#66 +(75)- [X]
<noppa> weed: (dont inhale and you will become the next president!!!!!)
#1909 +(1114)- [X]
<tralamat> microsoft donates 5 million dollars worth of software to the rescue effort in new york
<devilish1> 5 mil of software
<tralamat> shit i see cops diggin rubble with an outlook cd
#2037 +(744)- [X]
<timh> okay, kraken- you don't need to know a person before you talk to them. otherwise there would be severe bootstrapping issues with human interaction
#3293 +(562)- [X]
<Object> ric and JibberJim, cna you guys take your little gay fantasies elsewhere?
<ric> hey, my gay fantasies are not "little"...
#7004 +(179)- [X]
<@Logan> I think my roommate has a strong aversion to taking out the trash.
<@drini> kill him
<@drini> ok maybe not a good idea
<@drini> you'll have to take out garbagetwice
<@drini> as often
#7153 +(1144)- [X]
<bumr> maybe he makes mad love to the penguin
<dys> Perhaps Cathy wears a Tux the Penguin suit for him.
<dys> And then he "debugs her code" all night long.
#8367 +(145)- [X]
<AsylumXKP> http://www.goats.cx is no longer the most mentioned URL in this channel
#10429 +(261)- [X]
<Toast> WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The Pentagon (news - web sites) has
received information indicating that U.S. warplanes on Monday might have
accidentally bombed a home for senior citizens near the Afghan city of
Herat, a senior defense official said on Tuesday.
<dert> oh god
<Toast> I guess that's what happens when you round up the dumbest 10% of
society, give them really big bombs and let them go nuts 10,000 miles
#11061 +(145)- [X]
<Fustard> i dont understand this commercial
<Fustard> "SOBE YOURSELF"
<Fustard> WHY WONT THE GOD DAMN DOOR OPEN
<orion> because that guy was in sandlot
<orion> and his career sucks so much even cold storage doors won't open for him
#11164 +(241)- [X]
<Helm-work> *sigh* ..i dont know what gets into me sometimes.. I get this "hey, my password says it expires today and i need to change it" "what do i change it to"? .... im like "how about tea-bagger"? "thats a good one" .. the accountant is like "yeah! easy to remember too"
#14790 +(169)- [X]
<end> he starts harassing me. and tries to flood
*** Signoff: end (Excess Flood)
#18455 +(281)- [X]
<keithandmike-com> Just stop.. okay. Damnit, I hate you so much. You probably sit and write these down and just wait for me to join. Bastard. Eat corn poop.
<Fembot> Mike joined the Navy and wanted to become a SEAL... there was something appealing about their creed to "never leave their buddy's behind"
#20064 +(380)- [X]
<Prozzy> I would, i have a scanner right next to me, BUT THINK OF THE [FUTURE] CHILDREN. I'd hate to tell my kid with downs syndrome that they're fucked up cuz i scanned my nuts.
#23020 +(153)- [X]
<jbou> I live in the liberal state of MA, and we can drinkalcohol, and penetrate naked women at the same time
<YCDK> Drink alcohol, penetrate naked women... #insert "kennedy_joke.h"
#31338 +(383)- [X]
<FJ> you know what the coolest thing about IRC is?
<FJ> you can talk with your mouth full and still be understood
#33215 +(181)- [X]
<LEMC> (%) Resolved 220.127.116.11 to ANAL-RAPE-VICTIM-REHABILITATION-PROGRAM.MIT.EDU.
#34117 +(204)- [X]
<RoboBob> I've never seen a keyboard with the keys in the right place
<RoboBob> since the "right place" for a caps lock key is in the trash
#38759 +(516)- [X]
<Match> eyeglass repair kits are so retarded
<H4Z3> how so?
<Match> if someone needs to fix their glasses, then obviously they cant see too well. if they know this, why would they make them so fucking small and hard to find?
<H4Z3> umm... cuz then it would be a normal screwdriver
<Match> thats not what i mean. i know that they have to be small, but why cant they make them more visible. like packaging them in bright red
<Match> or putting one of those things on them that when you clap it beeps
<H4Z3> cuz that would seem equally retarded. just imagine someone walking around their house, squinting and claping repeatedly.
<H4Z3> 'what the hell are you doing?' 'Oh, I just need to fix my glasses.'
#39510 +(311)- [X]
<Geno> What Brandon needs, is BATTLEFIELD 1942.
<Brandon64> Geno, I GOT IT!
<Brandon64> I bought it Thursday! You wanna play? Give me a server
<Geno> 18.104.22.1685 14567
<Brandon64> I'm just kidding, I didn't buy it. And I probably never will. Hahahaha
<Geno> Once again you tear my heart in two.
<Brandon64> It's fun
#42159 +(513)- [X]
<patches> I like pussy better than drugs
<patches> I've never heard of an OD off pussy
<octane--> its called A CHILD
#42402 +(309)- [X]
<Enderski> redheads are nuts
<Badtz> I like my girls nuts
#43475 +(196)- [X]
<jamao> cat shit on floor today
<ePINOY[LH]Keitaro> you find out which one? lol
<jamao> twice, either that or each one went once
<ePINOY[LH]Keitaro> sniff your cats bungholes, i'm sure you'll find out quick lol
<jamao> i tried that already
<ePINOY[LH]Keitaro> i was joking, but ok haha
#43864 +(48)- [X]
<incognegro> i masturbated yesterday.
<incognegro> and fell down the fucking stairs.
<incognegro> bruised my arm pretty badly.
<mc> did you save your effluent in a jar
#48007 +(62)- [X]
Sweetlilluv: Would you really fuck any random gurl?
Ichiro number 1: Its a joke..a joke....see this is why guys dont talk to girls about sex.....gurls take everything to seriously
#49472 +(91)- [X]
<DiamonDie> why does asl matter?
<enzo_> age,sex ,location?
<DiamonDie> yes i know, i've irced since '97, but why does it matter?
<enzo_> because i am n ot gay!
<enzo_> and i do not chat with men!
#50324 +(184)- [X]
<^Ocean^> fucking bloody hell
<^Ocean^> I lost 33gig of HDSpace
<LlNK> check under your keyboard
#50925 +(343)- [X]
[ Genia4 ] one sec i'm looking for the url of the iq test
[ Genia4 ] i want u to do it
**Approximately 8 Minutes Later**
[ Genia4 ] http://www.iqtest.com/
[ @AirRaid ] it took you that long to remember that url?
[ @AirRaid ] FOR AN IQ TEST?
#56998 +(22)- [X]
<injektion> did she get herpes
<PC|Holo> yes and aids
2 minutes later
<@pc|dogg> and IMSOMNIA!!!
<PC|Holo> dogg just doesnt know when a joke is over
<PC|Holo> hes like a real life letterman!
#58121 +(325)- [X]
* LordLinus has returned.. back again ..[gone/46d 16h 43m 32s]
* LordLinus is gone.. autoaway after 15 min [cyp/lp]..
<nester> and so it begins again...
#63505 +(355)- [X]
<Nugget> hint: if you're going to mispel a word, choose a word that isn't "illeterate"
<Nugget> your dumb.
#65749 +(1001)- [X]
<Neon[UK]>im considering using redhat as my desktop pc
<Neon[UK]>its just so much better
<Neon[UK]>windows error: OMFG THERZZ AN ERRROR!!111 WTF??!?!?!
<Neon[UK]>linux error: hello there, you have an error. here's a detailed list of whats gone wrong and he's how to fix it, would you like some coffee?
#76887 +(889)- [X]
<Antioch> My penis is annoying.
<Antioch> "Morning sir! How are you today sir?"
<Antioch> "Shut up."
<Antioch> "I've got your coffee, sir."
<Antioch> "Shut up, I said."
<Antioch> "Slept well, sir?"
<Antioch> "Can you just stop standing up like that?"
<Antioch> "Can't, sir. I'm too happy, sir."
<Antioch> "Damn you!"
#78546 +(283)- [X]
<quint> I've figured it out that there are three ways of pasting text on irc.
<quint> you can press ctrl + v or shift + Ins or click with the right mouse button in the edit box and select "paste" from the popup.
<weasel> wow, amazing. You've become a real hacker now.
#89783 +(503)- [X]
<bl00d|straitjacket> dude i pissed my boss of soooo bad today
<bl00d|straitjacket> i was late for work saturday because i was waiting for the DSL tech to show
<bl00d|straitjacket> so i get in today and he asks me why i was late
<bl00d|straitjacket> i told him about the dsl tech and all
<bl00d|straitjacket> he goes "What internet not workin so you cant look at porn all day?"
<bl00d|straitjacket> and i says: "What can i say your wife looked good in her college years bro"
#98389 +(246)- [X]
<ex-machina> lol there's a guy in hellraiser 3 who kills people by chucking CDs at them. Presumably they're Win XP install discs...
#104226 +(122)- [X]
* Gandalf should answer the phones at work with a different song lyric each time
<Gandalf> "I'm the operator with my pocket calculator. May I please have your U* IT Name?"
<ai> I just want to answer the phone "Fuck you, this is Ben, how can I help you?"
<Gandalf> heh :)
<ai> "I'd like to file a claim." "Miss Scarlet, I don't know *nothin'* bout birthin' no babies!"
#105195 +(154)- [X]
<D> the #amish dont believe in pr0n
<D> well, they do
<D> but it's all ankle-flashing to them
#115646 +(389)- [X]
<pathogen> kirby dances
<pathogen> for money
#122807 +(1046)- [X]
* kronikmag watches as a black hole appears from nowhere and sucks kremit into its depths where he externally implodes
<Kremit> externally implodes?
<Satan> that's like
<Satan> i think
<Kremit> i can undertsand imploding
<Kremit> but externally?
* Satan grabs the physics book.
<Satan> that's definitely not a good thing.
* Links points out that Satan's physics book has a gay porn magazine inbetween the pages he's looking at.
<Satan> wrong black hole..
<Satan> still not good though
<Links> not good at all.
#193646 +(2485)- [X]
<Bonz> Light bulbs are not actually "light bulbs" but dark absorbers. When you turn them on, they suck the dark out of the room. You can prove this by holding your hand under a "light bulb". The dark will stack up under your hand where its path to the absorber is blocked by your hand. When they quit working and turn a dark color, it's not because they burnt out, it's because they're full.
#212739 +(194)- [X]
<sangre> what operating system do you use?
<sangre> which version of windows?
#214476 +(211)- [X]
<@ImmenseMalevolentCanisLupis> Linux is like a pair of boxers without the tag cut off. So free but so uncomfortable.
#387548 +(129)- [X]
crazycougr: saw rick james died?
phaded 001: yup
crazycougr: 'natural causes'
phaded 001: wonder what chappelle is gonna do now
crazycougr: cocaine is natural isnt it?
#441244 +(1112)- [X]
KeithX: Yes, firefox is indeed greater than women.
Keithx: Can women block pop ups for you? No.
Keithx: Can Firefox show you naked women? Yes.
#613103 +(629)- [X]
[workin] I went back to get another 20" monitor..
[workin] they were sold out!
[workin] I had to get a 19
[workin] I told my husband ONLY a man would say that 1" doesn't matter
#722585 +(1651)- [X]
<NerdyScientist7> Okay, I'm taking a survey, want to be in it?
<NerdyScientist7> Here's the question: How stupid are you?
<bigone> what do u mean
<NerdyScientist7> Thanks for your input.
#731734 +(3296)- [X]
<NaStyChoC> hey babe asl?
<sweetangelic> hi, 14/f/aus ^^
<NaStyChoC> ive a real big cock..
<sweetangelic> o how big??
<sweetangelic> dats prty big, mines only 8
<NaStyChoC> wait wtf
#847598 +(1730)- [X]
Amul Muzz said:
Why do I get the feeling that this is really a mob, just waiting for someone to say something they do not agree with?
That's the best description for the internet I've ever heard
#914350 +(1794)- [X]
<Travis> Why don't you just keep your hair brown?
<Alex> It's not brown
<Alex> It's auburn
<Travis> What the fuck is Auburn?
<Rex> He's a guy, he only sees like 10 colours or something, don't do this to him.
#961714 +(5)- [X]
<mceel>What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout?
<Big G>Idk what?
<mceel>Boyscouts come back from camp.
<Big G>Thats a very touchy subject. My great grandpa died in a concentration camp.
<mceel>Oh I'm sorry
<Big G>He was shooting jews and fell of the guard tower.