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#1183 +(380)- [X]

(notME) i have a 6 week old kitten
(notME) and my 2 year old cat raped him
(notME) shoved his feline penis in his bum
(notME) i watched it
(notME) i wasn't going to spank him
(notME) d00d no
(notME) i turned around
(notME) and he's balls are smacking my kitten in the ass
(notME) i didn't want to spank him
(notME) cuz it'd only get him off faster

#1212 +(579)- [X]

<g> <FedAg455> hey wanna meet with me for some sex? im 13/f/canada, wanna meet in usa in front of brooklyn police department?
<g> <cooey> how do i know you are 14 D:

#1566 +(415)- [X]

<Chis_> this problem calls for a trip to #math

#1573 +(258)- [X]

<tress> i've erected a level 10 forcefield around my penis

#2880 +(295)- [X]

<Avi> is this divx ??????????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ???????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!! <-- thats how people are now'a'days
<Lord-Data> Avi: its always been that way
<Lord-Data> just faster cpu's means they type more bullshit

#3261 +(503)- [X]

<Splortch> i should diet
<Komando> chop off the t and just die

#3704 +(39)- [X]

<gecko__> i just oiled up my cats ass,but now when i try to boff him he slips away!
<gecko__> =[~!
<Esad> i knew there was a reason i hated cats

#4819 +(238)- [X]

*** Topic is 'Current IQ is, make no mistake, 0120 (your IQ is subtantially higher, if you know what that is in decimal)'
<DuneBoy> fr0zen: it looked like base 3 to me, which would mean it was 25 isn;t it??? 0(3^3) + 1(3^3) + 2(2^3) + 1?

#6416 +(218)- [X]

<Jason> What's NRE?
<Scott> NRE - New Relationship Energy!
<Scott> It's just like cocaine, only more expensive.

#8453 +(11)- [X]

<Dac> ok, what does 'LUG' on a rental property listing mean?
<tm> Lots of Ugly Guys

#9494 +(862)- [X]

<normaliamnot> u ppl here about this building, i think it called, trade center, or big trade center or something?
<normaliamnot> it broken

#10480 +(357)- [X]

<Encapsulate> So
<Encapsulate> I was going to say you should name thechild the next word I
heard over the cube walls.
<Encapsulate> Unfortunatly, the next word I heard was "Auschwitz"

#10655 +(730)- [X]

<FagStone> DOES ANYONE HERE KNOWHOW TO DISABLE CAPSLOCK ON A LOGITECH CHORDLESS DESKTOP M#34256 KEYBOARD?

#11009 +(835)- [X]

<Mae|str0m> fuckensonofabitchdamnitalltohellfuckmedeadbastardofaprick.
<Mae|str0m> I just dropped a weight on my foot.
<Mae|str0m> FUCK.
<Mae|str0m> they should make those things lighter.

#11083 +(375)- [X]

<SporkPrez>  largo, whats it like being net-famous?
<asr> whats net-famous?
<largo[mt]> net-famous is when you get the all drawbacks of having computer geek fans who know about you, without any of the benefits.
<asr> like groupies?
<largo[mt]> no, you get those, but the rank smell takes awhile to get used to.
<SporkPrez> like when you mix bleach and ammonia?
<largo[mt]> I wish it were that pleasant.

#15822 +(357)- [X]

<evilpie> P.S. oblique, since both you and your girlfriend live with your parents, how in the fuck do you manage to bang her?
<jre> It wasn't so much of a bang as a dull thud."

#17249 +(140)- [X]

<NickBlasta> i always dream and then wake up and i was like woah was that real
<NickBlasta> like the matrix
<isajeep> which pill did you take?
<NickBlasta> the hard pill
<isajeep> lol  knew you'd say that

#23355 +(170)- [X]

Snowy: Aaarrrrgghhh. These people don't even know when I"m making fun of them
Snowy: They're too dumb to even insult
ph'x: haaha
ph'x: zero intelligence = zero satisfaction

#25778 +(531)- [X]

<kisama_> THANK YOU WIGGLY
<kisama_> I <3 YOU
<Swish> you "less than three" him?
<kisama_> please.
<kisama_> it's an emoticon...turn your head sideways kthx
<kisama_> i thought you were hardcore.
<Swish> apparently not that hardcore.
<Swish> but I guess it depends if you're left or right handed.
<kisama_> well E> is flat
<Swish> it could be a mean, hateful face with evil eyebrows...
<Swish> or it could be some broken-assed glasses with a mischevous smirk.
<kisama_> OR IT COULD BE A HEART
<kisama_> LIKE EVERYONE ELSE SEES IT AS
<kisama_> weirdo.

#33948 +(242)- [X]

<kinzillah> kronos is portable! *hrrrrk* *thump* *clunk* errr, maybe not
<Pseudonym> kinzillah: It's about 50 lbs
<Pseudonym> The case being about 40 lbs of that
<Gygaxis> wtf is the case?!?!
<kinzillah> 50 lbs != portable
<Pseudonym> Wimp.
<Gygaxis> jesus christ, did you mod a god damn cinder block?

#37330 +(771)- [X]

<Lasse> we're playing ping pong lolololololol
<Lasse> !ping
<ChanServ> Pong!
<Lasse> !ping
<ChanServ> Pong!
<Lasse> !ping
<ChanServ> Pong!
<Lasse> !ping
<ChanServ> Pong!
<Lasse> !ping
<ChanServ> Too many commands sent, please wait.
<Lasse> whee I win

#38207 +(18)- [X]

<VanWilder> god i used this massage oil on this chick last night and now my room wreaks of it
<nivenh> were you massaging "her" penis?

#39333 +(158)- [X]

<CiTay> and remember, some people are that stupid about every possible aspect of a PC... hardware and software
<CiTay> my granduncle, for instance...
<CiTay> got a virus from the internet and wanted to erase his hard disk. he built it out and used a strong magnet for the task.
<CiTay> amazingly, the disk lived
<CiTay> he was surprised to hear that one can erase hard disk using special software, such as format.com.

#45670 +(69)- [X]

<Phactorial> I think HTML is a better structural language than C
<xcabbage> HTML isn't a language

#51038 +(180)- [X]

<Really_Stoned> why is it when you buy a new hd and they tell you, that you can never fell the sob up in about 2 weeks your deleting stuff on it just to make space
<zvxrfpu> because data expands to fit the space available.
<dfwdaddy> so do warez and porn.
<dfwdaddy> you didn't make your requirements clear to the salesperson, clearly.
<Really_Stoned> i actually dont have any porn on any of my computers now cause it takes up to much space
<dfwdaddy> when you walked into compusa and said 'where are your harddrivez' he didn't really hear the Z

#51239 +(397)- [X]

<Jahidi> love is just when two people decide to stalk each other.

#52857 +(144)- [X]

<@Shadur> MeLearnin: Go away and die.
* MeLearnin :(
<@Shadur> s/MeLearnin/Meaz
< MeLearnin> s/:(/:)/g

#59132 +(328)- [X]

<KeeperX> i have my time machine built into a '67 el camino
<TrueBlue> The front is like a car!
<TrueBlue> The back is like a truck!
<TrueBlue> The front is where we sit!
<TrueBlue> The back is where we... EL CAMINO!

#74966 +(658)- [X]

<screamingholt> At that stage  was n6r0a33y -5ng5ng 6f 00y d5a3 6n s60e 06f6s 'scr-[t 0eds and weed
<screamingholt> Damn...Fn key
<redcloud> ROFL.. i thought that was an attempt at 1337 speak :P
<redcloud> i was trying to interpret it :)

#76490 +(91)- [X]

<well-howdy-doo> does anyone know stuff about laptops and their connections?
<well-howdy-doo> well we have it connected to the dsl-works fine
<well-howdy-doo> but it wont connect to phoneline
<CowBot> RJ-45 connectors (ethernet) won't plug into a phone line, well-howdy-doo
<well-howdy-doo> is there a way to configure it-cowbot?

#98111 +(582)- [X]

<_Nathan> thats a lot of licenses you bought viss ;)
<visionz> yeah
<visionz> cost me 3 arms and a dozen legs
<visionz> living near a cemetary rox :)

#98342 +(223)- [X]

EKBoney: You've got the cat from hell, I've got a dog that doubles as a mop and vacuum
EKBoney: Maybe we can genetically clone them together and have a cat-dog-satanic-vacuum-mop!
EKBoney: They'd sell great in the market!
Trumpeter085: praise satan & clean your floors!

#105834 +(313)- [X]

<Prozax> 9 cats? you must be really ugly

#107295 +(145)- [X]

<Blue> yeah, a copy of it was found in a desert
<Blue> the guy turned it into the newspaper or something instead of doing the right thing
<Blue> which of course is ebaying it

#194628 +(793)- [X]

<[SA]Mastiff> No.  You are underage, and should not drink.
<[SA]Mastiff> Go back to playing with Legos.
<MaryFuckingPoppins> I don't have any Legos =(
<Rigel> Fuck you Mastiff, Legos kick ass
<Rigel> I set them up as the OPFOR while playing with my Moses Action Figure and army men
<Rigel> The Legos lost because moses had the Ark of the Convenant
<Rigel> And just like in the Bible it shot lightning and stuff.
<Rigel> And then the Army Men put the legos in a concentration camp and that was the end of the Third Reich
<Rigel> And THEN Moses beat hitlers face in with the Ten Commandments
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Be a Faggotyass Dictator"
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Raise the Undead"
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt not put foxy agents in skintight leather and give them silenced Sten guns"
<Rigel> And then back into the Time Portal he jumped, taking the army men with him!
<Rigel> I should film this shit

#275546 +(1333)- [X]

<zurt> When the moon hits your eye like a big piece of pie that's amor'e......... When you're hit by a jug in a South Auckland pub....... that's a mao'ri

#349350 +(702)- [X]

<Arameth> wow if the bible was an rpg then judas was damn poor. he sold out for thirty silver, that is three gold pieces, you can only just buy a dagger for that

#373286 +(1351)- [X]

KaresMexxDWNxx: last night me and tawny were in a car.
KaresMexxDWNxx: she was in the backseat reading a magazine.
KaresMexxDWNxx: and i was infront trying to get some rest.
KaresMexxDWNxx: A cop comes by and ask me how old I am.
KaresMexxDWNxx: i told him that i was 23.
KaresMexxDWNxx: then he asked me how old tawny was.
KaresMexxDWNxx: i told him that she turns 18 in 11 minutes.

#374475 +(1880)- [X]

<@Kukuman> this fundrace.org site lists people near you who have made contributions to a presidential candidate
<@Kukuman> looked up my zip code
<@Kukuman> 4 people contributed to bush/republicans
<@Kukuman> something like 35 people contributed to democrats
<@Kukuman> oh and all 4 of the people who contributed to bush are retired!
<@philc> you spelt retarded incorrectly

#393357 +(384)- [X]

<Jetsuo> Ew, Ashlee Simpson is #1 on the Billboards. Jetsuo must go kill a kitten now.
<KitBoxPocket> Jetsuo: every time you kill a kitten, God masturbates.
<Jetsuo> lmao
<KitBoxPocket> You dont want God flogging his holy log, do you?
<Nyschashi-Seikun> when god ejaculates, it snows
<KitBoxPocket> Oh, snow day, sweet
<Jetsuo> and when God craps?
<KitBoxPocket> A republican is elected
<Jetsuo> XD
<KitBoxPocket> "Mommy! Mommy! Every time a Republican gets elected, it means God just had a really great shit!'

#471449 +(2151)- [X]

<ppg> if guns kill people
<ppg> then pencils misspell words
<ppg> and cars make people drive drunk
<ppg> and spoons made rosie o'donnell fat

#594678 +(1686)- [X]

Poopsydo: i was remembering that my brother used to wake me up when i was little to go open the gifts from santa...
Poopsydo: he would say: lizy lizy wake up, santa came by...
Poopsydo: and i would jump and follow him
Poopsydo: and one time he did that...and i followed him..
Poopsydo: and it wasn't even december
Poopsydo: it was like the middle of the summer
Poopsydo: he sat in the middle of the living room and laughed his ass off at me

#635901 +(686)- [X]

jrronimo: Hah! On a whim I figured I'd check some of the bigger companie for open jobs in Boulder... so what do I get? Comcast's career website: "Could not connect to remote server". Sounds like they've got a Network Engineer position open for me. :D

#649383 +(467)- [X]

<crowke> With the current web2.0 hype, I think Mary Poppins should have an Ajax-powered website at http://super.cali.fragi.listic.expi.ali.do.cio.us.

#697515 +(1321)- [X]

|Polly|: I'll rape you in the face
Phantom: My mom saw that
|Polly|: Good
|Polly|: I was talking to her

#782879 +(836)- [X]

<EvilKosh> holy shit. he's blending the iphone while it's playing will it blend. that's so meta.
<jdk> does anything not blend?
<EvilKosh> Jews and Palestinians

#865032 +(4282)- [X]

<omega> i like star trek because it's actually pretty realistic.  the technology is fiction, but it follows real physics
<Kuiper> In Star Trek, whenever there are torpedoes or phaser fire hitting a ship, you can hear the explosions even though they're in space.  How is that "real physics?"
<omega> in space, explosions are actually louder
<omega> because there is no air to get in the way
<omega> dumbass

#891290 +(1407)- [X]

<@max> I wonder if uniball has ever thought of getting lance armstrong to sponsor their pens

#948243 +(303)- [X]

Captain Morgan: I swear I'm going to kill whoever lives above me
Saiu: the chair again?
Captain Morgan: it's like he's playing ddr with combat boots
Captain Morgan: and jumping as hard as he can
Captain Morgan is now Away.
Saiu: uh-oh

#950902 +(859)- [X]

<TrailMix> Sorry Santorum, you have to carry your dead presidential campaign to full term.

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