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#49 +(1730)- [X] <TheFlux> give me a chick with lips the size of that guy from aerosmith or something
<scarf> why dont you just get the guy from aerosmith
#122 +(78)- [X] <bocz> cept i dont see how they can test your smartness with HISTORY
#203 +(6)- [X] (Guilty) If only shafr was a large negro like the real shaft, then he could bust into the colo and frighten them
#369 +(8235)- [X] <Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P
#387 +(267)- [X] <deft-> i always type /dick instead of /nick on accident =
#1082 +(229)- [X] <MadHatter> I'm getting pretty sick of black and white
<MadHatter> there's just too much to manage
<MadHatter> it's probably a really good game for people who don't already have jobs
<blazemore> maybe i should play then
#1528 +(519)- [X] <JDigital> We used to have this kick ass game when we were kids....
<VillainSede> Swallow the chlorine tabs?
<VillainSede> that one takes me back..
#1701 +(1136)- [X] <Camo> tress, how do I make a program that makes the cd spin really fast and does't stop and if you open the cdrom drive, the cd flies out and cuts your throat?
#3375 +(121)- [X] <Maxisout> Apoc has so much brail on his face it would confuse a blind person
#3873 +(374)- [X] <Scofco> I wish I invented Jesus
#4828 +(900)- [X] <mov> DAL: u seen 2001 - A space odyssey?
<DAL9000> that has to be the stupidest question i've ever heard
#6282 +(483)- [X] <tertyl> and i've bent a spoon with the power of my mind...though when the drugs wore off..it was back to normal...
#6400 +(138)- [X] <cygnus> speech recognition is only for people who don't jerk off enough to build up wrist strength and then get fucked up from using their keyboards
#7361 +(182)- [X] <devilgrl> qwasz: im a rocket technician for the govt.
<devilgrl> i used to be a unix admin
<pagan> sure have alot of exp for being 21...
<devilgrl> pagan: i dropped outta school and started working fulltime when I was 17
<pagan> then the .gov picked you up to work on rockets?
<devilgrl> my friend works for the company, he got me an interview
<pagan> and they saw your stunning education record, and hired you right?
<pagan> of course your full of shit, your a girl
<devilgrl> exactly
#8593 +(59)- [X] (nathan) weird. my dsl works better as long as i'm constantly pinging the server
(nathan) as soon as i stop pinging one direction or the other, it blocks up
(nathan) like a bad bowel movement
#9353 +(87)- [X] 01:52PM <s7ank> i got a mailbox today!
<s7ank> there was a magnet avertising quicken in it!
<s7ank> it has my name on it! the mailbox i mean! not the magnet,
that'd be silly.
<ShaneBe> not with the power of TODAYS direct marketing!
#10984 +(523)- [X] <Seros> Did you get my hat back?
<Spleen> what kinda question is that?
<Seros> An easy one?
#14425 +(100)- [X] (united_as_one): what would happen if i installed linux on windows
#15177 +(59)- [X] [Mills] these new headphones of mie with a lead nearly got me in the shit last night, was watching some porn at about 3 am at pretty high volume and I got up and walked away, the speaker crashed down on the floor but thankfully the headphone jack didnt come out :)
#34970 +(265)- [X] <Ed> P2 Celeron was good though, because it used the same slot as the P3.
<Mime> P3 has two different slots!
<Mime> I had a SNES game style P3, my mate had a flat one.
<Ed> Mime, that's a socket.
<waffle> Mime: you mean a slot and socket
<Mime> Yes, socket and slot.
<waffle> amd really loved the slot
<kawaii_kekekeke> I love that slot.
<Mime> I love your mom's slot
<waffle> your moms a slot
#46015 +(169)- [X] <sdgsdg> this microsoft natural keyboard is like smart or something
<DrgdHmstr> its posessed
<sdgsdg> a few times already it hasnt pressed enter when I wasnt sure if I wanted to press enter or not
<sdgsdg> It like gives yyou a second chance
#53858 +(296)- [X] <MooFoo> Fuse, get yourself a shock rifle, that shoots instant blue shit and slow moving blue shit
<MooFoo> Also, if you manage to hit the slow moving blue shit with the instant blue shit, you will get an explosion of blue shit, that will turn the enemies into red shit
<Fuse> That's a lot fo shit
<MooFoo> fo real
#54173 +(413)- [X] <Zoogle> So my mom comes in to my room and starts bitching about how pirating software is immoral and wrong and is worse than stealing.
<Zoogle> When she's all done she gives me 2 cd's and says "Oh, and can you copy these for me?"
#57753 +(200)- [X] < peter> alanis morrisette is a prime example of why horses shouldn't be allowed to sing.
#62435 +(313)- [X] @<Yeshua> am I the only one who thinks the black-haired girl in t.a.t.u is EXTREMELY hot?
@<Echo5ive> Yeshua: I second that erection.
@<Echo5ive> eh, I mean emotion.
#68581 +(706)- [X] *** Rossy is now known as Rossy|Married
<Rossy|Married> ullo
<StoneColdSpider> u poor bastard Rossy
<Rossy|Married> thanx StoneColdSpider I still see you must be having a successful relationship with you PC
<StoneColdSpider> oh i am indeed we are expecing a palm pilot anyday now
#75905 +(157)- [X] <[Basil]Ruger> Flashing backgrounds make eplileptic Jesus cry
#81929 +(408)- [X] <U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love meh gf
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love saying that i have a gf
<ViPeR`> i have a gf too :D
<ViPeR`> i love her too :)
<[AoS]Albatros> YEAH I HAVE A GEFORCE TOO AND I LOVE THAT GRAPHICS CARD gawddamnit
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> my gf is a real person alba, not some piece of hardware thats shocks the shit out of your dick when it gives you head
<[AoS]Albatros> Nice idea
<[AoS]Albatros> brb
#81957 +(10)- [X] -:- SignOff SdBlAiNe2K3: #diradio (Quit: I am in shape. Round is a shape.)
#82115 +(424)- [X] <|mac|> Had a job in Govt, my mind misfired, I got fired, Maryland says if you get fired from state service cant come back for 3 years
<SideShow_Mike> mac did you chainsaw kill someone at work? I thought it was damn near impossible to get fired form those jobs.
<|mac|> no sideshowmike I had a nervous breakdown and shit on my supervisors desk
<clay45> whoa
#82166 +(125)- [X] <MonkeyFlippers> Anyone know the capital of Croatia?
<gho5t> who cares?
<[steev]> MonkeyFlippers; google.com does
<MonkeyFlippers> Who cares, gho5t?
<gho5t> aww did i hurt your feelings?
<gho5t> i'm sorry i care
<gho5t> let's go look together
<gho5t> i'll meet you at google
#98862 +(176)- [X] blade|uk: oh no
blade|uk: another AOLer
DONTGIVEU: uh yes
DONTGIVEU: who cares im not a bad aoler
DONTGIVEU: i do good for this room
blade|uk: room
blade|uk: haha
blade|uk: typical AOLer
blade|uk: it's called a channel
#101177 +(48)- [X] <classNTBk> lifetime kicks ass
<classNTBk> its got designing women
<classNTBk> its slogan may be "television for women", but its attitude is "kickass enough for studs"
#105199 +(645)- [X] [anewname] CAPS LOCK IS LIKE CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL
#105279 +(145)- [X] < chris> Meanwhile, I am participating in all that is unholy and rightly hated
< chris> Namely, I am writing a Java Applet that runs in a browser and is controlled by JavaScript
<@phessler> hahaha
* chris commits hara-kiri to minimize the dishonor to his family
< chris> phessler: Yeah, but the thing is: this is way better than what I was doing before, which was Flash coding
< chris> Flash, Java and JavaScript -- all in a day's work
< chris> Incidentally, I am looking for a new job...
#137953 +(301)- [X] <dr_binks>I think they should start rating bash quotes according to how stupid the people are, not how funny the quotes are.
#139622 +(1827)- [X] <Nash> YES…they caught the bastard who made the blaster virus
<Nash> looks like he will be getting 10 yrs max in prison
<DDR4life> serves him right
<DROSS> Someone is soon going to discover how strangely painful the shower hour in prison is
<FiringSquad> He’ll probably catch a different type of virus in prison
<LexiusTheGenuis> poor kids virginity is going to the recycle bin
<Sczoyd> cellmates will probably be giving him some rather large uploads
<Antibig> theyll be installing some new hardware in his rectum
<FiringSquad> looks like his unprotected port is going to be probed
<Sczoyd> I hope he doesnt mind other men using his hard drive
<JSP> a roll like him is going to get rolled a lot
<Sczoyd> his prison mates are going to have a lot of fun with their new laptop
<ShinKurro> someone will find out a new way to spread viruses
<Nash> okay, that wasn’t really called for.
#217416 +(698)- [X] <ShatnersBassoon>Ouch. Just been to the toilet for a poo, and I decided to do a bit of a dangleberry-tidy. Suffice it to say I'm now several bumhairs lighter.
<Kenny>That's probably more information that I needed.
<Kenny>"than"
<Kenny>fuck
#308143 +(318)- [X] Retrace: so what is she?
Retrace: a .073 or a 10.0000000001
cryptic: shes like an 8
Retrace: whoa
Retrace: wait....a internet 8 or a real world 8?
#331963 +(765)- [X] <Face> I worked at a compusa
<Face> People go in their knowing nothing about computers, and get had.
<AngryLlama> Face: any electronics store does this; I was in Best Buy yesterday and the guy actually felt the need to tell me "A megabyte is like a kilobyte, except really big"
#395607 +(348)- [X] DaLady Firestorm: and drinking my tea
Laketh 69: teabag?
DaLady Firestorm: I like tea
DaLady Firestorm: and yes, there is a tea bag in my drink right now
Laketh 69: lol
DaLady Firestorm: why do you ask
Laketh 69: .......
Laketh 69: teabag ;(
DaLady Firestorm: do I want to know
DaLady Firestorm: what's the fixation with teabag
Laketh 69: is when you stick your balls into a girls mouth
DaLady Firestorm: did you have a pet tebag...
DaLady Firestorm: ...ah...
DaLady Firestorm: okay, that explains it
DaLady Firestorm: ew...
Laketh 69: duh
Laketh 69: and u like teabags
DaLady Firestorm: I like tea
DaLady Firestorm: not the bags
DaLady Firestorm: or sacs
DaLady Firestorm: or whatever
Laketh 69: the bags make the tea
DaLady Firestorm: I like what comes out of the tea bags
DaLady Firestorm: oh, wait a second
#397681 +(437)- [X] <Dorfl> I'm not Canadian, I'm just drunk.
#410657 +(1594)- [X] KelBell853: im 4'12'' 82 pounds, hazel eyes, brown hair blond highlights, medium length hair
i am KTIK: 4'12"?
KelBell853: yeah 4 feet 12 inches
i am KTIK: I hope you're kidding.
KelBell853: im dead serious
i am KTIK: How many inches are in a foot?
KelBell853: 12
i am KTIK: Put two and two together...
KelBell853: opps yeah im 5 foot
#451489 +(821)- [X] <RastaJew> when a girl says she has no new nude pics and you ask for her old ones dont say "the older the better"
#659425 +(332)- [X] Andy: when I finish a song, I automaticly hate it.
Nielzor: that's quite a healthy attitude, though, I think, hating what you've created
Andy: like punching babies!
Nielzor: EXACTLY
#669982 +(1128)- [X] <Awaken> this is pissing me off
<Awaken> i have some windows updates that just HAVE to restart my fucking computer
<{RANT}> :(
* MaxPower (M4dMaX@ool-182f05ac.dyn.optonline.net) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* {Bitch} (~yeah@cpe-069-134-207-100.nc.res.rr.com) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
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<Mr_Power> his computer is the EFnet server?
#676812 +(525)- [X] <mETRo> you shoulda taken it back to walmart lol
<mETRo> they take anything back
<zx2ms> dude serisouly I was read to just throw it away and buy a new one
<zx2ms> instead of go through the hassle
<mETRo> you could bring in a box of used rubbers there
<mETRo> and theyd be like "was there anything wrong with them?"
<[xENo]> just set the kid on the counter
<zx2ms> lol
#756797 +(606)- [X] <Ralf> programmers and old people have a lot in common.
<Ralf> we're both always looking for ways to control leaks.
<Ralf> and dumps.
#770519 +(421)- [X] Allan: incidentally, my house is Zombie resistant.
Crysm: how so?
Allan: I wonder why that is
Allan: elevated first floor, strong steel doors.
Allan: the windows are out of reach, basically.
Crysm: it's next to a graveyard, man
Crysm: the planners had to think ahead
Allan: good point
Allan: ...dear god, I gave my house a zombie proofing assessment.
Allan: That's... a whole new level of something.
#882587 +(524)- [X] <+Lekon> Oddly enough in fable 2 I AM queerbait somehow
<+Lekon> All the gay guys in bowerstone are trying to marry my guy
<+HereticMachine> Sent.
<+Lekon> Its a Halo above my head, not a steering wheel for my mouth bastards.
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