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#121 +(625)- [X]

<Dr_DOS> Cducharme: no wonder you get all the women, you choose all the ugly ones =)

#993 +(4017)- [X]

serluny: how long did it took u to learn c?
ReDPriest:4.5 minutes
serluny:how did u do that?
ReDPriest:i downloaded it into my brain..i got a program to do
serluny:what program
ReDPriest:download shit into your brain v3.1
serluny:how do i download it?
ReDPriest: go to www.downloadable-shit-for-your-brain.com
serluny:i cant download it something is wrong

#2039 +(301)- [X]

<hypr> joker is playing all his vinyl from 1998
<hypr> heh
<hypr> or somthing
<hypr> old ;P
<caspuh> hah
<caspuh> 98?
<caspuh> they had vinyal then?

#3295 +(256)- [X]

(Segment7) You cant buy happiness.
(Segment7) but you can lease it for $10,000/month

#3710 +(125)- [X]

<Epesh> I wish I was in control of all hiring
<Epesh> for everywhere
<Epesh> McD's would have no labour shortage

#4756 +(875)- [X]

<kyle> I'm trying to get this girl to go out with me but every pick up line i use sucks.
<kolby> next time you see her, ask her what the difference is between a pile of dead babies and a BMW
<kolby> then tell her that you don't have a BMW in your garage

#6727 +(592)- [X]

<k8_fan> I have this nightmare that I die suddenly...and everyone I know starts looking through my browser cache.
* Hogie-One has that same dream!

#11628 +(466)- [X]

<dJOEk> okay, now seriously for a moment
<dJOEk> a dear friend of mine needs to break up with this girl
<\slick> punch her in the face and play sir mix-a-lot
<Crow> slicks solution to every problem.. 100 percent success rate

#12500 +(206)- [X]

<mrs> ontariom the phone is for you
<sully> OntarioM is ~Ontario@CPE************.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com * Toronto Man
<sully> OntarioM on #toronto #phonesex #masturbation
<sully> Coincidence?

#13151 +(637)- [X]

[ @niffie ] I have no inhabitions right now
[ @aphr0 ] would you finger my asshole?
[ @niffie ] no
[ @aphr0 ] then you have inhibitions

#16579 +(38)- [X]

<kel> she's not great looking
<kel> has looked better
<kel> but has a funny nose
<kel> thin and wear tight clothes
<kel> hrm
<kel> I'm talking about 17 year old girl
<kel> I'm gonna stop

#17942 +(262)- [X]

<Jibble> I got a 3.5 this semester :D
<Jibble> I so thought I'd failed that history exam too
<MrEnthusiasm> its a computer error
<MrEnthusiasm> you should be getting a letter in the mail rather soon explaining why your financial aide has been revoked
<Jibble> I don't have any financial aid
<MrEnthusiasm> got the letter I see

#22751 +(183)- [X]

<jimblob> did you know that haggii (thats more than one haggis) have two legs shorter than the other two, this enables them to run around hills very quickly, the down side is  that , depending on which two legs are the shortest, the haggis can only run round the hills in one direction
<miriamb> really Jim? 
<miriamb> gosh
<jimblob> yes miriam

#33853 +(221)- [X]

<siliconcenturion>: man, half the sales reps at the toyota dealership should be named Uncle Ben
<siliconcenturion>: black guys trying to sell me rice

#33868 +(20)- [X]

<Phobos> right, im off to build a slimline super computer, i will saw the 1.2ghz board i have so that it will fit into my lunchbox
<Phobos> and the poor fucker who forgets his lunch and dares to open it, will be shiting an amd duron chip a day or two later

#34945 +(70)- [X]

<freak> so whats the present? is it something with sailing?!
<freak> =)
<mango> no.....
<mango> it has to do with my mouth though
<freak> oh
<freak> whoa
<freak> like kissing?
<mango> ha ha
<mango> no
<mango> try me giving u head
<freak> really?
<mango> :-P
<freak> hahah
<mango> hell yea
<freak> better take out your microscope, cause remember im asian =)

#36169 +(135)- [X]

<Knux_The_Echidna> Mel Brooks? what was (s)he in?

#40787 +(461)- [X]

<patchmonkey> I want to start a line of sex toys called "I Can't Believe It's Not Dick"

#46803 +(230)- [X]

(sh) i leave for two minutes and you guys are estimating the ejaculatory capacity of young boy's digestive systems

#46820 +(109)- [X]

* BlazeHedgehog is playing through Links Awakening right now as we speak; for the first time
<Arrow> FIRST TIME?!
<BlazeHedgehog> I've owned the game for two years; I was just really lazy about it.  But now I've gotten into the habit of taking my GBC in with me when I go to take a crap. :B
<Arrow> Those must be long dumps if you got all the way to Dungeon 7 off of it

#48959 +(143)- [X]

<SiZZuRp> bend over and spell run

#52547 +(841)- [X]

<Shark> i'm the only human that has actually seen the loch ness monster
<SeXyBW> is that what you call it now shark?
<Shark> haha, that's what i call my dick
<SeXyBW> so you are the only one that has seen it eh

#55337 +(121)- [X]

<hajjs> a floppy just got stuck in the computer
<hajjs> htf do i get it out?
<Puppet-Master> force?
<hajjs> i sprayed hand lotion onto it
<hajjs> it got out.... but didn't look pretty

#57933 +(179)- [X]

<SantaClaus> Santa on @#gaysouthcoast
<SantaClaus> spreading white christmas in all the wrong places

#58112 +(218)- [X]

<falc> i now declare 'oat' to mean 'on another topic', please update your geeky brains immediately

#82132 +(200)- [X]

- Elim is now known as Elim-playing-with-penis
(@Elim-playing-with-penis) weeeeeeeee
- who is now known as penis
(penis) yay
(penis) !
! penis plays with elim
(@Elim-playing-with-penis) yea you like that penis...weeee

#95963 +(116)- [X]

<Species> this roast beef is either really fresh or really old

#105259 +(191)- [X]

<Zenholder> JavaScript kicks ass
<Nanobot> JavaScript sucks ass
<Nanobot> You were off by two letters

#106869 +(28)- [X]

<Jeian> SeCuRe: who would you rather fuck? Marilyn Manson or the Hanson lead singer? ;]
<SeCuRe> Jeain good god I would take Manson anyday lol
<SeCuRe> he has tits!
<SeCuRe> He does! and hason are all flat chested..
<SeCuRe> at least manson will let me rub them

#175886 +(400)- [X]

<sFa-Stryder`mp5> im fucking 96% iq.

#233284 +(376)- [X]

<LukeIsTerrified> R. Kelly says: "Osama bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I'm going through."
<LukeIsTerrified> I love it.
<Brave-o> He believes he can fly.
<Brave-o> Into buildings.

#239720 +(422)- [X]

<port-> well peace out fuckers
<port-> im done with soa
<port-> email me if u want to talk, odoyle has the address.
* port- sets mode: -o port-
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has left #soangels
<ap0c> heh
<ap0c> he'll be back
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has joined #soangels
<port-> god damn autojoin
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has left #soangels

#239817 +(1469)- [X]

<my_ass_is_hot> So the vice principle was fucking like, sweating because she was a fat bitch and it was lunch time
<uber_bob> lol
<my_ass_is_hot> so as soon as the bell rings she rushes out of the office like a scud missle heading for a childrens daycare
<krazykillah> ROFl
<my_ass_is_hot> but when she comes back there are like 6 of us there waiting for her and she says, "all right, whos my next victim?"
<my_ass_is_hot> and I yell, "A CHEESEBURGER!"
<my_ass_is_hot> there was this huge silence and then everybody in the room including some other teacher started laughing like hell and the fat bitch is just staring like she wants to kill me
<my_ass_is_hot> i got suspended :(

#294158 +(1249)- [X]

* kipton is listening to cute gay boy jacking of in his underwear :: 13s
<kipton> the description is misleading

#375968 +(383)- [X]

* fido2 ponders his next move
<@Doody> Queen to knight four?

#378883 +(1257)- [X]

<Underscore> /part and /quit are sitting on a boat, they weigh a total of 120kg, the moon is at waxing crescent and it is 12 degrees C outside. How much marzipan can a giraffe eat in 10 minutes?

#445447 +(431)- [X]

<Patrick`> holy crap, I'm 20 on wednesday
<Patrick`> I'd better get pregnant in the next 5 days or I'll miss out on the best part of being a teen

#450882 +(924)- [X]

<BlackMoon> heh. kinda funny
<BlackMoon> we used to use internet over phone
<BlackMoon> now we use phone over internet
<DooD> in soviet russia, internet phones you!

#454203 +(8227)- [X]

<drmason> there was this one time I was wanking to porn...
<drmason> ... I kept a javascript tutorial open in another window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always on the desktop with no windows showing
<drmason> so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs
<drmason> alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up... computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door
<drmason> I just stood up and was like "fuck... dad this honestly isn't what it looks like"
<drmason> and he glanced at the screen and said "I sure hope so because it looks like you're masturbating to a fucking javascript tutorial"

#483980 +(233)- [X]

Pramma: like, this one time at a texas hold'em table, and i was like "man, lady luck is really smiling on me today...she's cute too, i'd tap that in a second"
Pramma: and then people started looking at me

#503423 +(1785)- [X]

<infoe> silmaril: what about jesus on the cross
<infoe> and he calls to peter
<infoe> and peter tries to approach
<infoe> and the roman guards prevent him with violence
<infoe> they blacken his eye
<infoe> and scuff him up pretty good
<infoe> and jesus calls him again
<infoe> <jesus> peter.
<infoe> and peter cries "i'm coming lord" and throws himself at the guards
<infoe> who beat him roughly and break his arm
<infoe> at which point he whimpers off
<infoe> again jesus calls to peter <jesus> peter...
<infoe> peter yells to christ "i am coming!" and he throws himself at the guards again
<infoe> putting up a vicious struggle but not laying a hand of violence on the guards
<infoe> finally they concent to let him pass
<infoe> and peter .. his broken arm.. badly bruised and slashed makes it before jesus and kneels and says "i am here father what is it that you want of me?"
<infoe> <jesus> peter, i can see your house from here

#635683 +(1684)- [X]

<Harkila> i've always wondered what "holy shit" actually is
<Harkila> my strongest mental image is about the pope taking a crap
<bleak-> a radiant turd with a halo
<Rancid-> like, xbox?

#682020 +(564)- [X]

<Loki> would dismantling a self-aware computer be considered murder?
<Rane> Why don't you ask it?

#696478 +(791)- [X]

<Anony-X> Whats the worst thing about rollerskating?
<Anony-X> Telling your parents your gay.

#745147 +(2239)- [X]

<Dack Falu> WTF, there are Bomberman fanfics
<Dack Falu> Did that shit have a storyline?
<Stultus> Someone's probably written a fanfic for Tetris
<Saturn V> FOREVER.

#822316 +(2341)- [X]

<@J^raxis> Some people have some weird fetishes. Which is fine. Then they take photos of them, which is not.

#898225 +(1367)- [X]

<Funzo> can any of you guys speak french?
<Time-Warp> i can
<Time-Warp> i know how to say bongshure
<Time-Warp> or something

#913498 +(2181)- [X]

<Fattie> I'm fuckin hungry gonna go make some food
<Fattie> if I DC call 911, I probably burned down the kitchen
<[FKU]Greycloak> "Hello? 911? I'd like to report a fire at"

#916080 +(1094)- [X]

<SaxxonPike> Had some crazy kid running around flailing his arms around come up to me and shout "GUESS WHAT! I'M ONE IN A MILLION!"
<SaxxonPike> One million is a small portion of the world population. So I shouted back "THAT MEANS THERE'S ABOUT 7,000 MORE OF YOU HYPER FUCKS RUNNING AROUND"

#925835 +(1418)- [X]

<pronto> i like my women how i like my filesystems ... FAT and 16

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