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#350 +(760)- [X]

<chisoxiest> is it just me... or does eveyone think that quadrapelegics are greedy?
<chisoxiest> "i can't reach that"
<chisoxiest> "i'm not tall enough"
<chisoxiest> i mean c'mon now

#1290 +(418)- [X]

<Wazm> I was photographed in my natural environment today.
<Wazm> some photographers from the admissions office working on some brochure for UNF took 60 photographs of me programming

#1809 +(184)- [X]

<DMC[ijcd]> I cut holes in my pockets to masturbate in public

#1820 +(498)- [X]

<LeoGeo2> i'm gonna make my whole web-site outta HTML

#3658 +(369)- [X]

* auslandr pokes lint in the eye
<EigenLint> no poking.
* auslandr stabs lint in the eye
<auslandr> better?

#5667 +(74)- [X]

<Hendrix> Is it a bad thing when you wank so much cum nothing but air?

#6360 +(480)- [X]

<Skream> Anyone got an IDE controller I can borrow?
<Skream> Mine just caught fire.

#6478 +(256)- [X]

<HevyD> yea, one time I got caught masturbating and I yelled at my dad telling him to go get help cause I had him caught and I needed backup, boy that was akward

#6770 +(315)- [X]

<Romhog> anyone know what an (edict 75) repeating error is in 3wctf?
<Superf0Rk> Romhog- yes
<Superf0Rk> Romhog- but i'm not telling you
<Superf0Rk> Romhog- until you comment on my nipples
<Romhog> they look like little stereo knobs  ;o

#8926 +(340)- [X]

<zita> hi im a 17 yers old girl from norway,i have birtday too day
<meyou> 17 year old girl from norway? doesn't that mean you're a 43 year old man from the U.S. ?

#14098 +(874)- [X]

<phunqe> As I was walking home from work the other day, I saw a funny ad in the subway. Instead of laughing quietly for myself I actually said "lol" quite loud. The high voltage tracks seemed very inviting at that point.

#15071 +(313)- [X]

<cardinal> huh, a friend of mine pissed in his girlfriend's typewriter
<cardinal> under similar circumstances
<alayna> :blink:
<cardinal> drunk, needing to pee, didn't want to turn on the light, found
<cardinal> the "bathroom" door, found the "toilet", opened the lid,
<cardinal> pissed, couldn't find the flusher, went back to bed
<cardinal> discovered the next morning he'd opened the wrong door, and
<cardinal> found the typewriter, not the toilet, which explains the lack
<cardinal> of flush lever
<Deke> and the *ding* when he finished
<cardinal> all I could say when he told me the story was "Good thing it
<cardinal> wasn't a Selectric"

#15567 +(323)- [X]

Bezoar    of all the liver disorders one could get, hep A is pretty good. you get it, you feel like shit for a little while, it goes away, and you're immune for life.
eval      sounds like religion

#18234 +(83)- [X]

<C-rEs:#slackware> isnt it recommended to keep ports apart? like you dont want to use port 1035 and 1036 at the same time?

#22186 +(909)- [X]

<BadMojo> when I finally have kids, I'm going to constantly tell them "i fucked your mom"

#32901 +(236)- [X]

<c0rnflake> what the fuck
<c0rnflake> lol
<c0rnflake> dude
<c0rnflake> whats that one site to get your own ip?
<c0rnflake> www.whatsmyip.com ?
<madlib> www.dunno.com
<travolta> c0rnflake: aol keyword: ip
<c0rnflake> Im not on aol
<c0rnflake> lol
<travolta> you sure?

#34347 +(87)- [X]

<Presto> <-- dont wanna get haxord by someone who does not  know what a NULL modem cable is

#36842 +(321)- [X]

<MSminion> /msg $*.net a/s/l
<MSminion> Let's see how many death threats I can get.

#38951 +(140)- [X]

(nyisles) see, what i need the dremel for is to cut the center pieces out of the Caravan grille after putting the FMIC in
(TheDrip) use a fuckin steak knife (guess how I know a steak knife cuts plastic grills)
(minime-) because you eat steaks made of plastic?

#40392 +(191)- [X]

[+Badtz] good sex = the best shit out there
[@orion] what's the bandwidth requirements?

#40692 +(166)- [X]

[ @Paula ] i used to have a teacher
[ @Paula ] who gave us something to suck on for brain stimulation.

#45799 +(23)- [X]

* ApoIIyon is now in the look for perl camel shirts
<top_dawg> thinkgeek!
<ApoIIyon> thinkgeek == think$$

#46245 +(238)- [X]

<Strimkind> I find programming too picky and precise for me
<gauze_> stupid computers doing what you tell them to :/

#46925 +(604)- [X]

<DieHard> I was lagging so bad it felt like i was shouting binary codes through a pay phone.

#48729 +(98)- [X]

<Marticus> i'm still looking for an intelligent non-headcase female
<UgLyPuNk> they don't exist
<UgLyPuNk> all women are head cases
<toe-wk> its true
<toe-wk> heres how i break it down in geek talk for you nerds to understand
<toe-wk> males = intel pentium 4's. Cool, reliable, stable, tough
<toe-wk> females = AMD athlons, sure their sexy, and their hot...but as soon as they start thinking i wouldnt rely on one :D
<Marticus> and uh, calculators are little girls, and mainframes are bbw
<Annon201> what bout graphic calculators??
<Marticus> thats when they get some grass on the pitch

#53882 +(230)- [X]

<wandarah> Quote added as #53880. Thanks for participating. :-)
<wandarah> :D
<arryola> you quoted me? YOU CUNT!
<arryola> ...
<arryola> argh
* arryola refrains from speaking
<wandarah> Quote added as #53881. Thanks for participating. :-)

#58123 +(217)- [X]

<intra> I have to go to Walmart to get some deoderant. But I thought it would be weird to buy just deoderant, so I thought about getting some DING-DONGs or something, but then I'd be buying DING-DONGS and DEODERANT. So I figure I might buy a shirt, but then I'd be buying DING DONGS, DEODERANT and a SHIRT. So I'm screwed no matter what I buy.

#58222 +(454)- [X]

<brainbox> Xuberant, please, check your keyboard for stuck keys
<brainbox> you've clipped Retard-Lock or something

#58532 +(1441)- [X]

<wangschlong> So i was walking by some house
<wangschlong> and some hot girl was staring at me from the house
<wangschlong> so i go closer and shes still staring at me
<wangschlong> it turns out
<wangschlong> IT WAS A FUCKING LAMP

#97911 +(220)- [X]

:::: Now in #bearcave
* martraci slowly leaves; back against the wall

#105844 +(313)- [X]

<HomesickAlien> 17" iMac - that's like having a nine inch penis but being impotent

#137295 +(184)- [X]

<@dura> I want a game that will actually scare me.
<@Billy-Away> resident evil
<@Billy-Away> is ok scary
<Lil_Dude> the first resident evil when i was like 5
<@dura> like a mexican farm simulator, that would scare me.

#165870 +(546)- [X]

<VolteFace> heh, an idiot in my art class today tried to stab someone with a pencil
<VolteFace> so he grabbed the guys arm
<VolteFace> and swings
<VolteFace> and PLUNGES THE PENCIL INTO HIS OWN FINGER

#178890 +(15141)- [X]

*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God>  Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. -  (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...

#221818 +(226)- [X]

(@Furrikain) quickly, put your head to my anus!
(@Furrikain) you can hear the sea =D

#238827 +(325)- [X]

<Bobman> Im gonna take the catalytic converter off my car, bend the muffler to the side and rig a spark plug on the inside
<Bobman> Drive-by flamethrower

#239936 +(463)- [X]

<MassHysteria> I must have been high when I did up my linux box.
<MassHysteria> fuckin a.. this sucks.. now I'm gonna haveta reinstall everything.
<MassHysteria> ah well.. I'll chalk it up to experience
<Hominid> "I had to reinstall Linux.  'Cause I got high, 'cause I got high."

#345535 +(465)- [X]

[+[-BONG-]] small things amuse small minds....
[detepe] bong: not true, most of the cheerleaders I know love big dicks :(
[+[-BONG-]] kind of leaves you out huh?
[detepe] bong: yeah, it sucks :(

#348080 +(657)- [X]

<booyah> yeh i use perl too
<booyah> wrong window, ignore me
<andywho> Don't worry, you use perl, we ignore you automatically

#486349 +(1008)- [X]

<Man_Loner> I had the best masturbation ever today too
<Man_Loner> I had the magazine open in front of me, at a really great picture
<Man_Loner> My eyes were rolling back in my head
<Man_Loner> I let out a deep moan
<Man_Loner> And then the man in the shop asked "Are you going to buy that?"

#596693 +(502)- [X]

Keeper36rm: i almost got arrested too last night
interventi0n: for what?
Keeper36rm: racing
interventi0n: get pulled over?
Keeper36rm: we both did
interventi0n: who was the other car?
Keeper36rm: but the girl lied, she told the cop I was harassing her, she was just trying to get away from me
Keeper36rm: so he left her off, and I almost got arrested

#625882 +(857)- [X]

<Dave123> So I there’s this virgin girl  I know, she is Inconceivable
<Turtleman> no she's unbearable
<NINJAmes> no you idiots, she's Impregnable

#631850 +(753)- [X]

Tammy: julia is having to cancel lunch, her uncle was murdered
tladd: :O
Tammy: you want to do lunch :)
tladd: sure.

#655055 +(986)- [X]

<Heiler> I feel stupid asking this, but how many pints are in a cup?
<Swinky> it depends on how big the cup is
<Heiler> Thanks, suddenly I don't feel so stupid.

#760806 +(1407)- [X]

<[18s]> i accidentally went to 'bach.org' instead of bash
<[18s]> and i found some sweet tunes.

#770001 +(301)- [X]

YukiNagato: As much as I do tend to play games that are generally enjoyed by virginal fat dudes, I wouldn't touch WoW with a ten foot pole.
YukiNagato: It's just that the whole "KILL MONSTERS LEVEL UP. RINSE. REPEAT" thing is kinda old.
Semantic: That's not entirely true. It turns out that many WoW players forget the rinse part.

#778189 +(1118)- [X]

<Glen> hi, I am explorer.exe. sometimes when you are doing anything at all, I will just freeze for ten minutes. All of my brother and sister windows will also freeze, because they are sad for me. Maybe we will come back, maybe not, it will be a surprise!
<Alex> Ohh the suspense
<Glen> it is like a thriller novel
<Alex> A race against time
<Glen> a twisted web of deceit
<Glen> a woman without a past, a detective without a future
<Glen> a file browsing application without proper thread isolation

#789761 +(204)- [X]

<@plik> when life hands you lemons...
<redmatch> bring out the bacardi cola ?

#804976 +(534)- [X]

<Tengu> I can has kitty?
<kjbrasda> i'll mail you one
<kjbrasda> first class
<HyperSquirrel> poke in air holes
<Gibbie> I don't think you should put holes in the kitty

#948541 +(1393)- [X]

<drunkill> fuck printers
<drunkill> I should name mine Bob Marley
<drunkill> Because its always jammin'

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