#45 +(328)- [X]
<C-Rock> man id give a blowjob to be on Pen's quotes page.
<C-Rock> i might even swallow.
#48 +(1225)- [X]
<myhero> I wish I could just poop all day long
#565 +(382)- [X]
<phiber_> where's my boot disk? how can i be a hacker without linux?
#1221 +(416)- [X]
<Ron912> <OiOiBuNnY> one time at retard camp i stuck a wheelchair in my pussy
#1348 +(1031)- [X]
<Sharkey> Why is it whenever I hear the phrase 'Battered Women' I think of fried food?
#2140 +(473)- [X]
<torque--> i can fart out loud in an internet cafe because everyones wearing headphones
#2415 +(375)- [X]
<Dude> did ya hear poland bought 5000 septic tanks?
<Dude> as soon as the figure out how to drive them there invading russia
#2857 +(244)- [X]
<zacs> my name on slashdot
<zacs> i can retire
<zacs> and live on fame alone
#5956 +(1096)- [X]
<@Bojangle> My mom tells me I need to get laid
#7454 +(195)- [X]
<rwxr-xr-x> i used to have a g/f who turned out to be world writable
#8606 +(122)- [X]
<Meridian`> Fancy is going to find me and rape my sister.
<Meridian`> And I will be like "be quiet, I'm playing tf."
#11260 +(180)- [X]
<DumbCatgirlSexSlave> no. must slay Willian Shatner.
<DumbCatgirlSexSlave> ... his name is "Shatner". this never struck me as funny before but it does now.
<Tomko> william scatner
<Tomko> spock: your feces is ILLOGICALLY DELICIOUS
#11780 +(327)- [X]
<MED1C> i bet they got their degree from the same vending machine
#13440 +(30)- [X]
<[TpL]Luke> Really? the nurse who did me was so fat, ugly and sweaty, she was cooking burgers under her armpits for lunch
<[TpL]Luke> u should have seen her cooking hot dogs!
#16590 +(321)- [X]
<setuid_w00t> KT: and you act like you're six
<KT> setuid_w00t: how else is a 21 yr old supposed to act like?!
<setuid_w00t> don't ask me, I'm only 20
#21788 +(2644)- [X]
<niceboy19> i'm german
<Evilbert-> don't worry i won't mention the war
<niceboy19> what do you mean with that
<niceboy19> you just mentioned it
<Evilbert-> you started it
<niceboy19> i didn't
<Evilbert-> Yes you did! You invaded Poland!
#22000 +(363)- [X]
<PoisonPen> Ayn Rand is the curdled remains of a black, bitter, shrivelled apple from the tree of hypocrisy growing under the outhouse in the deepest pit of Hell. She couldn't grope her way out of her own rectum with a flashlight and a copy of Gray's Anatomy. Her entire rancid philosophy could have been killed if anyone had been brave or desperate enough to stick their penis into that frigid arctic pucker of her twat.
#22152 +(342)- [X]
<skold> 'the wilder funeral home - let your loved ones have a wilder funeral' ;)
<liss> i dont think those places have mottos
<liss> it isnt mcdonalds
<skold> 'did somebody say embalming?'
#26767 +(166)- [X]
<Comedy> Now now, we all like our anal virginity.
<timbo`> mine was violated with my first poo
#30255 +(460)- [X]
<Yomanman> we're gonna have a southern wedding!
<PowerRad> Also known as a family reunion
#32223 +(183)- [X]
<daggorath> What are the good Hindu channels on Efnet?
<fdog> I am not to be knowing what the good hindu channels are to being
#34295 +(35)- [X]
<Porcupine> #animefiends, lots of fun
<Porcupine> [22:57] <Porcupine> [Chii], do you like your meat hot or cold
<Porcupine> [22:57] <Abizoath> anyways I am off to fade into obscurity....
<Porcupine> [22:57] <Rintaun> theedge[h: not if you use good compression :P
<Porcupine> [22:57] <[Chii]> porc: depends which kind
<Porcupine> [22:57] <Porcupine> [Chii]: my kind
<guns7007> Porc making fun of chii won't get your meat in his mouth any faster
<guns7007> just offer him a buck and mention 10-10-220
<guns7007> it always works in the commercials
#36921 +(462)- [X]
Finque: i always tell a girl when i cum
Finque: one time i didn't
Finque: let's just say she bites
Finque: she had specifically told me she wasn't going to take it in her mouth
Finque: i was like "yeah right bitch"
Finque: so i cum, she chokes, swallows, smile at me
Finque: and bites
Finque: so i said sorry and that i'd make it up through cunnilingus
Finque: i got her good and horney
Finque: and bit her clit like it was a hot dog
#39079 +(695)- [X]
<+EGreg> ATA? RAID? ATAPI? IDE? EIDE? SCSI? what is the world coming to?? FTP? SPAM? HTTP? HD? I have been here for a short while and already so many acronyms :-)
<+EGreg> of course there are 10x more that I know, but still. :-)
<@O_6> ever heard of 'stfu' ?
#46386 +(393)- [X]
<FeSTeR> oh ya great job pullin out of the parking lot today..lol almost hit a woman
<GABAR> dude if i was any good at pulling out, you wouldnt be alive
#49599 +(210)- [X]
<tReMeR> I was cleaning out my closet today and when i was putting my shirts back in the dresser. i wanted to put them in a particular order. I would temperaly put the shirts on this chair until i put them in the closet, in order. and i thought to my self, I have 1, 32$ office chair of cache.
<Gedit> you need a life tReMeR
#74991 +(167)- [X]
* deegan is gone. cupcakes and oralsex @ my mom's place
#75319 +(400)- [X]
<Destruya> I joined the "Virtual March on Washington" even though I live 30 minutes driving time away from the White House.
<Destruya> I think I've reached the nirvana of laziness.
<Destruya> And probably sent my name to a CIA central database codenamed "FuckWithThesePeopleUntilTheyDie".
<Destruya> Of course, I'm not worried, since any server with a name that long has to be running NT of some form.
<Destruya> Which means they better write that shit down before it crashes.
#75731 +(165)- [X]
<Hoplite^^> no, she is the daughter of my secretary
<Hoplite^^> she is 18
<saiyane> oh my
<saiyane> rather risque
<Hoplite^^> in what way?
<saiyane> well I take it your secretary doesnt know
#76004 +(440)- [X]
<jabowah> When I jerk off I feel good for about twenty seconds and then WHAM it's right back into suicidal depression.
#78794 +(1118)- [X]
<xavas> so i was on the beach wearing my speedo's the other day
<xavas> and some chick walks by and goes "u got a roll of pennies in there?!?!?"
<xavas> so i says "yeah, want me to knock some cents into you?>
#82151 +(194)- [X]
<InvisableMan> [19:51] <AshleeFukala> i tried to make popcorn..
<InvisableMan> [19:52] <AshleeFukala> and i blwe up my mircowave
<InvisableMan> HOW do you blow up the microwave with popcorn?
<InvisableMan> it boggles the mind
<InvisableMan> is that even possible?
<InvisableMan> i mean, COME ON... i understand, maybe, burning the popcorn, at the most catching it on fire.. MAYBE... but.....
<InvisableMan> TO BLOW UP THE MICROWAVE???
<InvisableMan> *sigh* you humans will be the death of me.
#98459 +(269)- [X]
(DiscoFever) bah, twas the night befor christmas and all through the house
(DiscoFever) not a creature was stiring
(+cow) not even a mouse?
(DiscoFever) except for cow because he was a fucking jew and didn't believe in christmas
#113133 +(208)- [X]
<PsychoDreameR> i want a good war script
<PsychoDreameR> when can i get one??
#116869 +(161)- [X]
<padnaebaen> fuck me i love irc
<spanky> yes, its the distilled essence of humanity
<spanky> without the odour
#117217 +(622)- [X]
#120095 +(3268)- [X]
<Naudiz> my IQ is high enough that I can do anything I want
<Naudiz> college means nothing
<netbsd_> What is this almighty IQ you have and what self-scoring IQ test gave you the idea you have it?
<Naudiz> I'm a Mensa member .. I allready mentioned this.
<netbsd_> So you're in the top two percent of the population?
<netbsd_> This is me being impressed.
<Naudiz> no actually ... only 1 in 50 people qualify to be in Mensa
#138437 +(109)- [X]
Rob - you know u have a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows!
#141296 +(215)- [X]
<Ayesha> half the men in my family have mullets XD
<dunderhead> are half the people in your family in serious relationships with other people in the famly as well?
<dunderhead> thats usually the consequence of rocking the mullet
#375060 +(514)- [X]
<Phreddy> I'm easily confused
<rens> that's a side effect of having a penis
#399773 +(1206)- [X]
<Outsyder> so I was sitting in gym on friday
<Outsyder> my friends were talking about some stupid thing
<Outsyder> and I was stroking my leg hair
<Outsyder> and i thought
<Outsyder> "hey, if a supervillian had hairy legs, he wouldn't need a cat"
#402280 +(671)- [X]
<random_monkey> "UPS" - that's the noise they make when they drop your parcels
#475919 +(2282)- [X]
<Stryyp> im never stopping for small animals crossing the road again
<Stryyp> i hit on the brakes and almost wrecked.
<Stryyp> the little bastard sits there and stares at me for a minute, then continues to cross the road
<Stryyp> and out of nowhere a truck comes from the other direction and pancakes the sucker
#611062 +(1052)- [X]
<Alucard> and it was like love at first /whois
#645008 +(364)- [X]
mellotron: wow, this is just begging for police investigation
Indolentron: dont worry! it's porn *for* children!
Indolentron: the word of the day is "clitoris!" can you find the clitoris on this woman's vulva?
#713079 +(435)- [X]
<superrambo> (CRAZY/CUTE)-(PAST RELATIONSHIPS)+(CURRENT OUTLOOK)-(INTELLIGENCE)=COMPATABILITY
<superrambo> IT IS THE CALLED THE "SHE'S NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS, TRUST ME" FORMULA
<monkeylice> love is blind
<monkeylice> lust is deaf
<superrambo> PSYCHOSIS IS OBVIOUS
#782656 +(383)- [X]
<Sapient> hey guys
<Westovski> Hey Sap, wanna do a knock-knock joke?
<Sapient> err, ok
<Westovski> you start
<Sapient> knock knock
<Westovski> who's there?
#847500 +(232)- [X]
<+Clive> news.bbc.co.uk headlines: Police are searching bins in a bid to find fresh clues in their hunt for missing schoolgirl Shannon Matthews.
<+Clive> So... they're looking for a laden bin?
#947055 +(1795)- [X]
<@gongoputch> so my 12 year old has been BEGGING me for a minecraft server. I told him 'OK', he said YEA!', I say 'but you have to install the OS (FreeBSD), configure it, set up a jail and generally learn enough to admin it.
<@gongoputch> he hates me now
<@gongoputch> BUT - he got it running :)
<@gongoputch> after it was going, he looked up at me and said 'This OS is the logical thing I have ever seen'
<@gongoputch> ... it's little moments like those ...
#954118 +(164)- [X]
<Bushman> heh, those voice commands in mobile phones...
<Bushman> say "text *contact_name* message *message_text*"
<Bushman> or "email *contact_name* subject *message_subject* message *message_text*"
<Bushman> what if... just what if... the guy's name is Mr.Message or Mr.Subject?