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#333 +(427)- [X]

<TknoMncr> defunkt: if there's 1 thing I can't stand...
<TknoMncr> it's someone thinkin they're cool bringing a kid onto irc
<TknoMncr> I swear
<TknoMncr> if I find someone doing it
<TknoMncr> I will get em reported for child abuse

#1082 +(307)- [X]

<MadHatter> I'm getting pretty sick of black and white
<MadHatter> there's just too much to manage
<MadHatter> it's probably a really good game for people who don't already have jobs
<blazemore> maybe i should play then

#1361 +(135)- [X]

<immi> i want madonnas pussy
<dr\gonzo> besides you putting your penis inside madonna would be like you putting your penis out the window
<dr\gonzo> that shit has to be sooooo loose

#2412 +(32)- [X]

<|Chris> there's one bitch in the world
<|Chris> one bitch with many different faces
<|Chris> find a new face.

#3619 +(410)- [X]

<FreshBrew> BEAT MY CHILDREN
<kolby> You take that B off and I won't even charge ya.

#4310 +(271)- [X]

<Slant> I'm adding "Masturbation" to my HotOrNot profiile.
<Slant> Hopefully this will reduce the number of matches I've been getting lately.
<Slant> Or it'll hook me up with a woman I can truly appreciate. ;-)

#6850 +(267)- [X]

<@unlord> yah I've gotten good at typing in the past few dasy

#6962 +(261)- [X]

<SlapAyoda:#916> felix, do these girls names end in jpg or gif?
<felix:#916> slap: names are insignificant

#7549 +(1130)- [X]

[blergh`] so i went to this fight and a damn hockey game broke out

#7985 +(329)- [X]

Droogie1115: my grandma is coming dowm tommorrow and my mom is going to uconn on sunday
Droogie1115: its going to fucking suck
Droogie1115: i cant stand my grandma being here
Droogie1115: because when she is here i cant sleep past 7 30
napalm 256: she wake u up
Droogie1115: because she wakes up and takes the nastiest dump that smells up teh whole house and i just wanna kill myself

#9299 +(407)- [X]

<angryskul> So I think we should allocate a new struct and...
<angryskul> Did someone just jump off the roof?

#14827 +(463)- [X]

(ltb): how many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
(ltb): none, let them cry in the dark.

#16379 +(997)- [X]

<outcaste> ROTFBMALFO!
<outcaste> Rolling On The Floor Because My Artificial Limbs Fell Off

#18230 +(309)- [X]

<ZondrZout> Dammit, something is coming out of my ass!
<ZondrZout> brb

#22118 +(228)- [X]

<Mr_Bandit> its LMAO not imo

#29198 +(1150)- [X]

#39460 +(100)- [X]

<stix> oh shit all my downs are gone after a format and change of OS drive
<stix> can i fix that?

#40530 +(154)- [X]

<Cid{FYD}> B R to the B
<Navix{mp3}> Death to Cid for saying: <Cid{FYD}> B R to the B
* Cid{FYD} has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<Lance> that was easy :P

#40791 +(666)- [X]

<MadManDaz> I bought one of those camouflage shirts and put it in my closet. Now I can't find it.

#41771 +(579)- [X]

<naga> 'dixy normus' won for class princess this year at our school
<naga> at the assembly, they called her name, but she didn't come down to take the prize
<naga> took 'em 5 minutes to figure it out
<parnbl00d> sounds sexual.
<parnbl00d> was she absent or somethin?

#43474 +(201)- [X]

<Firemoth> Anyone know how long a male bird will usually go out looking for food?
<milenko> Firemoth: spose it depends on what bird
<Firemoth> Plover.
<Firemoth> We've got a female bird here with 4 babies, the dad's been gone all day and hasn't come back yet.
<milenko> Firemoth: get the female to apply for social security

#43835 +(202)- [X]

<stryhf> why do people persist in continuing to write SHIT APPLICATIONS IN JAVA
<stryhf> writing SHIT in JAVA doesn't make it ANY LESS SHITTY
<stryhf> IT JUST MKAES IT SLOW ASS SHIT

#46699 +(139)- [X]

(+Ruskins) AeroBob doenst like star wars, so hes clearly a BIG FAG
(+Normandy) I think he was referring to your sexual orientation actually
(+Kazimierz) I thought he meant he was a giant cigarette

#46783 +(136)- [X]

Dr SpaZZo: Complain about something and I'll one up you.
TwilightKnight00: um i'm cold?
Dr SpaZZo: My laptop power cord is making sparks and at any moment it'll probably light my pants on fire.
TwilightKnight00: heheh thats kinda funny
Dr SpaZZo: I know...
TwilightKnight00: if it does happen
TwilightKnight00: grab your digicam
TwilightKnight00: i want video

#49601 +(126)- [X]

<anomaly> im talking to gf
<anomaly> lol
<darkzeratul1> gf?
<gOtHiC_fReAk`> lol
<darkzeratul1> u have a girl?
<anomaly> gothic freak
<darkzeratul1> hmm...should have figured that out for various reasons ;)

#58123 +(211)- [X]

<intra> I have to go to Walmart to get some deoderant. But I thought it would be weird to buy just deoderant, so I thought about getting some DING-DONGs or something, but then I'd be buying DING-DONGS and DEODERANT. So I figure I might buy a shirt, but then I'd be buying DING DONGS, DEODERANT and a SHIRT. So I'm screwed no matter what I buy.

#60103 +(312)- [X]

<xNichG> 'when nuclear weapons... attack.'
<xNichG> next on fox
<Darwin> seriously?
<xNichG> no

#61809 +(425)- [X]

<+me0w> the guy arrested for being involved with cutting up those bodies in london is wearing a cyberdog tshirt in that pic!
<+me0w> there was a serial killer, forget which one, he used to chop up kids and cook them
<+me0w> but he said he tried a kid's dick
<+me0w> and it was too chewy
<+me0w> so he tossed it into the toilet
Tresnar (Thefreak__@dhcp160160225.columbus.rr.com) has joined.
<Aniki> thats what the guy here said too. first they wanted to eat the penis raw, but it was too chewy, so they had to cook it
<Tresnar> ... What the heck did I wander into?

#71442 +(2186)- [X]

<ihatestan> god I hate my little brother
<ihatestan> its my mothers birthday and I got her a Amethyst necklace
<ihatestan> than out of no where my brother goes "mom has +3 strengh"

#71946 +(171)- [X]

<z8ball> ive been sitting here for 30 mins trying to get ppp going in fbsd
<z8ball> just realised i only have 1 phone line
<z8ball> and im using it

#74087 +(742)- [X]

[aphr0] nothing like relaxing after a hefty civ3 session with some simpsons and some chicken gravy rice
[WillLab] you have to relax after playing a game?
[WillLab] like the game is the stressful part of your day?
[aphr0] you try battling 5 nations
[WillLab] I hate you

#79660 +(649)- [X]

<Shrike> those lesbians
<Shrike> is there anything they won't do
<Guardian_Latino> fuck men?

#82193 +(12)- [X]

<antiroach> suck me off
<TheVirus> if i could find it
<antiroach> look harder

#108598 +(123)- [X]

<Harri> see, i need some kind of rig where i can just think what i want to type
<pinball_dreams> then we'd get loads of sick man-love talk though...and you'd be well and truly caught out once more...

#162916 +(571)- [X]

<Voices> I went to the bookstore this morning and saw a book called 'AOL for Dummies'
<Jerec> That's like killing one bird with two stones!

#168702 +(542)- [X]

<wilywampa> dazey said i'm almost out of money and said i need to get a job
<wilywampa> i said i could steal money instead
<wilywampa> and she asked from whom
<wilywampa> i said "from old ladies, i can steal their money and beat them to death"
<wilywampa> and she said "that's awful, why would you do something like that?"
<wilywampa> i said "because babies don't have money"

#213669 +(334)- [X]

<fr3ak-> atleast when you lose your virginity you will still have the box it came in

#236904 +(426)- [X]

<Jaz> You're catholic, right jay?
<@Jaayy> you and me both.
<Jaz> What are you giving up for lent?
<@Jaayy> Catholocism.
<Jaz> how ironic.

#246467 +(923)- [X]

<Thiefmaster> Fucking hell man
<Pegster> what?
<Thiefmaster> my brother just blew a mouse up in the microwave
<Thiefmaster> he thought he could warm up his mouse for feeding the snake
<Thiefmaster> iam glad stupidty passed to the youngest in the family
<Thiefmaster> godamm the whole house smells like death mouse

#278797 +(1119)- [X]

#343825 +(1949)- [X]

<[-Blacksword-]> brb, dishes have developed their own language and are talking to the garbage about overthrowing me... i must correct this

#374773 +(436)- [X]

<E-Claire> So how can I help?
<Mochomi> I just wanna know how to get on well with my bf, y'know?
<E-Claire> Ah. Well, I recommend you make him feel as good as he thinks he is...try laughing at his little jokes.
<Mochomi> And if he doesnt tell funny jokes?
<E-Claire> Laugh at his little penis.

#443655 +(2047)- [X]

<Graham> Let's say you have an ax. The kind that you could use, in a pinch, to hack a man's head off...
<Graham> And let's say that very situation comes up and for some very solid reasons you behead a man.
<Graham> On the follow-through, though, the handle of the ax snaps in half in a spray of splinters.
<Graham> So the next day you take it to the ax store down the block and get a new handle, fabricating a story for the guy behind the counter and explaining away the reddish dark stains as barbeque sauce.
<Graham> Now, that next spring you find in your garage a creature that looks like a cross-bred badger and anaconda. A badgerconda.
<Graham> And so you grab your trusty ax and chop off one of the beast's heads, but in the process the blade of the ax strikes the concrete floor and shatters.
<Graham> This means another trip to McMillan & Son's Ax Mart. As soon as you get home with your newly-headed ax, though, you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded last year.
<Graham> He's also got a new head attached and it's wearing that unique expression of "you're the man who killed me last Spring" resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life.
<Graham> You brandish your ax. He takes a long look at the weapon with his squishy, rotting eyes and in a gargly voice he screams, "that's the same ax that slayed me!"
<Graham> ...Is he right?

#446427 +(340)- [X]

<Thanatos> Let me touch your bountiful lips once more ere I plonge into the emptyness that the world is without your touch
<Musashi> translation: suck me, woman

#619711 +(1423)- [X]

<Bowstring> Notice how people always associate mental people with carrying knives? If they were really mental they'd try to stab people with a hoover or something.

#623457 +(2130)- [X]

<predation> so I'm at work and this kid rings the bell on the counter RIGHT behind me
<predation> the kid goes "SORRY" when I turn around
<predation> kid's mom goes "sorry isn't an excuse when you do something stupid on purpose"
<predation> i'm putting it on a t-shirt

#662266 +(942)- [X]

<rebb> chinese websites scare me :| ??????????????????????????? ??????? ? ????????????? ???????? ? ????????? Click ! ?????? ? ???? ? ???? ?
<voodoochopstiks> so many questions, so few answers

#791077 +(817)- [X]

(oxie) i want a dog
(+AlsoMike) why do you want a dog?
(oxie) dogs are cool
(+AlsoMike) but do you want a hairy, sometimes smelly friend who bums all his food and accomodation off you and defecates on your bedroom floor?
(oxie) yes ;)
(+AlsoMike) i'll move in tomorrow.

#795779 +(2320)- [X]

<Aoi-chan> everyone's first vi session. ^C^C^X^X^X^XquitqQ!qdammit[esc]qwertyuiopasdfghjkl;:xwhat

#925505 +(251)- [X]

<JPierre> Helping noobs on IRC who refuse to listen is an all-too-common waste of time.
<biznatch> It's like you have this talking horse
and the talking horse says "I'm thirsty"
then you lead the horse to some water
and it still won't drink.
<PVicky> Simple solution: slaughter it for the meat.

0.0402 20945 quotes approved; 3907 quotes pending
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