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#278 +(289)- [X]

*** Joins: SLiPMaTT` (slippy@I.get.my.STDs.from.the.girls.at.geishagarden.com)

#1156 +(408)- [X]

<Viscant> hey, i learned a lot from loveline
<Viscant> if a chick has thin white worms coming out of the tang, don't go down there
<Viscant> thanks dr. drew!
<ceddar> thin white worms means everything is a-ok
<ise> ew thin white worms?
<ise> WTF are those
<ruin-> im wondering the sameeeeeee thing...
<ceddar> my policy is if the girl has anything coming out, thin white worms, little black worms, tigers, bears, anything coming out from there, im dropping her off back at her house
<Viscant> oh yeah. and the one about the guy who only wanted to go down on his girl during "that time of the month"
<Dasrik> the one that i wished i could just reach across the phone and bitchslap
<Dasrik> like
<Dasrik> "i just sucked a guy off, and i swallowed. can i get pregnant?"

#4037 +(14)- [X]

<ftstjohn_> 6" long and 4 1/2" thick bald penis
<ftstjohn_> looking for a girl to watch me masterbate in real life

#4420 +(119)- [X]

<Hell_Patrol> to win the game, you must kill me... john romero

#5028 +(342)- [X]

<myles> i jus wanna go to court and b on the plantiff side for once

#5113 +(436)- [X]

<reub> if i ever met you guys in real life i would never touch your rulers

#6566 +(64)- [X]

<goatbustar> the church sex scandal: what would jesus do
<goatbustar> turn the other cheek

#6982 +(150)- [X]

<zoner> anyone know the content-type for a .exe
<ZXPKNOBB> It's content-type is "fun".

#7845 +(431)- [X]

....  I love the way Microsoft follows standards.  In much the same manner
that fish follow migrating caribou.
  -- Paul Tomblin, alt.sysadmin.recovery

#7885 +(1558)- [X]

<Halcr0> If I had a knife, I'd shoot you

#8213 +(130)- [X]

<gamma8> well i hope you enjoy it then!
<c0c0nutz> thanks G8, I hope so too cause honestly.. I rather be on bed right now
* gamma8 feels like an important summit of industrialised nations
<gamma8> that's the sort of thing that gives you a nice warm and fuzzy feeling inside... :)

#9989 +(368)- [X]

<Bearsy> hehehe... you dont really NEED pants.. they're just a nice to have
<rik0> i only have them for the pockets

#11620 +(397)- [X]

<Astroboy> Im going to murder the next girl I ever hear make some comment about being over weight.
<Astroboy> Unless the girl is like 500 pounds.
<Trinity> I am so over weight.
<Astroboy> Trinity way to be a absurdly difficult distance away for me to murder you.

#15353 +(2738)- [X]

<Hvatti> MY CAPS-LOCK IS ON AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT OFF.. CAN ANYONE HELP ME???
<[DoD]Xiao> typ capslock button :P
<aegis> Hvatti: hold down shift while writing instead...^^
<Hvatti> hey that shift-thing works thx!!!
<Hvatti> but it*s pretty difficult to write while holding a shift:::
<Lilly-> omg
<Lilly-> Hvatti find "caps lock" key and press it once
<Lilly-> number 3 from bottom left
<Hvatti> where can i find it
<Tiger> hehe :D
<aegis> at the left of your keyboard
<Hvatti> ok thanx::
<Hvatti> YES IT WORKED!!!
<Lilly-> aamm
<aegis> apparently it didn't
<Lilly-> lol
<Hvatti> CAN I NOW RELEASE THE SHIFT?
<aegis> yes
<aegis> you have to release the shift.
<Lilly-> omg how sweet !!
<Hvatti> like this?
* Lilly- faints
<aegis> yep, just like that

#17871 +(146)- [X]

<Anton> Facial stabbing. Oozing blood. Shotgun vaginally inserted. Brains splatter over the wall. GrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!
<Anton> is a good death metal track

#23383 +(256)- [X]

DoYouKnow: Anyone know how to describe the sequence 0.1666, 0.06666, 0.016666, 0.006666, etc, it would be greatly appreciated
  Polytope: "useless"

#29291 +(520)- [X]

<acetylcholine> if it's 2 things i hate it's racial profiling and arabs on my airplane

#33624 +(136)- [X]

<Fat-Burrick> icq is a sentient being that wants to take over the world by pissing me off

#33641 +(134)- [X]

<evLvsJim> scientest jed wants to battle 
<evLvsJim> what scientist is called jed?

#36582 +(15)- [X]

<NuttO> I feel bad whenever I run a search on my nick.
<NuttO> The fact that I feel bad that I'm not on a database of IRC quotes makes me feel worse.
<NuttO> It's a downward spiral.

#37315 +(831)- [X]

<Requiem> wtf r u talkin bout, i droped englsh cuz it suks
<Nolan> As shown by your crappy spelling, you probably should have stayed with it.
<Requiem> fuk u, ur all gay
*** Requiem has quit IRC (FUK U NOLIN)

#40533 +(102)- [X]

<Miss^Katie> whats the kinkiest thing you've ever done
<rachhh> well before i had my first bisexual experience, i was smoking pot, and my boyfriend was licking me out and then he got my dog and my dog was licking me
<Miss^Katie> what was that like?
<rachhh> it was really good
<rachhh> i dont think i would have done it if i knew about it though
<rachhh> you ever done anything like that?
<Miss^Katie> ummm not with animals

#42150 +(618)- [X]

<Brentai> "Quake traps children in Italy school, 3 die"  Something needs to be done about those violent video games!

#47941 +(560)- [X]

<pagan> have you ever sneezed while taking a shit?
<pagan> explosive reaction, to say the least
<goatgirl> you even been inside a woman when she sneezes?
<goatgirl> major vagina clench
<Juxta> yay for vagina clentch
<goatgirl> i usually sneeze 5 times in a row
<goatgirl> just think, 5 vaginal clenches is quick succession
<pagan> im gonna throw ground peper in my wifes face tonight when im fucking her :D
<goatgirl> hahahah

#48857 +(87)- [X]

<holden>i missed 30 days of school last year
<ZeroX>y?
<holden>i wanted to stay home and play cs

#49377 +(132)- [X]

<Howard> My wife keeps getting sales calls on her cell.
<Howard> I picked it up this afternoon and told the salesperson "I need two things from you."
<Howard> "First, I need you to put me on the no-call list."
<Howard> "Second, I need your credit card number so I can charge you for calling me on this cell phone."
<Howard> They fell all over themselves apologizing and hung up.

#50053 +(335)- [X]

<@Loki^> damn birds
<@Loki^> make too much noise
<@_zOmbIE_> watercool them

#50229 +(104)- [X]

<@BlackOps> i dont know if my friend was joking or not
<@BlackOps> but today he was talking about this matrix porn or something with people flying, fighting and having sex
<@BlackOps> on kazaa
<@BlackOps> imma try to find it
<Rigel> LOL
<@BlackOps> success!

#50873 +(183)- [X]

Christian[LG]: install windows ME or take cyanide, which is the better suicide option ?
Mouce: ME
True|Fogge: ME makes you take cyanide
kronny: nah cyanide, it dont take over an hour to take effect

#71964 +(579)- [X]

liz: you know if love was measured in kb's ...it would take HOURS for me to upload my love for you.
mikey: *taps your forehead* that's because of your small upstream bandwidth dear.
mikey: <3
liz: hahahhahahhahahhaha
liz: god i love it when you talk dorky to me
mikey: also, i seem to be dropping syn packets.
mikey: i suspect a collision somewhere on your train of thought.
liz: ping www.loveformikey.com
mikey: host not found :-(

#79798 +(1793)- [X]

<hamoom> man, this is great, 450 hp, sleek design, sleek interior, this is going to be my new car
<mrmin123> cars have hit points?

#81837 +(391)- [X]

[tiger_yamato] I like to get ebooks on my emulated palm pilot
[tiger_yamato] It's sad when you think about it
[tiger_yamato] I'm using my computer to emulate a palm pilot to emulate a book..
[tiger_yamato] And I work at a LIBRARY of all things
[mappyman] haha! now THATS funny
[tiger_yamato] People tell me this book is great, or that book is great
[tiger_yamato] And I come home and download it

#88600 +(245)- [X]

<Fredrik23> Wirre? ASL?
<wirre> sorry....only isdn

#98061 +(308)- [X]

Lawyer-Acidbuk has 11 fingers
<Lawyer-Acidbuk> 10 on my hand and one....*shuts up*
<LatinoReheat> up your ass?

#106198 +(67)- [X]

<Mystical> what black super hero movie have u seen
<Mystical> meteor man was
<Oolong> shaft
<Mystical> umm
<Oolong> wait
<Tenchi147> meteor man
<Oolong> is he a super hero
<Oolong> i consider shaft to be a superhero
<Oolong> or at least one bad mutha

#166363 +(591)- [X]

<Enigma> Anyone know what resolution our eyes run at?

#176068 +(223)- [X]

<sekira> it was like 4 PM and my friends grandma msg'd him on aim
<sekira> and she asked if he was still busy doing his homework.
<sekira> I was really bored, so I went on his comp and said "wtf?" and she replied: "wait til five?"

#187930 +(608)- [X]

Flint62704: Maybe someone should invent floating point D&D
Flint62704: Roll a d[1,6]
Flint62704: I got 4.4546347578554!
Flint62704: Sorry, he still has 0.000002425 hp left
Flint62704: You lose

#212775 +(8757)- [X]

Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it

#213028 +(1460)- [X]

<{LD}>  roses are red
<{LD}> violets are blue
<{LD}> in soviet russia
<{LD}> poems write you

#339458 +(1379)- [X]

<Monsoon`> people are stupider than previously imagined
<Monsoon`> My roommate talked to a customer today, told him to right-click on something.  So the customer got a pen and paper, and proceeded to write "click" on it.

#395913 +(213)- [X]

<bill> Last time christ went to church, they killed him. What makes you think he wants to return?

#397370 +(1094)- [X]

slackerdann: hahahaha
slackerdann: my sister is so dumb
slackerdann: she got pissed off at me
slackerdann: then came over and pulled out the power cable for the laptop
slackerdann: and i was just like "it has a battery you know"
slackerdann: and then she was just like "oh"

#408973 +(2840)- [X]

<FoXeh> The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass
<FoXeh> Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
<FoXeh> Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

#625995 +(332)- [X]

<shok-> ha! just yesterday I was wondering why more solar power applications aren't being built
<shok-> but they are in Shanghai.
<shok-> oh communists, what won't you do?
<Ben^> last for more than a century?

#664495 +(1527)- [X]

<Mod> So, how many are you inviting?
<Ned> Dunno. I'll check the random number generator.
<Ned> Oh. It says 22345780
<Ned> We're gonna have to get more dip.

#726941 +(580)- [X]

<Andymc> lawl 156 photos on my phone...
<Andymc> but i don't have a fuxxing way to get them onto the comp... need a bluetooth dock or summat
<GriM> peel them off and re-apply glue?  Perhaps a mild solvent to loosen the sticky?
<Andymc> You should apply for a job at Dell...

#736694 +(1010)- [X]

<Naruto> It's always a haunted attic, isn't it?
<Naruto> It's never a haunted toliet that explodes with water at 3am.
<Naruto> That would be the shit.
<Naruto> literally. >)
<Naruto> If I were a ghost, that's the kind of random shit I'd do.
<Naruto> I'd open the fridge and take out all the mustard.
<Naruto> Then I'd hoard it and bring it back later and put it in the dishwasher.
<Naruto> and the people would open it up "WTF?! There's 39 jars of mustard in here!"
<Naruto> and lawn flamingos
<Naruto> I would hoard those like nobody's business.
<Naruto> I'd be a fun ghost.

#758669 +(216)- [X]

<sharquedo> I'm a zombie, braiiinnnssssss
<DemonHeart> I'm homeless, chaaannnggeeeee

#844663 +(418)- [X]

< Laura> I used to have a preserved human penis in a jar.
< Laura> It was lost in a move.
< Laura> This made me sad until someone pointed out that that means that SOMEONE moved into a house and found a human penis in a jar.
< Laura> This makes me feel better.

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