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#783 +(683)- [X]

(DigDug) i'm really glad that my penis doesn't have an odometer

#1540 +(399)- [X]

<fastahj7> what's the difference between the usa DC lightgun and the euro one
<smcn> the usa one has a "shoot up your school" button

#1813 +(533)- [X]

<doobedoobedoo> Arlaswecryfhrljarufvvutuutwdd
<doobedoobedoo> You know what's funny?
<doobedoobedoo> That's probably a word in welsh.

#4186 +(66)- [X]

<Anton> for a guess you had a shit day at work as usual?
<Alexander> just boring
<Anton> ever actually had a good day at work?
<Alexander> well ok boring and shit

#4849 +(113)- [X]

<thinkmad> who made these stupid ass tutorials?
<thinkmad> one of them should be
<thinkmad> how to be fucking stupid

#5332 +(258)- [X]

<kidpiglet> is there such a thing as putting a "hit" on a dog
<kidpiglet> if so let me know whos avalible to do a "hit"
<Ph4nt0m> marinate a steak in antifreeze
<kidpiglet> yeah with my luck my hubby would go and cook it for himself
<Ph4nt0m> would that be all bad? :)

#5418 +(211)- [X]

<Guilty> Now I see that your Utopia is more of a Fruitopia

#6754 +(554)- [X]

<newkid99> Whats everyone reading today
<Wed> The screen

#6764 +(331)- [X]

<dbaker> pine4 came out recently, by the way.
<dbaker> A customer called me a "fucking unix admin nazi" for not having pine4 installed the day it came out... :)

#8428 +(77)- [X]

*** overloaded has quit IRC (Quit: i'm outta here like a dyke fleeing dick.)

#11625 +(741)- [X]

<GodofDeath> Do you people think that racism is funny or something?
<GodofDeath> You are so dense because you are naive to what it's like to have racism effect you.
<slick> I'm aware of it when a black person assume I have it good because I'm white, and that nothing bad happens to me because I'm white. WHITE PEOPLE HAVE FEELINGS TOO!
<Alice> How dare you say I don't know what it's like to be a victim of racism, I was walking down the street yesterday when a blackie bumped into me. I had to run home instantly and wash. Don't fucking talk to me about being a victim.

#15680 +(168)- [X]

<PetrDoubt> Geez, I'm going to have to set up a procmail filter to deal with
  employee farewell notices.

#22094 +(1412)- [X]

<g0atb0t> What's ADD stand for? Attention Deficit LET'S GO RIDE BIKES!

#32701 +(461)- [X]

<Snobbenunge> does anyone waht error: 0x1d1c4e86 referenced memory at 0x0000000000 the memory could not be read mean? :D
<matricks> yes
<Snobbenunge> what does it mean
<Snobbenunge> ?
<Snobbenunge> i only get it when i'm browsing the harddrives
<matricks> someone forgot to check if a pointer was null before reading from it..
<Snobbenunge> ok. so some troubles with the mouse drivers?

#36834 +(2)- [X]

<ChuffyCow> "welcome to the vancouver snow boarding championships. thousands of dollars are up for grabs"

#40533 +(118)- [X]

<Miss^Katie> whats the kinkiest thing you've ever done
<rachhh> well before i had my first bisexual experience, i was smoking pot, and my boyfriend was licking me out and then he got my dog and my dog was licking me
<Miss^Katie> what was that like?
<rachhh> it was really good
<rachhh> i dont think i would have done it if i knew about it though
<rachhh> you ever done anything like that?
<Miss^Katie> ummm not with animals

#40728 +(356)- [X]

<nach0king> "i had a gay time at the zoo today" - is that a slur?
<@Technogeek> Depends what 'gay' is supposed to mean. It could mean either a good time, or that you got assraped by one of the animals.

#43505 +(490)- [X]

<soulsuckingharpy> once i walked in on my mother fucking a clown
<killingtime> did like 20 clowns come out afterwards and do somersaults?

#43511 +(21)- [X]

<+rele`out> i dont know what raid does, backup files or something

#46079 +(195)- [X]

<freestyle> whats rhe best site 4 soccer transfers???
<|-|00PsTa> www.metco.com
<freestyle> metco?
<|-|00PsTa> freestyle: movements euro transfers co operation
<freestyle> thanks!
<freestyle> FUCK YOU U GAY FREAK!

#47176 +(491)- [X]

<djdan> You are a really weird d00d.
<djdan> hm.
<djdan> d00d upside-down is p00p.

#65175 +(285)- [X]

<Clutch-Dialup> You're like a guy who says to his beautiful girlfriend, "I think we should see other people." And is surprised when she says "Great!!" Then you have to watch her enjoying herself with a multitude of studs, while you play D&D with your geeky friends.

#73067 +(95)- [X]

!dmwaters*! This is a wallops message for the Freenode network If you do not wish to see theese messages, type /mode yournick -w now. Thank you for using Freenode!:)
!lilo*! This is a WALLOPS message for freenode.  These messages contain non-critical comments and announcements and detailed server info.  If you'd like to turn them off, '/mode <yournick> -w' works on most clients.  Thank you for using freenode!
!lilo*! For reference, this is a non-critical comment.  Erm, wait.  Yeah.  I think.
!brd*! m00 cow m00.. This is a non-critical m00, please stay tuned for further m00s
!lilo*! Hmph.
!brd*! ;P

#78885 +(132)- [X]

<Moonpie> For some reason I always associate Denver with Colorado :(

#80888 +(625)- [X]

<Agilo> you know jerking off in the shower has its disadvantage
<Agilo> now the rain makes me horny

#81866 +(81)- [X]

<b1u3> know whatd rule
<b1u3> if somehow, we got bush and his two daughters and suddam and his two sons in a ring, with glass shard laced gloves, like in that movie kickboxxer
<b1u3> or give the bush daughters two beer bottles apiece and send them to melee the fuck out of the iraqui ground soldiers...a bush girl with a beer bottle against a skinny iraqui whos only there so his family doesnt get gassed is like bruce lee against david spade

#89029 +(234)- [X]

Casalyn88: now i feel branded like i can't go out and have other boys now because theyll see it and think i get around a lot
Tovarich89: ummm, casie.....
Casalyn88: ok i mean then they'll KNOW i get around a lot
Tovarich89: better

#104041 +(657)- [X]

<Milon> I I can't believe I was fooled like that. my brother and his friend told me there was pie downstairs and as I go down they had like a giant rubber slingshot set up and they nailed me with it >:(

#105260 +(137)- [X]

<Hydra> Gary Coleman's the shit...
<int> ...
<rizen> yeah, he's about the size and coloration of a turd

#173795 +(450)- [X]

<@NapKiN> ?
<dez> yeah
<dez> cant remember what porno she was in tho

#205567 +(1462)- [X]

<[NCA]Spank> I was pretty dumb about computers. <[NCA]Spank> Then I learned you could get porn on them. <[NCA]Spank> 3 years later I'm a system administrator.

#218182 +(1750)- [X]

<WickedClown> well one night after sex i was lazy and left the condom on the floor till morning
<WickedClown> her dog ate it
<WickedClown> and her dad found it hanging from the dogs butt the next day

#219566 +(234)- [X]

(@Josh) do you know where your children are
(~cypher) in the bottom of the sock on the floor
(@equin0x) ..
(@Josh) for your mother to find?
! @Josh thinks his mom caught him a few times
(~cypher) its not going to clean itself :S

#225840 +(626)- [X]

(SuperMarine): i swear to go
(SuperMarine): d
(SuperMarine): if that dog next door dosnt shut up
(SuperMarine): im going to do something bad
(AfroTrance): like complain over irc

#258308 +(1070)- [X]

<The_Spaniard> Stupid is getting louder?

#329767 +(814)- [X]

<ED> I like my women like I like my coffee

#374400 +(264)- [X]

<DeathPool> You know that internet culture has reached its peak when the first comment on a news post about an ape that walks upright is: HILARY DUFF APE SEX!

#386207 +(832)- [X]

<Paul> So anyway, i hit him over the head with a shovel
<Paul> and now he's all "Lawsuit" this and "Jailtime" that

#395657 +(601)- [X]

<Syberia> FUCK i'm dead
<Syberia> i was flirting with this 15 y/o chick i met on halo
<Syberia> she went to use the little girls' room
<Syberia> her 11 y/o sis walked in and saw what she was doing
<Syberia> got her mom, who read the whole MSN convo
<Syberia> she starts talking to me, telling me her daughter's only 12
<Syberia> you'd think she'd get pissed at her daughter but no, now someone's mom who i don't even know in ohio now knows my phone # and thinks i'm a pedophile
<SirChris> dude, chicks don't play halo

#474123 +(951)- [X]

mdvb: Matt, you not watching the State of the Union?
strestout1: ill tell u the state of the union
strestout1: we're losing jobs, the economy is going to shyt, the whole world hates us
strestout1: god bless america
strestout1: the end

#490690 +(439)- [X]

<DM|Rigs> heh no body loves me
<DM|Rigs> :(
<Munter> Jesus loves you!
<Sirak> Everybody else thinks you're a cunt

#526398 +(1900)- [X]

<@PaulGonegooley> I just opened the box for my new harddrive
<@PaulGonegooley> it smells like victory
<malicious> the fuck it does
<malicious> opening a new pack of MTG cards.
<malicious> that smells like victory.
<@PaulGonegooley> that smells like never getting laid, ever
<@PaulGonegooley> that's what that smells like
<malicious> fuck you :(

#536530 +(351)- [X]

OsakePenguin: I would go see elephants in Sri Lanka, but I think they're all planted with bombs to kill tourists.
Zephurus: Haha.
Zephurus: They even have their own navy and air force.
Zephurus: How screwed up is that?
OsakePenguin: The elephants? That's hella screwed up.
Zephurus: The terrorists.

#543436 +(3267)- [X]

<opensoar> you know how my wife looks really young right?
<jb> yeah - she looks about 15
<opensoar> we'd been playing tennis and she was in little shorts and a t-shirt
<opensoar> we went to a mall and i figured i'd embarrass her with a bit sloppy kiss..
<jb> lol - you bastard!
<opensoar> after i'd slobbered all over her, she pushed me away and shouted out "Ew! Dad! GROSS!"
<opensoar> the whole place thought i was some kind of pervy..

#546800 +(1200)- [X]

<Dogan> but I knew this one mathematician guy in college
<Dogan> he tried to apply for a grant to get funding for his project
<Dogan> and on the form he said his project involved "studying the effects of tropical vacations on mathematicians"

#549598 +(1028)- [X]

Threatis I'm trying to figure out what "geek" tattoo I'm getting.
khmer Threatis: get <blink> tattooed on your eyelids

#595424 +(293)- [X]

<phooka> im getting a nice deal on a laptop
<phooka> 599 for a good deal
<minkis> and then how much is the laptop for after you bought the deal?

#826453 +(2079)- [X]

<cannibal> Im playing tetris, and why won't the square pieces spin like the others?
<therion> ...

#837574 +(2497)- [X]

<anonop> whats your worst sex story?
<anon> I'll answer with a one-liner.
<anon> It takes a brave man to swim in the Red waters, but it takes a hero to drink from it.

#841903 +(416)- [X]

<ZS-Hawk> When I turned 18, I got a gillette mach 3 in the mail from the air force I think. I opened it up in front of my parents, and my dad says "ooh, nice razor! I'm going to do to that one what you do with mine!" and before he could finish his sentence, I said "noo! Don't shave your balls with my razor!" and before he could think, he laughingly said "no, I mean beat it on the sink until the blades are all crooked!"
<ZS-Hawk>  About 10 minutes of my mom giggling and my dad realized what I said, but I was out the door. It never came up again.

0.0638 21095 quotes approved; 1506 quotes pending
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