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#3649 +(243)- [X]

<PapaWo|f> any girls care to chat with 17/m/Van/Lamer/zits for days/hideously overweight/naked right at this moment spanking off to animal porn? msg me

#3673 +(427)- [X]

<dregan> Shush, or I'll stab you in the groin.
<MightyQuinn> no you won't.
<MightyQuinn> MY PENIS IS FAR TOO MIGHTY TO BE STABBED!
<dregan> Would you like to test that?
<MightyQuinn> no.
<dregan> I accept it may be hard to hit first time, but I'm willing to give it a go.

#3935 +(2085)- [X]

*** Signoff: Morpheus (Connection reset by peer)
*** Morpheus (vanford@host-209-214-188-107.clt.bellsouth.net) has joined channel #relax
<Morpheus> argh.. that wasn't my speaker cable

#5770 +(315)- [X]

<JDigital> Kazz, I think they're pretty obvious going on your reputed dicksize.
<JDigital> Kazz has a 183948192 inch dick.
<dregan> Kazz - envy of every man, dog and skyscraper architect on the hemisphere.

#6239 +(183)- [X]

<BBKSleep> I got busy on thursday, it reminded me of why I don't get busy.

#6833 +(202)- [X]

* Logan learns how to say no to requests of programming assistance.
<loop> uh oh
<loop> that sounds bad for everybody like me

#10853 +(824)- [X]

<_orion> I love escelators, they can never break, only temporarially turn into stairs

#31467 +(92)- [X]

<N715DP> yeah, no kidding
<N715DP> me - actually buying a MS OS
<N715DP> hell hath frozen over
<eggs_> guess I need to go find Jesus

#31546 +(19)- [X]

<punkgrl> have you had anal sex?
<Pr1ncess> hahaheoah
<Pr1ncess> no
<Pr1ncess> have u had anal sex punkgrl?
<punkgrl> hahah nah :) im a wimp.. that would hurt too much.. it would be like taking one of those poops that hurts your butthole real badly cuz it stretches it apart.. yeee-owie
<Pr1ncess> i think it would be worse then taking a big shit

#31742 +(26)- [X]

<DarkSkeye> my mouse died :-(
<casmill2> you gonna bury it in the backyard?

#33688 +(25)- [X]

<acidkick> the kids at my school are so gay
<Spitz[busy]> you should feel at home then

#36538 +(131)- [X]

<fizzie> like there was this one day I took three grams of sugar and few litres of coke and some assorted lego mindstorm bits and made sense out of them
<DiamonDie> fizzie: i read "and i snorted lego mindstorm bits"

#36958 +(43)- [X]

TheMrF6: I knew her in 8th grade, and she was a fucking hot slut back then too

#36996 +(106)- [X]

<pc> eating + mircing
<pc> screams "i'm a fat loser"
<lfadk> but we all knew that

#38297 +(294)- [X]

[JJJTTT] what's this 707 thiong?
[st-707-afk] oh
[st-707-afk] that's LOL upside-down
[JJJTTT] gotcha
[st-707-afk] HTTP 707:  File Not Funny
[st-707-afk] that's gonna be one of my new error messages
[st-707-afk] well, neither of us are gainfully employed so that's what happens
[st-707-afk] sit here and think of stupid shit

#38831 +(158)- [X]

<Tarl> Never try and whack off to TV commercials btw.
<Tarl> Because eventually, the old republican woman will come on to bitch about demoncrats while you're doing it.
<Tarl> And you'll just explode, in a bad way.

#45703 +(6)- [X]

<H1tl3r-H1ms3lf> well im off to fuck up at installing linux prolly wont be back
<H1tl3r-H1ms3lf> nice knowing you all
<H1tl3r-H1ms3lf> lol
<Satans_LiL_HeLLper> k cya

#48616 +(17)- [X]

<Ear> andy: but Methodists think jebus and god are one.
<Ear> Which means he impregnated his mother with himself.
<andy> hahah.
<Ear> :D
<andy> he was jerking it in the womb

#48717 +(637)- [X]

<sacarna> okay. so i was in whitcoulls and i walked out and smacked into this guy and i was all ready to go grr and looked up and it was the guy i have the biggest crush on ever
<sacarna> and my face went white
<sacarna> and then i kinda managed to muster up a hey
<sacarna> and then scuttled away
<sacarna> hopefully he will think its all very cute and fuck my brains out.
<autistk> it's hard to fuck people when they're running away
<autistk> and you tend to go to jail for it

#56813 +(161)- [X]

<ame> get on it
<ame> jungle bugie
<ame> dielsuo dielsuo
<ame> jungle boogie huhuhah wha hwo
<ame> (i used to be the lead singer for the local super market PA system)

#60174 +(14)- [X]

#81913 +(141)- [X]

<trixie> do you want to seo ther peics?
<trixie> see**
<Allio> whose pics?
<trixie> other**
<trixie> pics**
<trixie> fuckin hell isuck
<trixie> suck******

#83595 +(170)- [X]

* Treiben has bargainname.com
Azi: how much are they?
Treiben: 8.95
Azi: same as godaddy then
Azi: actually, i'd register for a decade to take care of the next 10 years at a cut rate
Azi: but i don't want to pay for 10 years and then have the human race obliterate itself in 5
Azi: that would be just my luck

#89019 +(481)- [X]

Anatole: I like when my dog thinks I'm going to get up, so he gets up to follow me, then I don't and he looks at me then goes for a walk like he was going to walk anyway. He thinks he's people.
Melthar: He thinks he's 'people'? He has a split personality?
Anatole: Yeah, like last night he's going on about how he'll teach me to use the force, then today he's all "We can conquer China by next week".
Furr: Your dog said this?
Anatole: It's fucked up having a dog with an MPD man.

#95294 +(254)- [X]

<lobyaway> i need a girlfriend.
<sublmnl> its overrated
<sunrinse> girlfriends are great for cooking dinner and sticking your dick in
<sublmnl> i've got money and a hand

#114202 +(786)- [X]

<typobox43> brb, grabbing a floppy dick

#117206 +(273)- [X]

jason: i used to always get free pizza hut for reading books and shit :o/
jason: my family depended on my book reading to provide dinner

#128514 +(853)- [X]

<Lethalmartini> tawnee stone rocks
<Lethalmartini> shes like, our age
<bobrooney> never heard of her
<Lethalmartini> shes this girl from texas whos 18 and knows how to do what a woman does best
<bobrooney> laundry?

#136465 +(359)- [X]

<CarnivorousPlant> dog + compost /= (dog+compost)
<CarnivorousPlant> (dog+compost) = dog^compost
<CarnivorousPlant> and if any mathematicians object, they are free to come over here and smell this blasted dog

#138858 +(363)- [X]

<iPBS> you know
<iPBS> there were billions of virus emails traveling the net last week
<iPBS> people were complainging about getting hundreds of emails in their inbox's
<iPBS> and i didn't get a single email virus
<slightly> me neither
<iPBS> whats that say about our popularity?
<slightly> :(

#139475 +(113)- [X]

<crazycaleb> cmon ham :( youre one of my favorites
<Hamzifer> favorites?
<Hamzifer> I dunno if i'm that 'important'.
<crazycaleb> your name makes me think of hamtaro, that might be why
<Hamzifer> ..your a sick little man.

#141580 +(621)- [X]

SilverJstr: I dreamt it snowed last night
SilverJstr: like, 20 inches
SilverJstr: I woke with a scream
ThanatoChaos: Canadian nightmares.

#147757 +(1435)- [X]

<Queued-W> Of course, there are already puzzles without pictures on the front
<Minstrel> Queued: you have to turn the pieces over
<Queued-W> I'll be damned, it's a kitten

#183524 +(1415)- [X]

<DRLEGO> OH THAT FUCKING IDIOT
<DRLEGO> my gf bought me a xmas gift
<DRLEGO> off amazon
<DRLEGO> but she used my account to do it
<DRLEGO> so it charged ME
<tuffguy> haha
<tuffguy> owned

#189206 +(1182)- [X]

* God (lordalmighty@4061ecdd.yphigh01.heaven.5aa6454b.net.hmsk) has joined #ssboards
* God was kicked by Satan (Satan)
<Satan> No.

#193460 +(540)- [X]

youatemypancreas: Dammit.
youatemypancreas: Diablo won't work. it keeps minimizing itself. >_<
Areku: *pats.*
Areku: Oh hey. I've got a great plan.
youatemypancreas: Oh?
Areku: I'm going to set up a murder. And just before I murder the person, I'm going to ask. "Are you scared?" And when they say yes, I'll reply "You shouldn't be, you're on Scare tactics!" Then when they're all happy, and relieved they're not going to die.. I'll stab 'em good.

#238276 +(704)- [X]

Dublyner: I was up in Winnepeg and some guy on the street asked me if I had two loonies for a toonie. I thought he was going to rape me or something.

#240141 +(241)- [X]

<Sphexi_LOTU> Volvo has a new concept car out, designed by women for women.
<Sphexi_LOTU> It has verticle wing-type doors so women won't get their dresses torn when getting out, lots of luggage space for shopping bags, removable seat covers and carpeting so you can remodel the car at will, and extra large visor mirrors for applying makeup.
<Sphexi_LOTU> it's going to be extra reliable and maintenance free, so women won't have to worry about remembering to get the oil changed or the engine tuned up.
<CaesarMaximus> Volvo swedish quality =)
<Tempest_MD> Does it come with a driver?
<Tempest_MD> (women don't know how to drive)

#249231 +(1539)- [X]

<MrCoffee> my pokemon bring all those nerds to the yard and there like, do you wanna trade cards, damn right, lets trade some cards, ill trade you, but not my charizard

#266014 +(779)- [X]

<Tso-JA> I love food... which is why my 6 pack is covered with a good 2 inches of flub
<Targeter> you're not fat you simply have "stealth abs"

#284202 +(6390)- [X]

<broox> so my speakers haven't beeen working for a while
<broox> they were plugged into the mic port
<npl> umm, i think they are color-coded
<broox> haha, i know
<broox> i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is
* npl has set the topic on channel #cell6 to <broox> i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is

#308953 +(1673)- [X]

<Trust> How fast is a 486?
<Archon> dude, a 486 is 486mhz
<Archon> thats why its called a 486 you dumb fucking newb

#405221 +(15139)- [X]

<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker

#446630 +(356)- [X]

<Invictus> Which professions are you getting?
<Shadow> huh?
<Invictus> I told you to read the manual. =p
<Shadow> I got drunk instead.

#483332 +(1177)- [X]

<Archie> as long as their nail polish is drying, women are practically defenseless.

#522538 +(1341)- [X]

<minion> what should i get for lunch
<minion> i have $4
<keef> 8 packs of ramen and a 3 dollar hooker

#669961 +(2986)- [X]

<WeirdBeard> well my dad is icelandic, my mother is cuban
<WeirdBeard> i'm an icecube

#741596 +(427)- [X]

< kakistos> lol. i liked the java compiler.
< kakistos> does the c compiler not tell you what you did wrong?
< deviant> C is great
< ewan> the Java compiler is all like "you have an uninitialised variable there, would you like a hug?"
< ewan> gcc is like "raaagh! I do no bounds-checking! Your mother sucks cocks in hell!"

#757584 +(544)- [X]

<BethOOC> If it were my dad, he'd be making jokes about being hard-headed.
<BethOOC> After they amputated his toe he joked about having to learn to count in base 19
<Rach> .....
<Rach> Your dad is a dork...

#783472 +(1319)- [X]

<@Aaron> It's really simple to watch a move, just open the console, and type "
<@Aaron> ffmpeg -i "$(find ~/.mozilla -regex '.*Cache.*' -a -not -regex \
<@Aaron>   '.*_CACHE_.*' -printf '%T+ %p\n' | \
<@Aaron>   sort -n | awk '{ print $2 }' | xargs file | \
<@Aaron>   grep -i "Video" | tail -1 | awk -F : '{ print $1 }')" \
<@Aaron>   -vcodec msmpeg4v2 -b 200 -ab 64 -ar 22050 -s 320x240 \
<@Aaron>   /tmp/video.avi
<@Aaron> ANYONE CAN DO IT

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