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#537 +(133)- [X]

<enex> You have invited Vic Viper to start using Microsoft Windows. Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the pending invitation.
<enex> Vic Viper does not have Microsoft Windows installed and is not able to accept your invitation.
<enex> Look how clever I am! ^_^

#552 +(210)- [X]

[01:17] <Conan-> a friend of mine asked me if cable was the same as shell?

#1168 +(421)- [X]

(snowburnt) teengirl: if you had pre in front of teen i would soooo talk to you

#1235 +(359)- [X]

<MadHatter> omg how do I turn mirc timers off
~~~ (signoff) MadHatter ;Excess Flood

#1471 +(309)- [X]

<isocat> feasting meant a lot more when people were hungrier, i guess

#1604 +(559)- [X]

<Prence> then my mom will know i have sex with the coach
<Prence> i meant to say couch

#2632 +(122)- [X]

<spicrx7> if the sidewalks were paved with coks, i'd walk on my asshole

#3158 +(221)- [X]

<aNuBiS-> RaMTuFF: You should know better than to drive under the influence of a hard-on

#6246 +(406)- [X]

* Cerebus laughs evilly under appropriately spooky lighting as lightning strikes and thunder explodes outside around the High Tower of jadecore on top of Elitist Bastard Mountain in the Kingdom of Fuck.

#15183 +(522)- [X]

<deimos> someone asked me some ungodly complex question in an interview once
<deimos> it took him 5 minutes to explain it
<rwhom> did you get it right?
<deimos> and then they looked at me
<deimos> and wanted a single part answer
<deimos> so i thought for a second
<cj_> <deimos> and i said, "potatoe".  i didn't get the job.

#23239 +(245)- [X]

<kinzillah> for the first month after I started using irc heavy I would say "me needs to go to the bathroom" ... etc...
<Straylight> kin: yep, ive done that
<Straylight> i actually said "slash-me will bee-are-bee" once
<Straylight> i took a couple days off after that

#24940 +(510)- [X]

<Greggorian> is it a big book?
<Jakeb> take your hand and make a tight fist
<Jakeb> now move it up till it's a foot in front of your face
<Jakeb> now hit yourself in the face as hard as you can
<Jakeb> that's what if would feel like if i hit you in the face with that book, cause it's pretty big

#28970 +(364)- [X]


#33784 +(174)- [X]

*** Joins: ph30tu5 (~ihateyoug@user-0cal658.cable.mindspring.com)
*** Joins: ReadingZu (~RZ@user-0cal658.cable.mindspring.com)
<ReadingZu> oh... wait
<ReadingZu> hey wait
<ReadingZu> i can be an ass all i want and you cant ban me without banning her
<ReadingZu> HAHHADFH@Q$%&
<ReadingZu> OEND
*** c-rOCK sets mode: +b *!~RZ@user-0cal658.cable.mindspring.com
*** ReadingZu was kicked by c-rOCK (banned.)

#34974 +(1313)- [X]

<Kitty> h1 u wnat 2 d8?
<tavaryn> no nall, you're too l8
<Kitty> :(
<Kitty> but it is r f8
<tavaryn> maybe you should w8
<tavaryn> because we just can't rel8
<Kitty> but we r old enuf 2 m8
<tavaryn> you can't put food on my pl8
<Kitty> but when im with u i feel gr8
<Kitty> i thought we were going fishing i already bought the b8
<tavaryn> maybe i should give you another chance with a clean sl8

#35939 +(119)- [X]

<Bubbs-> arg, too... much, garlic bread... breast, stinks
<Bubbs-> er...breath

#37540 +(201)- [X]

<Rossell> saw this boy I knew today
<Rossell> and I had a startling realisation he was actually a she!
<Rossell> so for 2 years I was believeing that this girl was a boy.
<Rossell> so that answers my query about her putting perfume on

#47427 +(1059)- [X]

<wormy98> naw, its one of the new plasma screens
<beretta> plasma? isnt that the stuff that the caves in alaska shoot out?
<wormy98> no. that's lava, volcanoes, and hawaii.
<EDMundane> beretta: is there any limit to your stupidity?

#49471 +(207)- [X]

*** Topic is 'http://yellow5.com/pokey/ | I WILL ASK THIS FOX FOR GUIDANCE'
*** Set by JoeMustDie on Tue Nov 12 18:34:04
*** Sopabuena changes topic to 'http://yellow5.com/pokey/ | I WILL ASK THIS FOX FOR GUIDANCE 4818'


*** Squinky changes topic to 'http://yellow5.com/pokey/ | WISDOM SHALL BE RECEIVED'
<Sopabuena> No keep that number there
*** Sopabuena changes topic to 'http://yellow5.com/pokey/ | WISDOM SHALL BE RECEIVED 4818'
<Squinky> What is the number?
<Sopabuena> part of a phone
<Sopabuena> i put it there or i will forget to call
<Squinky> Hee!
<Squinky> You may be addicted when you use channel topics as reminder notes

#53939 +(1699)- [X]

<kuntraver> heh
<quintessential> i should close teh door, but its not a noisy one, its just a sparkler on steroids i tink
<kuntraver> anyhoo, how are the submissions going?
<quintessential> ok, i just uploaded a batch yesterday
<quintessential> wtf
<kuntraver> ?
<quintessential> CRAP MY CAT IS ON FIRE!!!!!!

#57596 +(350)- [X]

<apoc> my girlfriend called me a fag, jokingly.
<apoc> i think jokingly

#70450 +(424)- [X]

<Mayonaise> i wonder if the guy from police academy that makes noises can mimic a 56k modem handshake and complete a connection to a computer

#75601 +(1115)- [X]

<Silvercrush> I craved a little man in woodshop today
<Silvercrush> omg... carved :(

#75711 +(189)- [X]

Mike G4 007: return [[HotChick alloc] initWithCupSize:C];
dorkremi: :-|
dorkremi: if ([girl wantSex] != YES) [self setLocation:JAIL];
Mike G4 007: undefied reference: JAIL
dorkremi: typedef enum { HOME, JAIL, UP_YOUR_ASS } places;
dorkremi: There.

#75980 +(289)- [X]

<brislane> apparently porn is degrading to women, and leads to a violent atmosphere
<akawaka> when its switched off

#76387 +(16)- [X]

<Kuroko> lasagna --> waffles ---> pie ---> cake ---> death by chocolate ---> chocolate coffins ---> embalmed in chocolate ---> maggots and chocolate ---> sexy chocolate-covered corpses

#80293 +(120)- [X]

<cile_16> give me +v
<cile_16> pls
<ToRMeNTeD> give me head
<ToRMeNTeD> please
<cile_16> why
<ToRMeNTeD> then maybe
<ToRMeNTeD> cuz I want to fuck your mouth
<ToRMeNTeD> and you want +v
<ToRMeNTeD> we can help each other
<cile_16> fuck off
<ToRMeNTeD> :D

#81896 +(314)- [X]

<handwash> <Darkroot> Pigsbig78: omg, you bitch! mv possessions outside; chown %n car; chmod 600 car; echo 'int main(void) { printf("x25sn", "haha, you bitch!!n"); }' > meep.c; gcc meep.c -o meep; ./meep
<handwash> guy
<handwash> translate?
<gunkaaa> handwash: it's complicated
<gunkaaa> handwash: he moves his stuff outside, changes the ownership of his car to himself and sets it so that only he can read/write to it, writes a c program which echos "haha you bitch" called meep, compiles it, runs it.
<handwash> er

#99733 +(780)- [X]

Methodical Pain: but tomatoes are fruits
TheOffspring326: no they're not!
TheOffspring326: they merely prefer the company of other tomatoes, thats all!

#105368 +(144)- [X]

<imagine> oh god
<imagine> im a loser
<imagine> someone was messaging me on aim
<imagine> and i sent something back, but they signed off
<imagine> then i noticed a mistake in my typing
<imagine> and i corrected it
<imagine> even though they had signed off
<imagine> :(

#106600 +(402)- [X]

<Al> you left a burning bag of dogshit on the doorstep of my heart

#107355 +(413)- [X]

volsung> *Sigh*
jack> sigh what?
volsung> Talking to my mom again.
volsung> I tried to explain that job #1 is modeling the effects of the solar wind on the Earth's magnetic field and that my advisor's model wasn't working at all.
volsung> Her immediate response was "Well, that's because you aren't                taking into account the effect of consciousness on the charged particles."
volsung> I did not know how to respond to that.

#153941 +(805)- [X]

<Macolio> shaid: like last time, I helped scrybe do his chemestry assignment, even though I had no idea what I was doing. Because that's just the type of person I am.
<Shaid> and he failed.
<Macolio> that's irrelevant

#211403 +(612)- [X]

<Moonpie> one time
<Moonpie> this kid was talking about how hitler only had one nut
<Moonpie> and i said 'poor hitler' and got kicked out of the class

#261275 +(157)- [X]

<Daxim> also, bersirc is broken
<Daxim> it must not add the angles to the link
<Daxim> I'll file a bug
<paranoid> I want to file a bug report to your fucking parents

#288546 +(121)- [X]

<Shockster> Did you hear about that woman that smoked dope in the streets of Baghdad? She was so stoned.

#294724 +(367)- [X]

<Tigwa> how funny would it be if you got held-up by a tshirt ninja
<Tigwa> 'can you describe the man?' 'errr....well he looked like he had a ninja hood made from a tshirt, was very pale and thin, and kept yelling i will haxx0r j00'

#329513 +(448)- [X]

<Hi-Nu> My brother is trying to sing tot he opening score of LotR
<Hi-Nu> The problem is

#356150 +(39)- [X]

cochese 04: I've been meaning to murder a lot of people
cochese 04: But that Matlock guy is really good at catching murderers
cochese 04: So I dunno
cochese 04: I don't want Andy Griffith coming in my house and proving I did it

#433064 +(1925)- [X]

* ion has joined #sp
<ion> today's my birthday
<deMoN> yo happy bday man ;)
<ion> thanks, my dad brought me a new case home from his work today
<ion> ok, it's not a new case, it's my old one...i didnt like the gray metal frame so i wanted to change the color
<plague> What color?
<ion> gold. i was going to spray paint it, but it would have ended up melting. so my dad said he'd take it to work
<ion> he works at this metal coating place
<ion> just brought it home today. looks awesome
<plague> So you have a gold plated tower?
<ion> no it's not gold...something else...let me go ask
<ion> copper. it's copper
<plague> Copper plated?? Is it running right now?
<ion> no dude...on my other pc..i just finished hooking up the mobo and stuff, i'm about to start it
<ion> stand back
<plague> Before you turn it on...I think you should know something...
* ion has quit IRC (No Route to Host)
<plague> Copper is a conductor of electricity.
<deMoN> think we should have told him?
<zeff> nah, it's funnier this way.
<plague> of course...<>
Note: the fuse box in his house was fried. knocked the power out.

#598261 +(603)- [X]

gelishan: one of my friends who's a stats major calculated the significance of their other

#638296 +(2693)- [X]

<kperpy> then i heard my mum at the door and naturally i panicked right, but luckily i alt+tab'd to porn and took off my pants before she saw that i was on the microsoft website

#662315 +(94)- [X]

TheGodfather2613: i mean if you're going to have upside down crosses you should also have a desecrated star of david and an upside down crescent moon as well as someone bitch slapping krishna

#664248 +(1221)- [X]

<Lynxis> so i was outside today..
<Lynxis> i seen this bird chasing after this a butterfly
<Lynxis> my first thought was that the bird was probably trying to rape the butterfly
<Lynxis> then my second thought was maybe the butterfly was playing hard to get
<Lynxis> and my third thought was "Wow, I must really hang out in the wrong places on the internet."

#664753 +(668)- [X]

<TheWickerMan> My cousin
<TheWickerMan> Is the epitome
<TheWickerMan> of stupidity
<TheWickerMan> I told her to clean the turkey for some dumb party we are having
<TheWickerMan> And she puts it in the oven right
<TheWickerMan> and sets it to
<TheWickerMan> "clean"
<TheWickerMan> and I was like "y u do dat"
<TheWickerMan> "oh the oven has a clean setting"
<TheWickerMan> so we all ate
<TheWickerMan> TV dinners that night

#667273 +(2117)- [X]

<bi0h4z4r_> north korea is test firing missiles right now
<bi0h4z4r_> on fox news
<@argv[0]> thats where i would test my missiles too
<@argv[0]> fox news headquarters

#676664 +(273)- [X]

<cloud1> if warez is too expensive for you, maybe the internet isnt a wise investment for you either

#756353 +(1958)- [X]

<knightmare> sixtho I challenge you to IRC DDR!
<sixtho> ummm ok
<knightmare> + ddrbot start 10
<DDRBot> Game Started!
<DDRBot> <
<knightmare> <
<sixtho> <
<DDRBot> ^^
<knightmare> ^^
<sixtho> ^^
<DDRBot> vvv
<knightmare> vvv
<sixtho> wtf
<DDRBot> knightmare wins!
<knightmare> ?
<sixtho> where the shit is the down arrow
<knightmare> ...

#787031 +(3144)- [X]

<obm>If they make a Nano Iphone, I may be interested.
<obm>oh, or an iphone shuffle, no screen and it phones random people

#917561 +(1727)- [X]

<Rei> What's Microsoft Works?
<K> An oxymoron.

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