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#24 +(10542)- [X]

<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all bitchy
<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"

#2324 +(234)- [X]

<trccccc> damn I have eaten enough salsa to kill a small ethiopian town

#3363 +(166)- [X]

<Nettik> I had some Huge ass guy name Ray try to squeeze the shit out of me
<Nettik> the guy is REAL strong and pretty agile for being big
<Nettik> he grabbe a hold of me and started squeezing, he didnt like it when I kicked his leg out from underneath him too much, but he squeezed harder.  It all depends on how far I was willing to go
<spazzer> <Nettik> and soon i had a nice loaf the size of a breadbox in my drawers

#3611 +(257)- [X]

<sAmEeLl> i smoke dunhills
<aNuBiS-> i assume thats #bearcave lingo for cock

#4078 +(920)- [X]

<Mukluk> My lungs hold 650 cubic cenimeters of air. :P
<Mukluk> I know this because it was measured by a doctor. :P
<Mukluk> I was told that that's an extremely high capacity. :P
<Mukluk> I could fucking beat all of you to death. :P
<DeadRinga> with your lungs?
<z0rg> Mukluk hahahah
<Mukluk> Laugh all you like, little-lung. :P

#5775 +(19659)- [X]

* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm
  being an asshole -          

#7509 +(39)- [X]

<SkyCriesX> tumors don't cuddle

#7762 +(216)- [X]

<TFA|Swoop> I hate being on 14.4..
<n> hah
<chao[i]> ha
<chao[i]> are u kidding
<TFA|Swoop> I can't do anything but talk in irc..
<TFA|Swoop> bored out of my fucking skull
<chao[i]> lets quake swoop
<chao[i]> yeah
<chao[i]> TFA|Swoop was pummelet by chao[i]
<TFA|Swoop> Ok
<TFA|Swoop> I'll start a server.

#8136 +(238)- [X]

<Iceman> [TnT PING reply]: 1min 7secs
<TnT> ?
<TnT> Shiet
* TnT stops downloading Pron

#8454 +(176)- [X]

<helminthes> throw caution to the wind and then piss right into it

#8489 +(3)- [X]

<helminthes> hey i have a good pick up line
<helminthes> "if you vomit i'm not fucking holding your hair back"
<helminthes> "later"

#9045 +(503)- [X]

<DogDiggity> I've worked here for 5 years.. might get laid off tommorow and have never jerked off in the bathroom here... BRB got a mission.

#9085 +(135)- [X]

<pure_sin> oi!
<pure_sin> i nearly had a heart attack this morning:/
<pure_sin> i thought my computer died on me:~(
<st0w> wow... I'd hate to see what happens when your vibrator batteries die

#9370 +(1752)- [X]

<stank> guys.. i went out tonight.
<stank> i pretended to be a normal college student.
<stank> and i stood uncomfortably on a porch with a bunch of people i don't know.
<stank> but then i ran into bill and will, who were pretending in the same way.
<stank> so we talked about networks and i felt better.

#10958 +(8924)- [X]

(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard.

#11981 +(421)- [X]

<oreth> Jay and silent bob said the f-word 227 times
<huzyrdadi> in all five films?
<@Breathe> I think he means just in the trailer.

#12059 +(789)- [X]

<RevMike> my favorite dream is still the one when i had a vagina and all the girls at school showed me how to use it

#13440 +(20)- [X]

<[TpL]Luke> Really? the nurse who did me was so fat, ugly and sweaty, she was cooking burgers under her armpits for lunch
<[TpL]Luke> u should have seen her cooking hot dogs!

#15046 +(155)- [X]

<Gazhag> black ice defender is a good defender program, much better than firewall.
<Dzarg> lol :)))
<Dzarg> I could almost make that my quit message.
<Gazhag> oh, what's so funny in that? It's better than firewall, isn't it?

#16885 +(459)- [X]

< Tobester> I downloaded a file named JESSICA ALBA LESBIAN PORN SEEN DIVX at 12mb and it was a guy fisting himself

#17946 +(153)- [X]

<Smaointe> giving birth to anything made of glass would be a pretty tricky business

#20139 +(173)- [X]

* @Moot You probably don't want to know: mastur^H^H^H^H^H^Hwalking the dog

#22994 +(656)- [X]

<Keoni> Thank you for using Wordzone's Express Translation service. The text you have just submitted can be translated for the following price. Accepting this price by clicking on the "ORDER" button will allow us to begin translating your document immediately.
<Keoni> Translation Price: $ 10.00
<Ragnarok> someone who really needs the word
<Keoni> what word is that?
<Ragnarok> hmm
<Ragnarok> well
<Ragnarok> i was on the phone with the database tech support a couple days ago
<Ragnarok> well
<Ragnarok> nights actually
<Ragnarok> and since it was the middle of the night
<Ragnarok> we get some guy in france
<Ragnarok> and his english was incredibly shitty
<Ragnarok> i'da paid $10 to know how to say assmarauder in french

#23336 +(339)- [X]

<TheHood> yea, 2nd best team in baseball what motha fukaz
<TheHood> ws champs what motha fuckaz
<TheHood> yea
<TheHood> yea
<TheHood> wha
*** TheHood has left #baseball
* Legalize- takes off his bulletproof vest
<Legalize-> i feel so much safer now.
<Legalize-> damn irc.

#25027 +(344)- [X]

<[avon]> oh man
<[av0n]> even vc++6 rocks
<[av0n]> after install
<[av0n]> do you want to reboot now?
<[av0n]> no
<[av0n]> the system must be rebooted click ok to reboot
<[av0n]> and i bet you anything when i alt+f4 the box
<[av0n]> i'm gonna reboot
<[av0n]> just watch.
*** Quits: [av0n] (justin@mask-2556.swbell.net) (Connection reset by peer)

#31139 +(1228)- [X]

<psmylie> the man's an idiot. he tried for three years to beat tetris because I told him there was an end boss.

#31165 +(371)- [X]

truthug17: so u have a man
Cassandra: Oh yes.
truthug17: do u love him
Cassandra: I do.
truthug17: could u love me
Cassandra: I might. But I'd never sleep with you, so I guess it doesn't matter.

#33984 +(75)- [X]

(DownKaos): free phone sex....tight
(DownKaos): what is it
(dvast8): KIS-SASS
(DownKaos): I hate to think what your day job is with a phone # like that
(dvast8): union rep
(DownKaos): so worse then a gay male prostitute

#34168 +(250)- [X]

<Digby> what if the man empirically measure them ? ;)
<Digby> length, girth, tensile strength, and volume ;)
<_Matty> volume?? "hey, baby, i've got a loud cock" ??
<_Matty> wtf?
<Tig`One> "hey babe wanna hear my cock shout?"
<^Dozy^> that'd be an impressive chat up line
<Guede> Brings new meaning to pump up the volume.

#37650 +(658)- [X]

<CaptainCanada231> I mean, it's not like she'll be the senior pron queen for nothing.
<CaptainCanada231> *prom

#38705 +(435)- [X]

<Jade> they should make a chinese scrabble
<Jade> you have 40000 tokens and they all spell words

#40482 +(233)- [X]

<j03bl0w> I did a /ignroe *@* CHAN in one window earlier today and only just realised, it worked in every window, and i've had EVERY channel I've been in on ignore today ..
<j03bl0w> No fucking wonder I was bored
<j03bl0w> I just thought "strange, no ones talking today"
<j03bl0w> fucking hell.

#43163 +(353)- [X]

<zamros> HAHAHA
<_ry0suke_> :DDDDDDDDD
<_ry0suke_> DDDDDDDDDD:

#51746 +(121)- [X]

<Samantha> What bird was named for what was wrongly thought to be its country of origin?
<Kevyn> Turkey
<Samantha> Kev is da man
<Kevyn> It was either that or the Mexican

#53609 +(148)- [X]

<Ac|D> i said send it to me on cd
<Ac|D> not over irc
<voltstfu> dicksuckin' tramp. no im not sending you a 38meg file via australia post
<Ac|D> fillup the cd with other shit then
<voltstfu> i have not much of interest
<voltstfu> unless you've never seen a german shepherd do a woman missionary style
<Ac|D> haha

#66268 +(809)- [X]

<castironpants>Everyone's mad at me because I faked an orgasm...
<castironpants>...In the middle of a teen pregnancy seminar...

#80979 +(203)- [X]

<jUmB0> lets buy cocaine and support south american independence

#86135 +(25)- [X]

#100967 +(434)- [X]

<chesed> I couldn't find the food you like
<chesed> I couldn't find a card
<chesed> So I hope these flowers say it best:
<chesed> Dear Lord you make me hard

#105571 +(100)- [X]

[10:30] <nuna> I backed up a load of dot files on floppies, and an airline scanner screwed every one

#124148 +(226)- [X]

Mattbot80: The creepiest thing happened at work the other day i went to the bathroom and there was a female janitor cleaning it and i was like shit i'll have to come back later she sees me and says something in spanish i have no idea what she said but she had like an evil witch cackel a hispanic guy had walked in behind me and told me she had invited me to go ahead it creeped me out
DaShizza: You seriously should have just whipped it out, did you really have anything to lose?
Mattbot80: Well i went the urinal and whipped it out thinking that's creepy but she wouldn't be able to see anything but my back but then she starts mopping around my feet and then she put the mop between my legs and hit my foot and i was like fuck this i'm gone i'll piss myself if i need to.
Mattbot80: It was the most akward momownt i've ever had in a bathroom
DaShizza: hahahha
i just showed my co-worker
hahah, thats hysterical
Mattbot80: Glad you enjoyed it this may very well cause deep emotional scarring and a phobia of public bathrooms or female janitors

#125350 +(438)- [X]

<ShyAway> so, if you asked for mint, I wouldn't not give it to you because you like chocolate
<ShyAway> so, in conclusion, men are chocolate, girls are mint
<ShyAway> and, flat likes men
* ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself)
* ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface
* ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself)
* ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface
* ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself)
* ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface
* ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself)
* ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface
<MonaLeilani> flat: set mode +I
* ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself)
* ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface
* ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself)
* ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface
* ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself)
* ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface
* ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself)
* ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface
<flatface> Never
* ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself)
* ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface
* ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself)
* ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface
<flatface> This is much more fun

#136867 +(192)- [X]

*** Nezzie (~armond@adsl-154-136-51.jan.bellsouth.net) has joined #phphelp
<Nezzie> Wow they really need to put a warning label on that.
<Nezzie> apparantly /sbin/fastboot should be called /sbin/fastREboot

#254358 +(606)- [X]

<Pornosaur> My mom gave me one of those plants you can't kill
<Pornosaur> I think it commited sucicide

#343805 +(1814)- [X]

<Elbonio> You know how women say "I wouldnt sleep with you even if you were the last man on earth" ? Well if you WERE the last two people on the earth, i hardly think sex is the first thing on your mind... it's clearly going to be "let's raid Toys'R'us.."

#603885 +(550)- [X]

<MrCoffee> Your mom is such a whore, if she was a chmod she'd be 777 because everyone has access

#653759 +(619)- [X]

<Ian-W> lesbian porn
<Ian-W> actually lesbian/gay porn
<Ian-W> because its like two girls that are guys
<CK-[away]> what would you call 2 hermaphrodites
<Ian-W> tetris

#666394 +(1951)- [X]

#713056 +(442)- [X]

sionanomics: know anyone that knows loads about cars?
Teh Supreme Weez: Yeah.
Teh Supreme Weez: My mate Jeeves.
sionanomics: he online?
Teh Supreme Weez: Yeah.
Teh Supreme Weez: www.ask.com
sionanomics: :(

#760180 +(335)- [X]

Trex: I like my women like I like my cars!
Prometheus: Expensive?
Dromiceiomimus: Foreign?
Epi: Um... revved up?
Crow: Fast?
Brex: low-maintenance with a wide tailpipe?
Dromiceiomimus: Freshly waxed, with a GPS tracking system?
Lorn: Trex, this is insanely sexist! Besides, I like my women like I like my databases.
Trex: Managable?
Lorn: Corrupted!
Trex: ...
Trex: No fucking comment.

0.0378 20958 quotes approved; 4386 quotes pending
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