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#1380 +(554)- [X]

[orion] man i had a fucked up dream last night
[orion] i think my maid was fondeling me
[orion] i was being spooned by this chick when she started to finger my asshole, and i was like "wtf is this shit, get that outta me, but i couldn't move"
[orion] so then i finally got all grossed out and woke up
[orion] and my asshole felt funny.
(|Chris) you probably fingered your own ass in your sleep
[orion] nah mang, i smelled my fingahs

#3855 +(356)- [X]

<imsoemo> i should sell information on how to join irc on ebay
<imsoemo> FOR ONLY $3 I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO TALK TO MORE ARROGANT ASSHOLES THAN YOU EVER DREAMED
<CaliburX> Just make it sound complicated and expensive
<CaliburX> Have you ever wanted to talk with other sophisticated beings like yourself for free on your own personal computer? With this 42 step guide your dreams will become a reality and your life will be forever enjoyable.
<CaliburX> Only $99.99 plus shipping and handling

#5521 +(422)- [X]

<Lord-Data> god dammit. try as i might, i cannot type in the starwars theme music in words

#5584 +(701)- [X]

<Villager> haven't you heard the phrase 'big is beautiful'?
<Alexander> i've heard the phrase 'fat is repulsive'

#6987 +(181)- [X]

<@vampyr> clearly Trent Reznor is a debian user

#8285 +(942)- [X]

<Weirdo_God_of_Insanity> Communism is like Spandex. Good idea, but then real people started using it. Things got real ugly from there.

#8528 +(15)- [X]

<aversion> i have an idea
<aversion> how bout i show you my middle finger and you get offended
<aversion> kthxbye

#8930 +(61)- [X]

<XvRickH> is an oc3 connection like...2 T3s combined?
<Goetterdaemmerung> 3.
<Goetterdaemmerung> hence oc-"3"
<XvRickH> so could I combine like 2 DSL lines and make like...an DSL2 or something?

#10223 +(47)- [X]

<luminosity> No wait... I can do better than that. they should develop a
             neural connection so I can sit here and not even have to move.
<martinb> sure. Can it write this requirements spec I'm working on, too?
<luminosity> Why the hell not?
<luminosity> While it's at it it can do my homework so I can concentrate on
             fun stuff.
<martinb> so get working on it!
<martinb> no, wait, recusion
<martinb> damn

#10626 +(2273)- [X]

<CompuMan> The tragedy of Canada is they could have had British culture, French cooking, and American technology, but instead they got American culture, British cooking, and French technology.

#11435 +(49)- [X]

<doc> i feel no need to go to canada 
<doc> if i want a taste of canada, i'll drink a canada dry

#14528 +(265)- [X]

<AutistiCat> I'm forgetful.
<AutistiCat> Yet I can remember 50 digits of pi...
<Arcman> That's why, see.  That took up all your brain space.

#14664 +(293)- [X]

<Dejocko> I lose 50 IQ points when i talk to girls, no fair
<GIJosh> you had 50?

#17301 +(153)- [X]

<Claus> I sell children to old women
<Claus> and they stuff them up their uterus
<Isajeep> oh my god

#21894 +(938)- [X]

<omnius> omnius > join(#www(users()))
<RoBorg> omnius == "dork"
<omnius> omnius == "genius"
<omnius> if (RoBorg() == "omnius is a genius"){RoBorg == true;}elseif(RoBorg() == "omnius is a dork"){RoBorg == banned;}else{RoBorg == "dork";}
<RoBorg> if(omnius.ban("RoBorg")) {RoBorg.violence = 100; RoBorg.rampage(); setTimeout("RoBorg.alive=false;", 360000);}
<omnius> omnius(RoBorg -> omnius.string = "omnius is a genius");
<RoBorg> omnius >> recycle bin;
<omnius> omnius -> undelete(); omnius -> deltree("c:\RoBorg");
<RoBorg> brain://omnius/ == 404
<RoBorg> omnius.split(); omnius.slice(); omnius.explode()
<omnius> $salt = guid(); RoBorg = crypt("RoBorg",$salt);
<RoBorg> DELETE * FROM existance WHERE name='omnius';
<omnius> RoBorg = broken;
<RoBorg> with(omnius){break;}

#26296 +(120)- [X]

<Raven> i made a total of 3 total conversions by myself
<Raven> audio, graphics, music AND levels
<Raven> all by myself
<Raven> that was all during one summer
<Raven> i was 12
<skwerrel> was that the same summer you took over the world and dominated Europe's fashion scene raven?
<panda> is that why european's can't dress?

#30550 +(178)- [X]

<Rilan> anyone here a hacker or anything of the sort>>
<Kirika> Does using UNIX as a home OS qualify me?
* Rilan needs someone who knows how to get things.. that are hard to get.
<Kirika> Care to announce what?
<Rilan> Hmm thinks like full length tv shows.. like.. space ghost coast to coast, ren and stimp, things like that.. movies.. i tried mIRC but no luck.

#33848 +(179)- [X]

edRigo: she "Fell asleep with him" according to Marshall
edRigo: I assume that means they fucked, but you never know with him
BallastMan: from now i'll call you "dr ambiguous unless pressed for details"

#34718 +(298)- [X]

<Kube> lots of girls like me
<Kube> well
<Kube> one

#35212 +(37)- [X]

< BD-Calvin> an iso in 10 minutes. vr00m
< SnowKrash> =)
< NeilOfDoom> BD-Calvin :: yeah, go easy on the kazaa pr0n

#36130 +(545)- [X]

<IdKS> brb
<IdKS> omg.,.....i;m too lazy to get up

#36769 +(55)- [X]

<UN-REAL> ihel leyha id use http mirc hahaha
<UN-REAL> like idd iwhe ni worked at the ama
<@EzyRider> we need an interpreter in here for UN-REAL..
<@EzyRider> fucked if i can follow half of what he says
<@[[x]]> LOL
<@Bloody_D_Death> LOL

#38819 +(240)- [X]

<KeeperX> "Your profession puts you in a position to be interested in both technology and biosecurity issues—so we’ve arranged with COMDEX to offer you a free All-Access Pass when you register by midnight, EST, Friday, October 11. "
<KeeperX> wtf
<KeeperX> i write about video games
<KeeperX> how does that make me interested in biosecurity issues?
<Legacy> You've played RE right?

#41741 +(694)- [X]

<Rodney> damn mom still on ebay
<territory> lol
<territory> ur selling ur mom?

#42648 +(155)- [X]

<SeXaH> damn i broke my g-string
<SeXaH> oh hrmz
<SeXaH> that looks bad
<SeXaH> i ment the g-string from my guitar

#46675 +(119)- [X]

<energize> either we play ghost recon or i make a lame attempt to beat off.. realize i'm too loaded and end up passing out with my dick in my hand

#47083 +(281)- [X]

<ZeBFFd00d> oh yea, just set up my sixth CPU running Folding@Home
<pl3x> you must be quite the ladies man

#49507 +(160)- [X]

<wabbit> wanna know something funny dave?
<wabbit> about nora
<wabbit> +d
<wabbit> and what the spend money on?
<wabbit> +y
* |Dave hands wabbit the manual for his keyboard.

#56259 +(521)- [X]

<tHeo^doctor-appt`> this is prolly too much information
<tHeo^doctor-appt`> but I haven't been able to get off in like a month or something
<Miyabi> dude, your nuts must be huge
<Miyabi> i mean, as a result
<Miyabi> that wasn't random props

#56292 +(308)- [X]

(+[MO]GeX) James[UH] you got a GF ain't you ?
(@James[UH]) gf, geforce or girlfriend...

#58178 +(370)- [X]

*** Joins: Amnesia (ggdf@hide-49208.wc.saix.net)
<Amnesia> yo
<rawhed> yo amnesia
<rawhed> remember me? ;)

#60134 +(10)- [X]

<@Vexer`> we went out last night to mcdonalds then to a movie with some muslims :P.. i was lookin' for you to see if oyu wanted to come
<@elf> haha
<@elf> like i would want to go to a movie with muslims
<@elf> you guys played rock-scissors-paper to see who got to drive the explosive-loaded car into the theatre, didnt you

#84470 +(315)- [X]

<Hackster> oh, i crack me up.
<lophyte> you crack me up too
<lophyte> *snuggles close to Hackster*
<lophyte> ;)
<Hackster> really.
<Hackster> awww. *lick*
<lophyte> yay :D
<p1asm1c> get a dcc chat you two

#98324 +(809)- [X]

<@voh> ever seen the bristol flag in my room?
<@voh> it's about 80 cm wide and 300cm long
<@voh> big-ass flag :)
< SirGoblin> sounds like my penis
<@voh> yeah
<@voh> the flag refuses to stand up straight as well

#100123 +(300)- [X]

<@Asha`monkey> Storm is like a 64 or something like that.
<+darkLem> boy, he looks younger than he is obviously.
<+nosphalot> he scarifices virgins to keep up appearance
<+darkLem> ...so THAT'S why he hangs around on IRC!

#101988 +(357)- [X]

<Sage> but curiosity
<ChaosValentine> killed the cat
<Unicorn> technically the cat killed himself, curiosity just convinced it to
<gk> no way man
<gk> curiosity busted out a switch blade and slit that stupid pussy's throat

#128472 +(60)- [X]

<Goomba> ford?
<fordprefect> wot?
<Goomba> nothing
<kopo|cool`n`icy> lol
<kopo|cool`n`icy> i used to do that with my friends
<Herr-Statto> until they got pissed off
<kopo|cool`n`icy> yeah
<kopo|cool`n`icy> now, i have no one left :(
<kopo|cool`n`icy> exept you guys
* kopo|cool`n`icy hangs himself
<Goomba> good
<kopo|cool`n`icy> i'm dead, cant hear you
<Goomba> good

#242116 +(264)- [X]

<Tie> CD-RWs are like.. virigins who never lose their virginity no matter how much you fuck 'em

#242402 +(2439)- [X]

DinjackPD: there was this once, like three years ago, I forgot this big project I had to turn in when I went to school
DinjackPD: so I called home to my dad (he works out of a home office) and asked him to bring it for me
DinjackPD: so he came to school with it and he came up to me and shook my hand and said "Hi there, I'm David, I'm your personal secretary."
DinjackPD: And I said "Hi there, I'm your son, you signed on for this shit when you didn't wear a condom."
DinjackPD: I thought it was funnier than he did

#244273 +(468)- [X]

<Xenocide> what are those things called....
<Xenocide> y'know, they leik deposite ink.. onto cds
<Xenocide> WTF ARE THEY CALLED
<Xenocide> arrgh
<Nd> Pens

#352050 +(257)- [X]

twentydeadbodies: Now that you're gay you should be picking up all sorts of chicks.
Staticd00r: lol

#358697 +(492)- [X]

[+Mista] so how would I go about making a game?
[+DJ-Northern] 1- Hire a team of developers
[+DJ-Northern] 2- Spoof screenshots to create hype
[+DJ-Northern] 3- Buy an E3 booth
[+DJ-Northern] 4- Take your company public
[+DJ-Northern] 5- Disappear with the money before anybody asks for a product

#387388 +(85)- [X]

[Lamsey> lol, i'm running UT in spectator mode to run down my laptop's battery and the camera's right next to a biorifle spot
[Lamsey> whole screen's covered in green goo, hehe
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> that happened to me last night
<Lamsey> ok FC, please don't elaborate in any way or form please
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> I sneezed and all this stuff came out of my nose
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> all over the screen
<Lamsey> ugh, too late
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> people tell younger guys to make sure they have enough money...comdums...etc when they go on a date
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> also remember to blow your nose before you go out
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> could cause problems
<Lamsey> 'snot usually a problem for me

#630041 +(535)- [X]

<Benjula> Dude, I thought of the best name for a Christian rap CD ever
<Benjula> The RhapCD

#647615 +(565)- [X]

<@semi> heres the way I see it
<@semi> they say you are supposed to spend two months salary on the ring
<@semi> better do that now when you are earning 50 bucks a month

#652472 +(860)- [X]

<Jlax> So we were watching this D.A.R.E. video in health
<Jlax> and they did that thing that they always do.
<Jlax> You know, when they're like,
<Jlax> "If you smoke, THIS will happen to YOU!"
<Jlax> And then they show a picture of a black person.

#656312 +(1696)- [X]

<Razhal> The internet is a beautiful place....
<Razhal> Because no matter what kind of twisted freak you are, you've got a friend out there :D
<Razhal> You could ask the internet "Find people who have sex with goats on fire."
<Razhal> And internet will ask you, "What kind of goats?"

#671126 +(541)- [X]

<Mandi> why can't I find the picture I want
<Borgs> that's because the governement closes those sites and procecute people who download those sorts of pictures

#725783 +(1231)- [X]

<1> please tell me if there's any way to check if a table exist in mysql database
<2> if (mysql_query('DROP TABLE table_name')) echo "table existed";

#899957 +(199)- [X]

<sparks333> no see, women in engineering are like parking spaces
<sparks333> the good ones are taken and the rest are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out there
<pikachu> or handicapped

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