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#94 +(988)- [X] <iMike-> call tech support and be like yeah my friend stole windows 2000 from officemax and he burned it for me
<iMike-> and it's not working properly
#899 +(170)- [X] <Amanda`> YOUR 'FLOW' IS AKIN TO THAT OF MY NASAL-VOICED 3RD GRADE TEACHER.
#5778 +(501)- [X] <guest> u kno what rules
<guest> introducing girls to pot
<yesue> no lie
<guest> u smoke pot alone with a girl for the first time
<guest> there is a 250% chance of getting laid
#7490 +(249)- [X] <sortof> i slept on a glowstick wrong
#8497 +(465)- [X] <hakan> I hate it when the girl looks into the camera during a blow job. It totally destroys the fourth wall, which is so very important in a porno flick.
#14502 +(68)- [X] <Asaki|MotS> You are not logged in or you do not have permission to access this page, perhaps because you do not have a registered Something Awful Forums account. Here are the instructions detailing how to get your own SA Forums account:
<Friction> Asaki|MotS: you aren't missing much though. just some sexually explict drawings and a rotaing anus with blinking text.
#15999 +(107)- [X] <murderoustroll> what do you guys think.. my freinds mum splits neurons n shit 2night and tells me that its $3 to stay for dinner, $1 to stay the night , prerequisites being that i shower and strip before bed..
<murderoustroll> was i right to swear a heap n leave?
#16195 +(568)- [X] <Dss-tester> nuke u have a real bad additude
<@NitroX> no way, not nuke
<*Nuke> Im a sweetheart you stupid fuck
#16295 +(1075)- [X] * jitspoe attempts to go back to his paper
<DaveMan> BWAHAHAHA
<DaveMan> ALL YOUR CONCENTRATION ARE BELONG TO IRC
<DaveMan> YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO PASS MAKE YOUR BURGER FLIPPING
#22409 +(974)- [X] * TheRiff bricks _404notfound
* _404notfound dodges the brick and throws a ? at TheRiff.
* TheRiff makes a ! barrier
* _404notfound destroys the ! barrier with a &.
* TheRiff traps the & inside a #
* _404notfound summons the % and disperses the #.
* TheRiff opens a @ and sucks in _404notfound and all his weapons
* _404notfound throws down his stupid ASCII symbols and grabs a Glock.
#23056 +(136)- [X] <Cricket> talk about bush then.
<Cricket> the kind you eat, not the kind you vote for.
<pesti> ew, no
<pesti> no political,stuff,
<dUb> lol
<pesti> like, mowing the lawn?
<dUb> I like the george michael clip
<dUb> hihi
<Cricket> yeah, like mowing the lawn.
<pesti> trimming the hedge
<dUb> chocking the snake
<dUb> ...
<pesti> pounding the beaver
<dUb> spanking the monkey
<pesti> dub, you still have a lot to learn if you think that is having sex with a girl
#26692 +(267)- [X] <@Amitlu> errr
<@Amitlu> i mean do
<SpeedyPhoenix> do who?
<SpeedyPhoenix> >.>
<@Amitlu> -_-
* @Amitlu gives Speedy a black guy
<@Amitlu> eye*
<@Amitlu> If you quote me, I'll kill you >.<
#39571 +(93)- [X] <+dilema> that sucked
<@corr> what happened
<+dilema> I spilled coke all over my keyboard
<+dilema> so now i got sticky keys
<+dilema> NO... it's from the coke i swear
<@Lisa[NY]> uh huh
<@corr> haha
<creature> That's what they all say...
<+dilema> please when i am in pr0n mode I bust out the syran wrap to protect my keys
<+dilema> i know better
#40419 +(337)- [X] <bell-chan> i got the little mermaid on dvd
<bell-chan> dude, if you pause it just right when she just gets her legs
<bell-chan> BOOM
<bell-chan> you see nothing
<bell-chan> the only sad thing about that is i tried
#40924 +(147)- [X] <TeichDragon> batir, host a Pr0n site ;)
<batir> hrm... My digital camera is teh sux0r
<Gilthas> Not pr0n of YOU.
<Gilthas> Ew.
<TeichDragon> *shudders*
#46783 +(106)- [X] Dr SpaZZo: Complain about something and I'll one up you.
TwilightKnight00: um i'm cold?
Dr SpaZZo: My laptop power cord is making sparks and at any moment it'll probably light my pants on fire.
TwilightKnight00: heheh thats kinda funny
Dr SpaZZo: I know...
TwilightKnight00: if it does happen
TwilightKnight00: grab your digicam
TwilightKnight00: i want video
#46840 +(325)- [X] <The-Fighter> i'm not a penis-driven tennager, unlike some people in this room
<The-Fighter> *cough*
<BlazeHedgehog> MY PENIS DRIVES ME TO WORK EVERY DAY :D
#47583 +(123)- [X] <@nik0li> SANTA MONICA, Calif. (Wireless Flash) -- A woman in Santa Monica, California, is attempting to lose weight in a manner others may not be able to stomach -- an all-semen diet.
<@nik0li> Starting December 1, a plump porn star named Kim Kelly hopes to lose between 10 and 20 pounds by spending 30 days on a diet consisting largely of semen -- or as she prefers, "man juice."
<@prence_> shit, ill eat my own man-juice if it will help me lose 30 pounds!
#52013 +(24)- [X] <Brainstew> Eww..
<Brainstew> If you think somethign is chocolate on your keyboard, but your not sure...Don't stick it in your mouth.
<Citation> let alone on your penis.
#57143 +(54)- [X] <wankel> can anyone try and get a cd-key for me ive tryed and had no luck its for soldier of fortune 2
<maestro> wankel: can anyone try going to your local wal-mart and BUYING THE DAMN SOFTWARE?
<maestro> if you want to warez it, at least put some effort into it :)
#63076 +(87)- [X] <Affinity> yo
<Affinity> asl?
<ReGnIF> hey sup?
<ReGnIF> 16 m jhb u?
<Affinity> man i was gonna ask, can i ReGniF you backwards....
<ReGnIF> thast my surname
#66197 +(166)- [X] <Jay> the only annoying thing about Perl is there's always at least 10 ways to do the same thing =)
<Ashley> and half of those make absolutely no sense when you come back to the code 30 minutes later
#74719 +(306)- [X] <Isengard> arkenstone: if i (one day) have to get a pacemaker, i'm gonna insist on a serial interface for it ;)
<Isengard> jack meself in at night, check the stats.
<arkenstone> Isengard: my uncle had a ps2 port looking thing in his side
<Isengard> or usb, that way i could recharge ;)
<golgy> run snmp traps
<galahad> golgy: laugh
<golgy> "Warning: Heart not beating"
<galahad> yeah, it would be amusing
<galahad> the coroner could just grep syslog for "fuxor" to determine time of death..
#76467 +(657)- [X] <andy> I want to live in a camaro, not a van.
<WIP> You can't put a waterbed in a camaro.
<andy> that sounds suspiciously like a bet.
#80965 +(242)- [X] <mog> 4/f/kali, ne1 wanna cybar? omglol moms home brb
<mog> er...
<mog> that was supposed to be 14
<mog> either way
#81840 +(195)- [X] [Unforgiven] you needed help to share a printer, and you administer a unix box?
[doot] windows is tough
#98665 +(1094)- [X] <CommanderStab> I remember once this girl was stalking me
<CommanderStab> Some french girl named Olivia
<CommanderStab> And whenever I went online there she was on ICQ or MSN or whatever going "RARGH HELLO ^_^_^_^__^_^" and like being ultra-friendly and like doing nothing but complimenting me on whatever the hell she'd come up with for that day
<CommanderStab> And I was like, whatever but I'll put up with it, praise can be hard to come by
<CommanderStab> And then finally she said she was gonna send me a picture and I was like, YES! My patience has payed off =D
<CommanderStab> And I got the picture and I was like WTF?! This is a guy!!
<CommanderStab> How could I have gone 4 months and NOT realised that the guy's nick was "Oliver", not "Olivia" I'll never know >__<
#105457 +(236)- [X] <fyre> i'd like to meet a CS chick, just once
<fyre> and ask her if she wants a headshot
#106393 +(510)- [X] <evildoer> EXCERRENT
<Kitsa> what are you babbling on about?
<evildoer> EYE BOUGHT A NEW GITARE AND POLICE QUEST + SWAT COLACTIAN
<Kitsa> lol
<Kitsa> ah
<evildoer> IT ES TEHS QUALETY GITIR FOR 5 DOLARS
<Kitsa> flea market?
<evildoer> yas
<Kitsa> what did you barter, your spelling ability?
#106860 +(134)- [X] <Kazimierz> the fast and the furious was full of homoerotic undertones
<Kazimierz> just you couldn't hear them under the loud music and loud car engines
#119582 +(731)- [X] <shroom> wtf your nick is obnoxious
<`_^-_`_^\^|```_-__^_\`_```> so is yours
#122817 +(687)- [X] <Vino> I'd jack off in the middle of a circular buttsex chain for a klondike bar
<Brother_Shinobi> ...
<Tempyst> ...
<Keyse|2> ...
<Muffdan> ...
#125283 +(11949)- [X] <Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/
#162191 +(254)- [X] (+comatosis) I DID IT! my first fucking mod! I took off my video card fan which is puny shit and added a BIG one :P
(+comatosis) how much performance will i gain
(+t0by`) none
#184529 +(26)- [X] sUpRbritt420: im writing a persuasive essay on why the drinking age should be lowered and breathalyzers should be installed in cars while they are being built
sUpRbritt420: how do you write a persuasive essay ------like are you allowed to ask a question?
VV1Z0: Sure
VV1Z0: You can start with a question like "Ever wondered why there are so many underage drinking arrests? Because it's fun, that's why. We should let teenagers get as drunk as they want, so long as they don't hurt others."
#240141 +(205)- [X] <Sphexi_LOTU> Volvo has a new concept car out, designed by women for women.
<Sphexi_LOTU> It has verticle wing-type doors so women won't get their dresses torn when getting out, lots of luggage space for shopping bags, removable seat covers and carpeting so you can remodel the car at will, and extra large visor mirrors for applying makeup.
<Sphexi_LOTU> it's going to be extra reliable and maintenance free, so women won't have to worry about remembering to get the oil changed or the engine tuned up.
<CaesarMaximus> Volvo swedish quality =)
<Tempest_MD> Does it come with a driver?
<Tempest_MD> (women don't know how to drive)
#416916 +(478)- [X] <underground> someone grabbed my ass today in physics
<Ludvig> that's not too bad either
<Ludvig> unless it was a guy
<underground> ...i go to an all boys school
#433016 +(1322)- [X] <ptgenera> do you agree that "baby" is an awesome unit of volume?
<ptgenera> for instance: "That microwave is easily a six-baby unit."
#460330 +(312)- [X] <Blackwolf> i'm visiting my gf in the hospital tomorroy...yay
<ereque> whats up with her?
<altemark> ereque: she managed to dig herself up
#495571 +(1250)- [X] <+sys> diodes are too one-sided
<+fork> on the contrary, my dildos are double-sided
<+fork> diodes. ok
#611062 +(972)- [X] <Alucard> and it was like love at first /whois
#638108 +(852)- [X] <@cypher> I've never seen the name "Tabitha" used outside of porn
<jasper> I have a cousin named Tabitha
<@cypher> Then I've probably seen pictures of her
<jasper> :-\
#663726 +(340)- [X] <drjazz> I don't use an IP address, too dangerous
<DeeTee> yeah, all those websites kept telling me my ip address. was like wtf, so i rang my ISP and asked them to delete it.
<drjazz> indeed, I got that error that my computer was broadcasting an IP address
<drjazz> took care of that shit pronto
<DeeTee> oh hell yeah, cant have that shit out there for those fucking crazies to use.
#671221 +(468)- [X] <Vermilion> So I was pushing a Laserjet in a handtruck, and then I saw this lady pushing a baby in a stroller, and suddenly I felt like such a loser.
#700627 +(1181)- [X] Alcedes53: I've got everything on my computer from Bach to Bad Religion.
Tsukemono5: Clearly, you have a wide variety of music.
Tsukemono5: Seriously. What fits in that range? Backstreet Boys?
#781256 +(733)- [X] <monkeytwizzler> i just tried plugging a serial->ps2 into a ps2->usb1 in order to plug a usb mouse into a laptop with a serial port
<monkeytwizzler> that was like 11 years of technology in one plugin
#809280 +(1785)- [X] Casey: Yeah, writing paper.
Josh: want to be distracted?
Josh: want to play a game?
Casey: Dude...the paper...
Josh: *scizzors beats paper *
Josh: yes I know I misspelled it
Josh: and that
Casey: *pulls out rock*
Josh: *VOLCANO!
Josh: nothing beats volcano
Casey: ASTEROID.
Josh: MAGIC!!!
Casey: BLACK HOLE!
Josh: WHITE HOLE!
Casey: PATRIOT ACT!
Josh: not white house you phail
Casey: No, no, no. *Nothing* beats the Patriot Act, although I'm sure the ACLU is working very hard on it.
Josh: fine
Josh: ANARCHY
Casey: TOTALITARIAN STATE
Josh: EMMANUEL GOLDSTEIN
Casey: STALIN
Josh: DEATH
Casey: RELIGION
Josh: RATIONAL THOUGHT
Casey: FUNDIES
Josh: NOISE CANCELING HEADPHONES
Casey: PEOPLE WITNESSING AT YOUR HOUSE
Josh: SHOTGUN
Casey: BOMBS
Josh: PATRIOT ACT
#826340 +(948)- [X] <apples> the program 'apt-get' is currently not installed. You can install it by typing: apt-get install apt
<fuchoo> lol
#826358 +(2046)- [X] <Hef> correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't holy water just water that has a prayer said over it?
<Tribolthree> holy water is water blessed by a priest, nothing special or added -_- technically he could bless the water coming from a pipe
<Tribolthree> so like you could have a fountain of holy water
<Hef> the priest would probably get tired of the constant blessing
<Hef> and run out of mana
#845468 +(3428)- [X] <piercings> A programmer started to cuss
<piercings> Because getting to sleep was a fuss
<piercings> As he lay there in bed
<piercings> Looping 'round in his head
<piercings> was: while(!asleep()) sheep++;
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