#751 +(1066)- [X]
[reidman ) why is there an ad for Windows Media Player on the Apple Quicktime site??
[|Dan| ) god only knows why
[|Dan| ) and he's laughing
#805 +(324)- [X]
<DUJSHEBAE> HI, ANYONE knows which is the best programm for emulate PSX in a pentium 133?
#4308 +(187)- [X]
<K][cK> just had some cold jack and cock :)
#5625 +(314)- [X]
<Veen> if someone said they were 50% gay, would that probably insinuate that they are bi?
<quatoria> It would insinuate they want you to blow them.
#7383 +(259)- [X]
<Pho> the only fun Ive had with linux was formatting it
#7675 +(147)- [X]
<@WoNkS> omg it came up already
<@motardo> your wang?
#8351 +(408)- [X]
<LULU-LION> yea i finsd hy school and im going to choleg dome ass
#9103 +(774)- [X]
<vmob_babe> french is a beautiful language.
<agent_rot> i dont like it
<vmob_babe> why is that?
<agent_rot> cuz i dont like words like 'bourdoeux' or whatever are "bordo"
<agent_rot> theyre just trying to cheat at scrabble i tell you!
#10848 +(256)- [X]
<Art`> Howabout you hold your racquet like your cock?
<Saccy> You mean double-handed?
#11590 +(571)- [X]
<ShockSMX> I have more important things to do right now than sitting in front of the computer... For example sitting behind the computer, where its safe and nobody will hurt me.
#18460 +(152)- [X]
<Fryth> What is ".net"? Some kind of asp development standard?
<Calrathan> Fryth, distributed computing solution by MS.
<Calrathan> in otherwords... MS can disolve computers around the world with this stuff
<Calrathan> [distributed computing SOLUTION... har har har]
#18475 +(165)- [X]
<\windows\system32\format> /run $me
#34440 +(629)- [X]
‹doc-› H/P/V/A/C . 34o megs . FiDo
‹vect0r› hp vac?? HEWLETT PACKARD MAKES A VACUUM!?
‹vect0r› I MUST GET!
‹vect0r› does it suck as much as their computers do?
<vect0r› because that would be a kick ass vacuum
#37343 +(240)- [X]
<`Raphael> <venomz> i broke my finger playen halo 2 much!!!!!
<`Raphael> HOW DO YOU BREAK A FINGER PLAING A GAME??
<Rann-chan> Jamming it on the game pad REALLY hard?
<Rann-chan> Either that or he, like, played it non-stop for 48 hours or something and his fingers were so overstrung that one fractured when he jabbed a button.
<RichardFox> Could be a stress fracture.
<`Raphael> He said he played it everyday for a month.
<RichardFox> Yup, stress fracture.
<Rann-chan> You know what can cure that? A LIFE.
#41519 +(434)- [X]
<MMB> !8ball AM I THE HOTTEST GUY IN HERE
<ChanServ> MMB: No.
<MMB> !8ball do you know who is?
<ChanServ> MMB: Sure. Yeah. Exactly.
<Yardbomb> !8 It's me isn't it?
<ChanServ> Yardbomb: Sure. Yeah. Exactly.
<Ant-> !8 you said that out of pity didn't you?
<ChanServ> Ant-: Yes.
#41606 +(523)- [X]
<Legalize-> [MP3] Pink Floyd - Who Let the Dogs Out
#45124 +(213)- [X]
<Quik> Quake is the mother of all games!
<fridaY13th> yes... a very old and ugly mother.
#46093 +(345)- [X]
<mhardyx> left one is either going to be shortened or removed
<mhardyx> and the right one is coming off so they can take the screw out
<[Bardell]> IS HE TALKING ABOUT HIS BALLS!?!?!
#46669 +(382)- [X]
<|TripleH|> ya know
<|TripleH|> that place with the giant T on the roof
#48548 +(409)- [X]
<Vincent_T> natl: are you m/f?
<natl> Yes, I am.
#58547 +(331)- [X]
<crunchyfish> It's easier to talk to girls if you find little ways to surprise them.
<crunchyfish> Like punching them in their fucking whore face in a dark parking lot.
#60049 +(141)- [X]
<DooD> and for the record i worship kim -_-
<``Erik> kim? one of my playtoys is named kim
<DooD> you name your blowup dolls?
#68575 +(198)- [X]
<wip3out|isthekeymaster>fuck, i knew it... the one time I wanted pizza and it happens to be super bowl sunday, and now PapaJohns.com is getting DOSed by fat football fans.
#76992 +(264)- [X]
specul8tor: I have no girlfriend....she dumped me
sprightlygirl: thats sucks, im sorry to hear it...
specul8tor: she will regret it one day....when she realizes that no one could possibly put down the love like me
sprightlygirl: at least your ego's not bruised
#81967 +(1271)- [X]
<mcgruff> ever notice, that like half the quotes on bash seem to be plucked out of conversations specifically designed to produce quotes to submit to bash?
<cliff> i LOVE the cock
#82056 +(965)- [X]
(bovril): amsterdam is officially the best place ever
(doggie^): how stoned did you get?
(bovril): as stoned as an adulterous arab woman
#83756 +(282)- [X]
<Wang_Ninja> oh boy
<Wang_Ninja> I have to find four 6 year old boys
<Goonigoogoo> it's a michael jackson minigame?
#83882 +(1594)- [X]
* Professor sets mode: +m
<Professor> Listen up, people.
<Professor> 1.) Religion-chat is done, since we're degenerating into bickering.
<Professor> 2.) Goombas are traitorous members of the Mushroom Kingdom who joined Koopa for a share of the power. It says so in the SMB manual.
#84108 +(192)- [X]
<KANG> hey...shut up?
<Dinjack> Oh, wait, hold on, my pizza just came, pepperoni with blow me.
<KANG> that sounds like quite a pizza
<Dinjack> You don't wanna know about the free breadsticks, then
#88277 +(154)- [X]
<spacemank> I boiled an egg once, and only totally ruined one pot, one knife, and one spoon!
#102021 +(308)- [X]
<Judg3> well, i get laid too. But you have to keep it secret, or your not as geeky
<JPres> I got laid once.
<JPres> but mom said it made her feel dirty
#103202 +(431)- [X]
<OwnerDemon> It kind of sucks now that there are so many computer jokes and innuendos on bash.org that people like me can't understand them.
<TheOne> 7|-|47z (|_|z j0012 4 f|_||<1n9 DUMB4SS!
#115370 +(12)- [X]
* @baafie creams over AngelPHiSH
* @AngelPHiSH wipes up
<@james> that's parksie's job O_o
<@AngelPHiSH> a little warning next time please
* @james hides
* @AngelPHiSH slaps james gently
<@AngelPHiSH> also: repeatedly
<@AngelPHiSH> wah now you made me think about parksie again >.<
* @AngelPHiSH snivels in her corner
<@AngelPHiSH> im so aloooooooonnnnnnnneeeeeee
<%Lioness> wahh wahh :oP
<%Lioness> Quit being emo
<@AngelPHiSH> sob sob
<%Lioness> It's been.....over 2 months for me.
<@AngelPHiSH> i cant help being emo!
<%Lioness> And I've still got 4 weeks to go.
<@AngelPHiSH> yes but YOU DONT FEEL PAIN LIKE I DO
<@baafie> That's because she doesn't do anal.
<@AngelPHiSH> from cream to anal.. IN ONE EASY CONVERSATION!
<@AngelPHiSH> Just add baafie
#124616 +(569)- [X]
<AXiLLA> it feels like I need to do the dishes.. I'm drinking juice out of an ashtray :[
#167863 +(1462)- [X]
<jaymeekae> i feel so american
<Moonman> you shot someone?
#176156 +(600)- [X]
<Ettin> Still, I thought the war would be over by now.
<Ettin> No country has an infinite supply of suicide bombers.
#178794 +(647)- [X]
<VolteFace> heh, this SNL is like a mirror
<VolteFace> they're making MJ child molestation jokes and how the president can't read
<VolteFace> and it's from 1993
#266832 +(657)- [X]
<vidkid7> he told us about some kid who turned in a render of a hunting knife for his project
<vidkid7> and when he asked to see the wireframe "you sure?"
<vidkid7> "yeah, I need to see it"
<vidkid7> and he turned it to wireframe
<vidkid7> and had written "I'LL KILL YOU" over and over and over like a thousand times behind the image
#332053 +(1699)- [X]
<headlessj> i dl winrar, and it came in a .rar file
#405221 +(15489)- [X]
<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker
#420439 +(374)- [X]
<@Casper> Girl from work and I went to the pool hall
<@Casper> I asked her if she wanted to start talking
<@Casper> She said we would talk about it tomorrow
<@Casper> She has a nice looking sister too
<@cypher> start talking about what?
<@Casper> going out
<@cypher> people _plan_ relationship status?
<Vehementi> not only do they plan relationship status, they plan *talking* about relationship status.
<Vehementi> later in the relationship this is more commonly known as the "Let's talk about our relationship" trap
<@cypher> Vehementi: <3
<sh> new Relationship;
#436985 +(2193)- [X]
<Jordanis_Jackal> What's that Chewie? Han fell into the well?
#588620 +(1231)- [X]
TwoHundredNinety: Man. I went to our school's Christmas play today.
Decagon111: Was it an interesting experience?
TwoHundredNinety: It was... uh. Quite interesting.
TwoHundredNinety: We had Scripture quoted at us. There was a large stained-glass cross. Santa ordered Oompa Loompas to break his elves' kneecaps when they went on strike. There were four machine-gun shootings. Santa died. (Three times, technically.) There were two death threats, independent of the machine gun business.
TwoHundredNinety: Yes. ... The death threats were in the service of an anti-materialism parable.
Decagon111: ... I was _going_ to say how weird it was that there were carolers going around two weeks early tonight... but I don't think I'll bother.
#643756 +(433)- [X]
<n00b> how do i make $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ fast!! plz plz plzzzz tell meeeeeee!!!!
<piezocake> Get Vi and type 22i$<esc>
#742824 +(415)- [X]
<SixFeet-> rejected by a computer script, new low in my life
<NTT> well, at least u didnt have cybersex with one of those bots that pm's you here on mirc
<SixFeet-> well i tried, but it replied with "lets just be friends..."
#764876 +(7927)- [X]
Curt teh Juggler: our graduation ceremony was today, and right when some gamer nerd got his diploma, someone in the audience played the zelda "get item" music and he did the zelda spin-hold-out-item stance
Curt teh Juggler: it was quite possibly the most amazing thing ever.
#806893 +(3420)- [X]
<+TheUltra4sshole> I mean, we started 2 nights before, recruiting strippers to show up
<+TheUltra4sshole> things got out of hand, and we end up with 10 kegs, and who knows how many imported sluts
<+TheUltra4sshole> I'm not talking tundra wookies
<+TheUltra4sshole> I mean, decent-looking chicks
<+TheUltra4sshole> they'd ranks a 6 or 7 here, but are fucking TEN in alaska
<+TheUltra4sshole> party goes awesome
<+TheUltra4sshole> don't catch any of the game
<+TheUltra4sshole> we all pass out by about 3 am
<+TheUltra4sshole> first call is at 6 am
<+TheUltra4sshole> and being professional alcoholics, we rigged the central firealarm to go off 10 minutes before first call
<+TheUltra4sshole> well, we all wake up to the fire alarm, clean the shithole up, then go down to PT formation
<+TheUltra4sshole> just expecting a 10-mile detox run or something gay like that
<+TheUltra4sshole> 1SG says we're having a health and welfare inspection
<+TheUltra4sshole> where he goes through everbody's room and fucks you up for anything that's out of place
<+TheUltra4sshole> well... we had 10 empty kegs and a buncha passed out whores in our building...
<+TheUltra4sshole> not to mention the little shit like bottle caps and whatnot
<+TheUltra4sshole> thank GOD he went to consolidated barracks first, so we had about an hour to get everything cleaned up
<+TheUltra4sshole> you wanna talk about a buncha men working as a team...
<+TheUltra4sshole> we had the buffer going, you heard nothing but vacuums, sweeping, mopping, and calls for the medic to get a hooker with an IV
<+TheUltra4sshole> pure mayhem
<+TheUltra4sshole> we get all the sluts out of our own rooms, and since the dayroom only had a little bit of furniture and we can work on it together, we all hit it at once
<+TheUltra4sshole> well...there was one chick left over
<+TheUltra4sshole> still passed out, topless in a leather skirt
<+TheUltra4sshole> when we heard CQ on the first floor call "AT EASE!"
<+TheUltra4sshole> fucking panic
<+TheUltra4sshole> Aubaugh, being the smart crazy jew he was, stole a buncha rappelling gear from mountaineering
<+TheUltra4sshole> tied her passed-out ass up in a swiss-seat
<+TheUltra4sshole> (mind you, she was wearing JUST a skirt, and a swiss seat goes between the legs)
<+TheUltra4sshole> tie the 120 to the center pillar, tied her figure 8 off in a bowline, and pushed her out the window
<+TheUltra4sshole> she hung there for FORTY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES
<+TheUltra4sshole> We pass the inspection
<+TheUltra4sshole> as 1SG was walking out of the barracks, he walked around the outside looking for cigarette butts and caught us hauling her naked ass back in the window...
<+TheUltra4sshole> we had such a good chance to get away with it...
<+TheUltra4sshole> man was that a long week for charlie company, 2-1 infantry
#846544 +(218)- [X]
<BillyM> If life were like IRC, my mom would be kicked for flooding and repeating text.
#918504 +(327)- [X]
Eli: Today this black kid who acts pretty white was trying to convince me that hes asian cus hes a ninja
Eli: I said
Eli: "ninja please"
Eli: It was awesome.
#936597 +(999)- [X]
Stranger: I'm Mary. What's your name?
Stranger: So, Eric, where are you from?
You: USA, you?
You: Your name is Mary? That's not a Chinese name.
Stranger: My Chinese name is Xiong Chaofeng.
You: Alright, Mary it is...