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#1223 +(98)- [X]

<Alice> Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more
<Alice> I can't seem to find that address in DNS

#1245 +(228)- [X]

<Gryphon> any ideas what this error is when i try to ping a pc on my LAN: connect: Netowork is unreachable

#1569 +(1157)- [X]

<defproc> i made a program that crashed once. i put it in my resumé and sent it to microsoft.

#2024 +(467)- [X]

<Lee-Ham> Bush is a raging imbecile. It's times like this I wish I could live on the moon and take potshots at Earth with a potato gun.

#2142 +(937)- [X]

<mEsHmAn> how do i set myself as away?
<mEsHmAn> in mIRC
*** theForger sets mode: +b *!*@host62-7-101-176.btinternet.com
*** mEsHmAn was kicked by theForger (mEsHmAn is away)

#3984 +(331)- [X]

[11:29] *** kiwix is now known as kiwiGF
[11:34] *** kiwiGF is now known as kiwix
<mightyflo> that was quick.

#4084 +(349)- [X]

<nightfal:#java> damn, this quotedb gets funnier as a function of sleep loss

#6923 +(184)- [X]

<piman> Lindz: Does Ricky Martin scare you too?
<piman> Based on the way he dances, I think he's Steve Ballmer's long lost twin...

#7018 +(119)- [X]

Topic is 'God made drunks so ugly people could get laid.' Set by Ac3d
<Ac3d> man..i think im getting drunk

#7854 +(434)- [X]

[Zaun] Zoid?
[Zoid] Yes?
[Zaun] Have you ever been to Vegas?
[Zoid] No
[Zaun] Let me rephrase that. Have you ever paid for sex?

#8755 +(1057)- [X]

<radead> (number of slashdot posts x ultima online character level)^(number of dime sized zits on face)/(girlfriends had before + 1) = sizeOf(nerd)
<radead> girlfriends had before + 1 so we don't get a divide by zero error

#9038 +(182)- [X]

ilsa: well i suppose calculus isn't rocket science and some people can't do that...
MistrE: calc is nearly rocket science
CuriosCat can do rocket science
CuriosCat: it's easier than calculuc
CuriosCat: caalculus

#10028 +(1747)- [X]

*** wolex has joined #lockergnome
|wolex| hi
|wolex| Anyone active at this time?
* nobody is
|wolex| thanks
|wolex| but I need some help
* nobody can help you
|wolex| thanks again
* nobody wants to help you
|wolex| have a great day then
|wolex| oh thats better
|wolex| and why is that
|wolex| oh. nobody is a name!!!
|nobody| hahaha

#11532 +(639)- [X]

<jre> God is a racist.  Look in the old testament and you'll find nothing but nationalistic hatred of others.
<JesusGurl> God is not a racist. what racist would have Jews as His chosen people?

#11820 +(334)- [X]

<LL-> why did u msg me?
<marry> realy im searching to get married
<marry> can you help me
<LL-> why u wanna get married?
<marry> becuse i dont want to live in gaza

#12792 +(12)- [X]

<sneak> amazon.com are such pieces of shit
<hellgrrl> what is amazon?
<hellgrrl> travel?

#15733 +(1144)- [X]

<FlashMan> nethack is installed
<Jon2> An IRC chick stands in your path.  She wears a +5 ring of decreased mental stability.
* sQurl kicks jon2
<sQurl> I AM STABLE GOD DAMN YOU
<sQurl> DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU
<Jon2> The IRC chick attacks.  She misses.

#22082 +(370)- [X]

2:49°am -(Nova`)- I'd like to cover your soft milky breasts with chocolate syrup and make a trail that goes down to between your legs. Then Ill slowly start licking up every drop.
2:49°am -(Nova`)- err
2:49°am -(Nova`)- SHIT!
2:49°am -(Nova`)- wrong chan
2:49°am -(Nova`)- sry

#22118 +(244)- [X]

<Mr_Bandit> its LMAO not imo

#33328 +(158)- [X]

<jusque> neva let a girl give you head with gum in her mouth it hurts when you have to take gum outta youre pubes

#33375 +(575)- [X]

<jestuh> What's the worse part of raping a 5yo boy?
<jestuh> Getting blood on your clown suit

#34312 +(151)- [X]

<madsen> is there an online Perl-manual that resemples the php-manual. (God! That manual can bring a grown man to his knees.)
* madsen panics.
<madsen> I'm in love with a manual...!

#36875 +(263)- [X]

<Hiro> I go to get a nectarine to eat
<Hiro> I discover all twelve have melted and merged together into a large fluffy animal
<Hiro> It tried to eat me! <=O

#40518 +(337)- [X]

<Tamahome> Ryan: "here" being?
<mdew> .nz of course
<Tamahome> oh, Europe doesn't count :P
<mdew> europe?
<Tamahome> Europe is traditionally a *very slow* gaming market
<mdew> since when was .nz europe?

#42663 +(76)- [X]

<@JE> Hosting: $5 per month. Domain name: $15, your site being down twice a week: Priceless.

#43423 +(557)- [X]

<blade[fd]> i have this damn hole in my lips
<stolenrims|fd> yeah, that's your mouth

#44841 +(426)- [X]

<Apollo-> ok, now this is messed up...I work on the 8th floor, I got on the elevator on 1, I was the only person on.  I farted, the elevator stops at 2 and someone gets on and rides all the way up to 6
<TenBaseT> I hate that.
<TenBaseT> did you try to cover?
<Apollo-> No, but I thought about it
<Apollo-> he had a bag of burger king food, I almost said "Man, your food reeks"

#45925 +(229)- [X]

<StuGhattz> have you ever had a shit take so much out of you that you needed to lie down after?
<flawed> no, but tell me more.. i'm getting turned on
<Linkadmin> StuGhattz: I had a nosebleed on the shitter once
<Linkadmin> from pushing so hard

#46708 +(658)- [X]

<Spooky42> omg i just stabbed myself in the face with a corncob holder thing
<Funky_> hahahahahahah
<Funky_> is it bad?
<Spooky42> its bleeding a little..
<Funky_> :(
<Spooky42> i got butter on it too :(
<Funky_> ok...
<Funky_> so... WHY did you stab yourself in the face with a corncob holder thing?
<Spooky42> im not sure quite how it happened :(
<Funky_> wtf
<Funky_> you don't know how you stabbed yourself in the face?
<Spooky42> i was eating corn. and it slid out of the corncob and i went to slide it in real quick and it didnt line up with the previous holes and it slid off into my cheek
<Funky_> HAHAHAHAH
<Spooky42> it hurts!
<Funky_> sorry
<Funky_> It's just too funny
<Spooky42> i dropped my corn too!

#46799 +(305)- [X]

<NekoGirl> i wonder if half of the ppl is making idiot to appear on QDB or is just bornt that way
<Livewireo> That made no sense whatsoever
<NekoGirl> ok, remaking
<NekoGirl> i wonder if half of the ppl in here is playing idiot to appear on QDB or is just they bornt that way

#52515 +(394)- [X]

<trashcan> studpid email
<trashcan> Subject:Massive Cocks, 14 inch cocks ripping open tight teen cunt holes
<trashcan> WHO thinks of these things
<PhD> i heardly think world health organization has time to think up of spam email titles

#53081 +(818)- [X]

* Hotaru dances more.
<Hotaru> o-<
<Hotaru> o-<
<Hotaru> o-<
<Hotaru> I suck at dancing.
<Vulpes> God help us if you ever try breakdancing.
<Hotaru> o/`>-

#54531 +(521)- [X]

<HistoryHm> well, i could never date her 
<HistoryHm> three strikes rule 
<HistoryHm> republican 
<HistoryHm> christian 
<unga-work> conscious

#80627 +(297)- [X]

<Schroe> Christ, I don't know how those girls think their bones are so attractive.
<TheNintenGenius> Attack of the Super Thin
<TheNintenGenius> Of course, they're easily defeated. Just tell them they're fat.

#94038 +(341)- [X]

<Babyxic> have fun in ur wrestling outfit
<KestrelM1> its not wrestling!
<KestrelM1> its rowing!
<KestrelM1> they're rowing troughs!
<KestrelM1> and i dont grope other males
<KestrelM1> just... long poles...

#98097 +(301)- [X]

<GodsJiva> cloning should be allowed!
<f0dder> cloning is bad
<f0dder> cause there's too many errors
<GodsJiva> but... if they dont practise, there will always be errors!
<f0dder> just stick to animals at least
<GodsJiva> yeah, to start with
<Koding_W> aye. stick to animals.
<Koding_W> thats my motto.

#114988 +(1087)- [X]

(@zany-) omg, I can hear my mom masturbating :l
(@NpZ^) Ahaha
(@zany-) wai... she doesn't think I'm home
(@zany-) brb
(@zany-) great now I'm grounded
(@NpZ^) HAHA :D

#163510 +(508)- [X]

<Foxxz> my dixie wrecked
<DrYcElL> ???
<Foxxz> say it out loud
<DrYcElL> ????????????????????????????????/
<Foxxz> MY DIXIE WRECKED
<Foxxz> yell it
<DrYcElL> MY DIXIE WRECKED!!!!!!!!!
<Foxxz> nah dude, u gotta yell it rl
<DrYcElL> I did
<DrYcElL> my cuz looked at me funny

#185353 +(571)- [X]

<Caedar[SOT]> God, I hate people with no game experience who work at game stores.
<Kaelo[LoR]> yeah me too Caedar[SOT] ... You want what?  Gay Sex 2?
<Kaelo[LoR]> *sigh* nonono, DEUS EX 2

#197753 +(332)- [X]

<Capt_Suicide> god fucking damnit
<Capt_Suicide> my sister puked all over my toilet
<Capt_Suicide> i just fucking cleaned that thing earlier from where nathan shit all over it
<Capt_Suicide> good thing i bought that toilet bowl cleaner today
<Kornered> what a rediculous thing to waste your money on
<FaQz0r> get a dog
<FaQz0r> dogs clean everything

#204086 +(621)- [X]

<PitChic> did you all see about that 97 year old woman who was found alive in the rubble of the earthquake in Iran, after 8 days burried?
<Marcus``> that's fucked up
<Marcus``> old people are like indestructible, as long as they don't don't fall down and break their hip
<Marcus``> help! i've fallen and I can't get up!
<Marcus``> and a house is on me!

#446104 +(425)- [X]

<Flatland> turducken should not exist
<Anomaly> Eh?
<Flatland> a duck stuffed inside a chicken stuffed inside a turkey
<Flatland> the ultimate example of our domination of the animal kingdom

#446429 +(944)- [X]

<Gladiator> Jesus christ, my mom is so fucking stupid
<Gladiator> She was complaining to me about how "all the french stereotype us"

#450266 +(868)- [X]

MotrCycleForLife: I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After a while, though, to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an eagle. He see two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography.

#484579 +(1730)- [X]

<sthmnstr> So I was in this restauraunt with my gf the other day and she wanted to emberas me.
<sthmnstr> I had eaten too much and was holding my stomach moaning and then she's all like 'aww, is the baby kicking?' and i said 'Yup. Thats the last time I eat one of those whole...'

#574642 +(9697)- [X]

* Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT
<Strayed> he shot his girlfriend?

#631180 +(359)- [X]

EvILpYRoMaNiA: my dad tried to sit on my lap: he tackled me off my chair.
EvILpYRoMaNiA: dog*
EvILpYRoMaNiA: shit
EvILpYRoMaNiA: that was the worst typo ever.

#639564 +(753)- [X]

<knob> anything that starts with a "k" on linux is "gay"
<Wyred> heh, same as Konveration
<knob> oh shit
* knob is now known as gnob

#641114 +(2997)- [X]

<Produkt> how do i put a new picture on the gallery
<Pi> ERROR: QUESTION MARK MISSING
<Produkt> ?
<Pi> ERROR: QUESTION MISSING
<Produkt> how do i put a new picture on the gallery?
<Pi> ERROR: TOO MANY ATTEMPTS
<Produkt> youre a fag
<Pi> PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER

#918433 +(775)- [X]

JxJ: im sleepy and I need something to pick me up, what should I drink?
GCa: Well, a  can of coke has about 45 mg of caffeine. A shot, about 90. 8oz drip coffee 180-220. Ice coffee ~250+.
GCa: These are estimates, btw
GCa: My ultimate pick-me-up drink was an iced venti coffee with no ice, add two-three shots, a couple pumps of syrup and top it with cream
GCa: Then I would slam it... INSANE amounts of caffeine
GCa: Approx 16oz (you can get 32oz now) of iced coffee (500mg)+3 shots (270mg)= 770 mg of caffeine, or the equivalent of 17 cans of coke at once
GCa: I used to pull up allnighters on that stuff just to ace finals. never failed anything.
Dorne: shit, at that point caffeine is basically coke
GCa: Don't try to drive while on that.
JxJ: what the hell was your major?
GCa: english

0.0624 21085 quotes approved; 625 quotes pending
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