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#51 +(1009)- [X]

<UncleJed> the government should split up efnet
<UncleJed> not that efnet doesn't split enough as it is

#793 +(92)- [X]

(arrogant) you wont see a pussy until your 35 and your wife is ready for her cherry to be busted

#1537 +(58)- [X]

<qbpsawk> but try saying
<qbpsawk> "ID LIKE TO BUY A FAG" in a bar in america
<qbpsawk> and you see what happens
<qbpsawk> :D
<St-Knight> Well if I was the bartender I'd know to give the guy a cigarette.
* slow wants to buy a pack of fags
<Rivers> i'd like to burn a pack of fags

#1600 +(543)- [X]

#3917 +(89)- [X]

* FlipTopBx crosses his fingers
<FlipTopBx> pleeeease snow.  ;-)
<mightyflo> people have stuff to do tomorrow. stuff they've been looking forward to for a long time. snow would be bad.
<FlipTopBx> oh, that party is tomorrow, isn't it.
<FlipTopBx> where's he live?
<mightyflo> the land of kirk
<FlipTopBx> i'll make arrangements for it not to snow in that area then

#4274 +(207)- [X]

<DeX`> i could eat a 4lb london broil and have room left for a small chinese woman
<Damaceles> after you ate her you'd have to eat again in an hour

#4618 +(53)- [X]

<Toen[hw]> so when you inherited one and a half x and half a y, you realized "Oooh, that little timmy kid's got a tight ass"

#5863 +(2921)- [X]

<mp> i am convinced i am a woman
<Oreoboros> mp: Why's that?
<mp> cuz i went to bed bath and beyond for a shower curtain and left with $700 worth of shit
<mp> and i had to go back because i realized after i checked out that i forgot to buy a fucking shower curtain

#5874 +(810)- [X]

<Synoptica> having some major sound issues with gta
<Synoptica> cant think of why either
<bytraper> prolly because your gay
<Synoptica> yeah that's right
<Synoptica> gta has detected that i'm gay and adjusted it's performance accordingly

#6197 +(268)- [X]

<barkode:#916> i'm a fan of real time irc.
<barkode:#916> not this playing-chess-via-postal-mail-to-uzbekistan irc strategy kubla has

#6777 +(833)- [X]

<FindUrFire> how old are you rad,alone?
<SUPER--RAD> i'm 22 years old alone & with others i'm still 22

#8211 +(319)- [X]

<IMP-Scott> Transferred: rzr-wc3.017 15,000,000 bytes in 1.60 (9,143.84 KB/Sec)
<IMP-Scott> my local Box
<IMP-Scott> whooohoooo
<IMP-Scott> 100Mbit
<JtHM> WOW! YOU MUST HAVE A GIGANTIC PENIS !
<IMP-Scott> errrr?
<dt|BadAss> lol

#9386 +(226)- [X]

(gENERIC) who the hell came up with the word twat?
(gENERIC) that's the suavest thing i've heard next to love-tunnel

#11841 +(555)- [X]

<iNoah> "hi, I'm a lisp virus.  please read me with an emacs mail reader and eval me."
<moof> (defun email-virus-hook 'my-virus)
<iNoah> s/defun /add-hook '/
<kermit> Noah takes defun out of everything.

#15528 +(158)- [X]

<`Stevie> missed a great weekend fire
<firemoo> i coudln't possibly have had a better weekend
<`Stevie> get laid?
<firemoo> even better!
<firemoo> irc :]

#16744 +(42)- [X]

<Joelz> im gonna savet hgis log so I can prove im drunk

#23452 +(606)- [X]

<chao> he and his wife were going to open a ranch for disabled children
<donna> can they graze there?

#26642 +(452)- [X]

losercmc: I'm going to kill splintercell, or at least get banned trying
Sgtsnowman85: yea u should
Sgtsnowman85: if i had enough money i'd fly to his city and track him down
Sgtsnowman85: and lick his ass
Sgtsnowman85: AH!
losercmc: hahaha
Sgtsnowman85: kick!
Sgtsnowman85: omg

#26659 +(129)- [X]

<Gartuff|VivaLasVegas> so far my record is like 10+ trips to vegas, without ever getting married

#30504 +(247)- [X]

<+emul8or_> http://www.nylug.org/images/adler_images/linux_nylug_booth.jpg
<+kritical`> damn look at them linux people
<+kritical`> are they ever gonna get a woman???
<+emul8or_> maybe if they pool their money

#34660 +(91)- [X]

<DentArthur> i took it a step further with the super glue in mouth incident :)
<milenko17> DentArthur: it could be worse you could superglue your foreskin together
<DentArthur> milenko17: it'd keep my KB cleaner :)

#36514 +(657)- [X]

<dOink> brb gotta drop the kids off at the pool
<dOink> i mean... i gotta shit
dOink (dOink@vw27711.pacific.net.au) is now known as dOi[fOOd]
<logicalentity> wtf?!
<logicalentity> food?!
<logicalentity> I thought...
* logicalentity runs away screaming

#38539 +(366)- [X]

<+JerryGodd> last time i lost internet i made a kid

#38787 +(198)- [X]

<+Ava|anch3> i was just banned from a hacker channel
<+Ava|anch3> i told him in german that i am his god
<+Ava|anch3> and he understood it
<+Ava|anch3> then i told him i loved him
<+Ava|anch3> and he loves me
[+cerb] hehehe
<+Ava|anch3> now hes packeting me :/

#39277 +(159)- [X]

<Blackmail> I didn't learn to masturbate until I was 17... up until then I always thought 'masturbation' was a type of pasta dish they served in fancy restaurants

#42100 +(133)- [X]

<namesis> HELLO GUYS SPEAK ME ASS HOLES PLEASE AND FAST OR I LEAVE

#42383 +(389)- [X]

<Nailbomb> ugggh, I swear I'm gonna be seeing pixels for the next week, can't wait to hit the beach tomorrow
<Demigoat> yeah
<Demigoat> so you can look at the sand
<Demigoat> and go
<Demigoat> "hmm, those look like pixels"

#46421 +(650)- [X]

<gbp> er det noen som har Silence Of The Lambs
<dortch> i have silence of the lambs
<dortch> but i dont know what the fuck you just said

#49462 +(212)- [X]

<energize> i just cant' think of anything to code
<pantherqs> code some porn
<energize> how the fuck do you code porn?
<Linkadmin> haha I wish I knew
<Linkadmin> but it would be cool... a random porn scene generator
<pantherqs> that'd be sweet... have the program randomly insert a chick's body with randomly generating tit size, hair color, shaved or not shaved.. then have a whole slew of randomly chosen actions... suck, fuck, bukakke.... oh man. i wish i could code.

#56107 +(169)- [X]

CcLpRPG:  it was like, my friend saw a chick at the movies, but she had a boyfriend  
CcLpRPG:  My friend says, screw him  
CcLpRPG:  I say, you screw him, i'll screw her

#57198 +(377)- [X]

<ecs> i heard ass and i came as fast as i could
<ecs> oh man...
<ecs> i just realized how terrible that sounded

#62344 +(334)- [X]

<+reality|> i love jesus but i couldn't eat a whole one

#86049 +(35)- [X]

<Squinky> Where the hell is sumez.
<Jim> Using an anonymous vagina, as are most Danish guys.
<Squinky> Do they not have VD there or something?
<Jim> They are VD.
<Squinky> So it's really Danish guys ravaging my penis right now?
<Jim> Most likely...Did you stick it into a Danish girl?
<Squinky> I think I used a breakfast danish to masturbate the other day...
<Jim> Pff, obviously that's what it is.
<Jim> You're supposed to use AMERICAN pie.

#113319 +(641)- [X]

<Ratzilla> I rest my cake.

#136523 +(170)- [X]

<fry> if there's one thing i really hate
<fry> ...it's animosity

#187595 +(1167)- [X]

* Snake is now known as Snake|Food
* Magus steals snakes food
* Snake|Food is now known as Snake|
<Magus> lol
<Magus> score!
* Snake| is now known as Snake[[Food]]
<@Snake[[Food]]> it's in a cage
<@Snake[[Food]]> leave alone
<Magus> fux

#189605 +(2617)- [X]

<sjh> I'm bored, someone entertain me.
* GeminiGirl hands sjh a pretty girl to play with
<sjh> What's her name?
<GeminiGIrl> candy
<sjh> Candy is a sluts name.
<GeminiGirl> um... natalie then
<sjh> I only know one Natalie, and she's a stupid bitch
<GeminiGirl> :/ my name is natalie
<sjh> Yeah, I know. You're the only Natalie I know.

#237410 +(2623)- [X]

<foo> Damn, more spam invading my inbox
<Aviator> Nooooobody expects the Spammer's Imposition!
<Aviator> Our two weapons are offshore servers and feeble laws. Feeble laws and offshore servers.
<Aviator> And fake headers. Our THREE weapons are offshore servers, feeble laws and fake headers.
<Aviator> And gulliable horny lamers. Our FOUR weapons are... I'll come in again.
-!- Aviator [dsm@mimas] has quit [Come, Cardinal Bigglesworth!]
-!- Aviator [dsm@mimas] has joined #chat
<foo> Riiiiiight...
* Aviator tortures foo with the comfy V14Gr/ and the soft Debt Consolidation

#259320 +(744)- [X]

<helv> WHAT THE FUCK
<helv> a giant mini egg just drove past my house

#294926 +(481)- [X]

*** MindWreck (sifu98@ip3e835487.speed.planet.nl) has joined channel #asianpop
11:07 <MindWreck> !list
11:07 <poeham>  --- #asianpop :You're not channel operator
11:07 <poeham> :(
11:08 * poeham was ready to kick that time :(
11:08 <poeham> hey you
11:08 <poeham> LEAVE
*** MindWreck has left channel #asianpop
11:08 <poeham> $$
11:08 * poeham is just as effective from the sidelines

#342833 +(2250)- [X]

<Rach> when i get my old puter back i'll send you some songs
<Olly> What happened to it?
<Rach> i broke it
<Olly> On purpose? 
<Rach> i wouldnt say PURPOSE
<Rach> just stupidly
<Olly> Ahh
<Olly> So you do know exatly what's wrong with it?
<Rach> yeah, it's full of water

#420275 +(1927)- [X]

<ColdRage687> do you like psychiatry
<Avs4Cup2K3> my mom's a psychiatrist
<ColdRage687> i dont
<ColdRage687> i used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body
<ColdRage687> but then i realized
<ColdRage687> pssssh
<ColdRage687> look whats telling me that

#422766 +(512)- [X]

<RuKK> people bitched at me to learn a foreign language so I learned perl

#445539 +(381)- [X]

<mattbuck> !pball
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> i would start by kissin you softly on your lips
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> whilst undoin your shirt
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> then i wud move down your neck and start kissing your chest
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> all the while i woould be undoin your belt and your trousers
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> i would then rekease your long hard throbbin cock from your underware
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> and move my tongue down from your chest to your waist onto your penix
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> *penis
<mattbuck> not that one AGAIN!
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> then i wud give u the best head of your life
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> and i will let your imagination take you from there
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> NOW can i have my ops back?

#491589 +(708)- [X]

< mine9> 231,212 people or communities on LJ that list "sleeping" as an interest
< mine9> 1.03 million for music
< mine9> 324,420 for computers
< mine9> and a measly 196,490 for sex
< mine9> talk about boring people...
< nub> that's because they're on livejournal. look up "masturbation"

#522754 +(1747)- [X]

<Trin[awah]> I was dyeing easter eggs, and I said, "my eggs came out all ugly!"
<Trin[awah]> and my brother said to me, "well, now you know how your mother feels."

#585651 +(1165)- [X]

durandal: see, a whore is a girl who sleeps with everyone... a bitch is a girl who sleeps with everyone but you

#603994 +(882)- [X]

<Roladex> i was just talking to some girl about bdsm
<Roladex> turns out she thought it was buddhism

#645874 +(586)- [X]

(@Morkoth) i drove over a man changing his tire on the highway once
(@Morkoth) they never caught me
([P]Rhea) *The FBI monitors all channels on IRC*
(@Morkoth) fucker ruined my suspension
(@Morkoth) Did I say drove over? I meant got out and helped
(@Morkoth) yep helped him change the tire
(@Morkoth) after setting off regulation flares, and parking 3 meters from the bumpber and activating my four way signals

#822005 +(1075)- [X]

<kumaro> i got home for a terrible day at work so i decided to take a quick shower.
<kumaro> so i got in, took my clothes off and turned the shower on
<kumaro> like usual, i danced around and made a mohawk with my hair
<kumaro> it was going great until i let out a big rip
<kumaro> man, it was horrible
<kumaro> im not even kidding
<kumaro> i coulndt take the smell so i was held my breath
<kumaro> after maybe 40 secs, i gasped for air not realizing the shower was still on
<kumaro> so i inhaled a lot of water right
<kumaro> i was coughing like crazy then BAM!
<kumaro> i slipped on the shampoo bottle and hit my head on the side of the bathtub and i was knocked out cold
<kumaro> to make a long story short, i woke up 40 mins later naked with my mom slapping me in the face telling me to wake up.
<dvo> wow, that sounds really kinky
<kumaro> talk about a horrible day

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