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#143 +(1337)- [X]

<`BuM> why is it that, no matter how much you pee into the toilet it never fills up?

#853 +(505)- [X]

<hypr> 0h shit ash
<hypr> yer roommate is offened by women?
<hypr> haw he am gay
<hypr> j00 have sex wit em?
<hypr> ash dat page am mad sl0w
<Ash> Yah.
<brazemore> hypr was taught defunct english as a child.

#1868 +(1506)- [X]

<mD5> please no-one send me that stuff about sex in my aol mailbox
<flukz> i had to turn off my computer cuz all the porn kept popping up
<Mattress> mD5, what's your e-mail? I'll remove you from the list
<mD5> mD5@aol.com
<mD5> thank you for removing me from the list

#2095 +(917)- [X]

<JDigital> We need our own Dance 4.14 bot.
<JDigital> *Dancer
<MrSede> A dance bot..?
<MrSede> Do a random Kirby dance every few minutes?
<MrSede> ..while telling the weather
<Brentai> <(^_^<) (>^_^)>  It's fucking hot!
<MrSede> Forecast for today will be cloudy [*bust a move*] with a slight chance of [*booty shakin*] rain
<MrSede> If the weatherman were more like that I'd watch the News more often

#5421 +(289)- [X]

* Lots42 has just finished perusing Ladyj.net and is now very frightened
<LJ-atwork> Lots: frightened?
<Lots42> LJ yes. Since you have the eyes and nose of my ex-girlfriend.
<LJ-atwork> in a jar

#5475 +(182)- [X]

<kaleido> how hard is it to plug a fuckin modem into a router
<kaleido> "well i dont know what to do, man"
<kaleido> fuckin christ
<kaleido> where do we find these field engineers
<PunkScum> compton?
<kaleido> i was thinkin guinea
<kaleido> but compton might be right

#6126 +(139)- [X]

* nailer/#lgl is a chocoholic. But for alchohol :)

#7345 +(53)- [X]

<chin> i got a solution, lets shoot homeless at the missles
<chin> that way the system pays for itself

#7511 +(303)- [X]

<orb2k> raves are just an excuse
<jovana> for what?
<orb2k> for grinding my teeth and petting everything

#9596 +(421)- [X]

<@PikaChan> the four greatest numbers in existance: 13, 69, 666, 1337
<@PikaChan> man, it'd be cool to have the phone number 1-337-666-1369
<%ragna> pika, you thought long and hard about that didnt you?
<@PikaChan> yes i did

#11238 +(306)- [X]

<Drew```> I really dont appriciate my sister saying "oh, close your eyes andrew, I already took off my pants outside"

#12097 +(33)- [X]

<RxBandit> just remember, it's up to us kids to make sure Bill Gates doesn't get his hands on Linux

#12317 +(475)- [X]

<gorilla> ANY GIRLS HERE
<Lan> yeah, wanna cyber?
<gorilla> YES
<gorilla> HOW
<Lan> sorta like this
* gorilla (gorilla@xxx.ipt.aol.com) Quit (Connection reset by peer)
<Lan> a little to the left

#14701 +(225)- [X]

<th0m> have you ever had a booger that looked like it was designed by h. r. giger

#15514 +(535)- [X]

<ouija> I asked for extra death peppers
<treaps> my chinese place puts about a ratio of one pepper per chunk of meat
<treaps> \m/
<ouija> Thats a good ratio
<treaps> general tso is pussy though
<ouija> Mine is like "You crazy American! You no handle Chinese doom peppers!"
<treaps> WHAT U TINK?

#16270 +(163)- [X]

<aba> el job search soy el puta
<dave__> ahahahaha.
<dave__> translation
<dave__> <aba> the job search i am the fuck

#16971 +(153)- [X]

<ncc386> It seems to be an oral fixation that drives me to smoke and when I quit 3 weeks ago I started eating more. If that's the case there is a healther, cleaner, more fun oral practice that could satisfy me.

#21354 +(1719)- [X]

<Beerman> I demand random linkage! link me to strange things, and entertain me
<tate> http://www.goatse.cx/
<ecs> i was just gunna say that...
<Beerman> my word, whats wrong with that mans bottom?

#22534 +(577)- [X]

<Sugadon> sup
<Sugadon> i'm in houston
<GaBe-33> houston !?
<GaBe-33> what you doing in texas !?
<Sugadon> honeymoon
<drunkers> you came on mirc on your honeymoon?
<drunkers> the sex that bad?

#36220 +(171)- [X]

<Ginger`> In pagecount, the script is about at the level of six to seven Shakespeare games, so it may well take awhile. ^.^ A 10% patch was released recently.
<Ginger`> *plays
<Ginger`> I can't believe I said Shakespeare games. -.-;

#38699 +(888)- [X]

<Jikg> Might anyone have a CD burner that could answer a few quick questions?
<SinclairC> my CD burner doesn't talk to strangers
<SinclairC> >:(

#41736 +(142)- [X]

<Lisa_W> ah, vevery woman's fantasy, 1,000,000s of mindless drones doing what she says....and they call her queen
<Lisa_W> but we'll only want the one that acts like a jerk lol

#46485 +(22)- [X]

<Tibor-> grr. . .I don't have adobe, though, and I don't know what the hell "vector" is, nor does it outline the process of "converting" it :(
<Darth-Phenom> Tib, by Adobe do you mean Photoshop?
<Tibor-> Yea, probably, Phen. It just says Adobe Illustrator and such

#49891 +(1102)- [X]

(R-66Y) 1280x1024 at 60hz hurts my eyes
(raygun) hmm
(raygun) it Hz your eyes
(raygun) SNORT SNORT

#50088 +(990)- [X]

<Lana`> OOO talk tech to me baby OOooO
<timmo> Lana, im slowly mounting your drive...
<sl0th> unmount /dev/nullpants mount /dev/null/lana`
<Lana`> stop i am actually getting turned on!
<timmo> im unzipping your corset.zip
<mike> you guys make me feel good about myself

#51393 +(373)- [X]

<essex-> man that was no fart
<essex-> brbrb

#55777 +(288)- [X]

<Crack[H]eaD> That brings up an interesting point.... According to the license agreement of some software you dont own it... you are merely renting it
<Crack[H]eaD> so by downloading the software am I borrowing it?
<Lasuuco> yeah crack
<Lasuuco> hence the term
<Lasuuco> "licensed"
<Crack[H]eaD> I should make a bunch of bumper stickers that say "Borrowing is not a crime" ;)
<bigfoot> could i borrow one?
<Crack[H]eaD> Fuck yeah

#66190 +(130)- [X]

<astrOdz> shouldn't you be at chruch?
<nistor> no lol
<astrOdz> you choose bsd over god?
<nistor> hrm hard choice
<astrOdz> well there is a devil on one side :)

#69965 +(1333)- [X]

<Spike> Spam email title: "Did you get your dsjtlkasjt today?"
<Spike> Why no, no I did not.

#76154 +(287)- [X]

<Kitsa> I didn't know wtf he was talking about.
<Kitsa> and why drunk ppl always think they have so much insight

#79901 +(757)- [X]

<@kainashi> im just 2 people short of a threesome

#81206 +(91)- [X]

<Giygas199X> Do you ever just sit on the toilet, and try to imagine the shape your shit is gonna be by the way it feels while you squeeze it out?
<Majik989s> all to often
<Giygas199X> It's fun.  I just impressed myself.  It was much bigger than I imagined.
<Giygas199X> My grandma's gonna have to unclog the toilet tonight.

#82050 +(209)- [X]

<Shaun> Dammit help me with my maths homework!  Can x+x be simplified any further?
<Mike> Nope
<Shaun> Yeah well your mammas fat ugly and looks like a man!
<Mike> That can be simplified however
<Mike> Just say your mamma is a double for Pavaorati

#105463 +(245)- [X]

<fyre> better delete that file
<fyre> before you steal all my intellectual property!
<black-hand> haha
<fyre> if my intellectual property was a monopoly square
<fyre> i'd be one of the cheap purple ones

#106286 +(263)- [X]

<Skye-> Talking to my exgf at 3:31 AM  :P
<fluffi> yeahhhh, thats what i do with my ex's at 3 in the morning, i "talk" to them ;)
<fluffi> i havent had a good "talk" lately though
<Skye-> I bet :P
<Skye-> define talk fl00f! :P
<kairi00> so that's what they call it these days... "talk" :p
<Skye-> do you "talk" to yourself alot?
<fluffi> i dont "talk" to myself
<fluffi> i "mime" ;)

#114358 +(493)- [X]

(maddox@) I just thought of a joke, I don't know if someone has already made this up, but here it goes: What actor would Christopher Reeve be if he could trade places with anyone? Christopher Walken

#137342 +(693)- [X]

<mightious> it would be cool to get attacked my a monster or something, I mean think of the stories
<mightious> or if you died you'd be a hero
<Hidden_7> yah, I prepare for monster attacks daily
<Hidden_7> cause imagine if you WERE a hero
<mightious> I have garlic incase of vampires, and a cross incase of a vampire, and on the rare chance of a vampire I have holy water
<mightious> ...actually im only prepared for vampires

#162354 +(289)- [X]

21:28 < tijmen> WHO wants to meet a very handsome boy?
21:28 -!- harma [pkobjb@quakenet.org] has left #sweden.ladies []
21:28 -!- zn1tz]MiniMilk [gusse@quakenet.org] has quit [Signed off]
21:29 -!- wMa|Syph3r^ [syph3r_02@quakenet.org] has left #sweden.ladies []
21:29 -!- Archer|cs [_BiTCh_Arc@quakenet.org] has quit [Signed Off]

#163301 +(9256)- [X]

<BigBurk> God i really cant stand windows me
<Felacio> heh i know. i moved to win2k
* Felacio sucks huge cock
<Felacio> errr ME, not /me

#185361 +(9244)- [X]

<Fenris> My mom found me perusing bash.org and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG!
<Fenris> Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren't any new text words that have been searched for
<Fenris> I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, "WTF??"
<Fenris> And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online.
<Fenris> I swear, someday I'm just going to rape that bitch.
<ctone> ...
<ctone> now theres a quote for bash.org
<Fenris> Don't you fucking dare.

#245988 +(506)- [X]

<FHCI_SS> I work as a tech support and someone called yesterday with the following conversation taking place
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "Hi, I was wondering if you could fix my laptop. It's under warranty."
<FHCI_SS> Me: "What seems to be the trouble with it?"
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "My wife got mad and threw it in the pool."

#334331 +(10418)- [X]

<LordChewy> so my dad found my porn folder
<LordChewy> and he was getting all pissed
<LordChewy> so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
<LordChewy> "i know dad"
<LordChewy> "what do you have to say for yourself?"
<LordChewy> at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes"
<LordChewy> and he just shut up
<kingKahn> what is it?
<LordChewy> its his porn folder

#392288 +(1200)- [X]

<monkey216> FUCK! im dead
<wrenchy> why?
<monkey216> Im sitting here hitting my bong and my dad just imed me from korea and was like, I can see you in the webcam
<monkey216> I forgot I had the damned camera turned on
<wrenchy> LMAO see you next year dumbass
<monkey216> fuck.....

#419733 +(837)- [X]

Rain Complex: That was depressing Drew
Rain Complex: Please hold while I stab myself to death
BLUeTalon24: ok
BLUeTalon24: hurry back
Rain Complex: Okay, I'm back
BLUeTalon24: wb!
Rain Complex: I went to Hell ):
BLUeTalon24: that musta sucked
Rain Complex: Thank you
Rain Complex: Yes
Rain Complex: Well I'm still there
Rain Complex: They have computers!
BLUeTalon24: they have AIM too?
Rain Complex: They're 133s running only WinNT and AOL
BLUeTalon24: with spyware galore
Rain Complex: And pop-up makers
Rain Complex: Bootlegged Britney Spears WMAs playing in fast forward 24/7
BLUeTalon24: haha WMA is evil
Rain Complex: Linux users are crying everywhere
Rain Complex: And all the Mac people jumped into the pit of fire and sulfur
Rain Complex: The keyboards are DVORAK
BLUeTalon24: hahaha
Rain Complex: They only have trackballs
Rain Complex: And tape-drives
Rain Complex: 4.25 floppy drives that don't work
BLUeTalon24: left handed single click dirty rolling ball mice with no scroll wheel.
Rain Complex: No scroll wheels for thousands of miles, my friend

#573116 +(489)- [X]

<Ecob16> so this hobo asks me for spare change right
<Ecob16> and i ignore her cause im chatting with a mate
<Ecob16> so shes like "manners dont cost anything"
<Ecob16> so i turn to her and say "yeah, but if they did I could afford them" :D
<Ecob16> you shud have seen her expression...

#598463 +(1562)- [X]

<WorldEdit> do you think the word emo would be accepted in scrabble
<Sevivrus> Of course not. Emos are never accepted anywhere.

#623233 +(166)- [X]

<Jugulator> i need meat
<Yogi> meat is the bread of life

#697693 +(1090)- [X]

computersislove: im annoyed.
AbnormalMembrane: Wrong suffix.
AbnormalMembrane: You mean "-ing"
AbnormalMembrane: Sorry. I'm kinda a grammar Nazi about these things.

#720346 +(365)- [X]

Lannister> they should make shock diapers that detect moisture and electocute babies.

#796183 +(2784)- [X]

<imthatguy>  One night home from the bars, which aside from the occasional pizza place the only other thing open was this porno store.  I'm not sure why - I think one of my friends wanted to buy a magazine - but we went in, and annoyed the shop's patrons by picking up every ridiculous sex toy and laughing about it loudly. The most absurd thing we found was a large plastic beer can - meant to look like "Coors Light," or something, but much larger - and when you unscrewed the cap at the top, there was a latex vagina inside, that you were meant to stick your dick in and fuck the can. Well, not really "fuck" the can, exactly, but masturbate with it.
<imthatguy>  So of course we have to buy the beer can vagina, because we're drunk and it's funny, and we figure we'll find some entertaining unintended use for it. So we paid for it and continued on our merry way back to the hotel. Once there we said our goodbyes and retired to our rooms, and I realized that somehow I'd gotten stuck carrying the bag from the sex store. I set it down on the desk and didn't think much about it. That is, for a few minutes, until I found myself sitting on the bed in my hotel room, drunk and lonely and sexually frustrated, and I kept staring over at that stupid beer can vagina.
<imthatguy> "Maybe I should just try it. Just see what it feels like..." I mean, why not, right? You know. Just for kicks, right? So you know what? I fucked it. Yeah. I fucked a plastic beer can. I fucked the shit out of that can. And you know what? It felt alright. It did the trick. That is, until it was all over. Until the moment after, when I was hit by a sobering freight train of humility, looking down at my dick stuck inside a latex vagina housed in a plastic beer can. Moments like that you start to question everything - "How the hell did it come to this? Who am I? What am I doing with my life?" I probably sat there for an hour, silently with my plastic lover, pondering my existence.
<imthatguy> The next morning, when the subject of the previous night came up and someone said, "oh, where's that funny beer can thing we got? Rob, you had it, right?" And everyone looks at me, and I just stare at them for a moment, and then say, "...I fucked it. I fucked it and I hated myself, and now it's gone." There was a slight pause, followed by uproarious laughter. The ridicule took months to subside.

0.0667 21096 quotes approved; 2032 quotes pending
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