#1119 +(830)- [X]
<iMike> monty python would be funny if nerds hadnt invented an entire subculture devoted to quoting it
#1837 +(282)- [X]
<barkode> you don't even want to be in the same area code as me after indian food
#2559 +(1022)- [X]
<gb> BlackDeth: have you ever tasted your own jizz?
<BlackDeth> or anybody elses jizz for that matter
<BlackDeth> i've shot jizz in my eye
<BlackDeth> but i wasn't aiming
<BlackDeth> so i dont feel as bad
<gb> sure you werent
<BlackDeth> no i mean there was somebody else at the controls
<blazemore> did he apologize
#3770 +(555)- [X]
<kolby> man I am getting layed so many times this weekend
<kolby> I don't care how tired my hand gets.
#3806 +(332)- [X]
*** Parts: GiRLiE (~email@example.com)
* Xta-C sets mode: -stupid
#6514 +(258)- [X]
<monami> hm, these girls sure are fat
<QJ> where where?
<monami> can you look at pictures of fat naked girls wherever you are?
<QJ> it's in my contract
#8704 +(705)- [X]
<prower> check out what i put on e-bay
<tom_> oh god
<tom_> are you trying to sell your sister again
<tom_> i keep telling you its illegal
#10284 +(1180)- [X]
<AnalInvasion> my dick is so big it has feet
<NinjaInThePants> my dick is so big popcorn now comes in small, medium, large, and my dick.
#10684 +(187)- [X]
<mag8|iron^^> I really want to masturbate. All of my friends are doing it. But there is a problem: I am a Roman Catholic, and my religion considers it a sin. I want to do it one time — where should I do it, and how can I make it the most
#11353 +(1036)- [X]
<guyen> holy shit i'm not going to be home this weekend, i have an online exam i have to take, but i'll be in LA
<guyen> there's a wedding going on so i won't be able to exactly just do it at my relative's house
<guyen> i'm looking for cybercafes and crap, the only thing i can find is some place called Yogi's Cyber Hut
<guyen> holy fuck i can't believe i'm depending on Yogi for my midterm grade
<xan> at least he's smarter than the average bear
#12078 +(651)- [X]
Jammer sticks a pistol up Meeko's butt and shoots a few rounds into her.
<Meeko> NO! MY GERBILS!
Meeko cries as gerbils plop out
#12261 +(155)- [X]
<liqshot|GreenZ> only thing more superior then the white man is an albino white man
<liqshot|GreenZ> the whitest man of all
#13936 +(33)- [X]
<V|-Nicotine> cog, i think u should go and be eaten in third world countries :P
#14502 +(132)- [X]
<Asaki|MotS> You are not logged in or you do not have permission to access this page, perhaps because you do not have a registered Something Awful Forums account. Here are the instructions detailing how to get your own SA Forums account:
<Friction> Asaki|MotS: you aren't missing much though. just some sexually explict drawings and a rotaing anus with blinking text.
#15956 +(886)- [X]
<mrm> i hate realplayer
<lummie> its good for cartoons
<mrm> but it crawls deep into the anus of my computer
<mrm> and hides there eternally
<mrm> until i least expect it
<JtHM> your computer has an anus?!
<Fesh> realplayer installs it
#16923 +(307)- [X]
<MrPuppy> like 3 hours ago
<MrPuppy> i was wankin to porn and i just got up
<MrPuppy> my door was open and my parents have been walkin around
<MrPuppy> they prolly saw me
<MrPuppy> i heard them laughing
#17346 +(137)- [X]
<harb> I'm good at designing things, usually.
<harb> Implemting is another matter. :|
<harb> Implementing. blah.
<homeslice> Spelling also poses a problem.
#20220 +(238)- [X]
<_ohm> sara, as a girl i have to ask you a serious question
<_ohm> do you know when a guy is producing massive amounts of ass sweat
#25385 +(1730)- [X]
<sutna> You wouldn't think that not knowing the difference between a cupboard and a drawer could break apart a family.
<Seeker> It can?
<sutna> When I was like 6 my mom bought my grandmom a present on my behalf for her birthday. She told me it was in the cupboard and I should go fetch it for granny.
<Seeker> I can see where this is going..
<sutna> So granny is sitting on the couch waiting for her present and I looked in the drawer instead of the cupboard , I came running out the room holding a huge black ribbed dildo.
<Seeker> Well I feel sorry for you but you won't be offended if I piss myself laughing?
<sutna> spose not
<Seeker> WA HA AH AAHA AHA AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
#30558 +(106)- [X]
<HansonSis> oh, screw the japanese...they knew what they did the moment they did it, and they'll never do it again....bombing them would be a waste of a good bomb....drop it on people who don't know we mean business yet3
<MalkavsWisdom> Yeah.. those damn ethiopians.
#36731 +(175)- [X]
<C4ndl3s> I'm Back
<DirtyMexican> oh god no!
* Quits: DirtyMexican (DirtyMexic@CPE-144-132-225-105.nsw.bigpond.net.au) (Quit: )
<BenZor> i needed to talk to him too, thanks C4ndl3s
#45796 +(709)- [X]
*** Guest_011 (firstname.lastname@example.org) has joined #movies-n-games
*** PlayMate sets mode: +b guest*!*@*.*
*** Guest_011 was kicked by PlayMate (No Guest**** nicks here, type " /nick newnick " to get a real nick and come back)
*** newnick (email@example.com) has joined #movies-n-games
#46313 +(410)- [X]
Rangsk: I'm watching a movie and I hit some key by accident... dunno which
Rangsk: and all the sudden something seems... not right
Rangsk: after about a minute I realize that the sound is going 2x as fast but the video is still going 1x
Rangsk: and I'm like... wtf... why would someone program that as a FEATURE?
#46324 +(642)- [X]
<w|zzy> had to help sister in the shower
<w|zzy> as in she couldn't get it hot enouguh
#47599 +(447)- [X]
<pandabob> Dude, you want to catch bin Laden? Open an account in his name at Blockbuster, and don't return a few DVDs.
<pandabob> *That'll* catch Bin Laden.
#49978 +(311)- [X]
<via_> okay, so my white trashiness knows no bounds
<via_> my dad had to thaw out the turkey quickly
<via_> so guess how he does it?
<concaf> deep fry?
<via_> he throws a 25lbs turkey in the spa for 20 minutes
<Wevah> GET YOUR FLAME THROWERS OUT
<via_> worked like a charm
#50804 +(255)- [X]
<SteamedHams> heroin should be more widespread. it's like an off button for morons
#53448 +(162)- [X]
[@ToastyX] I almost typed cd / to try to leave a channel
#58067 +(170)- [X]
<ace> type //run c:\con\con
*** voonilla (firstname.lastname@example.org) Quit (Read error to voonilla: Connection reset by peer)
*** voonilla (email@example.com) has joined #3GIMPS
<voonilla> fark yew
<voonilla> i had to like pull my computer out of the wall
<voonilla> coz this fatal action thing wouldnt go away
<voonilla> and my computer wont turn off if u push the button
<voonilla> coz if u shut it down it turns off by itself and shit
<voonilla> and so I HAD TO PULL IT OUT OF THE FUCKING WALL
<voonilla> AND ITS ALL UR FUCKING FAULT
#60140 +(508)- [X]
<DeeCee> they made white chocolate so little black kids could get messy too
#60371 +(524)- [X]
* Stan (Stan@dhcp024-209-052-025.neo.rr.com) has joined #techfreax
<Stan> what's c++?
<hypnetric> it's a rap artist
<Stan> he's good?
<hypnetric> lives in chicago
<Klone> He's almost as good as Java.
<hypnetric> yeah java owns
<Stan> do i compare to any of them?
<Klone> No, dude. Java is hardcore.
#80147 +(177)- [X]
Quit» (ZoK) (ZoK@vw22962.iprimus.net.au) (Exit: I LIKE TO GO DOWN TO THE DOG POUND AND PRETEND I'VE FOUND MY DOG, THEN I TELL THEM TO KILL HIM ANYWAY BECAUSE I ALREADY THREW AWAY ALL HIS STUFF. DOG PEOPLE SURE DONT HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR.)
#81929 +(471)- [X]
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love meh gf
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love saying that i have a gf
<ViPeR`> i have a gf too :D
<ViPeR`> i love her too :)
<[AoS]Albatros> YEAH I HAVE A GEFORCE TOO AND I LOVE THAT GRAPHICS CARD gawddamnit
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> my gf is a real person alba, not some piece of hardware thats shocks the shit out of your dick when it gives you head
<[AoS]Albatros> Nice idea
#85967 +(270)- [X]
<Dave2|Laptop> <-- That is disgusting.
<GroovyPigThang> !addquote <Dave2|Laptop> <-- That is disgusting.
#136992 +(229)- [X]
<Pedsdude> i said this:
<Pedsdude> friends should be here any min. so i will not be on until tuesday
<Pedsdude> it translated to this in dutch:
<Pedsdude> Vrienden zouden hier enig min moeten zijn. Zo zal ik op tot Dinsdag niet zijn
<Pedsdude> it translated back to this in english:
<Pedsdude> Friends will here simply wet nurse must be. As will I on until Tuesday are not
<[WS]DeMoNiTe> wtf? LOL
#167145 +(248)- [X]
<@maroo> I jumped off a bridge into a river once... they asked me what I was doing... I told them I was LARPing a fish.
#168917 +(539)- [X]
Kirby: So like this one time I was fucking this dude in the ass and then I threw up on his back.
ZAn3Yt: I didn't now you were gay Kirby...
katchup: He isn't, that was a shakespeare quote.
#244675 +(390)- [X]
<HF> uhm... from CNET Shopping... This Western Digital Raptor WD360GD .... Its data transfer rate of 150 megabits-per-second is relatively fast, compared to the typical hard drive.
<HF> This Western Digital Caviar SE WD2500JD .... Compared to a typical hard drive, its data transfer rate of 150 megabits-per-second is relatively slow.
<HF> This Western Digital Caviar SE WD1200JD .... Compared to a typical hard drive, its data transfer rate of 150 megabits-per-second is fairly standard.
<HF> Well at least they cover all the bases
<HF> "Goldie Locks and the Three Hard Drives"
#257898 +(397)- [X]
<TehTipper> what do u call bread made by a buffalo?
#393209 +(1007)- [X]
<Matrix_McCloud> i can't imagine sticking anything in your mouth farther than like 4 inches
<Matrix_McCloud> without puking
<Oolong> you have to do it a certain way
<Oolong> if you line your throat up right it just slides in
<Oolong> or if his schlong is bent downwars
<Matrix_McCloud> then if it touches the edge, your nose lights up red and beeps
#419746 +(41)- [X]
<worstazn> yo i need to find a new bitch..
<mejmanyme> k i have a plan
<mejmanyme> you running windows or linux?
<mejmanyme> k, hit start and then "run"
<mejmanyme> type in "cmd"
<mejmanyme> after commandprompt opens
<mejmanyme> type currentbitch /release
<mejmanyme> then currentbitch /renew
<mejmanyme> now type currentbitch /all and send the results
#449852 +(902)- [X]
<weht> hahaha this morning i was listening to the radio on the bus, and they were like 'its time for the not-so-impossible question. what do the first 7 gifts in the 12 days of christmas have in common?'
<weht> and this dude calls in and is like 'they are all birds' and they say 'yay you win you get this gay prize'
<weht> and i called in and said 'um, how long have 5 golden rings been birds?' and they said 'oh shit, we screwed that up'
#735628 +(766)- [X]
Jeff: I love microsoft office
Eric-san: I love girls, weirdo
Jeff: then get a girlfriend
Eric-san: I never said they love me
Jeff: there is always someone out there.
Jeff: even adolf hitler had a girlfriend...c'mon
Eric-san: Best. Justification. Ever
#759974 +(191)- [X]
<mranostay> I have this dream of hiring a hooker, and when she asks what I want done, one word "Cronjob".
#789388 +(1517)- [X]
<Duskmon> It must have blown to be one of the first outsiders to convert to Christianity.
<Duskmon> Like, you're reading through the Bible for the first time, and then a bunch of Hebrews burst into your Church shouting "CAIN KILLS ABEL IN GENESIS FOUR VERSE EIGHT!"
#807716 +(152)- [X]
<Zyrjello> Cancer patients are incapable of being nasty.
<Zyrjello> It's a law of life.
<MrPicso> I hope I get cancer so I can prove you wrong.
#846801 +(1846)- [X]
<fugi> when mccain wins the election and invades iran, do we get to yell "Monopoly!" and put hotels across iraq, iran and afghanistan?
#866224 +(2267)- [X]
[dcg] I love how someone links a picture of a woman with a penis and it turns into a discussion about monitor resolution
#904301 +(4654)- [X]
<massacre> Rosti, can I ask you something as a close friend?
<Rosti_LFC> you could ask me something as a complete stranger, but go ahead
<massacre> Do you reckon Emma would go out with me if I asked her?
<Rosti_LFC> ask her yourself?
<massacre> no fucking way until I get a second opinion
<Daz> dude she's in the channel
<massacre> no she isn't
<Rosti_LFC> yeah she is mate, look up
<Rosti_LFC> she got op'd yesterday
<massacre> PLAN B
<massacre> spam the channel
<massacre> with text
<massacre> so it goes
<massacre> off her scrollback
* massacre has quit (PLAN C!!!)
<Audia> I'm going to go install Windows 7 right now
<Audia> so I'll be offline for a bit
<Audia> if he gets the balls to come back in here in the meantime tell him the answer is yes
* Audia has quit (QUIT)
<Rosti_LFC> that was some hardcore nerd courtship ritual right there
<Daz> Oh man, I wish I could fuck up asking a girl out that badly and still succeed
#961647 +(105)- [X]
<Shoe> Saw the back of a semi-cab today.
<Shoe> It had the text: Jesus Never Tapped Out
<The_Purple_Bunny> No but he did get pinned.