#184 +(103)- [X]
<|Chris> you gotta jump on it coke
#442 +(678)- [X]
<bocz> cop made me get out and put my hands on my hood
<bocz> and im like 'no i cant touch the paint, its fresh'
#541 +(89)- [X]
<smcn> a pig could fly if you like put a rocket up its ass and lit it
#837 +(103)- [X]
<blazemore> puking isn't nasty unless you've got your mouth against someone's vagina and fill them up with your regurgitated lunch
<blazemore> or in their ass and have them shit it back out into your mouth
<AlmtyBob> that's not gross
<AlmtyBob> okay the second one is
<AlmtyBob> that would be the coolest jap scat pr0n ever
#2266 +(1157)- [X]
<Dregan> 3y3 4m l33t h4x0r
<Dregan> j0! 3y3 4m t4lking to j00!
<Dregan> fux0red 5cr1pt k1dd13.
<Dregan> -"l33t h41ku"
#3604 +(392)- [X]
(snpr^): 1337 = l33t = leet = elite = ghey
#4205 +(220)- [X]
<Lepper> if you pierce your rectum like 5 times, your poop would make weird shapes
<Lepper> like star shaped
#4738 +(1631)- [X]
* Synoptica bangs OutLore and Lord-Data
[Synoptica] no i dont
* Synoptica bangs OutLore and Lord-Data's heads together
#5020 +(538)- [X]
<iban> when i was your age all i had was a mac, and photoshop
<iban> if i wanted an online gf i had to draw her
#5048 +(474)- [X]
<l0wkey> i used to be a freelance gynecologist
#7316 +(59)- [X]
<alisia> I'm fat
<dave> you're not fat you fat ass
#7766 +(220)- [X]
*** booger is now known as BROADCAST
* BROADCAST MESSAGE FROM ETG OPS: we all suck here tonight, so we are going to bounce chanserv a few times then disco ky-hub-1.etg.sucks.com and force a few netsplits on zaire-congo-hub-gw.etg.africa.org just because - vd whiz
#8063 +(56)- [X]
<HotelManager> plz com in avatar
<HotelManager> fine then youtr baned but when you want to get on the channell come and get me and i will unban you
#8217 +(1814)- [X]
<noskill> I was banned from my junior highs network for having every printer in the school print 5000 pages of "FEED ME PAPER!" simultaneously
#11906 +(542)- [X]
<boy_scout> Open up fucking IE you lazy bastard
<ima`> i don't know how to open IE any other way
#16400 +(118)- [X]
Ebyan: Dude, Yahoo! Monopoly would be the absolute shit
HolyViper7: Yahoo! Bukkake would be the absolute shit.
#16575 +(490)- [X]
<oreth> ever thing to yourself "Hey, it might be fun to go fuck a turkey?"
<oreth> yeah. me neither.
#17183 +(763)- [X]
<_ENiGMA_> Fuckin telstra
<_ENiGMA_> They ring you up, and dont say who the fuck they are and expect you to know they are telstra
<_ENiGMA_> "Hi its sheryl here from the paramatta faults center, have you had any problems since the 26th?" ... "Umm well yeah, I've been constapated a few times and seem to wake up with erections... but aside from that Im fine"
#17895 +(90)- [X]
<Xetrov`> gonna go swim with my sister
#17900 +(258)- [X]
<Shadowline> kinda quite in here lately ? What seems to be the problem ?
<PovRayMan> fap fap fap
#20940 +(200)- [X]
<Adrennalyne> i want icecream but its like 4am :/
<viscera> you can't always get what you want, but if you run fast enough, can tiptoe effectively and carry a large, blunt instrument at all times, sometimes, possibly, maybe you can beat it into an amnesia hazed coma long enough to play make-believe
<viscera> life is grand, no?
#33639 +(123)- [X]
<Bifter> not all black ppl are criminals like me
#34177 +(110)- [X]
<Azif> I want a computer that i can plug into the back of my neck. That way I can have both hands free when I'm looking at internet porn
#34531 +(199)- [X]
<nxn> best thing to do while high is wank
<nxn> best thing to do any time is wank
<nxn> actually not when you catch your mom masterbating... but close to any time
#40426 +(81)- [X]
<Claud> when you've got enough people pressed up against you so you're reaming someone in the ass, someone's reaming you in the ass and the 3 people on your sides are fondling your testicles, people sweat regardless
#51436 +(317)- [X]
<@i386> NEXT Year, me, skool. pointelss educational films. susicide
<BenZor> if you spell like that, it isnt pointless.
#52580 +(340)- [X]
<anarch> i think I may assfuck the turks
<anarch> i owe them
<anarch> 2 centuries of occupation has made me bitter
<Mr_Poppinfresh> dude, you're not Serbian
<anarch> im roleplaying
#52916 +(1884)- [X]
<gleep> Heh. You people don't want to hear how one of my ex-bosses performed a mercy killing on a family's cat at their request.
<Sypher-Ryn> Yes we do
<gleep> I actually think it's quite funny.
<Sypher-Ryn> come on!! Mercy killings!
<me^2> tell us
<gleep> He was visiting a cousin's family, they lived out on in the country. While he was there, they told them about their cat that was really old, and had gotten quite sick. The vet had told them they should have it put to sleep. But they just couldn't do it... they started to drive it the 20 miles to the vet a couple times but never got very far.
<gleep> So when he was talking to their dad, he said he could take care of it. He had his pistol in his truck. So that evening he finds the cat and takes it out back of the house.
<gleep> (Don't read this, sensative viewers! ) So he's out there with his 357, looking down at the cat, who really /was/ in horrible shape. So he's about to shoot the cat when... Something came over him. He stuck his foot under the cat and kicked it into the air... and shot it midair. The 357 blew the poor critter to bits. Then he turns around and sees... The ENTIRE FAMILY staring at him through the picture window.
<ashie> best story ever
#63054 +(205)- [X]
* kurt[A] is now known as kurt
* kurt was away, and is back from: life
<Vex> Who are you kidding kurt?
#69672 +(280)- [X]
<PACHUKA> I'm exempt from draft
<TonyD> PACHUKA: cuz you're borderline retarded?
<PACHUKA> tonyd: no, because I'm unfing your mother, they don't take charity workers
#70310 +(109)- [X]
<@lemming> i had my box for a while, and had to have replacement HDs twice, since they kept getting errors on them... the second time they sent a different make, 60gig, instead of the 40gig i had before... and it's noisy as fuck :/
<@lemming> still, if i turn my death metal up load enough i can't hear it, and that allows me to have 20 gigs more death metal than i could have had before... ;)
#73140 +(127)- [X]
<saxxonpike> What a dumbass.
<saxxonpike> some guy asked me for help, and I told him to call for tech support.
<mrmojo> how stupid
<saxxonpike> that's not the best part... he was on dial-up.
<saxxonpike> then he complains to me that there's line noise.
#78858 +(269)- [X]
<Kaneda> im downloading furniture for my sims, they have more of life then I do.
#106371 +(249)- [X]
< zeedo> now the use of nmap in the matrix reloaded, that was leetnes
in a movie
< mcp33p4n75> and ssh
< zeedo> an ssh exploit no less
< setenv> oh yea and the crc32 vulnerability
18:02:37 < zeedo> I paused it and started explaining it to my gf, she just
looked at me like I was a moron
#180145 +(780)- [X]
<AL9000> my fatty little brother is pissed b/c I wrote "treadmill" on his Christmas list
#211949 +(721)- [X]
maddox> hehe if I still lived at my parents' house I'd be grounded for sure
khoveraki> the basement is still part of the house, maddox.
#240765 +(678)- [X]
<cads> hey, do you guys know what kind adhesive electrtical tape uses; my borther put electrical tape on his monitor, and it left a residue when it came off
<cads> so I need to figure out a solven that will get rid of it
<cads> without destroying the screen finish of his (LCD) monitor
<comemirda> cads - what happened?
<cads> he was watching anime
<cads> and he didn't want to look at the subtitles
<cads> so the idjit put a strip of electrical tape on his monitor
#246488 +(905)- [X]
<homenerd> How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
#286770 +(1185)- [X]
<Sukato> Once again
<Sukato> my firewall successfully blocked hack attempt from 192.168.0.1
<Sukato> Then some programs get kicked offline
<Jed> I know that IP address
<Jed> He's a mean bastard.
#371989 +(805)- [X]
<SkyJammer> I need a cute girl to give me a neck massage.
<shellspark> What about a semi-attractive monkey?
<SkyJammer> A cute girl. Human.
<MousePad> Your standards are way too high.
<SkyJammer> Your standards are way too low.
<shellspark> Perhaps, but I bet he gets his neck massage
#377380 +(364)- [X]
<Timelord> I am heading down to Cingular to go punch a CSR in the face.
<Timelord> Later all.
<TacoWork> chip a tooth for me.
<mattsteg_> if you don't get your monthly quota of punches in, they roll over to next month
#589742 +(2601)- [X]
<xanthes> so my gf and me were doin it vampire style right
<CommanderBob> vampire style?
<rhodes> wtf is vampire style?
<b00z> WHAT THE FUCK?
<xanthes> shut up and let me tell you the story
<rhodes> no, you tell us what the FUCKING HELL 'vampire style' is
<xanthes> look, its not important
* CommanderBob has left #uncyclopedia
<b00z> i have to say im with bob on this one
* b00z has left #uncyclopedia
<rhodes> i don't really want to be around to hear this
* rhodes has left #uncyclopedia
<xanthes> guess its just u and me then PoP
<princessofpie> no, you stay the fuck away from me, you fucking pervert
* princessofpie has left #uncyclopedia
#654788 +(283)- [X]
<Sid> I'm running a joke so far into the ground it'll become the next major oil supply.
#655055 +(990)- [X]
<Heiler> I feel stupid asking this, but how many pints are in a cup?
<Swinky> it depends on how big the cup is
<Heiler> Thanks, suddenly I don't feel so stupid.
#732443 +(578)- [X]
TheLegendofMouse> You know when you drive by those amusement parks, sometimes they have those slides shaped like the titanic?
TsunamiNoAi> Thats kind of macabre isnt it?
TheLegendofMouse> Let me find a picture of one
TsunamiNoAi> does this mean in 100 years there will be a WTC: The Ride bungee jumping?
#733088 +(2151)- [X]
<chilomen> *Now Playing: bathtub_lesbians.avi*
<zeddevil2> rofl dude i didnt need to know that
<chilomen> oh shit
<chilomen> lol :S ill change it
<chilomen> *Now Playing: nsync_tearin_up_my_heart.mp3*
<zeddevil2> go back to the lesbians
#743595 +(2998)- [X]
<crabcakedeathra> where were you earlier?
<crabcakedeathra> where you work?
<arkilla> GTE Visa. mail room clerk.
<arkilla> had some trouble with this asshole sendin in coupons
<arkilla> today he also sent in 33 motherfuggin' pennies
<arkilla> my managr called to complain, after like an hour WE cut HIM a check for 33 cents
<crabcakedeathra> that sounds damn familiar
#747042 +(1625)- [X]
<Stevie_Kilroy> a little s&m never hurt anyone
<Bungalow Bill> dude
<Bungalow Bill> Yes it did.
#757049 +(622)- [X]
<Tarnagh> You know why the Clean Air Act was first established?
<Tarnagh> So the people in Colorado could see the mountains
<Tarnagh> and so people in California could see each other
#773253 +(336)- [X]
<Sea_Bass> Hahaha, by the way, guys, how awesome is this:
<Sea_Bass> I went to the snackbar with a couple of mates today
<Sea_Bass> and while sitting there, this truck drove by
<Sea_Bass> And I was like "Wow, that's a loooong truck"
<Sea_Bass> so it had passed, and I looked over my shoulder, and in doing so, I caught the license plate
<Thomp> was it long cat being moved?
<Sea_Bass> which was 90-TL-DR