ppl
<[N]> u could even irc while getting the job done
<WTM2K> would that be like road head?
<[N]> hahah
<WTM2K> irc head... geek version of road head

#55882 +(191)- [X]

<Chernoskill> it's scary when people start measuring time in dowloaded megabytes...

#70288 +(207)- [X]

<@LinuxGrrl> 'president bush, your popcorn burned. we have the fbi investigating the terrorist attack on your evening snack.'

#74702 +(211)- [X]

<Black_Raven[CoS]> how would blasting cookies with fudge and marshmellows prove the xistance of elves?

#76352 +(19)- [X]

<merci`> trance would sound ok intermixed with some metal

#82104 +(402)- [X]

<Robbie0> Yoshi: Why can't i ride you on Mario 64
<Yoshi> Okay...
<Yoshi> First off
<Yoshi> I ain't like that
<Robbie0> sorry

#106216 +(50)- [X]

<alpha_y2k3> well I was runing a fish screensavar wich is pretty intensive, along with prime

#119582 +(838)- [X]

<shroom> wtf your nick is obnoxious
<`_^-_`_^\^|```_-__^_\`_```> so is yours

#119701 +(155)- [X]

<aO-> ugh
<aO-> almost had a brown out
<aO-> and im gone
* Quits: aO- (~aO@ip68-14-10-213.ri.ri.cox.net) (Client Quit)
<ecoli> sounds like someone had Taco Bell for lunch

#139483 +(310)- [X]

<BLIZZ> the Xbox 2 will include high-end gaming hardware, a mini-fridge capable of holding an entire case of soda or beer, an air-conditioning unit, a four slice toaster, a TIVO unit, cup holders, a diaper changing table, a trash can, and a refillable toothpaste reservoir. Even the new extra large controllers - designed specifically for use by basketball players - will incorporate heated buttons and miniature LCD screens so you don't miss out on any of the action
<BLIZZ> but thats just my prediction.......
<around-Bellerophon> no way...not gonna happen....they'd never pull off the refillable toothpaste reservoir

#168238 +(155)- [X]

Captain Ferrell:  they're not all
Captain Ferrell:  exactly
Demosthenes:  Wow, that was a lot of adjectives
Captain Ferrell:  it sounded like an anime title

#190581 +(229)- [X]

audiobob: dude
audiobob: 4 real
audiobob: shut up
audiobob: noone wants to look or talk about your cock
titikaka: audiobob my apache logs say otherwise

#201612 +(1031)- [X]

<Moushi> My friend is over
<Moushi> And he's ion thye bathroom right now
<Moushi> And he's been in there for a loing time
<Moushi> And I can hear... sounds
<Moushi> What do I do
<BHedL> jump in there with no clothes on but womens undergarments and a scary rubber mask
<Moushi> But he would ejaculate in terror all over me!
<BHedL> well, then you start a fetish porn site
<Moushi> His dad's a lawyer
<Moushi> He would sue me
<BHedL> nah, with the immense amount of money you´ll be making off of your ¨crossdresser rubber mask bukkakae¨, you could just hire him as your own lawyer
<Moushi> hahaha
<Moushi> Yeah, but then he wouldn
<Moushi> 't be my friend
<BHedL> how do you know that he isnt there masturbating to the very mental image of you in womens undergaments with a big scary rubber mask on?
<Moushi> How about I just run in, scream in hiorror, and kick him in the balls?
<BHedL> theres no money in that
<Moushi> You make a compelling argument.

#256732 +(375)- [X]

<CrazyDUMPLING> i treat my women like sUGAR
<Tetsuo> How so?
<CrazyDUMPLING> i put them inbags and lick them
<CrazyDUMPLING> or at least i did until that financially debilitiating lawsuit
<Tetsuo> ...

#308160 +(1131)- [X]

<T|gz> Ya know, it'd be kinda cool to taste with your hands like flies...
<t-f-i> ....
<T|gz> You can just stick your hand on someones food, and you can taste it.
<t-f-i> Have fun, guess you'll have to give up masterbation.
<T|gz> Oh fuck, nm.

#350547 +(383)- [X]

Cochese: you're under the impression that Viagra will just give you an erection
Cochese: it'll only help sustain an erection that you get from whatever gives you wood
FeMHuR: so if I take Viagra but nothing turns me on nothing will happen?
Cochese: correct
theho81: so there's still no hope for fat chicks?

#352729 +(386)- [X]

JunoRulz: Meh, in health class, some lady talked about it.
JunoRulz: She said rape is unwanted penetration of body.
JunoRulz: So I went around sticking my pinky in girls' ears.
JunoRulz: Declaring rape.

#447278 +(846)- [X]


#514344 +(391)- [X]

<GooberMan> sony were handing out PS2 condoms
<GooberMan> the cover design had condoms in the shapes of the buttons ie X, square, etc
<darknation> awesome
<darknation> I always wondered about those vibrating controllers. Now we know.

#757252 +(672)- [X]

<SlyBoy> Your momma's so fat, I had to integrate her by parts.

#839727 +(3926)- [X]

anon: You're so gullible.
sleaz: You mean gullable.
anon: What?
sleaz: It's spelled gullable.
anon: Oh. Okay.

#892161 +(609)- [X]

<daveemt>: talk
<JoePike>: mmmmmffffgghhhhrrrrruuuuuggggg
<daveemt>: WTF was that?
<JoePike>: I dunno. A copy of Hellen Kellers Twitter post?
<daveemt>: jesus
<JoePike>: Yeah, hell will be warm

#937945 +(858)- [X]

Yarrow: Ok, this is weird. My sim brought a friend home from work. They turned out to be very compatible, and are now making out...
Prince_Herb: What's weird about that?
Yarrow: They're still wearing their work outfits and are llama mascots for the local sport team.

0.0671 21038 quotes approved; 104 quotes pending
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