#282 +(558)- [X]
<Hatter> I was over-circumsized
<Hatter> the law suit is still pending
#426 +(594)- [X]
<ck10k> is there any site where you can dig up data on someone if you have their social security number?
<ck10k> damnit. the information age my ass
#834 +(107)- [X]
<blazemore> *** Now talking in #bemani
<blazemore> *** Topic is '<Orchard-L> i heard it sucks monkey balls! Monkeys like bananas, kthxgoal'
<blazemore> *** Set by Onic on Fri Nov 10 22:01:07
<blazemore> that kthx thing has gone pretty far
<scar|home> the emu skene - #EFNet's l33t lingo cradle since 1997!
<scar|home> -# :o
#1112 +(111)- [X]
<BlackDeth> gb: ph33r im gonna be seeing spacegirl in a few weeks :P
<LkTrout1> Deth is a boner.
<blazemore> lk has a blackdeth.
#1399 +(356)- [X]
<NCOIC> StarDog, you should see my electronic warfare arsenal. I've got virii and trojans and worms soo old they 'dropped them' from most defensive software...
#1419 +(430)- [X]
<|Chris> you couldn't get a man if you opened your ass like the goatse.cx guy and walked around a prison yard
#1670 +(404)- [X]
<kisama> just leave clues as to your modem
#2497 +(314)- [X]
<PurplHaze> marriage doesn't mean you own me
<CaptCavmn> no, just the genitals
#3763 +(932)- [X]
<[ric]> as the old joke goes, commodore is so bad a marketing, if they bought KFC they would rename it "warm dead bird"
#4451 +(85)- [X]
<amoeba> mouse gestures = OMG IM TOO LAZY TO PRESS TEH BUTTONS ON TEH KEYBOARD
<@tr0n> HEY IF I MOVE IT IN AN S PATTERN AND THEN A ZIGZAG AND THEN A SQUARE SHAPE IT WILL TAKE ME TO FAGS.NET
#4479 +(1008)- [X]
<Khross> andy, time for the secret unix decoder handshake.
* andy sodomizes Khross
* Khross orgasms
<Khross> Okay, we can start the meeting.
#7226 +(429)- [X]
<Stray> you're a winner. i'm a winner. we're all winners here.
<KurtBatz> Everyone's a winner baby, that's the truth. o/~
<Hawx> I have to go to fucking work tomorrow. I'm not a winner.
<Hawx> I'm just a breadwinner.
<Hawx> But who the fuck wants to work for bread?
#7619 +(376)- [X]
<mander_> if east timor can be a nation..
<mander_> is there really any reason my bathroom can't be?
#8590 +(201)- [X]
<mrempire> -7% burning an iso here
<mathew2> now we know why you work for PC World.
#11271 +(497)- [X]
<Sandie> http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/celebrity/wesleys-anal-ordeal <- Sci needs to see this
<Sandie> "As Wesley opened his mouth in agony Kor slid the gigantic head of
<Sandie> his Klingon cock into his soft boy-mouth. Wes's scream became a gurgle as
<Sandie> he began nursing the head in compliance with Kor's bellowing order to
<Sandie> please his warrior dick with his pussyboy mouth.
* Tomko slits his wrists and welcomes the sweet red death
#31817 +(959)- [X]
(oddmud): oh great, here comes another idiot
(@tekzil): afraid of a little competition?
#33835 +(226)- [X]
<pagan> dude youll be talking about that still when were 60 years old
<jstepka-w> i know
<jstepka-w> because it's the triumph of my life
<jstepka-w> two bitches at once
<jstepka-w> and i didn't pay
#34065 +(239)- [X]
<Mepitans> Quantum leap is one of the greatest shows ever
<Mepitans> and bakula made it that way
<Quantum> he was good then, but not startrek
<Mepitans> never watched that show
<Mepitans> Quantum Leap makes up for anything
<Mepitans> he could be doing gay porn and still kick ass
<Zippycut> well not "kick" per se.
#36459 +(245)- [X]
<MSN-02> My white Microsoft optical mouse clashes terribly with my black Dell computer!
<Marcus> Vlad has been attacked by the Homosexual Interior Designer!
<MSN-02> Actually, I pride myself on being one.
<MSN-02> Skecth off the homosexual aspect first, mind you...
<Marcus> Too late to take it back now.
#39830 +(267)- [X]
* True_Yoshi kicks his keyboardtkgenfouj.
#42357 +(771)- [X]
<Daedalus> Film noir cereal..."Without thinking, I crammed that deadly sliver of metal carrying the city's most infamous breakfast food into my maw. The tiny flakes snapped and popped, like the fingers of a mob snitch after they found 'im. It wasn't good cereal. But it was better than a gut fulla led."
#57169 +(645)- [X]
<Phaze> SOME HOT CHICK
<Phaze> JUST MAILED ME
<Phaze> HER NEW PICS
<N1k1tA> me too
<N1k1tA> she also offered penis enlargement
<N1k1tA> and home loans
#80036 +(1014)- [X]
*** Locke1` (~email@example.com) has joined #square
<Locke1`> am i still banned?
<Deadcounter> Locke: yes
<Locke1`> i'll leave now
*** Locke1` (~firstname.lastname@example.org) has left #square
#85396 +(96)- [X]
Albinogodzilla1: hes at a musical....yes I think hes gay...no I cant prove it
#116511 +(252)- [X]
<Fury> fappathon .. wonder if i can get that registered as a raising money thing
<Fury> "come and compete in this years annual fapathon! Raise money to help the blind!"
#116749 +(578)- [X]
<khanjackalmoreau> i knew a kid who dressed up as a goth leprechaun for halloween
<khanjackalmoreau> all black outfit, with a grayscale rainbow, and a pot full of cure albums
#154330 +(2055)- [X]
<Lilt> I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
#158342 +(1613)- [X]
<goatasaur> what do you call a black guy flying an airplane?
<blah> i refuse to anwser that
<blah> im probably wrong
<goatasaur> a PILOT, you racist
#199355 +(7527)- [X]
<Meph|st0> Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED
<Meph|st0> thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen
#217416 +(768)- [X]
<ShatnersBassoon>Ouch. Just been to the toilet for a poo, and I decided to do a bit of a dangleberry-tidy. Suffice it to say I'm now several bumhairs lighter.
<Kenny>That's probably more information that I needed.
#239711 +(824)- [X]
<Marilyn> I have a very large trouser snake in my backyard!!
<RaydenUni> trouser snake?
<Diazo> good for you
<RaydenUni> what's that?
<RaydenUni> a big snake that crawls up your trousers?
-a few seconds pass-
<RaydenUni> wtf? don't look up "trouser snake" on google
#281421 +(5098)- [X]
mdiym42: note to self
mdiym42: make sure your cat is not sleeping in the bass drum before you start playing them
#309123 +(594)- [X]
<dDG> Wait... what the hell
<dDG> There's this NASCAR all-star thing on
<dDG> and there is rap for background music
<dDG> NASCAR and rap music...
<dDG> The terrorists have won
#379015 +(217)- [X]
SlythDra: Thou shalt not rewire the coffee maker to insult the parentage of anyone who uses it.
#393177 +(1140)- [X]
<Poinky> so, there is to be war between us...
<Mororvia> good god ya'll
#395607 +(403)- [X]
DaLady Firestorm: and drinking my tea
Laketh 69: teabag?
DaLady Firestorm: I like tea
DaLady Firestorm: and yes, there is a tea bag in my drink right now
Laketh 69: lol
DaLady Firestorm: why do you ask
Laketh 69: .......
Laketh 69: teabag ;(
DaLady Firestorm: do I want to know
DaLady Firestorm: what's the fixation with teabag
Laketh 69: is when you stick your balls into a girls mouth
DaLady Firestorm: did you have a pet tebag...
DaLady Firestorm: ...ah...
DaLady Firestorm: okay, that explains it
DaLady Firestorm: ew...
Laketh 69: duh
Laketh 69: and u like teabags
DaLady Firestorm: I like tea
DaLady Firestorm: not the bags
DaLady Firestorm: or sacs
DaLady Firestorm: or whatever
Laketh 69: the bags make the tea
DaLady Firestorm: I like what comes out of the tea bags
DaLady Firestorm: oh, wait a second
#428429 +(467)- [X]
[ Parroflex ] I have a badass hangover.
[ @Ashley ] Don't drink so much next time.
[ Parroflex ] Thank you for that, Ashley.
[ Parroflex ] Ow.
[ @Ashley ] You're very much welcomed.
[ @David ] Have a few shots to numb the pain
[ Parroflex ] Thank you for that entirely unhelpful advice, David.
[ @David ] You won't feel any pain with no head.
[ Parroflex ] Owowow. There is a medieval re-enactment going on inside my head.
[ Parroflex ] Fat geeks with cardboard armour are arguing about what type of swords they'd have had back then.
#430325 +(892)- [X]
<BOYD1981> you know, i hate it when a channel suddenly goes quiet after a debate
<BOYD1981> it's like masturbating, and when you're finally about to ejaculate you hear somebody entering the house
<BOYD1981> or walking up the stairs
<BOYD1981> so you have to put it away until later
<BOYD1981> another reason i hate it is because you never know if it's because nobody has anything to say, or somebody took what was said a little too seriously and is sitting there a bit pissed off
<BOYD1981> show me an argument/debate/disagreement i haven't seen before and maybe, just maybe i might get a little pissed off
<BOYD1981> i'm more likely to get pissed off by something pissing me off
<BOYD1981> like developer and publisher and hellotomyfriendsandfamilyer logo animations before a game loads
<BOYD1981> and it even gets on my nerves before a movie
<BOYD1981> especially if it's on a dvd that won't let you skip it or go straight to the menu
<BOYD1981> to me that's propaganda, it's forcing you do watch something you don't want to
<BOYD1981> ofcourse you can't put your hands over your ears and close your eyes, because then you might miss the start of the movie, accidentally hit the skip back button instead of rewind and force yourself into being forced to watch the logos again
<BOYD1981> or you could watch the movie once, time how long it takes for the menu to appear or the movie to start, then turn around and face a clock, put your hands over your ears and count the seconds
<BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in on you they'll wonder why you're ignoring what the clock is trying to tell you that's preventing you from watching the movie
<BOYD1981> so it's either watching something you're against, or having people think you talk to clocks
<BOYD1981> ofcourse you could do the same counting method, but turn the tv on to a different channel for a certain amount of time
<BOYD1981> but then somebody might walk in just as soon as you change the channel and think you were watching porn or the mobo awards or something like that
<BOYD1981> or, you could do the same but with the tv off
<BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in and sees you sitting there with the dvd player running, the tv off and you with the remote in your hand that you've forgotten which button turns the tv on
#444977 +(448)- [X]
<@MajorKong> man, it is quiet in here....
<@MajorKong> either you are all asleep in anticipation of tomorrow's feasting.....
<@MajorKong> or I seriously need to buy stock in kleenex.
#577240 +(2165)- [X]
<spree> i wish i had a southern accent
<shy> gday mate
<videogameaholic> not that southern
<shy> hola amigo
<videogameaholic> getting closer
<shy> howdy yall
<videogameaholic> close enough
#643785 +(485)- [X]
<hobosexual> i reckon im going to hell
<Caedes> I know how to tell if someone is gong to hell or not.
<Caedes> Q. Are you religious ?
<Caedes> A. You're going to hell
<hobosexual> makes sense.
#670444 +(538)- [X]
<impl> If I were a cow and getting assraped, I wouldn't just be thinking
<crimsun> you'd be using emacs.
<crimsun> woops, ECHANNEL
<iank> That doesn't make sense, but it sounds like he's making fun of emacs so I like it.
#707257 +(876)- [X]
<__20h_P9_> DOS is the OS of the future.
<__20h_P9_> It doesn't suck. :P
<spaceinvader> __20h_P9_: but it dosent have a decent windowing system
<spaceinvader> and no dos dosent suck, it blows
<spaceinvader> Is there anything that dosent suck or blow?
#736510 +(476)- [X]
<Ryuusei> ok this intelligent face tracker thing is freaking me out <<
<Ryuusei> webcam keeps on following my ass
#818471 +(508)- [X]
<BluECliQ> My uncle from South Carolina is visiting for the week.
<BluECliQ> I haven't seen this guy in 10 years and we have nothing in common, but I have to make small talk for another 5 hours until my mom gets home.
<champlor> what kinda stuff is he into?
<BluECliQ> He hunts, fishes, drinks and works for a cable company.
<champlor> your uncle is larry the cable guy?
<BluECliQ> If he says 'git er done', I'm leaving my house.
#823861 +(1445)- [X]
Inflames: Dude, my sister had sex with some guy 15 minutes before he was 18. Then she called me and told me.
Inflames: I was like, wtf? I don't wanna know that.
Sandman: She doing anything February 17th at 11:45pm?
#896740 +(197)- [X]
<silicate> shit, it looks like it's gonna be sunny on saturday
* Zally glares at you
<silicate> that's not good ... for reasons, that would require a much un-needed and long story
<Zally> hmm, ya ill take your word for it?
<silicate> yeah, i don't feel like explaining it
<Zally> Its all good
<Zally> I dont feel like pretending im interested
#925768 +(1030)- [X]
<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you can't buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free
#946244 +(371)- [X]
<Botbasher> talk about a bad friday, I was scalded by a Coffee Maker... Had my testes crushed by the same unit... I had to unstuck a garbage disposal..
<JackMcCornack> hehe ..
<JackMcCornack> So Botbasher hobbles into an ice cream shop and says to the gal behind the counter, <JackMcCornack> "I'm having a bad day, give me a rocky road ice cream cone with everything."
<JackMcCornack> "Crushed nuts?"
<JackMcCornack> "Yeah, I guess my walk gives it away. I got scalded too."
* GonzoRacer takes a bow
#965608 +(32)- [X]
<ahf> well, i guess everything is a dildo if you are brave enough